What's hero? I don't know what's hero for someone who believe in God officially or nationally .but I think morality is that saving a bug and saving a human are the same good and beautiful.

If they can't help you, don't make troubles for them who try their bests.let them leave.

Honestly I'm born in a communism country,in China,so I never think or plan or believe that I could get out of here alive.The whole country is suffering,something is happening, I can't leave it alone when I'm part of it now.

Human can't change their destiny,it's what communism lies to them.Destiny is made by God.does communism want them to be God when it makes people believe that they can change their destiny ?Or just another tool against God?

My communism dad said who love China is who leave China and go to American angrily when I read news to him that a file proves that coronavirus comes from researches of bats by Chinese communism military.I told him he's wrong.who love China are always someone who always tell truth for China instead of themselves and ccp wherever they are.

I don't make problems, but when everything is a problem, I prefer to become a problem of everything.

It's wired that when I walked in Chinese streets beside the roads I felt I was walking in sewer when there 's sunshine shine .that smell and wet air.

Don't rely on money or power,cause I don't trust them,neither.

When I was a girl in 90s,other communism kids liked to look for foreigners to have fun.I saw a handsome foreigner who was just called an either stupid or brave fool in my heart after that, I looked at me in a far distance,he seemed to look back,I wanted to run to him tell him to leave China and never came back again, all eyes are ccp's and they are in traps.but I didn't do it until he walked further and left quickly.one thing is that I m scared, another thing is that don't wanna to be a hero like a joke for him,or make his troubles if he noticed what I think and tried to help me ,which wanted him to take me away from here forever and don't care who he is,wanted to be with him and don't care whatever I will do, wanted to say I love him and don't care wherever we go,just leave this fucking place and don't care how much sad my parents will .lots of ways to help them and I still need to be some good girl for parents? Is he okay now somewhere? Only when being good girl I can help them? Do I still take a shortcut which I never want to take before?Perhaps I still don't suit to be a hero American but a common Chinese happy life like a pig? whatever now after 25 years , but a mom of 6 cats.sometimes life is not as cool as in movies itself.but it's always real when you have chances you are never ready, but when you are ready you can never take the chances by yourself.

I take care of homeless cats and weak stray cats for several years ,the first time I recused a kitten which was abandoned in garbage hill and found a family to adopt her was in 2009.after that I continue sending food and water to cats, rescue,help them and adopt 6 cats and met someone who do similar things in vets when spay cats and know some guarantees have done very big jobs,adopt hundreds dogs,feed many cats, get much donations to feed them and spay them and build shelters for them.and there are also more people become anti-cruelty to little animals, make organizations to protect little animals here especial pets and homeless pets when no such laws to do anything to them,tell people to adopt them instead of selling and buying them and stop eating them and rescue little animals whatever are transferring to cook or stuck somewhere.everything seems to be a success.but this year is 2021 and I notice something.more people mean to make cats dogs having babies and sell them.more people mean to buy some dogs cats which are so called expensive,rarely,purebred,even so called pets from foreign countries .when these people sell more little animals and more little animals become goods,looks like a deal, guarantees are disappearing day after day.some of them especially famous guarantee organizations stop helping little animals and start to sell purebred cats and dogs for shows and competitions also and expensive food by very high prices,leaving so many homeless animals alone suffering angry and thirsty,hanging on in the city for death still.like nothing happens,like they never promise before.then among homeless cats and stray cats there are more purebred cats and long hair cats which should have been pets instead of wandering in streets with skinny bodies.they looked like friends to me for the first time, then now they become foes.they become communism and national.

Why everything changes when money cuts in?does business or money kill kindness of humanity, or stop feeling of being humankind? Communism money which break ties of who care little animals by hearts with each other,so they can't be together to threat powers of whom ignore and even make tragic of life of little animals happen to be businesses and put more little money into their pockets by other little life ,political communism Party and governments.

What's democracy,communism and right?different people have different answers.I bet that for the answers even a 6 years old kid which hasn't been washed brain and have a normal outlook can be a better President of America or chairman of Chinese Party of communism than Biden and Xi now.don't mention AI or super computers to me, I talk about human who are given birth by bodies with blood.no discriminations.so why are Biden and Xi?why was Mao who isn't understood by anybody but an actress for communism?When nobody knows how evil communism is the whole world just give the most dangerous power in the world to Mao who's just nobody before being a chairman of ccp? When ccp were killing all riches in China in culture revolutions and students in Tiananmen square where are someone who give ccp a hand to win KuoMintang? What kinds of communism Mao and ccp want? Are they only kind farmers who try to warm a frozen snake without any other purpose? For God's sake?

It should has been a joke.but it can't make me laugh at all.ccp first screw up China,then uses China screw up the world including America especially.communism for me is simple that someone who like to use extra things they have to do something, help others,doing business,even build a government or country.yeah,sound familiar?it's the very beginning of capitalism, market economic,basing on rules of freedom of life,until everyone in China moves their eyes on money.perhaps from the first day Chinese  communists appear in China, they never want to make China into a communism country,they want to use communism to get and control this country,for ruling the whole world.from that day they start to make Chinese wearing same color and style cloths,read same books who are full of words of Mao, sing same sings,do same things,even kill all babies which are not the first kids of moms,no other things can do which are not allowed or someone who do it will be put in jail,be tortured,be killed.they sacrifice all personalities of people,making everything into one only so called communism standards by media,teaching Chinese language and culture,even corruptions, porn and crimes.same standards are more easier to make money,and these money which are made by same communism standards are only benefiting communists themselves ,and the money is used to turn more people into communists ,how to understand it? Thinking about it : when everything you need are made by your country and you need to pay a lot of money to buy it by the prices which is made by your country government also,when everybody needs jobs to raise families but all jobs you can find are servicing and paid by your country government for the only political party which charges both of them.the payment is basing on how much you do for it instead of how much talent you have.it's China now.Do you wanna the world to be another China tomorrow? Under shells of communism they are totally demons,more sick than Nazi.when Nazi feel proud they extinct other nations .when ccp and communists feel shame they extinct other nations.

