[19_37~20-22-1_17-2022]

today I spay a stray cat which I tried to catch her for more than 5 years, she's the first stray cat I put food there and return to check from that day of my life.i had wanted to spay her for more than 5 years.now she has a daughger ,a grand son, and two grand daughters which I will spay them later when weather's warmer a little bit . Only when there's a because, there's an end. 

When I sent her to the secret room to recovery her strength, in the pad of a corner of the room an stray orange cat died. I picked it up and buried it, its body starts to be soft from being hard.I found a hole and cover the body up with woods under a big tree, prayed for it and dig a cross on the tree. The cat died painfully.the paw twisted and the body was little skinny.it threw out before dead, all of food from his stomach was only fish bones as garbage.I told one of middle-aged woman who I add her back on communism spy app.I called her rat woman personally because she looks like a rat.another old woman is snake woman.the garbage which the cat threw out was either she feed or the snake woman feed when I only take dry food ,cans and chicken meat and livers' soup , and water for all cats.she said she would never feed fish bones again only dry  cat food and rice with fish and it hurts her too much.I taught her how to catch cats and dogs safely inharmly for them and tell her how to deal with people who poison cats  and treat her bad for feeding cats and dogs.

Cats never talk in human language, but they know everything, more than everything.I check them every day ,I know today I may see them, tomorrow they may die somewhere and never come back again.I don't wanna to miss them or regret, I must  do my best to change something between me and cats.

I saw a stray cat's 3 kids dead and she put them in line , waiting in the rains to ask help from me to heal them or bury them in big rain, and she also took her dead kitten which had a broken leg and lost too much blood to me for help or a funeral, and it's still her having dead kitten stuck in pussy with something tie its neck ,and I had to cut them off pull her kids out and gave her medicines to eat after she missing 3 days until I decide to spay her.I can't accept any possibility to lose her by pregnant until she left someday. From the day she left , I walk around there everyday to hang on for her to come back someday and start to take care all stray cats I could meet there.but i never see her again. She check me 3 times in one month, ate like being starve for a week, then left always.the workers worked there those days and communists hired them to block all windows and doors of the absorbed building where she's born there, grew up there and played there, and met me there. She was worried starring at workers working before she left until she left.she's the friend of the first stray cat I adopted which played together. 5 years ago, I could only adopt one of them who both followed me home one day and I sent them back.

Everyone who feed stray cats have stories with cats. My mom always say there's no no-reason love and there's no no-reason hate.everything about little animals is difficult for me to do.but I can give them up when they must live on.living on in this way or in that way, it's the only thing I could change for them a little bit.

I did operation of my first baby because of rape.I read  in Google it says mom cats kill her kids sometimes when they know their kids can't survive in bad environments or conditions, for next time, I heard from the rat woman that a mom stray dog I meet sometimes killed 11 puppies of hers last week , she didn't see it, but after she left the mom dog putting her in pads she prepared for the puppies , in one hour after she came back the puppies were all die far away from pad, frozen in 20:00 winter night.did she kill them because she knows they had bad chance to survive like cats,too? I felt it's so hard for my baby to born as a sacrifice of a criminal rape and incest ,everyone even the world would bully it, then I had to spay it on my own.I thought it's good for it, but as good as being an animal.even animals love their kids.what about me?? I call who rape me less than an animal, what did I do to my baby isn't less than an animal, worse?

Snake woman's food killed the oranges cat, she asks money for stray dogs she adopts from rat woman after rat woman gives her dry food for adopted cats, I visited her last time ,no cat at all, only some cats suffer dogs and her bully and blames. rat woman connected me times to give me dry cat food and money for thanks. I refuse always. I take care of cats for God, not for them or money .and if I will become someone saving cats then kill them someday, if I change and show who I am, cats, I will leave before I hurt you and stop everything, even my breathing. At least I never have a home, but you do.