I don't know what's wrong with me,everytime like to use the same mistake punishing myself.
Telling self I forgive me by mouth,then still can't get out of this feeling of guilty.
I know that him was this him is my husband who's sent from heaven to save me.I know if I miss and refuse it again I will not overcome it again .
But what can I do to me?
Betray them betray God for being raped time after time, perhaps it's the only way to help me stopping feeling guilty always.
My fault that I was raped ,my fault that I don't stop communism ,my fault that I close my mouth when others are bullied, my fault that they are hurt and dying somewhere I do nothing but live as nothing happen,I can't stop bad things happen,never can do it,even when it happens on me,my fault I can't stop them serve Chinese Party of communism,make bad friends and take drugs,my fault that patents get old and start to be weak,my fault that many life die because of what Chinese do,communists' plans,my fault grandma fell down and has lying in bed for 1 monthly,my fault that my life become so disgusting and still try to make troubles for it and get mad ,my fault that I'm born in this world,I'm in this world,I'm parts of this world,my fault for everything which I can't understand still,which I can't stop them happen,which I can't do anything.
If there's next life for human to come into this world again , I prefer to be nothing,prefer there's no me.
No love in this life,no life in next life, cause I'm not worthy for them who love me or not love me.
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