when I do anything right, people blame and curse me,when I want freedom or liberty,everybody especially my governments charge it from me.they know they use these money to move abroad where so called enemies' countries in books,even in histories,they also know when they move there they enjoy and love lives of enemies'.what the fuck is that?envy?

when they rob my money,i don't like it,but when they have them to have a good life,i pray for them,but for it they raise up Communism China and Communism Party,even  communism,and call them mom,dad and leaders of them god.what the fuck are they doing there?arrogant?

mom loves money so much and even doesn't want to spend 50cny to have a hot-spring bath,or something like that.then blame me for it.is it my fault? and she also blames me that im not like someone's daughter who uses communism power by beling somebody in a Chinese company to get free tickets for her parents to take a public bath,it makes me gross and then she says that you grow up for free,how dare you don't pay me back for a 50cny ticket.you are too cheap to be raised up by me.Yeah, i know, she still keep me with her,because she just pity me,then i told her that she's not raising me up, she just pity me,then she gets angry more and more,and says im out of conciousness.and tried to stop me telling the truth.she says shee doesn't need her mom to take pains,is it why grandma is 91 years old now like a zombie? painful all the time when they blow it up high to the universe? only eat cookies and milk which 10 cny everyday can live 91 years old when her children have funs everyday and eat well and expensive food Sea cucumber which are 1000cny ? she doesn't need her mom to take pains , cause she doesn't have the mom? who the hell a mom doesn't worry about her child or children, only she does!only mom who pity them instead of loving them honestly!she's perfect? her fucking perfectness is sacrificed by everyone loves her! and she can still be proud of it,using ignorance to her weapons to hold everybody! and she also says you are 37 years now and still need her to take pains,fuck that and fuck her,fuck communism corruptions,all pains of mine come from her to hurt me and communism in her head, now she lies she takes pains for me instead of stopping hurting me,does she see how happy when she hurts me like this in the way she always does? her pains come from all systems of China and Chinese Party of communism,from this country, from this society,and she wants me who am in it also as a victim to take pains for her and blames me as a criminal who has all responsibilities of it.and curse me a betrayer when i tell them communism which hurt them all the time is evil and this country gets sick alread.they say I'm sick and evil for this country and communism,even for themselves . and they even tell me by washging brains to be chairman of communism someday to take their pains away by power of communism for extreme corruptions to stop being hurt by communism and this country.and what makes me feel worse is that they think the money i make by my hard working is so much lower than communists who sell their hearts and souls to demons by corruptions which i never take these dirty money in this way.that sucks.and what the fuck her brain is going on when she's alive?

if God exist,he's so mercy,give me heart and soul to love, to respect,teach me to love, to care.Bible is the first and only book which I think it has the most perfect logic in it.so I think it's either truth or best lies in the world.great,it's my sin.

when I refuse to have a communism life which mom wants with mom, she says when will she be benefited by a communism life from me or  take advantage of reflected glory of mine;when I share food and cloths which she desires,happiness of living which she should be happy for me also, she says she doesn't want it,cause she doesn't want to be benefited by me or  take advantage of reflected glory of mine by what I have and make;when I can't share what she wants,expensive travles,games,enjoyments and diamons she says someone who have children who work for Chinese Party of Communism can give all she wants to their parents,but she can't be benefited by me or  take advantage of reflected glory of mine for them.she never stop washing my brain by communism,to tell me how good a life when believing in communism by corruptions which doesn't need communists to work,only need them to rob the others who work hard for love and families,like what she does to me and she feels proud of it.

sometimes I thank God that she doesn't raise me up but pity me.if she raises me up, would Me still Me?if she raises me up, perhaps I m not who I am anymore.