God sends you to your families,give you a home,must have reasons,I hope they are good ones.

whatever they do good bad right wrong things on you,it's their business,but what do you do on them for them,it's yours.to be families of the others, don't fight back or against,don't curse and blame them,don't do anything bad and wrong things on them,it's my wish.but sometimes i can't make it,neither when I think im too angry and painful and shamed by their words and behavior.

no disappointment on them,have hope.

nobody lives easily,why not live with families happily when you still can?

God takes away something from you,give you some others,life is always fair,

and what you have is yours,what others have are others'.you can't take away theirs,they can't take away yours,neither.

Chinese Communism governments are changing our new windows which we paid 2,000CNY for it two years ago into some other new windows which are as same as the others' whose windows are all changed into this type of windows,too.they want all windows to be same, and all buildings are painting into same colour--yellow.they don't charge us for them,but will rise the prices to live here,we don't need to pay them anything,but have to give water, cigarettes even money to these workers they hire to do it and lose what we have picked up and paid.when hearts and souls are hurt,covering the wounds and pains with masks, it's trying to make us being corrupted,being rotted,for them to use these God damn shells.

a divination about Minneapolis' George Floyd & Derek Chauvin

if the C-virus are what Chinese Party and Communism and Chinese Communism government make and set and release or etc,any connect with them,it's not plenty for China and CPC and CCG to be destroyed and crashed down whatever how many times they will in history,for life which is dead and going to dead and suffer to live on on this earth and get them back.it effects a lot, it changes everything.

and if CPC and CCG will both disappear in this world,it must be what God's will,deities'mean.

mom told me to give her all my money to her to invest Chinese funds and national debts.I refused and she threat me that if I don't do it I can't have dinner tonight and will have nothing to eat when I m at home stay with them and starve unless I buy food on my own.i told her it's principle,money of mine can't be given to anybody,it's none business of eating or not eating.

in this Chinese communism country all money in our pockets isn't ours, does it matter how much we can make ,does it  your matter to make more to live better here?even our life it's not ours,when CCP and CCG want it,we have to give,they are all communism,is it why we don't cherish money and life of anybody including ours,even sell hearts and souls to demons and evil things?or stand by demons for doing bad?

the divination says people in villages move to a new place to live without moving the water wells,it means nothing is moved. People drink water from the wells, and the well is dried up and silted. Instead of washing it and digging water out again, they break the water tanks above the wells. This is a bad dangerous phenomenon.

basing on the divination of yesterday can it be guessed that something which wasn't like original C-virus,COID-19,Wuhan coronavirus,is wanted from Wuhan P4 lab by some others who are either in China or in foreign countries, but when they noticed that the virus was Not what they want and Chinese Communism government want a higher price  for it than the price of what they should have made,they didn't take the original virus away and threw them back in the sewer of Wuhan.

Bill Gates predicted pandemic in 2015 and warned a virus like 1918 Spanish flu would spread 'very quickly',did exercises with Chinese organizations on how to prevent virus spread and be infected by virus in 2019 summer,  an Indian boy says there will be some more worse virus spread in the end of 2020.2019 Hong Kong protests for anti extradition bills,lock down the whole country and track each one who use Chinese sim card and behavior,Chinese government collect all infected people and who only have normal flues even healthy people together in FangCang hospitals, Asymptomatic and pre-symptomatic cases.C-virus has been turned into lots of types by human genes,and perhaps some types are what someone want,or lots of types of C-virus have made what someone want happen--lots of death,fears,etc,and a Trump being laughed at like a joke in economic wars against Chinese Communism government.perhaps Chinese government and Chinese Communism Party also finally get the money they want,someone get virus they want,will they release it someday again? on somebody? anybody?

Chinese Communism government's first reflection is covering the truth and lie,destroy all samples of the original and turned virus they have and collected,set their relatives about 500 million Chinese out of China and Wuhan before Chinese Spring Festival which is the most important festival for all Chinese to return home stay home with families every year then lock down the whole cities and provinces which have infections they even didn't want anybody to know what the viruses would cause but only fears.

So there is a question,does Wuhan lab4 really made the original virus or set it out?or someone else made it or set it out,for money or something else,being threat and or had to.Communists often pay and buy others to do dirty jobs when they have been too dirty to be caught again for doing more evil things especially when they have already been in troubles of economic wars unless they want to get out of the troubles too much by some virus,they don't risk.

