{21-10,2-20,2022}

after telling the whole stories about these things I feel clear now. And there's a question appearing: why people having hands and feet on their own service and work for heartless souless communists who always move by their heads and rascality? Are they communists, too ? Or only for money in their pockets? 

When communists keep using more money to try to add life's value of themselves and others' for communism, judge value of life by how much money they are cost and spent whatever animals' or human's or themselves' , whatever they suffer or not for it, like them or not,can overcome it or not, die or live, even go to the communism church to pray for their  communism behaviors and belief in communism, singing to thank God for communism carriers,is it the excuse of theirs to do bad communism things, having second women or men, even second kid secretly, corrupt more money to be richer without noticing people's tragic lives for making them feeling rich in their heads instead of hearts when they have taken much more money of others for surviving in China, even in the world for themselves?

Rogues are not only male, but also female, like liars.

Love is such a little thing than everything,keep on doing it. Snowball is in bigger troubles now. Not the time to give up. Not this time to let her go.losing teeth is the first way to heal teeth.but her kidney can't suffer so much infusions, and started to pee blood even before the operation.fuck rat woman who having kidney disease. You have diseases of kidney, it's never cats' fault especially snowball's unless you fuck the second man to make money for your own businesses.

{18-41,2-20,2022}

operation for snowball girl is successful. but i don't feel good very much today.because i tried to wake her up for a very long time after the operation by effects of narcotic.she started to wake up, but when rat woman came in, her eyes opened widely, like rat woman's her human, not me.I guess she's either scared of her, or love her. And she lost all her teeth when she doesn't wanna to. That's the point.

yesterday rat woman who put food and water for stray cats then left quickly without wathcing them and staying with them for a while to see if everything is okay or not because of being busy for her business connected me and begged me to catch snowball for her, she can't catch her, snowball doesn't trust her, and she's curious about her painful teeth when eating and it made her feel bad.it makes me curious . But in the end I still don't know what happen to her teeth or mouth and neither she nor the doctor tells me about it or wanna to when I take care of her alone. snowball is the cat which i have taken care for 5 years by my food and her name is named by fox. After refusing rat woman's requests to donate me cat food times which she has already donate food and money to snack woman, I don't wanna to do it, I don't wanna snowball to suffer it. Because I don't trust vets or her who seems to kill her for saving her more food to other stray cats and dogs and i know it's not good for both snowball and me and the teeth perhaps wasn't that bad for the vet which use to charge much money to cut off, take away everything from little animals and pets.my cat riley had problem of one eye, the doctor said it must be cut off or he would die soon. i didn't do it and fox said no, neither. then i found medinces to heal his eyes, now he could see well and is more than 4 years old healthily. she said she just wanted to send her see the doctor to see what happened, if there's a bone they would take it out.if anywhere hurt, they would give her medicines.and she said she would pay the bills. then i said yes. then all tragic happened.

i follwed her 30 minutes then she avoided from me even when i had food in my hands.then i stopped following her and called her back, she got closed to me quickly for food. and when she ate dry food, i took her into the bag i made for stray cats. it only spent 1 minute.she's very comfortable in it and felt warm. i was so sorry that i couldn't adopt her and told her that she would be go to the vet to check teeth. i waited rat woman for 30 minutes until she drove here then took snowball and left to the vet. snake woman was there , too, she tried to force me to go with her, then i refused, because it's already 16:00 pm and i didn't tell my parents i was outside for stray cats.snake woman piss off to me for nothing, i felt i did wrong things, then rat woman said it's okay, then left.

then rat woman messged me the doctor said snowball has serious teeth problems, need to give up all teeth by 880cny+20cny for a can. and she had already paid all the bills and made the operation yesterday.i felt so depressed, not because i can't afford it and still working on making money for cat food, but because it means snowball would lose all her teeth when she could ate well happily and a lot still this morning. i feel im cheated.i don't think it's too serious to keep her teeth there without any hard works to do.I thanked her to help snowball and hoped the operation went well and the rat woman said yes and it's better that someone would adopt her.

yesterday i worked in cb till 11:00am until she messaged me and said snowball looked dying when the doctor said no time to pull her teeth until today, rat woman said she alreayd left there and went home for lunch.i immidiately took some food for stray cats and gave them food and after that went to the vet with the litter box she asks for for snowball.i saw snowball hided in the corner and didn't wanna to eat or drink.and didn't see anybody getting closed to her with infusion.i called her and pet her, she looked at me and scratched me once, then started to eat fish cans a lot.two of them and started to wash face and take a bath.don't know why but when she scratch me i feel happy because she still has strength.i talked to the doctor and he said the operation would be today's morning when watching snowball to see if she's all right indeed or not and then took care of other dogs and cats.many customers yesterday, and stayed with snowball for 2 hours , she ate some fish cans, and had first pee in the litter box. I was so happy. 

