Using sins of people and what they don't know to kill them and die for sin of people and what they don't know to save them, it's why they are called demon and God.

Somewhere make mom feel guilt and sins for loving their own children is damned to hell.

Water flows down,fire burns up.water is humble to give birth of wood,fire is arrogant to be a parasite of wood.

Bruce Lee says in order to taste my cup of water you first need to empty your cup.And he also says be like water ,my friend.

Is it too early to be water still ?

I made a divination days ago which is about the coronavirus spreading in my city this month.and it says it can shock and make people scared,but no danger.then the national news start to report and move in ways to tell the whole China country how worse and terrible the virus is in my city in China this time.it makes me angry.

Divination is correct,but it doesn't tell me there's someone who are trying making everything worse by lies and cheats and trying to pull my city into deeper hells,making the status of people worse by the virus.divination tells truth.And I would see lies of Chinese Party of communism on my own.

Coronavirus in science is called biological weapon,in culture I think it should be called poinsous magic which can make life mad,being ruled, dead terribly and painful with their families in rest of lives,it's made for harm and kill, some of them never can have cure.there are lots of poisonous magic in China,the most normal and low or simple famous one is to feed leech and set it into enemy's body by Hmong people who's a second woman of last Chinese Party of communism 's chairman.

There's gossips about the source of where the coronavirus comes from.some Chinese say it's set and released by American soldiers who joined in Military World Games which was started in Wuhan, China in 2019.how about the truth is that someone wants to set the coronavirus on American soldiers and they failed? when the coronavrius is a poisonous magic which is made for American soldiers, it must be set on American soldiers in that period of time ,if it failed to set on American soldiers, it has to be set on families or friends of the makers--on Chinese first,or it would be unavailable and harm who make it.it's the rule of this kind of poisonous magic.

Why someone are poisoning others even including families and friends?except releasing hates and torturing enemies there's another thing--they believe that it can last their own life and good lives by robbing the others.

Getting the poisonous things out of bodies and killing the poisonous things, the ones who feed and set them will be killed ,also,it's why they protect the virus and samples of the virus,like protecting themselves 'life.the only thing I m curious is that if the coronavrius is Frankenstein which is killing its creators and owners themselves by losing control .it does will,it's why Chinese Party of Communism starts Chinese medicines which can fight against poisonous magic in their schools for communism children to learn from this month ,although it's too late.they always make orders by politisc for themselves .I don't have evidence to prove above ,but between suicide and believe trust Chinese Party of Communism to stop suffering ,I prefer to suicide if I'm not a Christian or Catholic than to believe and trust Chinese Party of Communism .And there's a Hmong poisonous magic which can in fact make lungs look like honeycomb which can't be burned down by fires.

It's evil.

Does Yan Limeng who says she escapes from China and Chinese Party of Communims with the truth of coronavirus being released by CPC also tell that she's a communist who swear to be loyal to Chinese Party of Communism in rest of her life before she works for CPC and will never betray it?

Now she has connect with Guo Wengui and Bannon.it looks like that she's another poison spy of CPC which trys to make American numb about the truth of coronavirus.It's communism 's way to cut in America,pretend it's one of them when it's just not .

Last night I made fucking dreams and asked me up at midnight.two of my families who were Japanese actor and actress were murdered and poisoned and dying,or just dead.then I was going to look for the criminals when telling the other families they were in danger, a man looking like 30 years old flying towards the Windows of parents ' bedroom by hanging on the top of the building with weapons to shoot us,then I fought back he was going to fall down from the 4th floor.I was going to pull him in who said he's not going to kill us ,but I changed my minds and stick his hands and wanted him to fall down on the ground,I needed help and called mom to push him away from the windowsill

,then I asked up by my calling with calling mom.

After that I fell asleep again and one of my classmate helped me to catch the criminal and he said I always was a trouble maker, and then I was kidding him that it's why he married another girl who made more troubles for you to fix,and he kept silence when his eyes said yep.

