Just get out of control of Chinese governments online, but seem like to have the end of the world,

Just making more money to take care of more cats, but more upset about how to use it for a longer time,

Just find a way out from ccp's falling, but make myself like a victim,

Just start a new beginning of life,but hurry to force someone to marry me,to have fun,to sex.

Just breath air of freedom ,but would like to a hero to break laws,be crimes, make troubles ,play politics,finish communism and save the world ,

Just know the world for the first time , but looks like a same rat being chasing in another hell,

Between imagination and reality there are abyss which can't try to go across for someone, for some other one there are mountains which are too high to tramp over.

I can make it.I believe in God.it's not impossible.

But could God forgive me who have lots of sins, do so many wrong things and make so many mistakes in my life.

No.abortion of the baby is the biggest mistake I made.rape is crime , but the baby was innocent.

It makes me feel I'm too evil to live in this world and dont deserve anything, especially good and bad things.

And I will not let anything especially good things and so called good things,including myself, to hurt my kids if I will have someday and cats in the future again.

For one more day they treat me as family,I'm still their family.for seven days I was mom of the baby,I' m its mom until I die.that's why I fight against and want to kill myself, to release who love me from my bad sides.

But they love all of me including my bad parts ,my bad is for protecting them.

No, and wrong.my bad is for protecting myself from letting them go back to where they belong and didn't say thank you.