[7_23,12_20,2021]

cats suffer in this cold winter.their hair is more dirty and look terrible.And at least 3 cats are still missing for 2 days , 3 days and a week.the water bowl I bought for cats is broken by someone, and one of the missing cats is kicked out by some soldier who feed homeless dogs with his mom of their apartment.last time I saw her she got a cold when I feed her some medicines to heal it.then when I looked for her 2 days ago around another apartment full of communism soldiers kicking killing bullying cats for orders and funs,a communism solider came out with proud smile then saw me and asked politely who are you, then I told him I was looking for a cat which I saw her getting into the building, then his face turned black and long and said coldly so you are the one who feed cats and left.this morning I saw the opening window is closed which the cat jumped in it one time.where is she, I screamed and tried to call her back until all of them wake up this morning with heart broken, I saw someone staired at me in it, they wanna to beat me down I guess, but I never fear of them and care about it and only wanna the cats.

She's every thin and I even booked cloths for her to wear , they are on the way being mailed.That's payments trusting wrong people. But the cat and cats aren't what I pay. Don't take them away from me.I could pay everything.

God. Bless them.God, lead me taking your ways and protect them ,they are your kids.A-men.

[5_33,12_20,2021]

Chinese communists would rather cut of old trees to protect their electrical lines, would rather frozen the cats hiding in their buildings instead of flea medicines to help cats ,would rather want money from their kids instead of cares of their kids.

Yesterday I bought a cake, the cheese in it was too long time to eat and it got green I saw the face of the boss who sold it to me pretended to be everything fine. I know this store sells unfresh food sometimes, but not this bad.lots of old people around buy cookies from them, and the money they make or buy cakes to sell is from the pockets of these old people to survive by these cookies now, and I ate these cakes.if I fight against them and they make troubles for these old people, I could never buy cakes from this store again, but how about other old people? they could give up consciousness for 5 CNY but I couldn't give up humanity for it.hope the store never sell bad cookies to them.or they deserve to close.

When I was a little girl, I often got ill. Parents treated me so well and sent me to communism hospitals frequently which normal Chinese could have no money or power to be in it until I told them not to do it, treat me badly, I might live longer.then they stopped to send me to see doctors and treat me badly, I grow up and live on.they believe it till now. What're truth? I know they wanna me to die by hands of communimsts and they don't wanna me or themselves to suffer too much on my death. And I also know that they are used, by communism hospitals or communism ways to use their kids unnoticed for communism .but they are two different things. I know they give me up but I don't give them up, I can't leave them alone to face a communism life instead of freeing me by leaving thus world. they almost kill me by them.I notice that communism could be a fatal weapon for anybody especial who's bad very early. then I would rather to die alone and lonely than connecting with communism and communists, it's a difficult decdesion but it works.then I escape from death times . And someone who fight against them and die, not because they are too weak, but because they are too faithful. Or, someone kill them and cover them up by suicide.

Communism and communists does Not exist for alive, but only dead and stuffs.And someone still wanna to use it for themselves, they must pay for it .

[19_23,12_19,2021]

Then he asked me a normal question like other foreigners: why you Chinese hurt, do and say bad to each other? I said it's because of bias.but I don't tell him all. Perhaps also because we are built and rebuilt by bias, but we are Not bias.

I watched other Chinese kids of families in China, parents who have arguments fights and wars between each other often don't have endings.they often get bad diseases and very painful and die with blood and tears and suffer longer.and some other parents who treat ,stay and talk with their kids well often die quickly ,peacefully and easily.except someone who die in accidents or using money to by expensive medicines and last their life by being sent to hospitals everyday for years.how much love and hate among them for themselves ?

Like Chinese communism Party which should has been disappeared from 1949 after wars in China and ww2,they just announce the world they built China and they are the only Chinese Party to rule everything everyone of Chinese and corrupt till 2021 this year. Times tells everything, not mouth.they just wanna money in pockets of Chinese and they say they wanna good lives of Chinese, they just wanna rule this country and they say they like this country to be free democracy and good, they just wanna to watch people being slaves of themselves and say they free the whole country.Times tells truth, not Chinese communists.how much they use and hate this country and Chinese , how many communists and power they have.

[13_53,12_19,2021]

fox2 asked me why I still don't suicide.actually if he asks any Chinese about it, most of them might slap him on his face twice or even punch him on his nose, even kill him.but I didn't. I slap him and I know it never could stop him to do any stupid things like this in my whole life. I told him life is not for being ended, but for respected. But I don't tell him, it's for others' life, not mine.perhaps my life is for fight.

I think there are three motives for someone to suicide, first they are thought they are the problems which could be never fixed or forgiven.second they fear death and it's used by someone else or something.third there are someone else or something they fear more than death.if someone tells them they are not problems, if they stop fearing and if they don't turn towards to death, suicide would not happen.suicide doesn't fix anything which should has been stopped, neither is murder and kill. And when they wanna to fix problems, they would not or choose suicide.

I also told him China now is like the Stanford prison experiment. So big population, so much despotism, so long history, Chinese are not only wanting payment from Chinese Party of communism, but also wanting surviving.who could change it? Anyone could stop it?

I don't like to be played or play someone time after time. When I'm forced to do or be something someone by someone else, I don't feel i belong to them. Cause I thought I belong to someone else. to be selfish and be selfish is not the same. Cause it's not nature as being selfish.it could be turned back when being selfish could be turned into selfishless also.marry what I love instead of how I live.I'm happy when I see others stay with with their families,although I can't stay well with mine because of communism politics or even being in China with lots of Chinese.cause i still wanna to stay well with my parents.I still hope to.if what i gain is what I lost, what I lost is what I gain also.

Everything about Chinese communism is wrong and everything about American capitalism is right, it's not freedom, it's anti communism, parts of communism also.now I see why fox2 doesn't trust me.kosher don't eat pigs , it's Not because they love pigs, but because they believe pigs are Not clean. fox is always a fox, not anti carnism. Freedom is always freedom, not anti communismm.

I'm too dirty of communims to be trusted for fox2, is that why he called me a pig for being treated badly? More I fight against communism online, more others stay away from me under line. Isn't it what I want because I'm too crazy to stay with? Perhaps I'm too unstable to marry also for anybody.