Just at 00:00 , Oct 1,which is communism national day to celebrate the People of Republican China was found in 1949,in my ears of the city, After a very scared hurried strong winds, the hail storm came first.trees waved like ocean when it's angry, leaves fell with hail on the ground,thunders and lightening were full over the sky above my head,feral dogs run fast into the safe places.there's a car turning on its light to see what happened.I took a video.I started to pray, God bless something in the clouds if they are going to do the right good things,God bless all existence or not on this earth in this world and even in this country.God bless all life here. Lighting started to be little gentle.at 00:23 hails stopped completely but only rains, thunders and lights.

I think it's both warning and judgement.

Telling me staying away from China and Chinese communism Party, don't join in their businesses, and their sins, Chinese sins, communists sins, my sins. They can deny,cover up truth and shut up mouths of the others. But God knows,judge and take care of everybody , everything , thus sinful country , sinful communism Party, sinful nation, is Never an exception, even though they are frighten out whom can only cover up own mouths, eyes and ears.

Rains stopped at 1:49.

In another world, God looks after this country,looks at us above,all the time. When Chinese governments are sick, weak, corrupted, God starts to move,clean bad evil unclean things. who says no deity in China, who says God is not here, who says they stay away from China for God and live as a human kind, who has its own purposes.

I don't see angry,sadness and upset on faces of Chinese including my parents who have broken glasses of cars and holes on them, broken water pipes in gardens,fruits and leaves on the roadst, they look happily, exciting and crazy .but only me feels worried, depressed and bad.

There's still faith here.

it's like a dream. but it's true.

If there's water, food, is there home? No. So the kitten is adopted. After this morning I checked cats and the kitten, I met the adopter who connected me online the day before yesterday and bought a bag of cat litter from me by original price.Then the kitten poo poo in the bag on the taxi, but the adopter took a cloth for the kitten, so the kitten was hugged home by its family.Miracle happens again. Thank God.

When I walked on my way to take the kitten in the abandoned room, I was still thinking about God, does God even exsit, it must be something else which human don't know, allien, space, and something which could be explained by science. but there's a question, science is human made also, how could I explain which doesn't exsit in human made stuff by human made stuff? No, never can do,unless admitting and accepting existence of God first.faith.

God bless you and your families having a long good life, kitten. I love you, stay dry warm safe be careful be strong and faithful . You do very very very well because there's always hope for you.

Now I see why dad wanted to have divorce with mom when I was a little girl.I don't pity mom, sometimes pity myself, and care dad, build this home.I stopped him to divorce mom who knows the future which she makes.I pay for what I have done and till now it's still not enough.something is not right in this home.that's why I never have what I don't have but want to.

I don't pity mom who feels she's slave of us because of pitying me back and I'm sorrry I can't pity her when she begs me to pity her by stopping fighting because I fight back her hurts. I think people could change.so she stops dad protecting me from her harm and hurt me to hurt dad who protects her when she hurts me.I hurt dad doubly when I hurt him from his protects for me and protecting mom.I let mom hurt him because I only care about me,not him.he hurts me and thought it's my fault when mom hurts me because I hurt her first, because he loves and protects me, until he understands today it's mom wanting to hurt me who loves her also. It's why I know everything and everyone hurting me is me to hurt myself.Not their faults for only themselves.

Yes, with parents this home looks like a home, but it never be,I know it ,I know I'm wrong, unless it's not normal anymore, it will be.with parents others could have normal home, but I only have a freaky one.so why do I wanna a normal home when I keep a freaky one? Why I want a normal one when I can't give this home up? It doesn't make any sense to me. Families are not puppets, or dolls, or toys   which they will be somewhere and someone who you wanna them to be.nothing and nobody is.it should be home where and which love is.I know it.So I feel as tired as how parents feel about it.sometimes I feel I'm their dad and mom.I can take responsibility of mine, but still feel bad and disappointed about all of them and this country.why Chinese do many disgusting things abroad when they don't feel shame in China? Communism makes them. Shames always be blamed on young ones when honor always goes to old communists under the name of communism, whatever kind of shame and honor are, they become the ways communicate control the others and morality becomes weapons to kill innocents.

I never think to believe God could make me live longer, better, easier when I just think it might make me feel little better when I die.I think my life is coming to an end.when cats die i will die, perhaps in 5 years , 10 years or 20 years, no bf gf,no marriage, no kid, alone and lonely.someone raped me before I die,someone sexed with me before I die.someone made love with me before I die.someone sexed themselves with me in their head before I die and I could live on their donations until I die.what could I say? This world never make sense, fair and right.I never be a hero or super star who change futures and today when l'm only a corward and nobody who just want to go back to the past and stay away from present.

I know someone think what they are given and gained are what they deserve because of what they have, talents,beautiful faces,sexy bodies,even money and power in their pockets and hands.so what's the point? Without love and care and respect could they get what they should have? Without love or care or respect  what they deserve?? Any fun of having them??? Without them it's not necessary to have any of them.

In dreams I dreamed the adopter connected me and said she gave the kitten food of her hamster to eat because the food of kitten hadn't be delivered yet.and a female ghost looked for alive to kill in public bathroom when I was in it.and I complained when I didn't want to marry there's lover,now I wanted to marry, lover left.

