never fight against ccp,but only fight for myself

this morning mom told me to visit grandma her mom who's running out of her life for one last time.last night they got phone calls from families and I didn't even think about it things become so sad.they say grandma stopping eating now,although she ate a little in past 3 months in bed.I will go to visit her this morning,after 3 hours.

So I don't have moods to talk about June 4 today.when I first knew about Tiananmen square in June 4, 1989 it's around 2010 after I use VPN to connect internet in China to get through Chinese firewalls.all about it looks like a lie behind national firewall.I read it online by vpn,because some Chinese post online in YouTube.I actually don't know what happened that day when I was 6 years old in another city, and don't know which one tells truth about it ,what's the truth about it in history.I have no judgment on it.

How many people died there,no real data but only gossips.Lots of lies still in gossips,some one use a big number of victims for own benefits ,for Looking for foes,although I think something happened that day.Not only about what people say,Someone seem only tell parts of truth and use lies to cover up the rests.Because if they tell all of them,ccp should has been damaged immediately like Soviet.but it doesn't.I hate lies for self by death and life of the others after about 30 years.

They are dead. And things become worse after they died. Even if I honor them can I change anything about it? It's all fucking political bullshit.it's not what they want to see if they are still alive today.

I don't think I have done anything which can honor them to be hero etc on my own,they are just something which want a normal life whenever they were alive and after dead. the only thing I want to do is to fix What's wrong by communism instead of using injustice ghosts again and again and again each time every year to last my own fucking coward's breath. and what only I can do is to let them rest in forever peace.Because I never fight against ccp,but only fight for myself.I don't like someone who fought against rich Chinese first for being communists in 20 century ,now fight against ccp for being foreigners in 21 century,finally they will fight against all foreigners for being Chinese, or someone who immigrant abroad by robbing Chinese in China and take money from ccp for fee when they live abroad corrupting local governments by pretending fighting against ccp,even become someone who pay labor for money by fights against ccp when others pay own life for their life

I'm sorry about their death.but what only I can do is only what I can fucking do.