I don't think I have done anything enough to make me leave here and threat my life against ccp yet.for me to be American doesn't mean where I am,have green cards or not, immigrant or not, stand by whom or not, but what I do and believe , who I am.

I don't like to hurt someone who think they know and understand me like a Chinese when they suffer a lot  because of Chinese , if to call me American or to make me American could make them feel little better I still can't be American.

Am I crazy or not?

If I didn't use money of fox1 or get payment from fox2 , I might have been already in America now, without cats I adopt and take care.perhaps I just can't stop blame myself about using money of theirs and even them , so I wanna to do good and right things by money for reducing guilty I feel.but do they use me who feel guilty to do good or do they know my guilty for satisfying themselves?

So if I was in America now what I could do, what life I would have, what I should love.people always say communists screw up America, but if it's in an opposite way, America has already been screwed up until people notice it by communism,what do they want to blame,what do they wanna to hide , why they wanna to protect themselves only instead of America?

Why I feel guilty, if I don't think I'm doing right things or I could fix everything into right, isn't it unworthy at all? My guilty comes from what I can't do and none business of what I do.and what I do only refers to my duty or responsibilityt, it is the only point.

Stray Cats which have sprayed believe me whom lock them in the rooms for rests in several days is adopter of theirs and doing best to put their smells on me and take my smell on them.how about people who lock down at home and think their governments are harmless and treat them well always after being sprayed by politics? What do they lose in these 2 years? What's happening to this world? Things happen when everyone pretends nothing to be wrong.

Deep state, or just a passenger who travels for what he lives on.

Everyone connects with their counties, everyone locks down by their governments once and more.any meaning to argue against each other for which country is right,which country is good? Like 2 tigers in different zoos talking about which zoo is perfect to settle or worst to live  ? To be tigers when they are ? Do you feel proud if someday A country and C country have wars because of yourselves ? If the whole earth is a zoo, the virus is just the cage of it which is built for keeping different animals in different zones.arguments and blames and wars are just making more troubles to cover up troubles which they can't fix.

What do I lose? What's making me guilty? For what I lose? But something I could never get back again.

Someday this planet might disappear, or abandoned by human being.what could someone do something for that day comes instead of caring themselves and thinking they are the only important ones to focus?