and i made friends with another woman who's with her dog next to the shelther of snowball's.we talked happily about how to take care of pets and life with pets, she's so unpleasant and didn't feel safe in the vet until i helped her and tell her how to take care of herself by pets. i told her she's the only one her dog cares ,and you care your dog, too. so take care of each other and never give up. she looked like having tears but then she started to smile, she's a very sweet good and strong woman , so is her dog which has been cut off one kidney because of a metal joint for bladder catheter made in China,she was not told about it and she even didn't know about it . now the dog has a hole on its back leg,the blood stops bleeding, but the hole's still there. she said she would almost die because of worrying the dog and hundreds cny of bills everyday to go to the vet.after we talked she feels a lot of better until the rat woman came and started to piss off on me again loudly. the woman stayed away from me and rat woman and hide in another room, the rat woman started to blame me about only staying and sitting there doing nothing but chatting with a stranger when doctors were all busy on taking care of others. it made me feel it's my fault that so many patients there and i only used her money to play in the vet and made friends. the rat woman showed up once for 1 minutes after messaging me a lot to force the doctor to do the operation yesterday then left.i told her doctors were very busy and lots of patients here.she still doesn't feel satisfied on eveything i did.

at night she messaged me again and talked a lot about the doctor how bad he is and she paid the operation for yesterday but the operation had to be done later.and piss off again to me and asked me why the doctor didn't do the operation in the afternoon, I told her never do evil things to win evil, never follow evil people, never being possessed by power which could decide whom to live, whom to die when she asked the doctor why he does it. she said she's so disappointed on him because he insisted on giving up a cat when he still insisted on saving the cat until the cat died. becasue she thought the cat would die and nothing nobody could help it anymore. then i asked her if you disappoint once on him, how many times he disappointed on owners of pets he helps? more people helping stray little animals in China , more stray little animals could be saved.if the doctors couldn't do it when he suffers a lot for them and becomes too bad like her words, it only means nobody of her and me could do it and everything has already been changed.then she said she just kidding to make me laught. and i never think it's funny, but sad.then she added me in a wechat group which she builds up without my agreement and calls it group to take care of snowball which is in the vet, only me, her and other 7 nurses and the doctor in it.and told me it's for taking care of snowball in the vet.

on my way home I told the rat woman i had work to do and couldn't go to the vet if she could be there and she said she needs to join the worthship today and coudln't show up till it ends.

then today i decided giving up shows on cb and wake up eariler and took a can with me and a bottle of water for me to be with snowball. i messaged fox and he doesn't even answer any of them, feel like he's pissed off  on me, neither. i worry about him, but can't connect him when i need him, and otter and squrriel, i dont think they wanna help or patience about my life with cats. so i feel i must do what i can do well and be with snowball when she needs someone to be with, like to pet her to tell everything is all right, like to take care of her when she's ill and weak.when i got there it's 8:30,only one patient and only nurse and doctors arrived, they were all busy preparing for the day of whole works. the nurse and the doctor said the operatoin would be today.i stayed there with snowball, cleaned her pee, but no poo. i talked to her and made her relax and feed her food after asking the doctor about it and getting his agreement. because the nurse who gave her medicines told me don't give her food or water for the operation when snowball hasn't eaten well for 3 days after i caught her.one meal for one day, and when i caught her she just wanted her dinner after a big breakfast.and i screwed the meal she hanging for up.she needs strength for it and i decide whatever happens im with her till the end.

it's not a long day, because i have a nice talk with the woman next to us. it's a long day, because waiting in a strange place for me when lots of pets and different owners enter and leave makes me feel both exciting and nervous.i messaged the rat woman told her im worried, then she smiled and said nothing about it and just sent a picture of the church she's in with a big red cross on the wall instead of white. another communism church , and i want to ask her if there's a communism Party branch in it or not, then i stop myself. don't wanna to piss her off so much. then i still count on myself. i feed snowball some can she loves and she ate well, no pain, no suffer, the medicines work as well as yesterday. then the rat woman run towards me happily until she's frozen there and blamed me why snowball still didn't have the operation. the nurse said they still kept an eye on her when she saw me being in trouble and the rat woman started to blame her again and said stray cat is strong enough to risk their life for everything they are fine. it embrassed me and everybody there. she told me last night she was angry because she felt everyone in vet who delayed the operation in her eyes disrespect stray cats and in the end she's the only one who disrespect stray cats most.the nurse said nothing until the doctor came down to check pets , he promised to do the operation as soon as possible.then the rat woman left again soon in 1 minute with anger to me and arrogance.she said she had business to do.