Parents always tell me that I can't go to America

,just marry someone in China and give up.but I only with my husband wherever he is.none business of where he is .

And I asked dad that God has plans on me, on all of us, just respect them first,if not,how does he respect his hero Mao Zedong, how does he pray for me on him to give his daughter a red communism powerful husband to keep her having a luxury and corrupted rest of life?he keeps silence, and looked like being defeated and fail.

Dad says he paid 200,000CNY for me to the powerful communist to get a job in Chinese communism Party which was just a nobody for other communists . I told him that even I was paid 2,000,000CNY to work for CPC I still refuse,it's a principal.cause an employee of government to work for people or citizens should never corrupt and be corrupted by money of people and citizens who are served.

And when having corruptions about buying the job I just lose it and can't work on it anymore.

yesterday I was told that to do free public Chinese  Nucleic acid amplification testing,it's both an order and a force for all citizen.then I moved out and got there at 18:30,the first thing I saw was that hundreds people were staying in long lines shoulder by shoulder waiting  for some doctors or nurses or just students who study medicines in hospitals taking photos for Souvenir or honor or something else with gesture of hearts,started the fucking testing after they ate super till 19:30, then today I read local news that the news says that these guys want payments for what they gave for us.I think it must not be health of people,or they would not leave people who only wear mask waithing there when they wear anti-virus professinal cloths with tapes sealing up the gaps,I also think it must not be life of people, or they would not use one Coronavirus Nucleic Acid Detection Kit which only has 30% possibility to detect the virus for 5 people and use Cotton swabs which were taken out from one big plastic bag to stick in our throats time after times.

collect DNA under the name of testing and make money on people who are infected are their purose.although it's a free testing, but there are 20,000~ 80,000cny fee for food,medicine, bed and dirty toilet when being locked down in somewhere together with other infected people hang on for death and burn when still being alive--like vampires which after have a big meal just kill the food,like rapers after being raped the victims are killed for destroying evidences of their criminals--when all government news are reporting that they are communism heros of people who have hearts for love of invest,what a fucking payment for their damn gives.the payment of their vanity is from all life.

when I read tht the virus is worse in HongKong now, it reminds me that there's someone talked about it online in Jan 29.It says that basing on the ancient Chinese fortune book from June 21 to Auguest 18 some of protectors of HK have left HK for hope,but they still must be careful and cautious,cause somebody is a vengeful villain,when someone are going to fight against him and also know lies and truth about government politics,he never lets go.perhaps the virus in HK now is kind of ways for Chinese Party of Communism to kill protectors who haven't left yet or stayed.

and the poster also says that till October 16 good ones are better to pretect mad and stupid than to move reckless,can't compromise to dark power,keep weakness from being hurt and also hide wisdom from being noticed.then till December need to make decisions.or will not destroy the old and establish the new.

only American can save American, it's why Chinese Party of Communism makes chaos and contradiction by anyway including corruptions and tempt between black and white, between Democracy Party and Republic Party which can save each other, save their own country together,even save the whole world.

China should has been a big brother to protect its little brother like America,but it doesn't.It is like Gollum which has turned into monster and only service its master,the ring which only service its master--Sauron.

some Chinese who have hard lives in the past whever they are today only live on and survive for what they believe,when unlucky it's communism which becomes their power,benefits,money, belief,family,friends and love--even respect and life after they know that's just a lie,they will get mad and freak out,it's why communism is one of the worst thing in the world.

so communism even and socialism makes Chinese Party of Communism which should have fallen and disappeared in the world exist so long a time,they protect it as protecting themselves from what communism fears-- falling apart and disappearing,blood and death on its own.

I think communism makes contradiction.

it can only exists and alive in contradiction.

it's parts of contradiction,it's contradiction itself.

it's why only communism can defeat communism.

to defeat it needs to become it.

only when you become communism you have chance to defeat it.

it's why i don't wanna to see America takes this place.