What does 'Tom and Jerry' tell me? That's always rule of nature that rats are always hunted by cats? always black and white?always no grey tones to step over? Or always have fun and enjoy your lives?whatever status and environment and life are always having hope,love and God in your hearts?

A student in communism college Donne Ted me last night for adopting the kitten.I talked with her a lot and she only said the kitten makes her pity and wanted the kitten to get out of there as soon as as possible.she doesn't have patience on the kitten.And i read her post online
,she has a bf who's 15 more years older than her when she calls him dad,master,brother,friend,teacher,even dog etc.the most part I don't like is that they abort babies and call it love and care.

I don't think the kitten is my burden or something else like that for me.

Do you feel' wow,this woman/man is cool/awesome' till reading what they write after that?

Someday I put them in garbages and hope someone good to pick them up and take care of them well in the future, now I know it can't stop me loving them and it makes me missing them always in rest of my life.Chinese always say to love is to let go.but letting go never stops me loving .I thought I don't deserve you and your beauty , but now I know it happens only when I abandobed and gave up and let you go.people call it madness sometimes. I'm sorry, for being myself.

God bless Mr fox, bless all of them who help me, help cats here.they deserve it.

Nobody could make what people believe disappear ,but corrupt people . If belief disappear of someone, they may have troubles and even be changed . Could deties be used in both good ways and bad ways of China? Could deites which are in China be controlled ? If communists wanna power to do something, do they and can they use or control them to do something by depressing them and the others to use and control them to do something else? Like making coronavirus for making vaccines to sell by infecting the others except themselves as saviors of the world ?

Yes, laws are not enough in China. But Chinese have communism morality to fight against crimes and evil things.in this way it's like nature, more cruel when more mercy.it's not only a weakness,but also an advantage , which has been used, which could be a new future of Chinese, which might destroy everything including everything else .cause where does this morality come from? Hells. And when Chinese  believe a wrong thing by another wrong thing, it never has a future.

Indeed everything from hell and heaven can't be had by human or human world,they can be used and controlled, but never can be had, whatever power , ghosts, or angels.

Not everything can be communism, like faith.So why communists avoid, ban, control,depress and pretend deities (pictures),Buddha (temples) and even God (churches) first for corrupting people or needing them believe communism only ? Why mix friends,families,strangers,partners,enemies, madness, evil and bad asses together on a same person?

Communism is a sick dead end for a faithful country until the country's sick dead also.An implanted teeth can't be a real teeth forever, especially when someone knock down your good important teeth for planting they-made teeth in your mouth .

If you think you are empty and God's too far away yet, keeping it empty for God, or all the others to be let in are shit.

Everything is the same.they are culture, religion  politics, philosophy, bible, God, even me, etc. Everything is about what I know and not, what I understand and not , what I am and not,they are the ways of the world looking at me when I look at them.I'm nobody and nothing.By obeying rules of the world which can't be challenged ,the problem is that what kinds of rules are for me in what kinds of status which they can be.

There are many beneficial friends in one's life of being a Chinese communist.Someone don't like to be beneficial friends of someone else , it doesn't mean they are real friends of someone else ,neither.

Not anyhing can make anyone happy.just like sex, porn,cum,someone like them, someone don't.not everything I like can be liked by the others, not everything I don't like can be disliked by the others.but there are someone and something can be liked and disliked by groups of people.perhaps that's why there's power which someone want and desire.

Spider net is precise enough for its food, but it couldn't hunt human or winds.it's not made for them.and it's spider only, still as strong as winds and human being.

I'm me who being a cam girl, not because of the past of rape, but because who I am, frivolous.but whatever being liked or not, I'm still me.

The kitten looks different n.

 

When someone harm and hurt you, don't blame them. Someone can count 1 to 10,someone can count 1 to 100.should I blame them for what they know or don't when I know and don't know also? Should I blame them to live, for the ways I have to live also? Fight against each other, instead of enrich my world?

No. Make yourself inside high and strong enough from being harmed, be where they can't hurt you. Whatever double wins, single wins, win with dignity.or it's cheat,steal and crime.it can't be called win when it's already broken rules of mine.

Cherish friends who know your weakness but still love you, like that someone think I'm ugly,fat and short when they still treat me as friends, cause they indeed think I'm ugly,fat and short, and even stupid. Usually in eyes of businessmen,there are not good man or bad man, only benefits.in eyes of politicians there are no good or bad country, only power,in eyes of stars, no good characters or bad characters, only fame.in eyes of Chinese, no good life or bad life,only communism.in eyes of pets and animals, no rich one or poor, only their human or not their human.in eyes of friends, no good you or bad you, only yourself.in eyes of client of sex workers, no good woman or bad woman, only bodies.it's not their faults.just wanna to break something from inside. Bias,discrimination,mind blind,equality,everything,they are same things.

I can't change such a huge world which is made by each other.

Life is a transfer station or something like transit. It's never a start or end.when it starts, something ends when it ends,something starts.