If communism is just a fur of sheep,Chinese communists Party is a wolf wearing it to hunt in sheeps.When it can't get what it wants,the only one who shame itself it's itself.but when it gets what it wants,should other sheeps just watch it and wait themselves to be the next victims?

There are right rights and wrong rights for me.so I can do my best  for right rights and even fight till I die against what is wrong.no, it's not about right or wrong,but about that there're still choices.someone may say well communism is only in China,my country is safe,and Chinese communism is too undetectable to detect.yeah, you may right.but no place is safe enough when China is part of the world,if your are not blind,every little things you connect or not can tell you the truth.because Chinese communism is too undetectable, it means you can find it everywhere.nothing can disappear completely without tracks .Distinguish .someone may say why you write this down,do you fear ccp or want something for yourself? No. But I just don't like and piss off by my parents and ccp threating and cheating me for going to get the shots of Chinese vaccines from governments for political objects in my hometown.

Doing businesses is being human,being a great ,good or right person instead of being demon which is evil,bad and wrong.

When I see how homeless stray cats die tragically here in China, in my city,in my streets,I can't do nothing to give them a hand to live on, to survive.

This morning dad felt angry when he heard that in India people die like in hell because of coronavirus.he said India people are fools who refuse helps from China when America doesn't want to help them.I asked him that: if there's someone who like to lend you 100 dollar when you need 1 million,and they will take much more advantages from you for this 100 dollars, will you borrow from them? He got speechless.sometimes,who blame and curse others for something are someone who make these things happen.who kill themselves for bad things are someone who make them.all of them are used.few of them are lost.some of them are already not themselves anymore.

A new start?a circle?fail but don't give up?I don't know.perhaps all of them.

What I have and don't have are all gifts from God.I do what I should do,be where I should be,say what I should say when I'm still alive.

Does God make mistakes and it's why being God now? No.if love is a mistake,I d like to make as much as I could.

But unfortunately love can't be made.and it's not love which is made.

And I still don't know how love starts and don't understand where it comes from,why it comes from heart and soul,not head.

Because it's where God is?

So, when life finishes life is still going on.everyone is a different world,which never connects unless they keep making mistakes to each other .past is behind.future is forward.my hands are still my hands,although they are not smooth,soft or little anymore.parents love me,although they do it for compensating the past when they didn't.someone care me,although they do it by sympathy for my own future.everything doesn't end yet, although it already comes to an end.

Half communism half humankind,that's the most and too disgusting a thing in the world to accept, or to be.

Never  believe that someone get closed to someone else is for betray to get anything they want-- communism power, money by gambling,and something else.

Never believe that someone treat others like a bitch or son of  bitch is for turning them into a bitch or son of bitch by money they need to live.

Never believe that they make a competition to pick up their tools and toys in winners.

Never believe that someone have all characters of others who hurt you in the past -- lie,use and rape,just no love a little bit.

Never believe that when there are lots of people who don't trust me I have to ask them one by one why they don't.

When you scared of being hurt, you are hurt.and  when you are hurt,you will hurt others to stop hurt which isn't hurt by others for self-defense.then others who don't love you hurt you back,others who love you are hurt more than you do.bad endless loop until you cut off connects with them.so, next time, everything starts again unless you grow up,face hurts,and take care of others who love you, or not.someone says when your ankles are hurt and bleeding by high heels,keeping wearing them until the wounds become scars,become callus,then high heels will not hurt you anymore, I don't wear high heels, but sounds true to me.

In the world there're truly someone who can have funs and laugh and loves with each other in their lives unconditionally for free.luxary? lucky? I sell them to live on.lucky or not, don't know,but they spend their life for them,how much life can be valued or judged in this case?no, I can't value life by money,by anything .so why my life is so cheap, so sick?no, it's not cheap,or sick.I can make money by selling them,cause when others have funs and laugh and loves with each other I work hard.I try to be worthy it.

Who are touched by doll women and tool men ,who are envy them? Who are tempted by bitches and whores, who are angry and who are shamed ? who are shocked by animals cyborg aliens humanoid and humankind ,who are arrogant? 

Life is Not about Choose or Decide, But about Acknowledge and Learn for me.

I don't or don't want to give life up yet.whatever others or mine.

Someone wanna to cheat your love,

Someone wanna to cheat your money,

Someone wanna to cheat you all.

 

You may cry,

I have been so poor a wretch,

Why they still treat me worse by my past ?

They may think,

She's has been so fucked a bitch,

Why she still wanna better from our life?

 

When people have good bias on themselves but bad bias on the others,

Most of them decide to survive for dead and circumstances.

When people have bad bias on themselves but good bias on the others,

Few of them choose to fight for alive and freedom.

