Someone questioned that life is cool or cruel ? Cool for him, cruel for others; cruel for him,cool for others. But some life which is animal's even doesn't have such a choice.I keep send food and water for stray and homeless cats every morning, spay them as many as I could.I thought the world was beautiful, all cats are taken care well.until tonight I took a walk for buying some chicken for cats and I heard 2 kittens and 1 cat meow for mom, for help.I tried to find them with lights of the phone , but the voices are too weak to follow, and so dark.

My world breaks down again.everything is all in my head, and in my head I think they can Not be limited by life or materials, or real stuff.I believe they will be set free soon.I'm wrong.I believe life isn't something being designed and anything can't be done or can be done like specimen.I believe there lots of possibilities of lives for me.I believe life should be live when it should live , should die when it should die.what I believe , is nothing important than a kitten life struggling for surviving and meow for mom and miracles frighteningly and scared.then I remember cats and kittens which I send food to ,they run happily towards when they see me and hear me.for them I make their lives happy, for me I'm happy to live by it.live happily or happy to live,if I'm not happy I could still live when living happily, but I would not to live if I'm not happy to live.

By what I don't see or hear or know it doesn't mean they don't happen, by what I see , hear or know it doesn't mean they happen. See beyond outside, it's not all about truth for me,but about me for truth. Brain could make human understand, it could hinder human understand,right?

Everyone Chinese curses someone they don't like that they are madness.but nobody of them  knows what madness think.or they just don't wanna to know or understand it.

I'm always mad for mom.for me keeping living on for filling stomach and for instinct isn't human life. Even watching stars I think it's more than eating,more than living and being alive,more interesting than anything . I wish time could stop at that moment , so I could watch them as long as I want. Talking about my mom, the first important thing for my mom is communism which keeps telling her making money first,then buy food,then feed herself,then thinking of any other things , she said if she's starve, what does freedom, goodness,God matter. she always says that tin you are mad,being starve but still wanna to do something great to help the others , to be someone great to save the world, if I stop you eating, if I kick you out of your dad's apartment, what can you do? Nothing ,because you are just trash for me, even not more useful than 0.5 communism Yuan to take a bus.for her being talent and being trash are the same, no different.she ate mud when she's a little girl when many Chinese died in the terrible starve together.she said survived by it.but what's madness for me is that she obeys communists who killed Chinese by starve including making mud for her to ear more than before after she suffered starve and praises them more for what she can eat now. Madness for me is that she keeps eating shit of communists and called me mad who don't eat it always.