{2-47,1-26,2022}

I will not eat anything of yours, I said.

I will see what you eat when everybody goes back home to have a spring festival, dad said.

{21-08,1-26,2022}

today parents of cousin who raped me came to my parents' apartment with some food, I tried to push them out and she said had to borrow the bathroom or shit in her pants then I had to let her in to use bathroom. Then they were in.then he said it's for my parents with these several kinds of food. Parents both were not at home. I talked with them for 10 minutes for if my parents could bought the apartment of communism  apartment to live, if I could teach their 2 years old grandson English and if I could visit cousin's new house to stay and play with their grandkid.I don't wanna to say anything with them. Just talking around but no answer for any of them, wished they leaves soon. she wanted to see one of my cats , and my cat Aily became so scared when she saw her in my arms, run everywhere and hiss to her with all hair standing up on her tail to fight against her. As I know she had some operations to give up some kids of hers with her husband after they have cousin,and she seems like a Buddha to pray for them every day. But she never looks like a Buddha for me, I couldn't see ghosts of these babies on her, but cats might could. And perhaps they are not kind ghosts anymore by she 'prays'.sister of dad saw my cat before, my cat tried to play with her and smell, but she only stepped back and said don't get closed to her.she wanna to hurt her.

I hug my cat tightly when she said something to my cat, I love my cat and don't wanna her to listen to anything from them especially her who's a liar. My cat was scared and tried to run out from there, I was worried if the door kept open I would lose her always because of my mistake to let them inside.

Then I told my parents about it. When dinner time I read news on the internet out of Chinese local area internet about America not going to set army or soldier in Ukraine , and talked about the mom dog which kept her 11 puppies frozen to dead in winter time when there are people helping them to keep warm by pads as a sad tragic, animals and human are the same when they feel depressed and dangerous , hard to keep babies alive they would kill their babies and hang on for next chance.he laughed and said the mom dog must be raped,that's why she killed her kids. I talked back that sometimes there are rapes happening on someone who have dad also, some dad rape their daughter also, what's the meaning to have a dad for, it's shit.then he became embarrassed and said there are, but it's rarely.his laugh makes me so sick.it makes me feel he knows cousin raped me and I aborted the baby just because of rape instead of considering the whole life of the baby if I gave birth and he has fun on it.i feel he plans everything about it.

I told my parents to keep Aily in their room or sunshine room to isolate , to stop her to run out of the door for being scared and lost if there's someone visiting again, they get angry again and say I only care love respect cats, no parent in my eyes when Aily run out 3 times and I caught her in the apartment stairs 3 times because they opened the door and said Aily isn't stupid and even open the door she would not run out a little bit. when I  caught her and hug her, I told her don't do that again Aliy, it would kill me, I love you,without you I could not even live on but die inside with tears, she listens to me, she loves me also that's why she still stays with me.

I told him don't invite any family friend home anymore,if communism governments use big data to catch all of us to lock down for making money, they would kill all cats I have, including one of them which sleep with them every night in bed and they seem loving her.then he gets angry again and said I only don't wanna them to come and get out his(rented)house and he doesn't need me to pay anything to stay here when they just asked me for money to rent my room last month which I have spent more than 1,500CNY on them to pay the room I live, food bills which they ask for a happy spring festival when I still need to pay internet bill by being laughed at them that it's too little for them to satisfy anything in their life about me and I do, I don't care them at all, it's their business to come or not, but I don't feel safe when I'm surrounded by them, for my cats.I told him if Chinese government kills my cat I will suicide,but before it I will kill someone to die with me.then he gets angry again , he said you always talk about suicide, always wanna to kill me and your mom,go to die and don't pull me and your mom in. I told him,no, I would not kill them who aren't worthy ,I prefe to go to local governments and kill some communists and someone walking on the roads who believe in communism as many as I could.he laughed again and said yes, then your head would have a communism bullet hole and die soon before you do it, you are a terrorist.

Does my dad try to tell me cousin's mom was raped before they have cousin because she's an orphan? Or cousin's dad raped her then married her for it? Or they already know I was raped by cousin but still laughing at me who doesn't have anyone to stand by like an orphan more than mom of the cousin is especially when I have a so called dad who never treat me like his kid just because I'm not a son ? Should an orphan be raped when she's an orphan? For me it's only like my dad wanting to laugh at me by rape which he never wants to know and never tries to stop it even making it happen when he knows something about the truth.

Not every right things are done, that's why there's not everyone becoming a hero.

All Chinese are not innocent wherever they are.Hope punishments isn't too late.

When I talked with dad about them his favorite Huawei phone is just lying in his hand. Communism big data must recognises the key words and upload them to system, I should be on some lists which means to watch or jail or kill now.from the very beginning my parents only use me and watch me and want to report me to Chinese communism Party and see me to be killed for their own selfish and corruptions, power and lies when they lie they love me, they are the only ones who love me most in this world, everything they do is for my good sake. they just need a chance to delete me and have a new communism start.do they know they love me? Perhaps, but communism is for loving communism only, except love for communism any other love could be used and sacrificed for communism to buy them next love to use again.