After I watched a Japanese movie, in the end of the movie the daughter told her dad who saved her that she will find someone who loves her as dad does and her dad smiles and thinks about it and says there should not be someone like that, then at dinner time I asked dad who helped me drying cloths I washed is there someone who loves me more than dad does in the world, dad looked serious and gently and said,definitely no, no way.

Movies are not real life,but (real) life is surely more (better)real/great than movies.

I don't want dad to call me traitor to China again,because even if I'm a traitor to China,I never see a traitor to China as bad as Chinese Party of communism.when they are traitors to China they call themselves services of Chinese people to Chinese,even some traitors love their countries sometimes,but ccp is too bad to be traitors.and on one side ccp makes money from Chinese who are told to be taken care by big cheats for fees,on another side ccp connects American to control Chinese by asking for more benefits --technology, invests and political supports ,and by this coercion they move their relationships to America.they make money on both sides but be no loyal on any side, perhaps only themselves and ccp. Who will not keep their loves and themselves staying in somewhere full of their victims for someday they know the truth and revenge by anger? who can do nothing by so called managing Chinese and being paid so big money , assurances and rewards by corruptions every day as and in their jobs?who make too full pockets of 'their' money and even must find other foreign accounts to keep them when the world is suffering pains,hunger and death?traitors to countries. Chairman xi is the biggest traitor of China,so is ccp.I told dad about it,dad smiled happily.don't know why.

If wars start between China and any rests of the world half Chinese especially communists will kill another half of Chinese who want to fight  then the survivors will surround.so is it what's happening all over the world now? 3 million killed by virus?some communists delivered the virus in Wuhan indeed?

I made dreams again I was in a bad place where had full of communists who were female communists bullying me when I worked in the communism military.they made funs of me when I met a male student who had big round face but good to stay with.in the end I said good bye to these communism crazy girls and decided to study English with the man peacefully who looked so gentle and had good manners and lots of patience to me happily.

I should say thank you to him ,but if good bye is necessary, it's fine.

You don't trust me,you suffer it.This is my attitude, you don't like it and can't change it, you respect it.Nobody knows future.

Why there's love which can connect anything anybody when there're vampires and humankind existing in same world? Don't know.But perhaps it's why when there're vampires and humankind existing in same world, God brings them love.

I made a dream two days ago: I'm in a high dark high wet tower with other 3 people,the bad owner of the tower disappear.two others run upstairs to the top of the tower and leave in the dark for airplanes or flying in the sky perhaps and I get a company when going down stairs and find an enter of light to escape in the bottom of the tower.when I look outside of the window from inside, the existence of enter makes the outside view more beautiful for me than usual.it makes me even thank the existence of tower and God.more dark you are in,more light you can feel.it's not bad to stay in the tower in rest of my life, is it? But keep calm for past, don't cry for today,then you will smile for tomorrow. leave? stay? how about the tower will collapse someday and soon? have to move and get out of it.

 

Made dreams,I was a girl who was going to suicide at home when parents went away.I set fire in the empty rooms and the smokes and fire were everywhere surrounding me until some firemen broke the door and saved me.then this girl was adopted by somewhere like an orphanage or forever home which had sunshine for her and she changed and started to painting beautiful pictures which were faces of kids,like angels in heaven for me.

Another dream was that I went into a Chinese Wal-Mart and bought one sandwich,after I gave it to the service and paid the money,the service ate it in front of me,then I was shocked,I bought another one and she ate it again.I called the manager and I told her it's a security problem for Wal-Mart,the manager asked the service about it if it's true,the answer was yes,and the service said if I was her family she would give it to me and some other bullshit,then the manager said it's not a security problem,but a crime.then I left.the service might lose her job for it.

And another dream,with dad we got a taxi to go home then the taxi drive us on a wrong way which was far away from the right road and left is there near the edge of the city.didn't know when could we got home.so keep moving.

Basement kitten, be in peace.

Puppy,will you help me to try to find you and the killers?

Right now about 20:20,clouds covering moon and stars,winds are strong and noisy,some puppy screamed and some dog barked.there are a mom dog,a dad dog which walk around and belong to someone who is drunk everyday.these dogs have 3 puppies this year,someone live around give them food sometimes to make sure they are not hungry.like the dog which is still missing and his owner who said the dog was eaten by someone living in this area gets sick after his dog disappeared,I think someone stole one puppy and killed it for meats right now .the barks stopped in 5 minutes.the motherfucker did terrible things and left soon.same murder,perhaps.same demons.

When people steal pet dogs for meat where are you?When people torture pet cats for fun where are you?When people sell own pets for money where are you? But when gardens are destroyed to make sure people buy food from markets there you are,when people eat your food and go to hospital and charged by big money there you are,when people die and grave for them is as expensive as buying a house for alive there you are.you hug kiss love everything everyone for communism and kick away stay from fight against everything everyone for communism also.

You mothers fuck,is Chinese life your business?do you judge life by its value? You judge life,God punish you.judgement can be earlier,but can also be late.but when it's the latest,it's the fatal.