When Communists notice that the original virus wasn't what they wanted whatever is made by lab 4 or someone else,as as biological scientists they didn't keep it and bring it back to labs and destroy it safely but threw it in the sewer of Wuhan Market which sold wild animals for money to eat in front of Chinese people who don't know anything about it,the only way can explain it is that they tried to abandon it with testing it in crowds and wanted it to disappear as Sars as last time on its own until they saw the first infected patients  they realize that they are wrong and they will get what they want in the end,then infected communism relatives fly all over the world to survive,lots of Chinese die by guards of Communism military.why Chinese Communism Party and government report the infection started from Wuhan Market which sold wild animals for money to eat,were they so crazy to think that it's nature which had lots of different wild animals to make the virus disappear automatically?no, they aren't that stupid,cause they plan to use the names of wild animals to make chaos and excuses to cover up where the viruses came from for times to delay.It's not an accident,nothing is an accident.

Communism may be not so evil, but Chinese Communism Party absolutely makes it the most evil things in the world now.

I think it says what someone want from the very beginning in some cases is so hard and further for them to make them come true that someone can't keep necessary morality and characters so long for them and can't stop being shamed by themselves.it is like that a younger sister who is disable on her feet and finally going to become concubine of a man by hard working and big efforts,she should have had a good life and be blessed when she help the man and take care of him as a concubine,but she doesn't want to be concubine,she wants to be  wife of the man as her older sister and pretend to be her sister.then the man and his families notice it and kick her out and set her back to her home finally.a story about ambition and greed sound like.

Chinese is one of the most strange or wired nation in the world.as I know they are the only ones who curse other Chinese in China when they immigrant abroad or move abroad mostly.even Jew don't talk about their people when and after WW2.but Chinese can even do it in peaceful times.why?

there are about four kinds of Chinese or Chinese foreigners online, one kind is talking good about China and Chinese,Chinese government and Chinese Party of Communism,another kind is talking bad about China and Chinese,Chinese government and Chinese Party of Communism.the third kind is rare,they are talking nothing or everything about them, the forth kind is rare,too,like Stephen K.Bannon,they are talking about something which is very deceptive.

for example,Bannon can say that:Chinese are good and Chinese government and Chinese Party of Communism is bad.it's the most biggest lie in the world. how could Chinese government and Chinese Party of Communism be bad when Chinese are good?good people have good government and Party, look at how American and its government do,so in this logic only bad people have bad government and Party,he wants Chinese to fight against Chinese government and Communism Party on their own for him,cause he knows Chinese government and Communism Party of course will suppress riots and revolutions at all costs,and will control Chinese more.bad Chinese deserve to be sacrificed,and whoever win or lose he always stand by an advantageous status.in Chinese it's called use someone's spear to attack his shield.

but there's a point.Communism needs suppression to last its domination.Bannon and some Chinese who curse and talk bad about Chinese government,Chinese communism Party and even Chinese only make and produce hates and angers for Chinese and its government and Party to fight against each other.so Chinese can be ruled longer by their government and Party when they fight harder back,Chinese government and its Party can suppress Chinese more to keep their domination on Chinese.why these Chinese abroad and some Chinese in China do this to them?they hate Chinese government and Communism and why they do what can make Chinese government and Communism Party last longer?

who don't want to love their motherland and country as what they are by who they are?if these foreign Chinese still love China which is their motherland,why they love it abroad in other countries,why they love it in this way ,with fear and anger and worry when they push it and as many as its people into hell and darkest corner where nobody wants to be in?

I don't know what others think in their minds, but my parents tell me i can't forget the origin to start again and ancestries who bless us to be a human kind.yeah,fairly Chinese Communism Party is the best Party and government which make and treat Chinese best in history , whatever someone say they are just making parts of Chinese's lives best than before when they don't know a little bit about their history after they destroy everything about their origins and ancestries or not,like that killing parents and then adopt their children legally but treat them as tools and slaves,whatever or not.Why i still feel like to have a life by being a pig which is better than mine.why everyone starts to be someone who play good guys, bad guys,harsh guys to keep Chinese government and Chinese Party of Communism legal well and last forever in China,do they still have free minds to think and move on their own?

It says someone ambush armies in mountains and forests for three years,still don't dare to set them out for start wars.

so what will happen after 3 years?2023 or 2024?2025?Year of the Dragon or Year of the Snake?some ancient poems also say that there will be as difficult as knocking on heaven's door for Chinese to live on when Year of Dragon and Snake come.