A thousands-year history nation and country bully a hundreds-year history nation and country. 

an adult bully a kid.

is it what made me lose asleep last night?

but why in my dreams last night I saw a man who wanted to remind his leader to do right things was killed and explosed by landmine which was conspiracy of the blue-eyed boy who looked having scrects to the leader who looked like good,the blue-eyed boy wanted to kill him for himself, or for the leader, I don't know.and this morning I saw the news that last month American soldiers killed A Deputy commander in Iran.is it coincidence? or not?and that leader had a social page which had photos and videos of his daughter and a blog about telling his daughter not to marry someone who's called 'must see blood',sounded like a killer,also.or losing sleep made me lose my mind.

how many Chinese want and prepare to be ghosts and zombies of Chinese Party of Communism when it falls for being sacrifices to make communism come back again next time by honoring themselves?

this year lots of Chinese on Alibaba taobao xianyu are selling stuffs which are either fake stuffs of  foreign goods or new goods which have been stored for a very long time and even few real goods which are made in China but cant be sent to foreign countries anymore in a very very very very cheap prices,shoes which have a tag price about thousands dollars can only be sold be one hundred cny,a hundreds dollars cloths is only solde 20~30cny.and look at their quailty,even Chinese don't like to use or wear them which can only be wore once or three months,which most of them are bullshits.Chinese make these garbages for foreigners to wear to use and foreigners are very happy and very friendly treat these Chinese and love them and these garbages and pay a lot of dollars for having them?how could Chinese make garbages to sell to kind good right foreigners and even American for big money by corruptions and even communism connects? do they lose their minds?

now I see why looks like the whole world wanna everything including all life of China to benefit their own future except Chinese Party of Communism.future can be delayed, but never stop.nothing can stop future.

添加图片说明

most of Chinese and Chinese foreigners talk about that Chinese Party of Communism's end is coming, it will die soon in 2 or 3 years.but they all miss or hide a point that only when China becomes weak, CPC becomes weak,  CPC is like parastic which only when host becomes weak, parastic becomes weak.so will China disappear this time in history?none of them talk about it.

China is a big country,America is a strong country,disappearing China for disappearing CPC needs more time, but when parts of CPC have cut in America for escaping and next chances to come back again, disappearing America for disappearing communism,needs what?

if I have a choice,I will choose all life in China now being all right by using the death and being crushed down of China, Chinese government and Chinese Party of Communism.

someone says freedom is not free.but they never tell you how much they need to pay for it,life,not yours, but themselves,it's why they are there watching you burning, burning you cry,but you still have flood to cool yourslef down.

how much you need to take to fight for freedom.no weapon,no law,no belief,no faith,only money,sex,politics,murder,make you being a ghost when being alive,like communism.

no family, no home.and no home, no country.if me,my home,my country and government's falling down can help and save life which are suffering and hurt now,I can't help any of them, but no need to stay. I can leave.cause I told my parents who say i can't be alive without them for 24 hours that I will not suicide.

I dont like dad drink wines with other Chinese till drunk, there's another reason,when he's drunk and come home at midnight from meals,his clothes are in a mess, can't stand on his own,depressed, and talk crazily, shame and curse mom and me,looks like being raped in head by minds which are full of communism, governemnt, the whole country and even life.

someone who post online something about death blood disasters and tragics in China on Chinese when they are abroad, or when they are in China alos by vpn, i read them piss off get mad talk bad and even happy for what happen in China on Chinese,doing best to kick China and Communism out of their heads minds life and even bury them by words and actions, why they look like someone who are being possessed by demons and trying to get rid of it,communism isn't something which can be kicked off by some words in Bible and pray easily,and why these things happen on them at this moment?cause they are Gamblers who never win but exciting for being lose.

we suspect that i have diabets and dad helped me test it, Glycemic index of mine was 6.3 , the normal should be 3.9~6.1,and the first thing mom did was curse me and cocacola and pepsi instead of making me not scared, but brave to live on, and she wants me to stop drink and eat everything we used to eat and drink tomorrow.and she told me not tell my friend about it,she thinks if i told you about it, they will abandon me and there will be no dollar or money to make for her to buy food to eat.she thinks im not perfect to marry anybody anymore.

