[20_22_11_29]my childhood was hopeless and full of arguments of young patents everyday and nights, in my schools there were lots of kids who have communism soldiers being their parents and families and we lived in the same area. I guess I was and still am known as a problem in their lives, they never want to make friends with  me hiding in the blanket after back from schools and prayed that I would still alive and have mom and dad when I opened my eyes and they loves each other always without hurting and harming each other and stop wars at home. My life never be normal actually , rape is just a part of it which's more normal than my life itself's. I went to communism schools and I know I was going to jail myself there, to please them or to share them with my own life to make them live little comfortable out of communism ways and have some hope without communism's harms. I would rather admit that I did it by my own wills when I was forced by them, tempted and leaded by communism . Cause I wanted to destroy myself and die these days if they could live without communism, me or anything else making them feel bad.I was painfUl. I thought they understand it and love me for it. But I can't believe in the end they sent me to the communism military for themselves and stand by Chinese communism Party at last when I grow up, when I get old for helping their marriage continuing. It's disgusting.I left there, they disappoint.

I understand why some Chinese especially some powerful Chinese communists do things as worst as they could in China and/for being someone as best as they could in America.cause in China they have more and more depressions and harms and risks and pays to do something more they need to do, communism in China is losing fucking control because of its own shit and none of them could control stop change and handle it when they tell everything's all right on themselves in the world whatever they admit and want or not, now I'm suffering the similar things, yes, most Chinese are becoming more dangerous and attacking for each other in China ,but I don't think it's all bad for good ones or like to be communism's scapegoat, between to fight against demons by life for get the truth and raise up fake gods by benefits for dreams coming true , it tells and they shows what they have, I only have my life to fight against demons, I don't have any so called extra benefits to raise up anybody including myself but cats.so do most of Chinese in China.

I indeed don't know where does the money for all Chinese abroad to leave China come from without corruptions when they are robbed cheated and watched totally by 1 billion Chinese communists and their governments everyday as they say and post online, But I think Liberty or freedom is still Not about where to go and escape from, But about what to love and stay with.

For these Chinese in the world out of China, they are making a bet, someday if Chinese communism Party raises up, they could say when there's love for China there's still hope, if it breaks down, they could say when there's love for America there's still hope. They are someone who always put themselves into an advantageous moral and politics status for being above everything anybody to control and effect and change what they can wherever they are for themselves which are communism and morality, by lovely American laws and kind culture they survive,  anything changes?