'if you want to understand Chinese communists and Xi Jinping, you need to think things in their ways'

you dont understand them cause you don't know China and Chinese,and they can't be China and mean all Chinese people.if you think things in their ways, what will you be?can you be back again as yourselves?

follow nature,

keep it casual.

do you know someone whom you treat them good?are you sure you will not be hurt by them?or hurt them next?good isn't always right.am I sounded bad?

i don't like being ride on my back or neck whatever it's a kid or a man,and i don't wanna to be shamed after i die and be thought that I'm a stupid fool after I die by someone who i treat well,neither.yeah, it's a game for fun,not a criminal for satisfy.but you know it, how does a baby know? you play with it so far,you need to teach it so far,but how could a baby understand the difference between a criminal and a game?it's not respect for neither of you,and dead needs respect,too.to be ride on the back make me feel i lose,it's okay to lose,but only when it's fair and justice,can't be for relative, can't be for blood ties,if only enjoying feelings of wins and want to win again but having no idea about what's right and wrong to do,someone will do anything to  win including bad evil things and someone will lose minds and only rely on relative and blood ties to win instead of truth and God.

human isn't animal ,so there's law.have responsibility to be a human being is to obey laws.but when in dark days why they always want to turn to someone who they think they have morality to be an animals for breaking laws to punish criminals for justice instead of punish bad evil ones on their own?if morality can make animal human,why there's law?

more big heart, more risks,dangers,choices,need more wisdom,cares,faith.good or bad things don't come alone, they come together.the only difference is that someone think it's bless,someone think it's curse.

keep distance from families a little bit,stay away a little bit from friends,have some privacy for self to each other,don't cut in so much to tempt, don't go too far to lose your own ways,cause they can hurt you,you never can hurt them,you can hurt and kill enemies but can never point at families by guns,can only escape and leave them.you know you lose when you hurt and kill them when you love them from the very beginning and still don't want to admit it.cause you understand now to protect yourself well, isn't better than fight against back of them all,they are feed by you (cowards,)need to end them  by you (brave),too.

good at watching and guess what others think on their face and actions and behavior,isn't a right thing and a good way to raise up yourself.

so fight for God and being God's solider,is more important,cause when you hurt and kill all evil right,at least He can forgive.but all demons say they hurt and kill as God and for God,so how do you know you are a soldier of God or not?

when you love kids, doesn't mean you can treat kids well and right, I love freedom ,doesn't mean i can cherish and protect it well.

I want America win this time,cause they deserve it.

someone who are brainwashed are victim,but only when people trust something or believe in something,they can be brainwashed,isn't it?

the same status,only when someone are lost, are blind in minds,they can be corrupted by benefits of Chinese Party of Communism especially by money and power and sell their most important things like hearts and souls to it,is it still belief? isn't it using them?

to love someone must be to respect someone first,to respect someone must be to respect what and who they are first,

love ones'shells and masks,or love ones' shells and masks which are prepared for you to fall,is it still love?isn't it playing them?

I still crying now.just tears run out of eyes, can't be stopped.the tears dropped in my lunch and disappeared.everything is just happened after I gave an old woman some sugar candy to eat when she worked for ccp to guard the gate of this area who had diabetes and almost went to coma.

parents tell ccp that im working in another city to stop them disturb me to give them money every year every month.and now they think they are lied and Chinese Party of Communists keep on calling parents of mine and say they need me to give them fee to be communists for one year about 60cny and two year 120cny.my parents worry that if I don't give them them money they will stop send them social assurances every month and it will badly effect their future.I tell all of them them I want and will quit ccp and they refuse.if ccp can eat less food which are bought by these fees with each other or buy stuffs which are gotten by these feeds for free and fire most of communists who are working for corrupting these fees to live on,isn't it right way to feed themselves?no, they never do that,but just rob money from pockets of the others to fill their own's.when dad sold me to ccp by 2 boxes of apples it has already became the way they control me,bully me, destroy me,kill me when I fight back and shame me to be a traitor of their's.mom saw it and said you cry?anybody anything wrong you?don't cook lunch but only want to eat what I buy,this country feed you raise you up,being a Chinese make you feel wrong?your America wants you?no China, no you,shouldn't you give your little money to ccp for help when they need it?I kept silence.i pay most of fee for three of us to live here,now she's so mean for stand by CCP to make her feel better on wronging me like what CCP does.should I give my money which I make to CCP ? to 8,000,000 communists who I even don't know none of them except my dad and my mom who's a member of Communist Youth League of China?they wrong me?they control the rates to get cny by dollars in China which should be above 50cny:1 dollar,now it's 7cny:1 dollar,and still want to rob the rest of money in my pockets!does she know that all the other ways to get cny by dollar is illegal when getting cny by Chinese banks are just sending money to CCP!I want to say go to hell you motherfuckers,but what's the matter,she's already in it.she said so much evil words to me and become angry to attack me, just because I say and tell them that now even hear communism this word it makes me want to gross.