Fox loves me like loving a little animal, he loves animals. Everyone who loves animals is blessed by having a good heart.

Just think that I must wake up at 4:30 am everyday in 365 days for sending food to cats and checking them, now it's raining from last night, till this evening- now it's 4:38 am.somebody must hear what I say above, can't say or think easily like that again. Even can lying in bed as long as I want in the morning, still think of cats.

Thanks,God.Thank you taking care of all of us well.whatever who or what you are.

When you only see materials, especially money, you are helped once;when you only see respect, faith and love in help,you are helped in your whole life. don't be afraid to help, or worry, or scared, everyone has own ways to face.

I have been called by heaven in accident of near-death experience after rape,have been tempted by hell in accident when I worked in Chinese party of communism military.Now I'm staying with cats which I adopt, help and rescue at home on the earth with parents like a crazy freak psychosis.

Does it make any sense?

Heaven exsits, hell exists, angels exist, demons exist. cats can see what human can't see, cats can't be possessed by demons.I can feel feelings of cats after rape, or after near-death experience. I have different feelings and views of life after them.I change, not only because of cats, but also the experience.then I change again, because of connecting more cats.

From near-death experience I only wanna to do something right for the mad world,from the accident i only have to take care of my ill parents as long as they could live.

Nothing makes sense.Like chilly, sometimes he stairs at somewhere like looking at an angle, next second when I give him my fingers, he smells them and just rolls down like a cat.

Why I could be there, here, or everywhere when I'm just in nowhere? My exsitence is Not exsitence?But and So why I exsit for someone, and don't exsit for someone else?Why someone don't see me when I exsit?Why someone see me when I don't exsit (tybnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbnbn-Yoda-one of my cat wrote it).

If yellow eyes of cats see demons,blue eyes see angels, green eyes see both.I'm in both heaven and hell , only for the far distance from them each other?

Each other? I don't understand.

If people must seperate and leave each other someday, why they meet? so, perhaps their lives are parts of each other. perhaps they would never seperate and leave each other, they just don't know the places they will go someday is the same place they come together again. no seperation indeed.Perhaps , they never leave.

when I was a little girl, I thought i could have little animals to be friends. but parents, or Chinese think pets are stuffs which are toys only for being played traditonally in Chinese culture.after 20 years, I have cats, and homeless cats to take care also. I think whatever people wanna to do will be do someday even when they are banned or stopped or jailed or killed for them.my life for me now is like the life which I wanted to have 20 years ago, even more earlier.in the view I saw when I was a little girl, I see a short girl or woman, standing by two tall guys, then she disappeared when I tried to call her back.I imaged someday i would go to countryside and stay away from cities, have a house, live happily alone.but what that girl disappeared if she's me in the future?or she's my kid?

someone have talents to touch others' hearts and souls. they don't only have talents, but also love. doing something for someone else, or doing something for myself? 4 cats are missing this morning because of dogs which walk with their owerns.I will try to find them at lunch time.everyday I send food to them once in the morning,sometimes if too many are missing I will return with food to look for them at lunch time . only one meal for them,and only one or two chicken livers for each. hope they could help them hang on in another whole day and night.they about 12cny for chicken chests and livers once or twice a week, in other days they have little dry food which is 96cny for 10 kg mixing with fish cans which is 3cny/375g everyday.comparing of someone who find donation in China for homeless animals and feed what they adopt better food than what homeless animals are feed.my cats don't eat better than homeless cats even worse.cause I think homeless cats have more worse status to live than my cats in my room with me all the time.they need more strengthen and nutrition to face everything on their own.today I could see them, tomorrow they may disappear always.I always think about it.the kitten i picked up yesterday does well.and I feed another kitten some medicines today.Hope they will live on well.

I returned from lunctime of cats. I saw the mom cat with her kittens which didn't appear in the morning.the mom cat took some fish bones with little meat to her kids when i saw her going across the square from another side. on another side of the square someone send food and water for cats around there everyday. cats are good moms. and she's a good mom.it makes me respect them a lot.

China's part of the world,it could show how a real world is.if Chinese are like fleas living under the hair of a running rabbit,human and all life are like fleas living on the moving earth.holding hair of rabbit to enjoy travel and winds,traveling the world to see different views, swimming in the space and universe.how much beautiful they are.

But Chinese Party of communism, coronavirus and terrorists , after Tesla, 5G, starlink appear in the eyes of human these three disasters are trying to do best to stop human exploring and get freedom , or liberty, and find truth.C.C.T wanna them to benefit themselves only when they stop others to do it.how much evil they are.

Checked the kitten this morning,rained all night last night.she's looking out of the window like what Yoda does. And very smart to use bathroom in another room,and could get the food by using ladders very fast.she loves fishes I took.how much talen they are.

How could I leave when I know everything gets worse in China after I leave and make me feel guilty in all rest of my life without doing anything for them but for myself only?

It's okay to be empty sometimes.so I know how much I had, how much ugly,short and fat I am for the others.

