How could I leave when I know everything gets worse in China after I leave and make me feel guilty in all rest of my life without doing anything for them but for myself only?

It's okay to be empty sometimes.so I know how much I had, how much ugly,short and fat I am for the others.

Everything I can't tell make me sick, everything I tell make me more ugly, short and fat in eyes of the others .I finally met a stranger laughed at me who feed cats which he thinks they don't need to be and worries cats being suffered in cold weathers ,or hot weather's. when they can't be told in my life , in China ,in front of people who I face everyday, they hurt me and become secrets,sick to have secrets for me, feel better to put them down , show off , and bury them somewhere. sometimes they are called treasures, sometimes they are called trash,but whatever they are for the others, they are parts of me.nobody could collect all of them together and know me completely. So how could I find me? I'm you. You are me.

[7:41]returned  from checking cats, and on my way home for buying breakfasts for parents, I saw a kitten was climbing on the road when there are cars everywhere and some sausages beside the road.So i picked it up and took her to the shelter I rebuild days ago.and post her online to try to find adopters.she has eyes problems and ass problem, I need to be her on my own.if no adopter, take care of her till she could take care of herself.

Get to check the kitten ,see you tomorrow.hope there would not be another homeless kitten for me to rescue.

I

I'm losing the kitten which was looking at the camera.it gets very sick.its nose doesn't work because of sneezing.fish can isn't plenty , all food I want to give it is eaten by other kittens and mom cat when it only stays there for food after they eat. But if I give enough food for all of them, other cats will starve.and it can't eat fish can which it ate yesterday.cause it can't smell well now.

I rebuilt the room and some stuffs for cats and kittens to stay.the kitten is doing well.know to use sands for toilet,know to climb up to the desk for food, water and sleep.its first night to stay alone there.the wall is high enough for it until it grow up, or until ccp notices it and locks the room down.and when it could jump out, I think it will be okay to live on her own. Love between animal and human is miracle.perhaps people who discriminate animals most is who love them most.but what's the matter, God still loves each life when he knows who and what they are.

Nature is so cruel,and we Chinese just live ad cowards in the bottom of the fury of running  rabbit, as fleas.

Lesbian and gays, perhaps ,some of them become these ,not because that they are hurt too much by someone like families who have same genders for themselves , but because that they want to protect good standards for others as same genders as someone who hurt themselves.