It's wired that when I walked in Chinese streets beside the roads I felt I was walking in sewer when there 's sunshine shine .that smell and wet air.

Don't rely on money or power,cause I don't trust them,neither.

When I was a girl in 90s,other communism kids liked to look for foreigners to have fun.I saw a handsome foreigner who was just called an either stupid or brave fool in my heart after that, I looked at me in a far distance,he seemed to look back,I wanted to run to him tell him to leave China and never came back again, all eyes are ccp's and they are in traps.but I didn't do it until he walked further and left quickly.one thing is that I m scared, another thing is that don't wanna to be a hero like a joke for him,or make his troubles if he noticed what I think and tried to help me ,which wanted him to take me away from here forever and don't care who he is,wanted to be with him and don't care whatever I will do, wanted to say I love him and don't care wherever we go,just leave this fucking place and don't care how much sad my parents will .lots of ways to help them and I still need to be some good girl for parents? Is he okay now somewhere? Only when being good girl I can help them? Do I still take a shortcut which I never want to take before?Perhaps I still don't suit to be a hero American but a common Chinese happy life like a pig? whatever now after 25 years , but a mom of 6 cats.sometimes life is not as cool as in movies itself.but it's always real when you have chances you are never ready, but when you are ready you can never take the chances by yourself.