[12-26,1-1,2022]

Happy new year. Thank you all making me my life.

[3-37,1-1,2021]

Thank you all of love cares respects and connects and thank God, I can feel winter comes now.

[21-25,12-31,2021]

when someday my kids ask me, mom why you leave China your country and let Chinese Party of communism screws up the whole world, I don't wanna or need to or can't tell them that, hey because I love you.

Someone who indeed have power or ability will not ask or tell or request others to be/do this to be/do that for themselves.they only as ask/tell/request themselves.

Happy new year eve.

[2-33,12-30,2021]

Don't like or want to see anybody suffering inside because of me.if I care and love them, I suffer what they suffer.

So when I suffer I don't like or want anybody else to cut in. Only care and love could get me out.

I don't act after thinking, I act because what I think. In this place,in this time, what I think makes me angry, until I control it, I move. Moving by anger could feel less pains, but no less pains I can avoid, might bring extra pains. There's less feeling when feeling anger to move.when moving by anger is Not me moving, but something else.

Like taking care of cats is Not me when I take care of them, neither, but somebody else, neither.

[00-33,12-29,2021]

My parents who are 60+ communists lost control and didn't know what to do when water pipe was broken.comparing to anger and evil things they do and day to me when I show and tell how evil Chinese communism Party is,they are babies of Chinese Party of communism because of a broken water pipe ,  not mine. communists 'promise' them everything which only is money, power , sex, food and any other materials etc if they believe and love Chinese communism Party  only purely like a baby, but it's not unconditionally. communists take everything from them first including freedom, dignity of life, and abilities to be a normal human being.

It's sad, or feel sorry, or feel sick about it for me. these 'loyal strong faithful' communists whoever and wherever are in China or abroad for sacrificing their life for career of Chinese communism Party even are scared and cried frighten because of a broken water pipe. The things which are taken away by Chinese party of communism from them, or the things which they don't have when they are born as communists by hands of communism.

Now I see Chinese communism Party from them appearing in 20 century doesn't wanna to be the humblest national governments by taking least money to run China well, but means to be the richest masters to slave everybody for biggest money in the world. The political revolution killing Chinese riches from 1949 is monopoly by bloody violence under the name of politics.

Whatever how long they live in the world and learn to live love on their own by orders of Chinese Party of communism like a human being, whatever how much they pretend to be normal and how quickly to be parts of environments or how hard to cut in other counties, comparing to human children which were adopted by wolves return into human world again, communists' favor is extraordinarily more wired.

[19-44,12-28,2021]

The paste works well . I booked Another one.and now pray the boy cat which's weak will be fine tommorw when I go to check cats and him in the early morning with wet cans.it will be -10℃ that time.challenges for all of us.

I guess the rat woman who feed cats there also feed him the same medicines to him for pee, and it's too much for him and both of his legs couldn't move.the ill missing girl cat hasn't appeared still when I check cats twice every day to give them more food when the rat woman left less overleft food which is made by her garbage of her restaurant.

God bless all of cats and dogs . I don't give up there.

[13-03,12-28,2021]

last night water pipe is broken, I booked the paste which is 1CNY only to try to fix it and it would be delivered today.

Mom was crazy when she saw it happen, her first reflection was to call dad back instead of closing the water pipe first. It's not that bad.and she kept screaming everything's over and called dad but frozen there when she kept talking calling dad back until I took her phone and called dad finally. and dad was crazy when he got the phone, he put everything of his works down and cost 50CNY to buy something which doesn't help at  all and looked for workers to fix it, everyone wants 300CNY from him who's worried a lot.But I planed to take a showershower that morning, so I took a shower when mom tried to stop me again to use water. if I could leave them, they should take care of them well in the end.I can't stay with them always, like what they say to me.

I talked with dad after dinner. I told him I don't get ill again in China, don't give birth in China, don't die in China. Cause whatever in Chinese communism hospitals, in beds or in graves,for me nobody treats me as a human, but only wanting money in my pickets.nobody treats me and makes me feel I'm a human being. When I was a kid I was ill badly, got fever all the time and even dying times in hospitals when doctors used medicines and tools on me.I couldn't remember anything .but I remember I ate lots of pills, medicines, had lots of shots with big needles and tests, infusion.I would rather to be an old pregnant female abroad than to be a teenager mom in China.

