[11_00,12_4] i aren't born to have communism money and life of communism, I have been almost killed by them,they are poison which I could not eat as big meals like others do.That's why I would rather make some little money out of communism firewall only in my country than do a big communism job in it to put money of the others in my pocket as much as I could. born to be a goat , can't pretend to be a wolf. They eat different, just keep starving , or turn into zombie or vampire in the end.

Born to be nobody, how could be somebody.

[5_6_12_4]was it right using Mr fox to have a sex with me? Whatever he had cancer or not, I never  regret for it.because I love it.

[3_48_12_4]when I was a kid I told myself all pains and suffers and tragic and everything of life of mine would end when I grow up and I would leave here someday and had my own home. when I grow up I think my childhood was just a start of tragic and everything.yes, everything, everything in my life is a gift instead of tragic only when I give up.

[2_28_12_4]Love is about and for my whole life.whatever happens, whatever how it ends.

My parents force me to date someone again who they like again and cut into my life by marriage when I wear high heels for the first time with black cloths like a bad bitch for them . I refuse always . She said it's delaying me for my sake by Mr fox who helped me by showing up to be against my parents for stopping them trying to find myife and saving me from killing myself for it when they say nobody wants me.I asked her back what's delay for a woman ? To marry someone for money for job for works for food for breath for live and have a kid she doesn't like at all by bullying blaming blackmailing her in rest of her life is to delay her, to have a better life or go to afterlife or heaven. What's woman for her ? Stuffs? Abandon after being used? being playboy and easygirl are not good for anybody . How could anybody like my parents be proud of being like that and teach their kids to be bad for honoring parents themselves ? For being insane,innocent?  for being shamed? I asked them back am I some Chinese who blame and force their parents to send them abroad by asking for money being made by corrupted and harming Chinese and crimes or they will suicide , or do I request them to sell their organs and hold knife ox sticks to buy what I want, to let them sell me to communism schools or military for being washed brains ? Do I bully them to bring rich and young handsome communists for me to marry and don't need to work but enjoy what others have in rest of my life instead of mine? Do I kneel on my feet to beg them being for going to communism schools,kept working in communism military and joined in communism organizations for fame and not to be looked down and made troubles by neighborhoods,for a better life which is built on others' pains tears and even death and sacrifices for me who don't deserve any of them , to be a bitch or a whore, a bad women,a victim or anybody else? No. Only they do, threat blackmail and harm me to do communism things to be communist to service them by their own life, or they will kill themselves, judge me good kid and morality or not by how much loyal I am to themselves, for communism Party of China instead of being a Chinese,being myself, love me by how many things I do for what they love instead of how much I don't like it, take care of themselves by money I use on them instead of caring homeless cats, little animals, poor people who need help and the damaged nature and the whole falling world. Only my parents do these to me.The only times when I hold knife in my hands is to protect myself from men who make me nervous and try to kill the myself after being raped when my parents want to abandon me for it. I'm nothing for anybody else but a tool to keep them living. And I don't wanna anything anybody from the others from this world but what I have on my own. I do what I wanna to do, they don't help me but keeping disturbing me. That's not my fault. I have my own life, nobody else's.when anybody cuts in my life I don't like , I just wanna to give up my life. And when anybody I don't like knows it but still keeping cutting in my life, like my parents who are Chinese communists do, what they only wanna is to kill me by and for themselves. I'm too stupid to revenge for my parents to Chinese communists by filling anger hate sins in my heart, shouldn't demons be more smarter than I am?

Trump can't win the next election for winning Chinese communists, but win election when he defeats Chinese communists if he's not a communist.the progress for his back should be the result instead of starts of a progress. But some Chinese on Twitter say he'll be back for defeating and winning Chinese communists, I don't understand but is it another way to let him be democracy party's scapegoats? Or they want him back for own purpose, or wish Trump's a communist? I know some bad ass like my mom use to think people who expect them to be good ass owing them what they should have been for forcing the others to do what they want to be as bad ass themselves . This is why to expect isn't right. But I don't think trump should be a hero who only does a show. Like what Mr fox and hedgehog do. I don't trust American by myself .

Yesterday I got all cat dry food I booked online , moved them in my room , hide them from my parents,  so I could take them to check cats everyday without being stopped by them,some of them had good prices but don't smell health for cats, so I booked some leftover chicken chests online again to cook them and keep them in the glass cans and will mix them in them, pray the dry food will not hurt them but help them overcome the colder winter of this year.God bless them, all life towards him,  God bless this world.now teeth hurts,belly hurts, yesterday I forgot and missed the showtime until I remembered it at lunchtime, so in the afternoon I checked cats again and gave a sausage to the cat which didn't eat anything I brought to him and some other cats didn't eat them,neither,  in the earlier morning , because I cooked the chicken livers and chests last night and didn't put them outside of my window, by higher temperature of my room inside, they went little sour and I didn't notice it. My fault. And some cats need medicines again for mouths,they don't eat well or good food enough.I need to do some more I could, only by God.