Can't stop flowers  to withered and drop , but can feel someone familiar to me coming back again when they are just strangers.

Sometimes the only way to start is to go to hell again.But when you start it again, everything just comes fucking back .

Thank you ,Mr fox.thank you for becoming a real grandpa. Just a good dad and grandpa, it's not what I want for kids, but a lie which I can't take any responsibility on it unless I die.but a real grandpa with his real kids and grandkids, never need a fake mom and grandma,right? You said you never take the vaccines for taking planes again to come to China , I don't wanna you to take the risk,neither . I'm sorry, I tried my best .

Tomorrow me and parents will go to watch a movie together,the last time when I watched a movie with dad or mom was 20 years ago.I should be happy, but now I'm so sad.

Grandma on mom side,she's still in bed.Mr fox,you are right, she gives up, she's letting it go after fell down in bathroom alone, she doesn't move for months but lying in bed,become skinny,become speechless,become weak.she may not survive in this year.last week in my dreams I saw her stand up again in front of mom, me and some other families when a family who died last year sitting in sofa looking at her back.

She told me to find someone in China and marry him after I took you to visit her,although she says you can be a good boyfriend of mine,and good husband.she told me to stop feeding cats or having cats.it's poisoning me inside somewhere .Chinese respect old,obey morality blood ties and love power.they are proud of it as Chinese culture and being Chinese.in another word, they always fucking suck blood of their parents ,blood ties even friends when they get old,always be fucking dolls in front of somebody,always do fucking everything for others instead of themselves by selling life and hearts and souls.

Being Chinese or have blood of Chinese is a bless? Someone still want to be blessed when being Chinese and have blood of Chinese?

No, I don't think so.it's only a fucking curse ever.