i cried for my cat which was called Gizmo who run to me happily in my dreams.

the cat which can't stay with me in this world without a good right normal justice fame to be my pet,just because I love her,love who and what she was and born to be like that?! i liked her to run to me happily like that,from the very beginning.after CCP is destroyed and disappear always.for it i have to do my best.that's my justice.

love for communism and to benefit self is love, love for cats and empty pockets of self is not?love communism can get money from communists and Chinese Party of Communism,love the others must give money to communism especially when they have power and weapons?ccp gives me money to love it and I don't love it,it's my fault?I pay money which I make and everything to love cats which isn't ccp,it's wrong?everyone has right to love when they are born,why everything is just about money,is ccp insane?it's not fair.

yeah, Communism may be not bad,but evil,and when it has power,it becomes the most evil things in the world.

when you know where you go,you never need to leave a way out.especailly when you dont know where you are.the way I escape is the way I step forwards.

God/deities make person who/what they are.

for kind person they need to be kind,if not when they are cruel to someone and do something cruel to others,these things torture themselves like pains which never be healed until they fix these mistakes.they are cruel to themselves.kindness needs to be release,or they will explode like a nuclear boom to destroy everything in their lives.

if stop them being kind,ban them to be who/what they are,they betray themselves,betray God/deities.unfortunately sometimes politics is just such a thing which can be used like this kind of weapons.

just being who/what you are.

how much Chinese people hate its government and political Parties, how much its government and political Parties hate Chinese people,to expect government and political Parties always treat people well,it's blind.I don't have ability of judgement on this bullshit.I quit.

Don't know Im happy or sad Just want to cry.Never thought the destiny of the whole country is held in suffered Chinese's hand who are weak,ugly,fragile even evil for someone.

Im sorry I can't be normal.but I can still be myself.

The real power never be had by chairmen, rulers,Presidents,dictators,Xi knows that,Chinese Party of Communism knows that, Trump knows that,everyone knows that,

whatever kinds of boats or ships,waters can take care of it.

where deities' willing to,

what life's way goes.

from April there has been c-virus spread in North China, i just read it yesterday it has been in the city which is 4 hours drive from my city.yesterday was May 16.one month delays,how many infections?how much dangerous to walking in my city?

yesterday mom used 100cny which I gave to her bought a pork hock from market,parents ate happily like that they were in heaven.they are parts of China,and the government treat their people as animals,make them animals,what the country will be?it will be the end of the government, the Political Party,the country,and the nation. 

so why call them animals?

when someone can be satisfied by food,cloths, houses,cars,stuffs,and fun-----how much of these things can make them satisfied--------do they still have hunger and desire to fight for love,respect, freedom,rights,God and universe?what kind of them?

and I don't like someone who call their friends families democracy fighters and ask the others to help them when they are caught by government even Chinese Party of Communism or just missing and nobody knows they just hide or escape from this battle.first Survive is not called Missing.second when they ask others to help them who are democracy fighters how about other unknown victims who are caught and jailed even killed for communism?aren't democracy fighters fight for these unknown victims?if someone save these democracy fighters who save these unknown victims? 

so is it just democracy or only another communism power for themselves?

i said if China and Chinese communism party move faster,lots of life wound not die abroad.im wrong.Chinese communism party, Communism and Chinese kill all of them!

if they mean to move slow and as fast as they can to set some Chinese finding ways out of China even when they know they are badly infected,cause they know how bad the virus is, and worry that the virus will extinct Chinese and Chinese communists,and don't want it happen and try to stop the extinct and death,it can explain partly why most of Chinese who are abroad have connect and relatives of Chinese communism party and communists,and only Chinese who have connects and relatives can go abroad especially America which is always the country against communism and Chinese communism party.they use enemy giving birth their babies,their seeds to grow before China's base for them is crashing down,they may not notice how terrible communism and Chinese communism party are but only want to survive by surrenders before disasters come, instinct of animal.

perhaps they think Chinese party of communism is a team,an orgnization,a national system which can't be punched on nose by somebody.so each communists can be communism, but communism can't be destroyed by death of each communist, communists try best to do things as worst as they can,when they come back China they are hero for communism,when they are caught and exposed they are only criminals for themselves.