when she said it she has a terrible face against me. i don't like it at all.all families from mom side have diabetes,i think if i have a little high Glycemic index, it makes sense.but she only says it's my fault to drink cocacola and eat snacks happily when she's jealous about it,and frame me that i don't share them with her,i just bought a 30cny front leg of a pig yesterday and she ate it well.i always share food with her when she always say bad on me.and i told her even i make so many mistakes for her, no right things i do ?even no right things for her ,is it wrong that i m her child?she got piss off again.she doesn't want me to be her child, i feel in that way. she doesnt like me at all.she has no right reason to be a good mom.not only because i know she marry dad for money, bus also something else, she's the only one who does wrong things agian and again and agian and think it's others' faults.

money or food can't buy or excharnge anything. in cluding love, belief, respect also.when you buy a pancake, only when the sellers like you who love the pancake to taste it taste it,it's a good deal, or , it's just you eating someone else's food legally.not the same thing.

think of China, America make lots of chances for Chinese to make money by working, and live on,to immigrant, all of them thank America for that and stop help ccp to cut in it?except making troubles of America and going to start wars they even curse and chaos America when they have already been corrupted.and they are proud of being it, cause they can't be corrupted by money and rights which America give to them at all.

one of the reasons why i don't want to talk about private life on the internet is that someone can use it and take advantage of it,like that me and Mr fox.

if Spec who're called Sue want me to love them or love me,they can fight for it,do best instead of hurt us and shame love between us to cut in our relationships,instead of using Mr big to get closed to me,if someone want Mr big to love them or love him,they can fight for it,also, do best instead of doing it in anyway, instead of using me to get closed to Mr big.

if they like my shows, just tip.if they dont like us,just fuck off,is it simple?

some Chinese and Chinese foreigners always love and want to play things and someone of the others when they think themsleves' are the best which can't be played or insulted.they do it for taking advantages of the others to collect their dominations of powers when they want to be looked like that they care and love us very very very very much by the world.they want to play me and Mr big without paying anything for it especially when she or he's gray,are we their slaves?

yeah, i dont want Sue's a female,cause,it means for me I admit that she's better than me,even for most of Chinese,if Mr big and Sue become a couple and marry,it's the most beautiful fairy in the world for all they have experinces,a happy ending perfectly.

But, not for me.

I worry about these a little bit.

July 6,both kittens were still missing,

July 7,I found the kitten was trapped in the house and set it out,

July 9 and 10,I noticed the kitten didn't eat well,nose couldn't smell food which was infront of it and it loved most and meow for mommy,it tried to get closed to another mom cat and the mom cat got angry at it,

July 11,I found its mom which meow to me from windows was trapped in another house beside the house and set it free,the kitten was happily run to her and the mom cat which is pregnant got angry at it and left it alone,I tried to get closed to the kitten and picked it up,but it was scared of me,just like its mom does,it run away and hide,the kitten still didn't eat,mom cats eat a lot then left,

July 12,when I called them again in the morning, the kitten appeared, but didn't meow to me as usual,got very very weak,kept silence,hided in the corner,and didn't appear in lunchtime and dinner time,I cried times and left when it started to rain.

July 13,I called the kitten and it didn't appear.I walked around there calling it until I heard some voices in the winds blowing to me,I decided to try again and then found it was lying in the place where could hear and see me coming from the road,some auts on its body,eyes still were opening,belly was still warm,died.I picked it up in the end and took its body to somewhere have trees and peace to bury,made a water cross on the stone above its grave.then left with little prayer.forever home and always family,God,take and lead it to be in and with,I loved you,very very much.not a good day, kid, not a good day for both of us.I will keep look for your mom which should give birth but still has big belly,i worry babies all died in her belly for being trapped in houses and she knows.

the kitten with its mom

hard to write it down here for me, perhaps it means I m just someone who love fame and wealth mostly, or for some other things.