Thing is like this.CCP has a lot of big groups in each area to rule everyone lives in it,they have own buildings,offices,cars,phones,computers and everything for them to work when ccp thinks they should have.ccp pays all of them every month,by the money it cheats from Chinesea.for washing brains and making everybody to be the white mouse for Chinese vaccines and a glowing face in the world by life of other Chineset,the group in my area makes a group by Wechat which is a Chinese communism spy software which can be watched by ccp too easily by AI or big data.the administrator is the communist who charge my area.and she pretends like that everybody who are older than her are her real moms who give her birth and raise her up,but kicked out a young girl  who don't talk much about communism businesses in the group who live in our area also,and other old women who act like her mom started to say the young girl was a robert which tries to screw up the communism group,they even were so mad ,some of them noticed that a man pulled the girl into the group, and they started to tell the administer to kick him out also, because he doesn't live in this area.then something happened.the man poss off and got angry and said she's my daughter and we live here also and said they all are psychos,then the administer started to pretend to laugh and cover up their real faces by it.

I know this man also,and I know he lives in the area and it's not a lie.he feed cats several times in past 3 years and I called him snake man,because he tried to do bad things on me when I took care of a weak homeless cat in an abandoned room far away from home,he did excise there every morning , he tried to kiss me then I stepped back and escaped.I didn't jump out to tell he lives here, but when he made these people quiet for a little bit I just told my parents who are in the group also,he did well.

And I see the most important thing for me to stay away from communism and ccp and don't like them,want them to be destroyed and disappear is that they are whores of belief, in their minds.everyone who is useful for communism is or will be their familis,friends,bosses,lovers or second woman and second man, husbands or wives,emploees,good ones,saints ,masters,mentors, chairman,presidents,and even gods,anybody for them.if not,it is sinner, prisoner, bad guys,dead and criminals,liers, traitors,heresy,demons,anydbody also.they use them as diamon,and throw them as trash after using them.dad says it's their job.but which kinds of people want ,like ,use to use this kind of money from their friends,families even strangers by the jobs to live on happily and survive proudly and immigrant to laundry themselves and fucking communism lives of the past in China into clean future lives in America which seems being against China and ccp especially, communists also? So is it real that America is heaven of crime? Is it a show for America to fight against China and ccp which is made by some Chinese communists and American both  to laundry themselves to continue playing this fucking political games including someone who want China and ccp disappear whatever they are communists or not?

What can food do for souls.Food can not heal souls without love.

More buy for cats,more lose cats.but still need to do more.More expect from others,more time to satisfy them by delaying my time.but still want to satisfy.More things to do for others,more wasting my life.but still have to waste.treat what you lost as gifts, what you delay as rewards,what you waste as tests.perhaps it can make you feel not so bad.but so so so bad.

I want Fox.(2021.4.14PM)

I read before some foreigners say Chinese live on the edge of hell for them.Now why I feel foreigners are someone who need to come back down to earth and living in something which isn't real at all for me,like that they are living in the clouds and no feet on the ground.am I mad?(2021.4.14PM)

Hug it, kissed it, pat it, no reflection,appologize,tears and cry, no use anymore.its body got hard then soft partly,a flea came out its fur when I buried it. I killed the dying flea when it tried to climb back and burried it under the round beside a tree.

from last Sep I heard its scream for mom in the basement till now, was it its first time to leave where it was last night? it's been 7 months,short, everyday the times I connected it weren't more than 1 minutes.I called it in a hurry, put food in a hurry and left in a hurry. from gossops of neihourhoods, from being seen by parents, from someone who might hurt it when I was not there. it's my first time to see how it looked like clearnly, normally it just showed its little head from the window of the basment and meow to me and say hi.it could protect its water bowl from bad guys who alwasy tried to take it away and from winds, it could pat me by its little head when I put dry food in its food bowl on the windowsill and meow to me lovley.it could meow to me and said hi there how are you and happy to see you again and hey you bring me chicken meats , thanks! it could does everything for me when there's nothing I can do for it,only little things for being alive.

kid,why you leave me by this? and we only had 3.5 hours in 7 months to be with each other, everything you gave to me was love and pats and trust, honest, life time, everything you had,what did i give.I'm the one who should die yet!I'm the one being buried,I'm the one always making the same mistake.I don't think I live or want to live in this world,Take me instead.kid,I know you protected the little water bowls and food bowls which I made and put them there on the windowsill for you from bad humen who tried to take them away or stole to sell well. you were so shy a boy for me,even be very careful and alertic to show your little head to me but hide very quickly until I stepped further.when I knew that you were the cat which was in front of several big strong dangerous stray dogs in the midnight ,faced them alone and fought for what's right, with how much brave and encourage and blesses you had, but I just don't want to be proud of you for that. (2021.4.14 AM)

Yesterday communists who controls my area where I live force me to fill the files which is called volunteers for having the shots of Chinese vaccines for the C virus.it's alll bullshit.(2021.4.14AM)

The basement kitten died last night.I looked for it and found its body 100 meters.I buried its body which had no blood and little scratch on the left leg with saliva around the mouth and gums bleeding this morning when I went to send it food around 5:30am.parts of fur was wet on the legs,back and tail.

Yesterday someone who rent the basment returned and opened the door and used the wood blocking the window of the basement where the basment kitten was in.they kicked the kitten out and the dog became their last beaters.Last midnight I heard several dogs were parking nearby ,last for 10 minitues.I knew some cat must had trouble but I couldn't image it's the basement kitten.I wanted to help the cat, but parents would stop me for it,and blame and curse me and got angry.I didn't do it. my fault. I think there were 2~3 stray dogs,and they made the kitten scared and had heartache.and it was 2 Celsius last night.