Chinese often treat life more serious than freedom,love,respect, rights,democracy,and even belief,and treat connects and relatives more serious than life.and the normal way for them to prove loyalty of their believes or how much they love each other is often to see if they can die for it or not.perhaps it bases on most of time Chinese die for what they believe and love.I don't know when it becomes popular that Chinese use ' I can die for you' to prove how much they love each other,but it was popular in my memory in 80s,especially my parents talked with each other likes this to keep marriage going on instead of divorce.

okay, here is it,if most of Chinese are good,but when most of Chinese treats connects and relatives which are cut in by communism more serious than their life,what happen,do they still have freedom to love,to respect ,to believe what they want to be?

parents often tell each other in hard times 'when you are alive everything is possible'.Yeah, terrorism,muslin,communism,nazi,capitalism,Christine,satan,God,everything means them,too.and what Chinese have is just based on what they born to have?from 1949 when CCP's China built, from 1921 when communism built?

Im hungry.but I will get some money in next two days, it's a good thing.

after mom quit works we haven't had a nice meal at home for three months.mom gets 1,200cny each month from Chinese government.and I give them 300cny each month from this year for paying fees of water gas and electric which are about 200cny ,internet service which is about 1,200cny every year.i have paid internet service for three years, for three of us.and this country costs me 3,200cny for each year from my money which is zero in the end of each time to buy neccersary things for stray cats and dog, my cats and for myself.I can't reduce things for cats which have already starve and even thirsty.so I need to and can stop buy most of things for me.

I always pick up cheapest things which should be as good as what they look like online in black markets which are called TaoBao and XianYu for us,as long as I can.these things are often booked by others very soon.they are rarely and i need to look for and find and book them fast.and mom often buy food in this way in markets,too.breakfast is over left of last night which is only cooked for dad.lunch is over left,but she cooks bad food,both of us don't like them only when we are starve and hungry.cause it's the only choice.

I only eat one piece of cookie and drink water for lunch.mom is always unhappy to see me eating what she cooks and buys.every year one or two new cloths for me which is below 10 dollars,parents haven't bought new cloths for years,and no big meals which contains meats and fishes,I think she keeps money of hers and dad's for a house to live in which they can never buy in the future which will be too old to work for a living place to and always more and more expensive than how much we have today.but when we get fatal disease communism hospitals will empty all of our pockets with most expensive prices of medicines and heals,if someone is like me who doesn't service Chinese Communism Party in China and have no social assurance and isn't a communist,things are just worst ,it's always a cheat and trap for everyone to be food and tools of CCP,perhaps for parents it is just an excuse to keep their money in their pockets and use me to feed them by mine.so when I warn them not to buy houses but keep healthy by good food before they buy a house after die for starve disease and hunger,she says the money is for healing them from diseases, or says it's for travels, for it's for me after they die,what can they do with this little money,even food is a problem to get by them because of expensive prices in markets.they need to pay fees of apartment which we live from Chinese Party of Communism,whom is rebuilding the whole area here for someday to charge more from us by corruptions, by forces and orders,and have power to kick us out anytime when they like to do.someone said no and fought back were beaten by them and left here with pains.someone who keep silence will pay for their compromises,like us.

how could my parents give me their money when they even don't like me to eat their food?

im thinking of my life, and my cats'.someday after parents die,leave,gone, disappear,no place to live for us,no food to eat,no money to use,nobody gives a hand,with 6 cats and homeless stray animals,in China,live more than death.

I made a nightmare right now, a hotel we moved in,the rooms we were in wanted to kill us when it was locking us in it,it's a ghost room,it promised if who lived in it couldn't hang on for one night,the room would punish them,but in fact nobody could hang on in it for one night, the hotel made us live in it, by cheats.we were all food of this room now. yeah, this place is a ghost place,full of ghosts,with anger,purposes,and dreamed dad drunk again and naked his ass when it happened,needed to get him out of there ,too.