Everything I can't tell make me sick, everything I tell make me more ugly, short and fat in eyes of the others .I finally met a stranger laughed at me who feed cats which he thinks they don't need to be and worries cats being suffered in cold weathers ,or hot weather's. when they can't be told in my life , in China ,in front of people who I face everyday, they hurt me and become secrets,sick to have secrets for me, feel better to put them down , show off , and bury them somewhere. sometimes they are called treasures, sometimes they are called trash,but whatever they are for the others, they are parts of me.nobody could collect all of them together and know me completely. So how could I find me? I'm you. You are me.

[7:41]returned  from checking cats, and on my way home for buying breakfasts for parents, I saw a kitten was climbing on the road when there are cars everywhere and some sausages beside the road.So i picked it up and took her to the shelter I rebuild days ago.and post her online to try to find adopters.she has eyes problems and ass problem, I need to be her on my own.if no adopter, take care of her till she could take care of herself.

Get to check the kitten ,see you tomorrow.hope there would not be another homeless kitten for me to rescue.

I

I'm losing the kitten which was looking at the camera.it gets very sick.its nose doesn't work because of sneezing.fish can isn't plenty , all food I want to give it is eaten by other kittens and mom cat when it only stays there for food after they eat. But if I give enough food for all of them, other cats will starve.and it can't eat fish can which it ate yesterday.cause it can't smell well now.

I rebuilt the room and some stuffs for cats and kittens to stay.the kitten is doing well.know to use sands for toilet,know to climb up to the desk for food, water and sleep.its first night to stay alone there.the wall is high enough for it until it grow up, or until ccp notices it and locks the room down.and when it could jump out, I think it will be okay to live on her own. Love between animal and human is miracle.perhaps people who discriminate animals most is who love them most.but what's the matter, God still loves each life when he knows who and what they are.

Nature is so cruel,and we Chinese just live ad cowards in the bottom of the fury of running  rabbit, as fleas.

Lesbian and gays, perhaps ,some of them become these ,not because that they are hurt too much by someone like families who have same genders for themselves , but because that they want to protect good standards for others as same genders as someone who hurt themselves.

Independence isn't to do something secretly, or from being disturbed, or hurt, even killed, but can be known, accepted,and respected, and loved.I think.

Love, freedom , respect, etc, they are not rewards, they are rights, rights of human kind, rights of life. rights to be had when everybody is born on this earth.so anybody who says it needs hard working, they either lie or have one purposes.

Study is for being happy,work is for happiness.simple to be happy and happiness. just like this .

How could I  leave cats alone when knowing cats would die,how could I leave when knowing parents would be bullied, how could I leave when knowing.

How could I help them and change their lives into good ones.

after I grew up dad was sad when looking at me. he said when he saw me carrying a big bag full of communism books to go to school as a little girl, his heart is broken.but I know he didn't say anything about it when I went to communism schools. he almost kicked me out of home to go to communism schools everyday when I don't want to . I don't know if he knows they are all communism schools or not. but I know, and I know I don't wanna to be there anymore because of communism.

i think comparing to mom who thinks she shouldn't given me birth, dad thinks I'm born to be a tragic when I have to live.my mom is like some Chinese who save their money which they made by labor works for corruption in communism banks and want interests of the banks by them.dad is like some other Chinese who borrow or corrupt money from communism banks and owe them for their so called businesses. but they are both not in extreme status in China of lives. they are against each other basing on this country system, according to communism politics. I mean to stay between one side and another side of them.

 

I don't like flirts when someone think they don't. cause I don't flirt when they think I do.fet has reasons to spit in my pussy now,cause i spit on his grave.

 

I thought if corruption disappears ,someone and their works which are corrupted would be getting well again.but no, when they are corrupted, they are greedy and would like to take advantages more .they would not feel enough about the payments of jobs, but work for corruptions only.their aims never are about jobs, what they do,or what they get paid for works anymore , but what they could get and corrupt by them ,it explains why some employees do no thing in their jobs for years,but still retire normally and get their retired payments after it ,they use what they corrupt to corrupt others for themselves .the payments are only their 'legal' income on the lists for being taxed, what they corrupt is what they love .perhaps all Chinese jobs are in the same ways now.it means once someone is corrupted ,especially by communism , they can't be used anymore.although what's damned is the corrupted system first .

Rebuilt the shelter in new corner for cats kittens, still have details to take care.very happy for the roof which is fixed when only found small pieces of wood and glasses to use,and turn into a sunshine shelter in winter.

911, 11, the twin towers which looked like 11, Muslim,terrorists, 

Coronavirus, wuhan , made in wuhan labs, communism, communists.

Lots of Connect among them.

Comparing to 911 attack which causes lots of sadness and respect 20 years ago coronavirus is a shit which causes only suspect and blames.

Looks like someone are copying 911 by the virus.someone know the truth of 911? Is the gossip about 911 that 911 was a political plan of the American government ? To kick out of Muslim terrorists for live on?

Coronavirus is someone's political plan to make communists who can leave China leaving China and go abroad 'reasonably '? To survive?

Some animal cut off own tail when they feel dangerous to escape from there.

Sacrifice, sorry and thank to dead in 911 and in coronavirus , shut up. Who need your apologize and thank for what you did and do? who want to deserve to be breathed and killed like that?? There are always someone do need and want to .like that there are always people who think someone 'help' them because someone like them , once things are over reality, ulterior motives come.then disasters, then dark.light will be the end.when A betray B, A might be betrayed first.

