after the kitten die, I spayed another thin mom homeless mom cat and after operation.she acted so ubnormal and scared,run everywhere,scratch 3 people and scream and piss off in the vet.an the doctors came out of the room and told me that she's already pregnant and he showed me the embryos, 6 together in a line about 3 to 5 cm each.then he turned into the room again with them.I set her back to where she lives and returned the vet to look for the embryos.they refused me to step in the room but found the embryos in the garbage box in it.I took them back with tears and cry and buried them.under the tress with a cross.I was late,if I spay her more eailer, no kitten die.but the doctors and nurses looked so happy,they said the sacrifices should be there. They are communism demons.and the doctors even took videos of the operation to kill kittens of the mom cat inside of the room for purpose,although their operation is cheapest 150CNY for homeless cats.I just noticed that she knew everything that her kids would be killed and tried her best to protect her kids.she was a great mom.it reminds me aborting mine kid after rape.I wanted to bury my kid also.but the hospital took it and no chance anymore.

Then this morning  7.31 i looked for kittens which are kittens of the mom cat, a kitten which I loved so much and came to me first everytime  didn't show up for the first time.she's the thinnest weakest one but always the earliest to find me than the other kittens.the other kittens appeared and were frighten out and angry at me and trying to attack me when I put food for them around . Something's wrong.then I  found her in the end.ther kitten died,drown in the water butt which is settle around their shelter in someone's garden to collect rains.about more than 1 meter high and 50cm deep water inside, too fatal for a kitten.I cried and buried her under another tree.some man around there heard me cry and left as fast as he could when he just was curious on what happened. I don't like it.the kitten was different, she didn't stay with her families but alone when others rob her food and water she just stayed away from them and watched at me peacefully.when I called them she run to me first and even didn't care anything else, happy for what I took for her always and talked when eating them lime thanks .I imaged a very long life to be with her together.now I can't image anymore.why I'm still alive, why I haven't died,my fault if I was not late she might still be with me right now, with her families.yesterday when I put food there and she ate so happily with her families for the first time which didn't scratch her back.too much death this year.for me it's too much bye.hug who you can hug, love who you can love.if my life is teaching people how to love, I teach, if my life means to be single and lonely, I am.

you are not alone,kids.that's not end yet,I'm sorry I can't promise you anything in where you are, but i'm the promise for you here,I'm sorry I didn't dream you when you were here, but I'm not your dream, I was your family.everything will be all right.life is too short, unlife is too short, do what you wanna to and don't do what you don't wanna to do,as soon as possible, before it's too late. I'm always very proud of you.whatever happens to you and me both.I was so happy when you were with me,talked with me,found me.thank you very very very much.I'm sorry.I'm so sorry.I miss you.