Fear to fail,fear to lose,fear the future, make me forget why I'm here,why I love here.why I exist.

To sex many many times,cousin told me after raping my body, to be very very worse, someone told me after raping my mind .they sound like curses for me. they need scapegoats for sex, to do bad . it's not sex,but criminal, not bad,but cowards. Yeah, you sex well, but you are a rapist , do you need to sex better? no, you need to expiate it or go to jail;  Yeah, you are a smart badass , but when you are a coward, does it matter to be smarter? no,  you need to admit it or just go to hell.

Why I survive,why I still breath and live on,if it doesn't mean I'm good and lucky and not caught ,but mean they want me to escape like baits for purposes ,to connect the word,because they want to use me to control and rule it for satisfy their hate and revenge without dangers and payments , do I need to do it for thanking their charity on my life by this shell without myself?

Some one said I'm freak and what I write here is freaky after he read then left. When I become like this? long long ago? too much shows and sex for me, can't get the truth at all and laundry my faith. Basterd ,thank you.

Know myself, but how about that there's no me for me to know? if there's no me for me to know ,how do I know me? No me, no-thing;  K-no-w me, Love me?