I didn't sleep well last night,because in the afternoon I found the door of basement was open,the window was blocked and the basement kitten was gone.I didn't find it when I thought the kitten would appear again in the next morning.in the bed I felt being drown by pressures of people around me especially the fake wired smiles of a woman who told me that it's better to settle in the basement for the basement kitten than the homeless cats outside last year when i worried that if someone who rent the basement killed the basement kitten when they found it.the woman is living beside the basement and she can see what happen around the basment all the time.she's a friend of my mom.and I don't know who rent the basement,or she's the one who rent the basement.from last autumn I started to take care of the basement kitten which was left by her mom when it's a just little kitten,some women including her put pieces of sausages,dry food and overleft food few times also.I can't believe if she's the one who kicked the kitten out,and broke her promises to take care of the kitten all the time.I can't believe she first made her trust her,then broke everything.

There's another white cat which is sick now,I met it last week when it first appears on the way for me to send food to stray cats.someone live around seem pitying it and give it some food sometimes,until one moring they noticed me giving it food and a man talked to me with loud and nosiy voice and said this cat became picky after I gave it chicken legs and fish cans and medicines for healing it.he said when the weathers became warmer he will build a little house for it.I was joyful and believed his words until i saw the white cat got wet dirty hair and curl up in the corner of  their roof and shaking yesterday after a middle rain.where's his promise,where's the house?where is the white cat living now? how could so such a good man be so evil like this? 

When Chinese like you something,they take care of your things very well, when Chinese hate you something,they do everything to kill your things very badly.communism is bullshit.

When someone turn,they can never turn back.(2021.4.14AM)

Easily to be effected by magnetic fields, ghosts,cold and dark enviroments,illness people and dying life and view of death in real life.after visiting grandma i feel weak and strengthless still.someone say cats can scare ghosts away,but some witchs also use cats to connect another world when they're in human world.

Keeping doing excises and no eating after lunchtime from April 7 till now,there's a problem appearing suddenly.the fat on belly gets smaller, but the skins which has been enlarged by the big belly pile together like the white logo of Michelin tires.doing excises is more useful than I know to lose weight, but now this thing which I didn't know when I thought the weight putting on by food can be lose completely in the end is the thing making me feel worse to put on weight anymore.I thought everything would come back and the skin would be recoveryed if I start to do excises in a short while.

When something change,they change forever,until they change again.

Made dreams.a rich(in pocket) loyal man who looked like a prince fell in love with a cinderella who looked like a maid finally when so many other best women cut in.they stood shoulder by shoulder,he told her with begs for attentions that he would made her to be the only women who made all other women admire even envy in the world.a poor(in pocket) good man who looked like a fishman built a simple house for a beautiful woman who looked like an elf after they had sex for the first time,and he told her it's their home now then he would build cooktop next then went to fish for some food for both of them happily,he wouldn't give her other women's admires or envies but happiness to the elf woman,the elf woman had sad eyes which looked like missing the prince who didn't care her a little bit and never came back for her anymore.

Love is Not a Deal.

Who says love is the most purest thing in the world,the most beautiful and only valuable worhty thing which can make miracle happen, save heart and soul,pull innocence from evil darkness? love is about humanity.love is humanity,just because parts of humanity is good,human calls it love?and other parts of is hate?

Love is Not about Humanity.

In West countries there are some stories about aristocracy drink blood of virgin to keep young forever and woman who sex with men to keep young and powerful in dark magic,they are called bad witches.in China there are similiar stories.woman sex with man to take away their hearts and souls and spirits to survive,even their lives and good lucks and futures, they are not called human actually for Chinese, they are called monsters and demons and ghosts.when someone are lust and greedy,when someone wants to take advantage of another one and don't wanna to pay the advantages back, they can destroy each other in any ways.there're some ways which don't need to sex to steal ones'good luck and life and future by some (dark) magics also,love is magic? for what? watch someone you love leaving you forever and can't stop or pull them back?

Love is Not magic,But a WAY to lead someone you love to leave and go to,even get where love is.

when you believe it,it's truth;when you don't believe it,it's gossip.

the most dangerous thing of lies of governments is not lies they tell which are dangerous, but more lies which they use to make anyone believe that all lies are Not lies. 

and it's your money to pay them to work on it by their jobs.

 As I read about the vaccine:::::::::::vaccines can't stop virus from you but only reduce harmness if you are effected and make sure it will not kill you so easily as an Asymptomatic infection patient and virus carrier. no vaccine can work in mRNA ,DNA when the virus can be in them.it's a lie.vaccines for virus which still being tested may cause thrombus,and heart and blood problems.and no shots vaccines can handle all types of the virus which have been changed into hundreds types and still changing.the only safe way staying away from virus is strong your healthy and body. even if the shots are best enough, it doesn't last too long, someone can only be lasted for longest 6 months ,after that you need to take the shots again.the best vaccines can't be work more than 90% anti virus. the worst one works only 10% for possbility.when you take shots your body is weak,stay away from crowds-at least months until it works, any virus, wash hands faces take warm showers and eat drink fresh healthy food and water,rests well.if you don't feel good on sht shots it means your health isn't healthy enough to take the shots and you need doing sports after side effects go away.if you have worse side effect you need to go to hospital,if it lasts for one week you need to go to hospital also.------------------right or wrong,no judge.

