[18:27,Nov 6]now I get that why I feel being abandoned every time.cause when they think I should do something for being someone of theirs, for me it's more than I could do.in another word, them who I think it's someone of mine are more better than me.so can't blame them or any other for it because of me.

[16:51,Nov 6]China, communism, Chinese party of communists.who raise them up and say they are good right and saint most must be someone who benefit themselves most by corruptions kills and murders of theirs.

it's ridiculous that when fox gave me money for help I used them to take care of adopted kittens which have grown so up and other street cats which have lived for 5 years.can't image if he didn't do it where are they and where am I now.but yes, it's so sweet and fantastic , he's always dad of cats and we are always proud of him and his families.

So do human in the world for their rests of lives  to pay back for what they cost from their birthday?

Between to be prisoner of love and to be slave of greed, I would like to be myself.

[15:18, Nov 6]came back from checking street cats. It's getting cold already.cats are hungry and I brought some food.if I didn't show up again at lunchtime for them I would never know how hungry they are and how bad environments to live for them when I take food for them every morning once a day.I thought they were fine.but no. Don't trust heads, trust hearts. they don't live well, they are not as happy as when they see me any rolling on the ground meowing happily walking running like happy kids .some of them are still sick and in troubles. My head ignored them all which are only good for myself and called selfish.

Must change the time to take them food at lunchtime.checked the weather's in next 2 months it will be -15℃ coldest .mornings could not be warm a little bit for them to stay outside for me by hours to take them little food which isn't nutrition or plenty or warm enough for a whole day at all.

And a street dog follows me when she see me every time for cats. She tries to scared cats for food, but shake her little tail and looks at me with full love and sadness in her eyes.I have to give her some food.although I know she might not make it like other street little animals in this winter,she was following me for a very way and time today.when I gave her some sausage for cats,she caught it and ate so proud. it breaks me heart when I escape from her trust and respect, and care, a guardian protecting me on all my way home, I can't adopt her and only thing I could do is not hurt her but love her. God bless all of them.

Because I don't have lunch,now I eat the rest of sausage which I gave to cats and the dog.whatever anybody likes or not, taste good.

There are coronavirus again in my city.and all express companies are stuck on their ways and haven't showed up for 1 week.And i still need to make money to buy as much food as possible.

My goal, except making as much as possible money and have a good life with parents and street little animals and my cats when I could take care of them and spay them and protect them from being bullied and eaten, cursed and used and sold, what should I want to do? Make some troubles for some ass holes sometimes.

I don't wanna anything anybody if I don't need them.when I don't need them, what I am? Cats adopt me when I thought of suicide after being raped.From that day my life isn't mine anymore.

[8:56,Nov 6]you think you met your true love, then you see you just meet someone who think they meet pieces of shit.

Being a Chinese, can't love Chinese,can't be loved by Chinese. Can't love foreigners,can't be loved by foreigners.cause for some of them, love is love, life is life. Love and life are separated, that's why there's porn and imoral sex.that's why I love my life but still wanna sex for the others?

They never know me like this.

Someone only proves that gold is always going to shine when someone only prove that shit is always going to stink.

I screw up everything and keep everyone staying away from me again, how talent I am.