Trump indeed held Chinese communism Party tightly fatally really. Although I don't like his wife who looked like a roommate of mine in a communism college bullying me a lot.now I feel she's more sweeter than I thought . I miss the ways they did on September 11 when they were in white house.Trump deserve all true respects.

One of the political lists of Chinese party of communism for Chinese is that communism is the only way to destroy Economic inequality (also known as the gap between rich and poor) .they always tell that communism is the final level of capitalism.

But they corrupt money much more than capitalism. By 'power' they corrupt they make more rules to make Econoic inequality more seriously than usual, than any time in histories of China and the promise is a lie. just like that wolves say they will never eat sheep but manage sheep when they eat sheep by cheats.

then they betray their country and immigrant abroad with what they corrupt and show that they are normal and good. They might think when they are not in China anymore  , not Chinese anymore,so econoic inequality is destroyed in China .but like wolves which promise to take care of sheep when they eat them one by one secretly, after it's noticed by billions sheep,they pretend to be pet dogs of American farmers from hunters. This time they are eating farmers? Or turn them into vampires ? Or farmers abandon their sheep for the wolves,cause they think these 'wolves' are much more better than their dogs who are hurt by these wolves? Communists corrupt China, China is like a hell .communists corrupt American, what's America like now?

It's sad and bad that only money and communism make Chinese together under the name of blood ties.for Chinese - honestly speaking, for Chinese communists- abroad, the connect between them and families is only  money. So more poorer China is and more richer Chinese communists are- honestly speaking, corruption is legal publicly in China, look at what communists do in their offices on their jobs,noting else but everything beneficial for themselves and communism - more Chinese are abroad.how many communists abroad now?

Connect for communists is not blood tie, but money under the name of blood ties.by blood ties it's more concealed and sick.what i could I do on it? Nothing but step back and see more clearly about what happen in the world.

Reading Chinese post on Twitter. Three types mainly.someone abroad, post as evil words as they could of China,Chinese and communism .someone in China, post as much as they could to love them or to hate them.someone don't post anything about them,wherever they are.

A and B of Chinese make me feel like that the reason that they are on the internet, immigrant or move abroad is only for talking about politics.they indeed connect with some communists and being protected and controlled by them.so the C type looks like someone who don't have any background of communism, or too much background of it to show off.surely I'm the first status of C.

So , just keep calm down and write.

Today was a busy day.parents left at 8 o'clock .So i took 5L water ,half of fish can, and a big water bowl for stray cat to check cats and a puppy which looked like being locked in a cage outside of an apartment.now it's 13:35pm.

First I passed by the puppy ,I saw it's already set free.so i went to check cats. I filled the water bowl full,and put the new one inside of the apartment which's empty  and nobody in it and locked down from the window.then feed two cats fish cans.

On my way to go to market to buy some chickens for stray cats tomorrow morning, I saw two road cleaners were picking something from three big black plastic bags up to the garbage boxes.I passed by.and I saw the box I made for start cats years ago in the grasses.I wanted to move it to another side of the walls very long time ago, I decided to do it now.it's heavy, so I used the top of wall to move it,then pushed it down to another side of the walls, used stones and bricks making it higher than the ground  ,used glasses to make the roof.I will think how to make it in another way later.

After I finished it, the road cleaners called me,they showed me the food in the black bags.I didn't see so much food before, shrimp,pork, chicken, beans ,noodles, fired fished, rice and vegetables, they are all packages well by aluminum foil which are used for barbecue.and on them there are papers being written names of food which are for airplanes.she said she only needs rice with no oil to feed her chicken.and she said I could take as much as I could.I was so happy and thanked them very much.I took two bags of them by 2 times  to the old couples who adopt 7 dogs and some cats ,also feed ducks, gooses,chickens and pigs two blocks away from the garbage boxes.and I sent some food to the stray cats again.and they were happy to eat them.they are too old to carry them, and one had cancer, another had myocardial infarction.they are happy.I talked with the old woman for a little while.she told me where to buy cheaper check livers.I thanked her, then I left.on the way passing by the garbage box again I saw the shelter which I made for start cats is destroyed.someone don't like stray cats to hide in their vegetables in the garden who cb was beside the shelter.So i took the food bowl to the shelter I moved ,tomorrow it will be had to start to work again.

I know when mom see my dirty trousers she would know I went to care cats and I would be cursed again .I went to Wal-Mart and shopped shorts and put it on after taking off the dirty trousers.then I bought mom a yoga milk ,bought me a drink, and chicken chests and chicken livers and went home.it's a miracle day.Thank God for everything.thank you all.need to wear long shirt ,so mom will not see my arms which get swollen also because of grasses.and need to take a bath.

Look everything from another side ,sometimes someone and something leave us ,just because they finish what they wanna to do, to thank or to revenge.there are many things I don't know in this world, don't stop doing kind things, because someday you will get the truth.wanting to travel, but with 6 cats, and stray cats, homeless little animals, not possible. Perhaps could image that it's just preparation for traveling someday.