It's okay to be nobody when you really are.so when you can't be anybody else but yourself, who you want to be?

I don't like anybody uses their difference to order me like what Chinese Party of Communism does instead of respect each other's differnce.me and parents have rent somewhere to live in where Chinese communism army charges.cause dad is a communist, and a retired soilder.parents collect money to make the building being built on this ground when dad was a soldier working here.and he chose workers to build them and we watched it being built when I was a kid.from last year they rebuilt the roads,this year gas pipes,and this month the army started to change windows of ours to be the same ones and cover the buildings with foam boards which are made by white little balls without asking for our agreements and even some opinions.workers tell us the army hasn't paid them yet and mom hears that the army will raise up the prices to live here for rents.I think they will raise the prices and use least parts of them to pay the workers by cheats and ask for most prices from us to put in their own pockets.nobody dares to say no, nobody wants to be heat and jailed,nobody fights back them and nobody dare to hurt them, nobody has rights to fight against them here, all fights are illegal for their power which is the only power in China.just because they are communists,if anybody doesn't like,fuck off from their ground,go to hell.

Chinese communists, now I m thinking if they are American communists things may be better.but when I think about Democracy Party of United State,no,only worse.

if I didn't quit my first job which was about communism,it's just another step for me to be another piece of shit.and I quit it,so still a piece of shit.happy?as same as a communist?

something is not right.

dreams is myself talking with myself.but when I wake up they also disappear they only appear in my dreams.and in Buddha me is "not me".so who are they and who is me? Me? Or not me?

abortion my baby which was my cousin's who raped me for two years and lost my first job in my life,accept relief from an American who meet online under the name of love when he doesn't want to hurt my dignity,make money by porn videos which is disliked by most of people,rescue 6 homeless kittens on the way feeding stray cats which still feed now and using most of money to feed them and my parents,

most of Chinese in China are living by carrying heavy pasts, dark today and unknown tomorrow, work hard to feed families, ourselves,Chinese government, Chinese Party of Communism, and the world before President Trump of  USA move produce systems and industries out of China, our ancestors teach us human being can live as an animal, demons, ghosts human being and die to be a celestial being, and die to be a human being, ghosts, demons and animals.lots of ways to born,lots of ways to lose.when we mean to be damned to hell by what we have done, what are you doing, what can you do?what do you tell Chinese to do? Guo Wengui? tell Chinese to fight against Chinese government, tell them to fight against most evil things in the world for you who settle in America enjoying what Chinese make and sacrifice everyday? how can you do that? dramas by who you plant on the internet.most cheapest is the most expensive. you are using Chinese to pay their life today for your future!the only useful way for you on Chinese's life is to be scapegoats of yours?

Chinese Party of Communism leads Chinese into a very wrong dark dangerous even fatal way to go.yeah, to kill it perhaps is just defend,but when you know Chinese can't make it alone, to save Chinese instead of sending them to death should be a right reflection,and a good way.it's not kind.

New China? Chinese Party of Communism crushes down? only someone who have deep benefits and connects with them do their best to build it and make it happen and don't wanna it them happen.What can these cases do when they happen and are made?Can bring someone or something which I love and care back? from death?Can make some ghosts and spirits peacefully?Can take some hearts and souls back from dying and starve, danger and risk?or just can make someone's pockets full again,help someone keeping controlling the world?

what a ridiculous world,Chinese can only live in somewhere evil and dark now,like flies always living on shits of animals.where they are, where shit is.

a black kitten with little paws is losing its way home in one windy day and get starve meow for its owner at the doors of each buildings,when I got closed it run away,all neibourhoods are deaf for these things and blind to help little animals when parents stop and blame me to rescue and give a hand in these things because of laughs of neibourghoods who are like most of Chinese for anybody to do such things,it's someone's baby,like my kitten which is rolling in my bed 10 months old,precious of my life,no way to survive on its own but learn with no time,winds blow its pains to me when I seem to hear its scream at cold midnight,

what I can change? me which is parts of China and Chinese?nothing I can change,unless I end my life,perhaps.

