{16-333,1-28,2022}

God damn it and this fucking place .

{14-33,1-28,2022}

Mr otter says time makes love. Perhaps he means time by life makes love.isn't time life when people are alive? After die there's no time a little bit.

{14-22,1-28,2022}

Got the whilte kid when I went to check cats at lunch time. He becomes thinner than before, little hungry, but still spiritual.

Another cat has bad injured around his ears, I gave him medicines and hope it will work very soon before he scratches again worse.

The cat in the last picture had missed for 3 days and she's very thin but still spiritual, but very hungry also. 

And there are two cats which are very weak because mouth hurts too much to eat, whatever fish cans, or chicken soup. i need to find more ways to do something for them. 

We are all hanging on to overcome this cold winter.

Parents start to prepare food for Spring Festival today. by getting their allowrance to upload online  I took these pictures.

They always say they don't love each other to me,then when I ask back about it they say it would never happen like that because they love each other, if someone give them money to divorce, they could do it anytime in any way.But the truth is that if it's not love, what is it?

{7-23,1-28 2022}

All things go together for one thing , perhaps it's truth, perhaps it's not. Perhaps my mom aabortrd her first child , not because of culture revolution or family planning of Chinese Party of communism, but because of rape.Perhaps my mom was raped once and had a baby which she aborted it when she was down to the countryside movement in culture revolution as an educated youth, by someone, by a communist, then married a communist, my dad, and looks him down just because he's not a captain but a soldier. She's a victim of communists and ignorance about it and still believe in it for a future on her daughter.like any other people who would rather harming hurting even trying to kill me than to tell me the truth that Chinese Party of communism destroys their whole lives, so they try to destroy me by making me experiencing my mom's life which bothers me so much being covered up by lies?

If it's true it could make everything clear in my life, most of them.but it's nothing I could do about it.

So why she's raped basing on this guess? Because she believes communism and its Party, and herself?

She's the one who is pitied most and she becomes someone like this if my guess is right.except pity she doesn't even know what's love, how does she knows I love her?

{7-10,1-2p22}

I got there on time and the white cat didn't show up, I left some dry food there and when I came back from checking other cats the dry food was gone. I waited there for a while and tried to call him, no response.hope to see him soon. I know we miss each other, and it's none business of food. 

I hope to see him again.

This morning I had to think a lot, about everything passes these days, months and years.

Should a kid die because  its existence is because of rape? Kids are innocent.

Dad means kids because of rapes should be aborted,his brother's wife told me my mom had a kid before me and I don't see anything about that kid and from the first day I'm born I feel there's someone around me, it's not human and it's not ghost.I wanna to know the truth. But she seemed so scared when she noticed I don't know the kid's existence and run away when I wanted to ask her about it.mom doesn't like dad, mom was sacred to go to work and she needed dad to protect her and sent her to her working place, and picked her up from it.she doesn't talk much, she doesn't have any interest on housework and living, love communism and money , scared to lose power to control me and dad and this family. and has bad characters, doesn't like me, has terrible to communicate and thinking and living on.dad is not her first love or true love. Dad said he marries her just because pity. Dad treats her like a slave when he's in communism military.when he and she married in their photo they both looked like dead.cousin on mother side raped me and aborted my kid, it's my first kid.then he joins in Chinese communism police to service Chinese Party of communism for communism.I don't like communist, but farmer.mom always say I would like to 'pity' any other including cats than to pity her as a mom.and when she's young she was pitted by the others of dad's friends who were communists also.

{1-04,1-28,2022}

I tasted the dinner of parents last evening, first time I feel all food is too bad to eat for me when I used to love all their cooks.although I only ate fast noodle and sausage for lunch from the morning.

I didn't say anything, it's wrong to eat their food and cooks anymore, how could I judge them?

I don't know how me fox feels about their cooks when he's here and ate parent's cook for one week, but I know when he cooked for my parents and me after we shopped all these food in Wal-Mart he's so happy, and for me his dinner was outstanding and we cleaned the dishes and bowls together.he even wanted to buy a barbecue pit and I said it's okay, thank you.

Hope he's fine for the first check after successful radiation.

Dad doesn't wanna to die, mom wants to live.Mr fox walks with God like all good people for me do.why do I live?

I walk with God,too, but I'm not good.

Suddenly I don't understand what Chinese post on Twitter anymore who have a lot of fans.they are talking about one thing when they mean another thing.they are leading who read them to what they want the readers to think about what they are posting, the ways to think about what they are talking about, and their behaviors for me is criminal, even if what they talk was right.

Nobody could do everything to get their goals unless their 'victim's complicity.

Honestly it's almost 6 years for me to connect internet by vpn to know the world, I still don't understand what American do and why they do things in this way and that way and how everything goes like today. But it doesn't effect or bother or even change me anymore , I still like them, even more than before.