the operation started at 13:09 and when i saw the nurse hug snowball inside i wanted to cry, because i could not experince these things, seperate and good bye forever. it's killing myself. it's not about having couragement or not , but natures, or characters.the operation was short, 20 minutes. they took snowbal out of the room after i cleaned the shelter for her with acohol completely.she's still dizzy, so i pulled her paw and called her name time after time when the woman told me to because she might sleep forever and never wake up again. i said okay. and I took a picture in her mouth. then rat woman appeared again soon and happily and said the doctor messaged her that the operation is successful instead of telling me first. first i was happy when i was told about it then felt i did something wrong again about the whole vet which only respect who pay bills without respecting who spending times on pets in this time.so when the rat woman started to talk bad about someone she donates for the dogs she rescues and being adopted by them,she said after they adopt her dogs they still ask money and food from her for food. i told her to ask for a list of how to spend money of hers first before she donates when they ask her money for their dogs. because when she sends the dogs to them who adopt them they should not have asked anything from her anymore. whose dogs cats are taken care by whom.it's duty and responsibility. Not about much money but bad character. or she could refuse to donate anymore, or she's tempting them to have bad habits and corrupting them by materials. everybody could cost money which isn't made by themselves, including herself.to keep pets isn't by money, but by heart. she put her head down, but looked at me again and said they have more than 30 dogs which they can't keep them on their own and they can't feed all of them. She said when she tried to tell them to find other adopters of dogs they refuse. then after minutes she left again and said she has to give her cats a bath, and told me to leave and don't stay with snowball anymore when snowball meow a lot and wanted to go outside of the shelter for something.and she warned me still not to feed her food and water for it.i told her rules don't need to be followed well when life is not dead yet.she's shocked again.she keeps donating money for homeless stray community dog cat adopters so it's the way of hers to treat cat dogs like snowball after the operation by her money only and when she needed her helps by meowing she leaves her alone for her own cats just because she pays the vet for snowball.and I'm just a volunteer who cares cats , snowball by doing everything I wanna and need to do and she treats me like that she pays for it and can bully me by her money for snowball in these days when snowball is suffering, too.snowball lost her teeth, and they try to make me lose myself and tell me it's snowball's fault, not theirs.

snowball needed something or to do something.i needed to find the truth. so i still stayed there.because she pee little blood pee before the operation , it made me feel more worse.but then miracle happend, she started to poo first after about 72 hours. and pee also, no blood but normal. then i happily cleaned them up and left the vet with saying goodbye to the woman with her dog.

I got home at about 16:00 again and today it's my mom's birthday when they invited me to have lunch with them. i lied that i needed to go to the bank and i know they would not refuse any appointmet about income of mine.i didn't pick up the phonecall when they called me for lunch, and they are still happy when i get home from vet.it makes me feel a little better about everything I do.I didn't have lunch today, and the rat woman brought a snack after the women next to us gave me the bread and I refused it.i ate the snack and she messaged me to have a big meal . i refused, i told her i didn't do anything to honor myself, just what i need to do.and when i came out from the vet, only the woman with her dog left there and nurses and doctors to get off their works,then i remembered that i needed to pee pee and I forgot it .tomorrow still needs to take care of snowball,and check cats. so will be next 4 days.then i messged her that snowball poo. she laughed again when she saw no teeth in mouth of snowball and said now you could not bite me.that makes me sick.i call her evil freak and she even doesn't wanna to explain to me about it.it's my first time to move with the others for stray cats and first time to cooperate with the rat woman.why there are someone thinking who having money to pay their bills having more responsibilities of anything including pets than someone else who loving them only? when do responsibilities become superity to show and pay for more superioty instead of loving, caring and respecting themselves? when do someone who only do things well instead of talking and making much noises to make troubles of the others become the ones who are blamed most? when helpping stray animals becoming a political communism show?

God bless all life and furry life. God bless everyone who experinces lives with their furry families, friends and therapy pets. Thank you, God. for everything.