19:03, took a bath,had dinner, cooked chickens for tomorrow morning. Finally find the bed to lie on for hours.

Everything will be all right.cats.I'm with you.

Someone questioned that life is cool or cruel ? Cool for him, cruel for others; cruel for him,cool for others. But some life which is animal's even doesn't have such a choice.I keep send food and water for stray and homeless cats every morning, spay them as many as I could.I thought the world was beautiful, all cats are taken care well.until tonight I took a walk for buying some chicken for cats and I heard 2 kittens and 1 cat meow for mom, for help.I tried to find them with lights of the phone , but the voices are too weak to follow, and so dark.

My world breaks down again.everything is all in my head, and in my head I think they can Not be limited by life or materials, or real stuff.I believe they will be set free soon.I'm wrong.I believe life isn't something being designed and anything can't be done or can be done like specimen.I believe there lots of possibilities of lives for me.I believe life should be live when it should live , should die when it should die.what I believe , is nothing important than a kitten life struggling for surviving and meow for mom and miracles frighteningly and scared.then I remember cats and kittens which I send food to ,they run happily towards when they see me and hear me.for them I make their lives happy, for me I'm happy to live by it.live happily or happy to live,if I'm not happy I could still live when living happily, but I would not to live if I'm not happy to live.

By what I don't see or hear or know it doesn't mean they don't happen, by what I see , hear or know it doesn't mean they happen. See beyond outside, it's not all about truth for me,but about me for truth. Brain could make human understand, it could hinder human understand,right?

Everyone Chinese curses someone they don't like that they are madness.but nobody of them  knows what madness think.or they just don't wanna to know or understand it.

I'm always mad for mom.for me keeping living on for filling stomach and for instinct isn't human life. Even watching stars I think it's more than eating,more than living and being alive,more interesting than anything . I wish time could stop at that moment , so I could watch them as long as I want. Talking about my mom, the first important thing for my mom is communism which keeps telling her making money first,then buy food,then feed herself,then thinking of any other things , she said if she's starve, what does freedom, goodness,God matter. she always says that tin you are mad,being starve but still wanna to do something great to help the others , to be someone great to save the world, if I stop you eating, if I kick you out of your dad's apartment, what can you do? Nothing ,because you are just trash for me, even not more useful than 0.5 communism Yuan to take a bus.for her being talent and being trash are the same, no different.she ate mud when she's a little girl when many Chinese died in the terrible starve together.she said survived by it.but what's madness for me is that she obeys communists who killed Chinese by starve including making mud for her to ear more than before after she suffered starve and praises them more for what she can eat now. Madness for me is that she keeps eating shit of communists and called me mad who don't eat it always.

People need VPN to use Internet because of Chinese firewalls in China. More terrible things are walls in minds, in belief.

Being slaves of communists aren't terrible, but being slaves of greed, demons are.

When I complained Chinese firewalls of China by VPN, American are fighting against demons outside of here.

Thinking about Chinese communists being demons is wasting Americans' hard works every second.Chinese indeed have the ancient culture of loving, respecting and dealing with demons. They believe the ghosts who had same blood ties before they die could protect them from being hurt, punished and extinct, also help them rich, safe，healthy, power or eternal life . But whatever communists or Chinese demons and ghosts , just stay away from American and be good.for me that's never about blood ties,but be myself.

What's freedom? In China ,there's limitation of China ,on earth ,there's limitation of earth, in real life,there's limitation of real life,on internet,there's limitation of internet.if I believe that it is free on internet,I will be lied to myself.when I focus on freedom, there's no freedom at all.everything about freedom is one-sided.it's not the complete truth.

Chinese communists lie that big population of China keep Chinese together.no,it makes Chinese pin down each other easier, like Dominoes games.if using Chinese making a spy and report culture,it's a very terrible thing.if not, might be needed someone indeed good to lead.

Comparing communism national firewall in China, I'm more worried about the walls bring built in brains.internet changes.like social medias they can effect how and what human think.when someone torture and train lions they just make them hurt and scared by fire or attacks ,so lions would not escape from nets or break off their throats. It's the same thing when someone keep making someone else hurt till numb by corrupting them things they love and cared, so they would not think about finding truth, set themselves free, go where they belong to till they die as others fools,tools,wools.basing on these all Chinese and Chinese foreigners are liars, and traitors who betray themselves.nobody isn't.it's better to fight back something than building a castle for defending.if Chinese abroad think American or foreign politics is right totally,why they look angry and feel sad when they only post what happen in China instead of in where they are? Because they are grasshoppers in a same boat.more further in distanc3, more benefits they tie with each other ?honestly, if anyone including Chinese could live well in somewhere else, what are they blaming where they lived or pity where they don't live for abroad? Is it any difference from themselves who admire rich and laugh at poor when they're in China? it sucks to be like these.anything changes?

What's true love? true love is not what's beautiful or ugly, but what make you you.

I do don't know what's freedom, but I do know when someone don't love you or anymore, let them go,set your heart and soul free at the same time.