Chinese aren't as same as other people and citizens of in other countries,perhaps not only because of Chinese Party of Communism,but also something else.I mean, something which they born to have,or even be.American are the most different people from Chinese, in the past it's very wrong for Chinese being hateful to American for destroy it because of the difference between each other instead of love the right parts on themselves.Difference doesn't mean hate or enemy,but mean love and respect,positive and acception.

what's the difference between Chinese and American today?a lot of answers,today American run happily towards someone loving them for hugs and kisses after they win or lose like a whore who pay them something for it,Chinese move quickly to someone being owners for pats and snacks like a dog when they win or lose, when i read someone on twitter who live in America blame and curse Chinese badly a lot when showing how good food and life they enjoy abroad,in my head it just makes me image that dogs try to bully someone who are hated and hunted by their owners for pleasing their owners for pats food and snacks.

it's still Chinese whatever they are Chinese American or American themselves.for me a real American can fight for love and God and what they believe in by many things in many ways,then when they win or lose they happily run towards what and who they love like children of God,and a real Chinese can fight against anything and anybody including demons for what they believe in,then when they win or lose they finally turn back to what and who they born to belong with.

Chinese born to be animals,perhaps,but perhaps not.Chinese have their own ways to develop their country and change their statuses tomorrow.someone compare America with China and say there are 50 years which China needs to be as great as America.now after economic wars, it's more than 200 years.but it's just a joke.these two countries have nothing to be compared with like this.

even when Communism disappear in China and crush down in the world, China still has another way to go,more difficult than the communism way.the good day for China and Chinese will come,it is delayed by Communism,but it will come.most of peole who expect and wish communism crush down in China and the world for making China and the world better like a destiny,it's crazy, the only way to make China and world betterf is to make themselves better, communism or its own fate is not themselves,doesn't need or worthy all life including Chinese to die for it.

I made a dream,in it I was turned into a vampire,but when other vampires blame and curse me--discrimnate me- and were busy killing human being who escaped and scared from me-perhaps discrimnate me,perhaps not- I was still saving human being and going for help when I thought that whatevery i was what for the others or me,I shall still only mind my own businesses to help and save,cause I'm still me.

honestly,when I help cats in China,in my city,I notice something.if helping cats is a right thing,first of all everyone fights against me for it and stops me from doing it,cause they think the money,time, efforts and even a little bit water and food for cats can make their lives better,and should have ownwed by themselves,for their children,their lives,their futres.until someone realize that what happen on cats decide what happen on them,on the others who have connections or ties with them,they start to stop from stopping me helping cats,even help cats once or twice,still for themselves,for what they want.when to do right things for wrong things,is it still right?

i came home from cats, and be saw by mom who sit beside the apartment with the fake Christian neibourhood,then she told dad who came home late again and drunk,and dad asked me why I came home late,then I piss off and said a lot to him:24 hours one day i only have 20 minutes to go outside for taking a walk and you still aren't satisfied and only want me to make money in my room by computer online,is it fair?do i have freedom?if not do I have dignity?do you feed a pig or keep a pig?why you watch me as a spy?how can a human being be when being treated like a pig?even pig is more free and happier than I am.all is bullshit from you.you who owe Chinese banks over 100,000cny can leave home from 6 o'clock then back home at 21 o'clock and anybody don't need to know where you are and no money being made, I can't ask what you do outside of home,and you make me who owe banks nothing but make dollarsfor them stay at home all 24 hours under your control when you know I have nothing to do but feed cats?feed cats, what's the matter,is it bad thing?do I steal, I rob or I make funs with some whores like you male do?

why someone who do good right things are blamed and cursed laughed at and bullied when someone who do bad wrong things are raised and encrouaged and flatterred and supported?what the hell is going on in this country?why only hates and hostility among Chinese?all dark,black is white, white is black, sucks and insane.how about you?feel boring for good right things and feel boring for bad wrong things,too,want to be someone who have already dead,or think you have been already deities?

