I don't hate women who love men so much that they can do anything for men especially sacrificing themselves,by freedom,dignity or even life.perhaps for some men it's called trust, but for me it's not called security.I think I'm not that type.Because when everyone does something for something or someone, what they do are never about something and someone.

Yesterday I watched a movie with dad which is called Wrath of man 2021.I asked dad what makes you angry most as being a human, dad says he doesn't want to answer it now because it's too complicated.then I asked him,  mmm, I forget what I asked for. Then in the end I asked dad why they want to rob the armor cash carrier when they are retired soldiers,the movies didn't make any sense , do they want to revenge governments which ignore them too much and treat them badly from wars in Iran or Afghanistan? Dad says what the fucking are you talking about,they just wanna to spend them.then I feel I'm so stupid that I didn't know this communist for so fucking a very long time.

Yes,I believe my ancestors must bless me.but my dad, I'm not sure.thinking about him who has so many gossips with different women in his life,I can't be fine For a little bit.every year when he worked somewhere,he had gossips with other women when he says it's only lies,sometimes mom gets crazy and wants to kill him,argue and slap him,drop his expensive stuffs on the floor,curse him on his face,he still doesn't admit it until he gets old when rich beautiful women don't care him anymore.he even flirts with cousin's mom.of course,these days pass away.I pay something for him on it.it's why I want to go abroad when I was a kid also,to avoid all of them.but things will get worse and worse,right? When I'm still here.if I leave,perhaps no good for me,but stay here, must die tragically.

When I read someone's drinking with me,I feel so sad.when man see someone who they love and care and respect has fallen so much,they must hurt so much?

Sex is much more better than drugs,right? it's why someone prefer sex to drugs.but when someone think sex is much more better than drugs, someday they will use drugs when they can't sex or cum anymore,and become addicts.I don't know why,but when I cum comfortablly enough,me and my heart both cry at the same time,but no tear drop off.

Dad had lots of chances to go abroad, immigrant and leave this place forever when he's young, but he can't separate and leave mom when they fall in love,he can't left his families alone when they needed him to join in ccp to feed them.by corruptions when he's the biggest brother for them.hey weren't only arguing for my future, but also themselves until they get too much old to hurt each other for saving him&her.he's been reaped here and I see his fucking life for almost 38 years now still has a bleeding heart inside.I'm trapped again in this place,like winds under mountains and sky in gaps. Fuck it up Juanch.don't take a break,it's not the fucking time.