Yes, Chinese parents pay for their kids' educations or brain washed lessons of communism at schools and colleges and jobs in China, even their whole lives,by all they have,money is just part of them.they expect and believe someday their kids would become communists as promises of Chinese Party of communism to make them a communism future of the country for themselves.

Why things become like this , when American do best to set their kids free to explore the universe Chinese jail their kids together to become only one kind of people- communists? Why communists must possess in developed countries ,especially America to survive? Why they couldn't let it go? Cause for them to be independence is not independence to accept environments and keep them for everybody , but to get into the environments first to change it for themselves.

Is corruption right ? If it's right and only right in communism, corruption is the only way which all communists must be taken in the end when they are kept in commmunism China to keep being communists . First Chinese communism is in a closed environment.second communism means corruptions must exist in it. from loving communism to love themselves at first, taking others' things and restore in own accounts.it's not what capitalism could judge when its laws aren't perfect and couldn't catch them and throw them into prisons in America.corruption for communism countries must be right and allowed when communism is done,or all communists die and  can't continue when all materials are in bottomless pockets of communists.From the very beginning China and Chinese are all sacrificed and meant to be sacrificed for communism and communists. So why corruption 's wrong in China when it shouldn't had? Someone still want power by it.Why everybody is suffered and controlled more? Someone still need to use them for their own benefits,who make and keep it, lock them down in China legally ,but stay away of them.What's the matter Chinese has how much big land of China, spirits of Chinese are so poor.

Human have power to live in where they want to,need to, use to, to change anything into how they talk about , image,think of it.but everyone lives in a world of someone else's and be parts of it when they think they always live as themselves.they act own movies,and hope someone could pay for them and even buy themselves .sometimes communists and demons do,sometimes angels and God.that's why communists and someone who believe communism are being possessed by demons for me,they always trade with evil and bad ones when they are sometimes .so why I need to help demons to turn into human or angels or bad guys turn into good guys when they are evil and bad instead of destroying them from destroying the world. I don't wanna to prove I'm as mercy as God or mean to be him.how many demons can be turned into angels ? is it for balance? Demons turn into angels when angels fall and become demons , making a closed world and everyone suffers in it,can be angels by corruptions, can be demons by falls,is the world just like this from the very beginning?I have no responsibility or duty to help demons turn into angels,or force angels turn into demons.as a Christian the only choice to take care of demons is kicking and sending them back to where they belong.

Why Chinese are still keeping Mao who's a serious murder killer in Tiananmen square till now? as far as I notice I have an answer. Instead of loving God, Chinese communists raise up, respect and use ghosts to survive and live on.Chinese Taoism is faith dealing with ghosts.I don't mean that it's not right.but the problem is that some ghosts which some Chinese and communists obey and use are demons.more powerful ghosts they control,more benefits they could take by them.more higher level of communists,more closer to demons.it can explains also why Chinese Party of communism lasts till now.remember how many life die in Chinese history,like culture revolution,family planning , and covid-19 for China and Chinese communists who don't even have balls to admit that they make the virus for repeating the same mistakes. Today communists still praise Chinese and communists who I heard that were enforced to die in 1940s wars on their tv news in 2021.They sacrifice life to make ghosts for purposes, for worshiping what they believe.do you think anyone who die for coronavirus only revenge communists only and leave their own governments and countries which are guilty alone also? I don't think Chinese Taoism believes in demons, but I think by lies of Chinese Party of communism many Chinese think still Mao is savior and saint of Chinese people, same thing in North Korea also,when communists destroy temples and set departments of communism in churches and damage Taoism lifestyles which have already been weak enough by corruptions and something else in China after ww2,  China and faith of some Chinese  and themselves are used to feed demons by communists.I don't wanna same things to happen again in God's countries, hurt his families.

Yes, Made in China isn't bad or evil, but when they use some Taoism ways to curse and hurt who use them by made in China, it is.

When ghosts demons become more, God needs more people to belief in him. When people in God's side are killed, some of them go to hell , demons become more to make troubles.basing on politics simply,  communism isn't foe of capitalism, they are fucking twins.the only thing makes them not the same is about what and who they believe, God or demons.enforcing anyone to belief what they don't believe or want to is not right, but a crime.everyone has responsibility on what they do, and duty on what they do at the same time.

In morality death of a great man and a little bug is the same for me.life's equal,even after they die, even when they become another existence.so is it a trap that someone who are given talents by God must believe in,work for and live with God,or they would be slaved by someone who believe in demons and used till they go to hell instead of being in heaven as a test ?what are you playing for? Are they dolls? Are human born to be chips,tools or weapons even hands between God and demons? Or demons just are too strong for human to fight against alone?

Last night a cat didn't pee pee, I went to the closest medicine store in a hurry to buy the medicines which works last time as fast as I could,the seller tried to sell me another expensive Chinese medicines which doesn't work together ,I refused,then she charged me 38CNY for the medicine which is 11CNY only online and told lots of lies to prove that she tells the truth that it's 38CNY and requested me to write my ID card down and my address and name for Chinese governments. I don't see anything of her service deserves extra 27CNY when she's sure that her loyalty to Chinese governments does.so why 'Chinese hate Chinese', because it's a way to wash brain of politics of communism for tempting classes struggles for outsiders to pull them in.make other countries become communism battlegrounds.when a good men see a bad man doing evil thing the good man should do nothing but ignore it even love it just because the bad man is a communist? Just like that when they are demons why they blame hell? If they blame hell how could they be demons for being blamed in hell?