yesterday at lunctime I went to check kittens and cats, and found that a kitten was locked in an empty house, I don't know if it's there for avoiding feeling cold at night from gaps of windows or someone trapped it there,I forgot to find the truth of it ,but needed to climb the walls and open the windows and set it free.it meow to me for my calling and tried again and again and again to climb up the curtains.it's how I noticed that there were something alive in one of the house.then I prayed for it, i called it again after I opened the windows,and it stopped meow.so I left,gave it some times then i wen't to check it again at night,the kitten made it,and scared a lot, coudln't stop meowing to me and I used the fish cans I brought for it,it's very starve and ate a lot.i left until it stopped meow to me and looked at me at the walls.Thank God, God's amazing, and God bless all cats animals on this earth. it's hard time than ever before for them, not only for human being,also.

today's inspiration

Can't go anywhere with no integrity,someone who has no integrity has alreayd been sentenced to death.
离开诚信寸步难行，没有诚信的人等于预先被判了死刑。

Die for someone who are toxic,it's not only mischief of kindess,but also ingratiation of fools.
为薄情寡义、自私自利的人去死，这不但是善良的恶作剧，还是愚蠢的讨好。

why feeding people into animals,slaves,demons and feel proud of it.

为什么把人民喂养成动物，奴隶跟魔鬼还觉得为此而自豪呢。

for what I do for cats I argue with parents and piss them off.they want me to abandon cats,or want me to move out,even as a dead body.

I understand now mom's someone who can only know how much bad she treats and does wrong things on me when something bad happen on me,more worse,more she knows what she has done in all her life.but I CAN'T use my life to exchange her Conscience,it's not worthy.does she think that she's ignorance for no money no conditions to study at shool and it's why she sent or sold me to study in communism schools? no,she's ignorance,because she prefer taking advantages of the others more than have knowledages and become wise.

she's born in Chicken Year,in Chinese culture she's selfish,likes to take advantages of the others,stingy,like to be raised up and like to enjoy the limelights,simply, power which i don't like at all, and doesn't want to admit her own mistakes and very sensitive on  criticism,hard to stay with,bad temper,like to gossip,and say anything which is nag without anything,nothing about truth and serious cases,very conceited and always think all problems are made by the others and only when crisis come she can finally realize it's hers.

About my dad,even when he loses me, he will still get someone to replace me to love,happily.he loves money more than anything in the world which I don't have in my pocket or accout.I don't worry about him.he must take care of himself and his love well only with money which he loves most,not like me who doesn't care money at all.does he think that he loves money just because he has a poor family or he's born in a poor home? no,he loves money,just because he loves money,none business of what kind of his families or home are.

my dad is born on Monkey Year.he's' someone who set all his love in the marriage and his lover and take her/him as his future and everything.but he doesn't understand why lovers and someone he loves betray him until after a long time he find someone new.

btw someone who is born in Snake year,in Chinese culture is someone who cares only arrogant of the others who look down him.more contempt from the others, more perfect he wants to be and do everything to perfect himself/herself crazily,doesn't stop until he get what he wants.Like Mao Zedong,Xi Jinping and one of my cousin who's a female from father side ,daughter of father's sister,born in 2001.

last night a girl got a kitten and took it away, I hope it's their home.I think perhaps she read the post online and location of kittens when she didn't mention it, I didn't ask,neither.she tried times and failed , I moved my ass and I gave her a hand and dad athome was pissed off,I gave her a new bag to keep the kitten inside when she only picked up a paper box which didn't work and got wet,and a fish can to attract the kitten to trust her and taught her and made her relax a little bit,the kittens accepted her pats when she only bought a sausage which was all eaten by cats there.finally a kitten chose her.and they left together.no photo about the whole thing when I was too hurried to think about taking a phone or camera with me,no information about her no contact ways to see if the kitten will be all right or not,nothing about them anymore, they just left,so did I.but a thank to me from her,and a thank from me to her.will she take Care of the kitten well,will they have a good future together,I would like to believe it,cause for the kitten she's a hero. Thank God, love you.