Went to visit grandma she's getting very skinny.only skin on her cold hands.the only two things she talked about was to sit for a rest and drink some water,she forgot me and couldn't remember me.but when i mention God,told her Mr Fox prays for her and God blesses her,her spirits turned back and shinning,started to talk to me,not to someone else who's not me,and she could recognize me suddenly,she told me to find someone to marry if still having chance and told me that I m getting thinner again,and told me my face becomes smaller,as ususal.

For political reasons,in this communism country, this 92 years old woman never steps into a church,never have ways to know, to pray to learn from God,never wear a cross when all communism medias around her, fake news and evil communism lies of governments everywhere, but only when she hears God's name,she comes back from pains, the edges of death and suffering.what she believes,where she and me go to,who she and me see inside, grandma already points them out.

For me? she's in it, she's still in the body.

my mom often blames that I make her worried and piss off all the time.but when i asked her yesterday she just smiled and was unhappy at the same time.because I asked her if the reason for her worry about me and piss off by me at the same time is because she thinks that she has all good cards(like me and dad,and herself) in her hands but why she plays them so badly and all won by the others?to blame others playing cards better than she does? everyone playing cards which are called lives for the first time in life. too much expects by communism, too much lost in self.

made two dreams in these two days, one was that I was with few American to escape from huntings of communism monsters, and I didnt wanna to go through China on the way, but no other ways to take for us.so I said just taking the way of YuanNan where's next to Myanmar,there are wars in Myanmar,more covers to escape from hunts.

another one was that a male student in communism college was cut off balls by his teacher to stay with him.some students who aren't have so much talent are tempted by money to sell life for working for their teachers or masters, some students who have a lot of talents are tempted by loveand relationships to sell their hearts and souls to demons,like their teachers or monsters.

I'm sad for the cat which was called Gizmo.this morning she's in my head,again.

If I didn't listen to my parents and piss off by them, she might not die, I was tempted and harmed by their poison behaviors.and it made me lost her.

Yesterday I argued with mom again.when I started to give them money every month, she said what the terrible jobs you do online, go find some communism jobs to make me proud instead of shaming me in front of neibourhoods in this way,go to be a teacher,go to teach Chinese for foreigners to make me happy, I like you to be a teacher.I know that she only wants money,cause a sister of my dad who is a teacher has several houses to live, she envys her or she likes her and shame me by her,in her minds teachers can make lots of money in China, so should I. I don't know why Chinese teachers can make a lot of money in only teaching Chinese or something else.but I know all Chinese teachers are working for CCP to limit all creativity of their students and they are all demons , and demons from hell now. cause I know when she's a little girl the most cheapest job was a teacher when MaoZedong's alive and lots of good teachers were killed in culture revolution.after that there's no any Good teacher in China anymore. perhaps she's one of them to sell teachers to ccp. to be a teacher for Chinese coming from China or being in China mean selling souls to ccp first when they have nothing to teach their fucking students by what they fucking have and are , only taking from CCP and feed their students by drugs and posins.these mother fucking damn communism bullshits.I don't wanna to be it or do it anymore for any fucking CCP!I don't make fucking money of communism in this way for their own benefits by killing personanlities and creativities of everybody! now for money without appologize my mom just wants me to be a teacher,for everything to make her happy should I die immidiately when she wants me to?then I told her I do a job online by translation and it makes much more than being a teacher to teach Chinese.to be a teacher is too hard for me and I don't suit it.then she looked suprised,and suddenly turned into a good mother and say don't focus on teaching but do best on translations. she doesn't even care me or what I do,only money.she has too much fucking expects on me and too suitable for being a communist from 1957 when she's born till now ,just because she's too good at creating fucking contradictions for CCP! more she does it to me,less I want to move.

I don't wanna to do anything for them anymore.but she tries her best to make anything which I do to be her expects.if I tell her that i never do translation, but something else. will she happy? it will be the biggest joke to laught at her by it.

I do not do everything for them,whatever how has been my life turned to be.perhaps if i listen to my parents and obeyed to service CCP military obediently,my mom's nephew would not rape me after I told him to find jobs on his own and stay away from CCP.that is so fucking interesting. 

Can be anybody else but can't be themsevels,it's demon at all. 

What is that? me? 

Yeah,I'm a loser. for the 36 years old's dick who thinks that he is a loser Im a loser also.but it can't be the reason for me not to do right things on him but give up.

Cause I don't wanna to lose.

Love and be loved are not social privileges for sons of bitches, not for anybody. 

Tin, Be careful of what you know.Because it can blinds your eyes, tempt your heart, destroy your soul when you think you have already known enough to ignore something you don't.

If you are ignorant of what you Don't know,does it mean that you are Not ignorant by what you know?No.In Chinese it says 'A Leaf Before the Eyes Shut Out the Mount Tai,Short sightedness of  Desire for Money can Shut Out the Virtues'.how much can a person know in all its life? too little which even can't not to be called'know'.it's not worthy to be arrogant for what you know,or to be proud for what you don't know.Arrogance makes you feel safe in what you know and stay away from unknown for you,it's to jail yourself by arrogance.