I don't like anybody fight or stay together for me.mostly it's for purposes,not love.sometimes it's for love,but I don't want someone who love me feel sad or angry when they see me being hated or loved by someone else,neither,especially in China.i also notice that when I cut in something, things become more complicated than before and everybody changes, looks different than usual.it makes me uncomfortable,it's why I stay away from them, keep quiet.everyone has own business to do and live hard.I just leave how their ways are. My mom calls it isolating self from the world（与世隔绝）.I call it living in the world without struggle,scramble,confusion and disturb（与世无争）,it's enough for me to know who hates me, who likes me.perhaps because im not worthy for anybody to move for me.

when I was a kid and parents fought against each other a lot for me, I thought one of them must be bad and another one must be good.cause i helped one of them who's more weaker and looked like being bullied and more sad and hurt,and doing right.but it's always wrong to hurt even kill each other who're couples and fall in love,and married for any reasons, especially for kids who are also victims of violence of family.so I don't like helping any of them who say they love me by violence and argues,who say they do it for me,i always felt guilty when i cut in one of them to fight against another one until i grow up i notice that the only ways to stop them for each other is to respect each other,instead of discriminating using attacking even destroying differences of all of us.

and, someone who prepare the worst things  or status happen and come usually are the ones who want them happen and come,even make. cause when worst things happen and come, everything will lose control, and when everything is losing control,nobody can control, when nobody can control,no more responsibility for them.so, what is the worst?how to stop it?

Communism, is that something which can wash brains and when it success, who have these brains can think and believe that everything is for being shared by any way, violence ,power,love even God.Chinese Party of Communism and communists bans God and burn crosses,cause God sacrifices,tells believers to sacrifices for God , by love,it's against communism.it's heresy for it.all kind good right true things for communists are bad evil lies and temptations,cause the only kind good right true things for them,are benefit themselves,their own members,where they come from,where they will move to.communism and CCP are totally against western worlds and what they believe.when western worlds believe that they can change ccp by connect communism in trust,they become parts of communism and CCP, which they think they are parts of them to depress corruptions of communism and CCP,develop communism and CCP, depress themselves.

hang in, hang in , hang in, wait wait wait, no new world comes , but a tyrant to be in.

last night i made a dream, a Russian woman told me when I asked her what would happen next, she said one word carefully, War.

and someone told me what does deadline mean in One loses by pride and gains by modesty.they said gains have many means.for someone gains are a round on a piece of paper, for some other one gains are a ball in a little box.but deadline is something like time in space,can't be understood by me clearly.

I could be flied in the winds in these dreams by an old man who leaded me to do that when he flied well.

it felt so good.then couldn't fly anymore after I talked with some girls who were too friendly to understand for me and looked like some of my classmates who never talked so much in real life before, about 5 sentences.

Chinese and Chinese Party of Communism are different? Chinese are good and NOT their enemy but Chinese Party of Communism is bad and their enemy?why the same thing has opposite meaning when is told by different people?

if somebody of Chinese Party of Communism has been taken care by someone and defeated,somebody must be destroyed with which he or they have built and existed by,China.and when China is destroyed,Chinese will not be effected a little bit?

either that they say so to make Chinese numb when feel more pains of lives ,or that they use Chinese for honour to destroy Chinese Party of Communism without pay or do anything,in another word they collect benefits from both sides which stand by Chinese Party of Communism and fight against Chinese Party of Communism, they are political rogues.

I still want to believe that there are some conscience still in rogues.but if they do, i think they should not have been rogues.

in my dream last night I saw lots of workers are digging holes and laying foundations in this city for building some new things.i think it's none of my business,but they are building them on the places where I keep taking care of stray and homeless cats ,so i m moving the shelters of theirs to new places which can't be disturbed by them.and I have to use fake name to get the permit to pull the shelters out of construction sites.a manager of them noticed me who's an illegal intruder in their security system and i told him i just helped cats as a friend.he let me go and say nothing. I think it's a good man.but then something shows up.when the things are all built,we move into the buildings.then I see they are not buildings for us to live in, they are covers of huge ocean which they feed monsters in the oceans, we are all food of the monsters in the huge oceans under the buildings and in the water I see two man stand on the beach, one is the manager who let me go, and he has the face of Chen Qiushi who's called democracy fighter in Wuhan.so what are they doing and want who call and are called democracy fighters in China and for China and Chinese?I need to trust nobody?when I think what they do are none of my business,now I see they want to be the political top by stepping on our life(Chinese),when I think they are doing good things for our lives,they are digging graves of ours to feed monsters which they believe,when I think they are doing good to the wold,I see they only good things for them is themselves.