now I feel the moon was full when July 4 a little bit.

politics is art of compromise,

Sucks, No compromise  is there Not Politics anymore?

there are lots of ways for alive to connect dead,but the only way for most of alive to do it is silence.

wounds from life and experiences which haven't been healed is going to split me into half,someone who hurt me  in this way seem liking to see me become both good and bad, but when i split into half, I die.for dead,no half is good, no half is bad, just dead.just gone away.

money is parts payment of working, and not the only thing which get from works.joy, happiness, smile, tears,even like and respect,friendship and cares.I don't work for money although I need money, but I can work still without being paid money when i m happy and like to be,cause money is not the only way from people to pay for my works.

when I help someone and see after that they do something bad, i can see wow i help an animal,but I also can see wow i 'm even not more than an animal.

last night i didn't sleep all night from 23:00 when a kitten or a mom cat was meowing for mom or kid till 4:15.when I waked up and run out of the door to look for it,the sound stopped.I can't find it anymore.I tried eveywhere,lots of possibilities,but nothing shows up.it makes me very very sad and bad.the connection between them,and the love between them make me move,but nothing about them is changed by my behaviors.

I aborted after being raped.and the pains losing baby is more painful than being a victiim.criminal can be punished by laws,but pains on heart and memories in head can't be healed by law.more cats i help and more people I like them to have love of families,to stay with families well,it can not heal my pains and change my memories,although when their lives have changed into good directions make me feell good.but after everything comes back again to me,I feel the wounds keep corrupting deeper and deeper if i stop help others to feel love of families,to have joy for be together, this thought keeps me helping them for healing myself.I'm not a good person,or kind.actually very selfish,very lamentable.when they thank me and say good to me I feel nothing but know that everything I do will not send me to heaven,but always damn to hell.cause whatever how many cats I save how many people I help,i can't bring my baby back and it can't come alive.but only when i die I could see it someday.

I know that.all I do can't pay my sins, especially on my baby.sacrifice,atonement aren't a deal or business.

but when I see what I have done make something change,and someone get what they deserve,it makes me feel that it's worthy to do it,although nothing changes on me.it makes me feel that i'm still be loved,even curse and blame can make me feel better, feel alive, can willingly accept that the only one who is corrupted and mad is me,and the others and the world is doing well.but I can't go to hell for what's right,who want me to be in hell for right things is demon,not God.when I born to be good, why force me to do bad?

there's an ancient Chinese poem which is called Tui Bei Tu about China history,lots of Chinese like to use it to explain what's happening in China in the future.the 41 part of the poem mentioned that on the 99th years there's a big mistake for someone or something which can only be kings or leaders or emperors in QinZhou where's the area in GanSu province of China.

June 1 was the first day of 99th years for Chinese Party of Communism being built.and CPC makes HongKong Security Law happened in that day.if it is the big mistake, if Xi JinPing is the right speed-up chairman of CPC who speed up destroying CPC itself,if CPC and Xi JinPing want it this way and they love power more than anything anybody in the world and they want to keep power in QinZhou in the end in worst status,

what can keep them being kings or leaders or emperors in QinZhou?

what is it in QinZhou and why QinZhou?

why Xi Jinping and why lifelong tenure for him?

why they must make the big mistake?

to be  kings or leaders or emperors of and for what?

how much big the mistake can be and can it be big enough to destroy communism or CPC itself?

checked kittens mom cats this morning, there's a kitten survive and other two kittens were starve.put some dry food and cans.

using the whole country power for one or two person to cut in America which is enemy to destroy it time after time.Communism of China is showing how ants win the elephant in Mouse year which can eat it.but it's not fairytale.it can't happen today.

2020 is a year full of miracles  in China for Chinese although lots of sadness disasters tragic death.never feel so closed to God in this way,never feel so far away from him.

although virus makes me stay here,but I don't belong here,someday i will leave,somewhere else when everything becomes to an end.

with my cats and,hope all cats are in safe, happy homes with families who love and care and respect and know them well,if God could.