You are not ignorant when someone only think what you know is just bullshit for themselves,ignorance is unlimited,so is knowledge.it's an arrogant trap which is made by their own knowledge.you know? trust doesn't come from what you know, but comes from love,God.when someone hate what you know, cause it stops them from hurting you,they blame you for what you know,call it ignorance to make you compromise when they only know what they don't want you to know and ignore what they don't want to know when you know when God always help you to be wise.sometimes so called smartness of human bases on what human ignore.

made a dream last night. a man told me that he left me to get into a village which had bad floods and he said after 20 or 200 years we could meet again, asked me to find him in the place where there was a word about 'fire' beside a well under a big tree in the village.

I even don't know how long I could live to find him.but it doesn't make me fear or scared life like a zombie. if he said so, perhaps someday it will be come true.how hard and how long times can two hearts or souls meat each other in this world for destiny and for fate? I don't want to find him.

I'm also sad that someone look like they are happy and glad to be taken advantages of me when I don't.love is love,not a habit at all.

I think when some good female need help, gentlemen should not take advantage of their bodies.but when some bad women need help, should gentalemen give them a hand also? yeah ,sure.after that they only need to take care of everything on helping snakes. liking being equal to each other even when being families,or how to be families without equal? no equal , no love. love doesn't be excharged by body or take advantage of anything.only hates do.

when others are wiser than you, respect them, when others are dumb than you, help them.because it's who you are.nobdoy is born to be bad ,eventhough they are born with sins.but it doesn't mean they're never worhty it,doesn't mean that they are not good, doesn't mean that they don't want to be who they are.

sometimes life is not about win someone , but defeat yourself.sometimes you don't lose anything, but give.sometimes you don't need to fear someone by ignorace,dont want to rent a house to stay away from the others, or go to check cats to avoid parents in your life.

Because it's not pains for being lonely, but joys to take aloneness,to be free.they dont love you,because you love cats.

Chinese commusim party only picks up bad guys  and who can be bad guys to be communists and their supports now.Parts of Taoism picks up good guys to be saints and leaders,like Christian do.dad says it's CCP's ability to corrupt the whole country, he can only change himself for it and does best not change into that bad,and can't be more worse than being this bad to be alive.is it ability for real?or it's just something else.so it's their own mistakes to corrupt?cheat someone who you don't like or love even hate just because you're so called smart and proud of it, that's stupid at all, that's too fucking communism.

Is it wrong to use vpn connecting the world? i feel I was regreting.

I thought as I know foreigners especially American which is like a heaven country have most best amazing incredable natures to be good husbands who believe in God and never betray and lie and suicide And it could be found easily for me.

Now I see America is no difference but even more doubly worse than that in China to do it.

Admit that tin,you always feel you are low when you are with them.you pretend bad do they will feel better? If they do they aren't even worthy for it.

Admit that you feel you may have not more than 15 years to keep living on till your cats leave you alone.at least when they die it will kill you inside.

Admit that you don't think you have another one in your life to love or stay with for a very long time.or why you are born in this world alone?

Admit that you don't need love,but them.

Admit that they don't need you,but love.

Admit that they give you too much when you want more.

Admit that more you connect with them, more you hate them.

Admit that they don't love you in real life,or why they push you into shows.

Admit that they are all bullshit and they are too young too childish too means for you.

Admit that you give up for true love when you are just living on by it which always bring you bad ass and evil dick in real life.

No.I don't admit parts of truth.it's as same as lies also.

Why I adopt 6 cats, why they are not kids,birds,dogs or something else?

When I was a girl about 10 years old I had 6 dolls,one was around 60cm tall and others were around  8cm tall.I loved them very much.the taller doll stayed with me when I was born,and nobody could remember who gave it to me,or bought it ,perhaps it's dad.but he can't remember ,neither.she could cry,when she was lying down her eyes were closing.I still miss them after dad took her away when I was sick and I gave the smaller dolls for birthday gifts to classmates.

I remember that when I slept with them in bed they were so cold,it's cold to hug them,cold to hold their hands,cold to kiss them everywhere, like they never were alive before.I don't like it,I talked to them and said if you are cats that would be great, I could feel your temperature,I could hug you warmly,I could tell you what I was bothered by.

There must be deity or God who hear everyone's prayers all the time.and they hear me,also.many many years later I adopt 6 cats,they are warm to hug,spiritual to play and easy to kiss on lips in my bed.but I still miss my dolls more.if I insisted on keeping my dolls , what would happen in my life, what would I be now?what should has been my life like? 

I think my dolls and toys come back by being these cats,which I can't sell,abandon or find some others to adopt them anymore, again, whatever what excuses I make.everything we lose in our lives comes back in some other ways which we can't know,understand or recognize,sometimes they are good, sometimes they are bad.so keep staying in the circles or cut off the loops,different ends.when everything in our lives is given to us,there must have  meanings.

I bought toys also when I was a kid.these homeless cats just make me feel that they exist for me when I'm alone,like that I met them before.but how about men and females,even males? they come back to hurt you when you have hurt them a lot in my life, do you think even one of them could be so nice to love and marry and have a kid with you who hurt them to death ? You are not in heaven yet.for what you gain you need to pay it first.You refuse them and they come back again, that's not a good idea for hurting yourself.

See,tin.how they treat you so?this Is human world ,this is male world ,after they rape you, they wanna you to be a whore ,after they bully you, they wanna you to a crime.

Someone can find husband easily first, someone can find job easily first.someone like you, neither easy in these ways.but find yourself easily first .

Yeah,everybody wanna the best. When someone can't get the best woman,they rape her.someone can't get the best woman, they make her worst.

