[14_36,Nov 19]we are all passing observers for each other, just not as long as you could expect, right ? Yeah,  but you are not my passing by.we both know it,right?

Just wish him and them beautiful peaceful and hopeful life in rest of their lives.and hope me with cats have a long happy healthy life in the future.

That's all I could do.

[12_8,Nov 19]I didn't forget, but brain washed by communism .when brain washed happens, yes  , I can forget, like taking drugs, forget pains of life, madness of the country , move on by being used like a tool, more worse pains make me numb.forgot the days with the others , being happy ,smile, laugh, tears, cry , crazy, dying, even rape and abortion and suicide , which's called life.just thank them and keep stepping forwards on your own.

If Chinese are indeed the most diligent kind nation in the world, treat each other honestly , and fight for the truth bravely, learn knowledge worthyingly,  like what communists tell them everyday on the tv shows in China, why they need communism?

[9_34,Nov 19]I'm sorry.

It's okay, if he's the third one who only could talks to himself without understanding you, understand him leaving as a passing observer.

[7_38,Nov 19]The girl friend of mine who I treated her not right in my dream is not the others, but myself.

[3_33,Nov 19]in dreams I went to sift an 

^American black woman's lesson, forgot the id card to enter until she called the school to make sure I was on the signed up list.then she started to talk about everything.American, health of women, made an illusion of destroyed inner world, until she started to sing the internationale.I was happy to have this lesson until I started to sing with her the song because Ioved singing when the only female friend of mine was scared and worried now and kept quiet when she saw she's sing it.when I realized it's a communism song which I didn't like most I already finished it,then I blamed and looked her down my friend by silence of hers that she didn't stop me singing it when she kept quiet and did the right things as an innocent victim alone when I was being guilty by doing something wrong instead of treating her well.

Although I think I'm not innocent but my dreams told me why I'm not. I love singing, changes, American, my friends, but not communism which tempt&trap me betraying and hurting them,wash my brains.

[5_17,Nov 18]made a dream, behind my name there's a witch being marked.whatever how much beautiful dreams are, they are still dreams. If I don't wake up from dreams, it means I'm dead, for sure.I'm not a witch. No power.

Why I don't have any female friends? Whatever how much you are best friends for each other, who she loves is still hers . Who I love is still mine.it makes being best for each other is like a lie.female could know each other, so why they call each other best friends for each other by men? Why they can't call each other best friend without men? Why there's always someone acting characters of being like a male when there're male around them everywhere? Everything becomes complicated when refering to females and I don't know how to take care of it but escape.It's sick, not their faults, just because of what I m treated by my mom.

I don't understand why someone feel disgusting or look like to gross when they hear someone jobless hopeless breathless who don't have more money than them or much money they expect helping homeless animals or treating each other well by kindness and consciousness, or even more younger stronger smarter than themselves, or too impossible to do something because they are not as what or who are expected or wanted or heeded . It sucks. Cause most of existence help each other like that.

Yes  , there might be destiny, but It Isn't always Right.

Me is not only a person, but also how I become to be. love is not a thing, but life itself. When I bully males for being bullied, I pay; I'm bullied by female when I bully back, I pay also. But make others pay it by being raped and attacked , it's not only loser,but also criminal.basing on what I have done I'm not innocent when I'm a victim. I know. If only being innocent could escape from being victim, I would rather being a victim instead of being innocent when I can't protect my fucking self.