People go across roads by crosswalks for green lights, stop for red lights, turn for yellow lights, when it becomes a habit, the whole country is a zoo for animals. Human are more and more animals everyday when they think they are more than human at the same time.

Who tell me that I can not be hurt only when I obey rules? Why I'm still hurt when I obey rules? And why everyone is numb and do nothing about it when I'm hurt for rules? like that we are in a same world but different spaces which can't be broken through each other's? Can Obeying rules make me safe, or only keep safty of someone who make rules and keep rules safe for yourselves ? If rules are only for hurt me why do I need to fucking obey them? When I'm hurt by someone who break rules I take the broken rules also. So do I deserve being hurt by others' rules for it ? I don't suit rules. Is it honor to die naturally in a cage for human as rules ? I don't suit a cage of rules ,neither.

Human make computers, roberts, AI, mix genes of different types of life, even human genes with animals together .but they can't make anything like God does.without God there's no heart and soul in them.that's why they fight.

Human are not only fighting against proletarians and communist, but also fighting against being them.It's indeed a 'zombie' war, or 'vampire' war,or 'communist' war for human being.large numbers and population of something by one purpose don't mean their existence is right, like zombies.when lots of zombies attack a healthy human, is it right for anybody? communism is one of the worst sides of humanity.some bad capitalism makes people work, or kill them for fun.some bad communism makes people work,or kill them by their begs.

First,some chines3 become communists who did nothing be only wanting everything from the others, China become poor for it because of their greed, then Chinese party of communists are more and mor3 until they corrupt in China , then Chinese become communists and corrupt.Chinese party of communism takes away ground of farmers, houses of Chinese, damages gardens of ours from the very beginningr, rebuild everyone into proletariat when they are born, then we need to work, to make money , then only someone who believe in and join in Chinese Party of communism could step in governments, companies and organizations of communism which they control to struggel , survive and live on.then after they retire from communism, they could have pets to pat , gardens to plant, immigrants to travel as having fun, no a way to live.communists, like Biden gives American money for lockdown , it's first parts of turning some American into pretarians, into communists,planting a seed to corrupt.

Most of Chinese students are proletarians, including Xi.most of Chinese who are born in China have a proletariat lives when they are young ,being paid to schools and colleges by and because of their parents, working and make money when studying are laughed and disrespected by the other classmates , etc, sometimes. After they graduate they become totallly communists. My parents even still think working by own hands and feet instead of studying in communism organizations which are called schools and colleges, apartments is a shame for them.that's how communists do to them.now they get old , they still do this to me.mom was good at doing house works and hand made,playing piano.but she only told me it's a game for her to play, not her serious job until she couldn't do it anymore.I think the pressures come from the whole communism system of China to someone like her who have talents.

Whatever in America or China, I think governments and political parties who don't have any talent to do labour works are stopping and making troubles for own people and citizens doing labour works and rebuild them into proletarians.only when they b3come proletarians , governments and politicians could take away their properties legally , under the name of communism they pretend to give them more to poor ones and less to rich ones for making them working for governments and political parties when they put most of others properties into own pockets in some ways for benefiting themselves.why some capitalists cooperate with communists, because earth isn't like usual , it's suffering ,too.they wanna to live as usual ,but don't wanna to pay ,or don't have things they need to pay.or why money become the main thing to do business among each other, just for convenience instead of being easier to be controlled by somebody?

Someone are good because they have money  ,someone have money because they are good; someone are evil because they have money,someone have money because they are evil.having money or not isn't the only standard for being good or evil, God is it, like that practice isn't the sole criterion for testing truth.Time is it.now walking in China is like walking among virus,is it one of reason why Chinese communists almost disconnect everything to be in.

How could I vaccine for the coronavirus which have killed millions life of human when nobody and no governments dare to tell the truth about the sources of it , have responsibility of it,  but takes everything and all life of the whole earth into the calamity, for purposes , for themselves?

So more scared and fear people are and have, more money governments and businessmen could make.they use fear, create fear.so how could you make money on vaccines by creating fears?

So C-oronavirus is an accident indeed? Employees of wuhan lab made it, Chinese Party of communism covers it up for its own mistakes of management.so how could cpc scream Chinese should thank dead Chinese who were dress because of extremely lockdown for its own mistake?

And Chinese on Twitter & world wide web wherever they are , if they indeed turn into justic or right ways and use these evil things happen in China in the world to control, develop and make themselves good, that would be fine.

What could I expect for ? Wash my brain or make me mad by communism again under the name of anti-communism which is just 'another' communism ? Or counting on communists who are only unearned and opportunistic by their 'clean' hands and feet in China plant own vegetables and sell own hand-made by 'didn't hands and feet in America and feel proud of themselves? Trouble makers fix troubles.it looks like only Chinese in America and abroad could fix problems of America and China, even the world. but own families have to be saved on my own.