If Chinese don't wanna anything, how could Chinese communism Party use the highest prices for everything in the world to make them sell hearts and souls to demons for getting them,if Chinese don't wanna the best in the world,how could Chinese Party of communism tempt them by the most evil communism to wash their brains,if Chinese don't wanna to be the best,how could Chinese party of communism become the most dangerous power in the world for all life?

Chinese communism hasn't created a future,  but a hell.it's why Chinese are all in it.

Happy Easter day.tin.

Can't meet Mr Right and will be alone and lonely in your life.broadcasting needs flirt,someone tip you not only for shows but something else,if you need to live on by working by it, same things happen all the time.when they pay money,you need to pay yourself.when you are in China, you always are in danger, when you are a Chinese, you always have money problems and make problems of money.that's cruel,but true.

Tarot cards say it so.but is there some saint spirits on them for real to tell you about it or evil ones?

Give instead of gains.You are not a beggar.

Take instead of fights.You are not a traitor.

But I guess if you can't find someone to be with you in rest of your life in China, you can't find it neither abroad.at least it's not about nation or country,but about heart and soul.and whatever it's American or Chinese,they still judge you by your age,body and appearance when they tell you they don't care money, power or anything else but love.they give for what they take.it's business, not love,nothing changes, neither you do.I'm sorry to tell you so,and sad that they are pride and even arrogant,just because they don't love your ways to love them , even hate you for them.

The thing makes me shocked most is that how much foreigners especially American who live in the most freedom country in the world knows China and Chinese and ccp is as little as how much most of Chinese know the whole world.

Communism and Chinese national firewall  covers up everything in more ways by stolen technology from them and even lie to them.like a door blocks the path of times,a valve on the bloodpipe.

It's how and why they can call America the country of freedom? they don't wanna to know China and Chinese ,like staying away from bullshit by ccp.they are victims of communism also,but just wanna to use communism stuffs to control China and Chinese even ccp itself, what the fuxk is going on there.using ccp China Chinese themselves fighting against ccp and China and Chinese is fucking suicide. or why Biden is in white house now ? Or why had to use fake dead illegal votes to push him into this shit?

I take care of parents and cats,it's the way I take care of myself.When I get angry I can say anything which makes me shocked.I never thought I m like this before.well done,tin.

Who am I?Am I who?I pissed off that they treat me bad but I still treat them good.I piss off that I just think he's cool a little more by his dick head then suddenly are realized that we can only be friends at all.like a lightening in sunny day.do I need to be tested so much by God?

Love is strange ,when you don't need it and keep still somewhere ,it finds you.when you need and look for it everywhere , it hides.

Am I old? Yeah. I am. So keeping fucking your 36 years old dick when getting old.What the fucking going on here.I don't wanna marry or have bf,more talk with the others about it ,more I feel I'm wired from them and alone or lonely.I should not feel in that way when I'm alone.I only want to marry God and till the last day of my life comes.

Even when I feel I'm dying it's more better than now how I feel.they laugh and smile with me like sweet kids, but they are kids who still explore new things and good future,I'm not. I'm a fool in their eyes who is busy putting useless money in my pocket whatever they do and think to me.I don't care what they think about me,but the point is that is it real better to stay inside of China and firewall like a horse being ride in the garden or like a wild horse running in the forest.the answer is no.

Just thought to find someone who doesn't care materials money or house cars power so much  to marry is more easier in America, now it's getting more harder .then it's so difficult for me it means everything starts over again,more complicated.but comparing to someone I met in China, their insists can not hurt me so that much .

 

Did PDQ4 test online and the the result was Cluster A,B,C 100%.it means if you want to, you can control the result when you know what they ask for and I have got little better.sometimes tests are helpful a lot.hasn't been so crazy or acted/thought in this way for a long while.

Stopping eating favorite food can't make you happy,but can stop you eating.stopping loving who you love most can't make you sad,but can stop you from love again.

I don't know how long we can live ,ting.but you can't rely on or be with me always, until you believe in me.

You don't exist,if you do,I'll kill myself.

Before you exist, I already did.

Why I'm still alive after rape, why I'm still living on after lots of bad things happen in my life,why I still haven't went to hell yet.why there are many people die who should not die when there are many people live on who should not live ? Am I just too strong to die? Am I not worthy to die? Why I think everything I do is all right? Why I m catching something which is nothing when there's nothing to catch?

I m sorry Mr foxy.I'm sorry everyone.cause I don't make mistakes,and there's no more when I keep moving on.nobody has responsibility or duty for me, they don't owe me anything.I can see without me how beautiful their lives&life will be and is.

If die hard,why still live,shouldn't it be so hard always ? Best curse for demons  on me?

Made a dream,had a haircut from a famous hairdresser-he said so- who came from Taiwan.

In Chinese culture the dreams means that me and my reputation were almost tempted by badass and destroyed.

Is there something which can do and can not to do between being friends and being couples?

I'm still learning on it.I don't need a doctor but someone who can tell me how to build and have a normal connect with the others.

I thought the normal way to go to America is to fall in love with some American instead of taking a shortcut for green card ,then I fell in love now break up with him.love too much?walk too far?try too hard ? how do I know those Chinese who get green card by marriage don't or didn't love their husbands or exhusband in America?

Most of women and men can do anything for love,except good things, there are bad things also, separate ,divorce and break up, suicide or kill others, are just extreme options which few ones take.