I was very rebelliouss when I was a little girl. I still feel when I act rebellious they will keep healing me to death like that. But I was rebellious and I know it, I couldn't stop being myself for fears of this communism country. And communists. I more fought back , more they healed me. Someone tell me I'm crazy, yes.perhaps from my childhood my head has been already crazy because of the medicines communists gave to my parents and feed me, perhaps I will never leave China and corrupt till I die both inside and outside, perhaps Chinese Party of communism will never disappear and it will be better and better and become the only last unique hope of the world, perhaps I'm always cat mom and have no kid in my life after my parents die I will be homeless with my cats, but I don't care. And it doesn't stop me to stay away Chinese Party of communism and hurt it, and dann it to hell in my own life. I even suspect that I didn't get that sick,they just want me to be their political tool for my talent of being a human kind, until I wanted to die for something worthy without being healed anymore.they stopped tortured me.And I'm alive till now.

My parents might regret to save me.they might want me to die when I was a kid when they know what I want to do now.my mom even tries to stop me to wash bowls with dish soap and tells me it's not clean. I tell her there are full of dirty things in and outside our bodies, they don't kill you ,you don't die, but it doesn't mean they don't exist.

[5-50,12-27,2021]

there Are two ancient Chinese prophecy talking about plagues coming from places of rrivers and cause lots of life die.

Does someone use them to kill people for own purposes? If it's punishment from God and heaven, I don't think it's just some little dead unless it's human made.

[2-28,12-28,2021]

Why?

[8-3,12-27,2021]

the food for street cats from another woman who feed them in the afternoon is less and less and she never take water by her car for cats again. More and more cats find me in the early morning for some food and water. Two cats have mouths problems which are laughed at and judged to die by communism soldiers passing by.one has both back legs problems which hurt and can't stand up, don't know if it's sure effects of medicines to heal urinary tract infection or someone kicked him who likes to talk than other cats on nerves. One's still missing for a week which has mouth problem and weak, being kicked out from where she settled by communism soldiers by dogs and tried to freeze her to death by opening the windows .I have met about 30 street cats around the places I pass by for cats this year till now there. More than I knew than last year and much more than I feed in the past. 

The soldiers with her sister blamed and cursed me that I attract many cats here and I should be spayed when i tell him to spay street dogs he feed by others' food for donation , he tells me has enough money to raise all of dogs. But for me I dont see he uses this money to feed the dogs but dogs are less and less everyday.

The woman who feed street cats tells me she will offer money to spay cats when she even doesn't want to try to catch them for spay. So if she doesn't wanna to catch them, because she has big money. How could she spay them by money if she doesn't even try to catch them? How does she catch them if they even don't trust her ? how do cats trust her if she only put food water like garbages there for cats then leaves quickly without communications or if it's only still a show ? I need to catch them for spay just because I don't have momey? She doesn't need to catch and spay them just because she has a lot of momeu? I tell her if I could catch I pay the fee. And I don't need hers and don't trust her.then she comes less and less times with less and less food.

Honestly I don't know where these cats come from when I know she has feed cats here for more years than I do.And I don't know why she abandons everything here.but I never trust them and only defend myself from them for cats.

If I don't treat cats well, they will not get closed to me or come to me.if they don't get closed to me or come to me, I can't catch them pet then hug them or even spay them.if I can't spay them more of them will suffer hunger, tortures and death.

The snake couples who asked me for cat food for homeless cats first now ask money for spaying homeless dogs told me they can't keep street cats in their building because bad neighbourhoods betray cats and I treated them friendly and respected them for what they do to dogs.i said hi every morning when I meet him in the morning when I return from checking cats until yesterday which was very very cold I checked the cats around the building they live which had the door closed and I wanted to open it a little bit so cats could walk inside for keeping warm , i said hi as usual then he looked back at me with an evil look, his freaky disgusting face without a good friendly mask which even cheated Mr fox who shakes hands with him and talked a little bit when he's here.

And I hope the prices for spay cats don't rise up when I tell others who help street cats how to heal some diseases by cheap good medicines instead of expensive operations to take parts of cats' bodies , teeth, eyes or even anything else for vets' purposes. The low cheap prise for cats to spay has reasons, they practice skills of spay on street cats from the very beginning, about 14 cats I spayed including my 6 cats, at least 3 cats, one female cat, two boys cats of mine have pee problems, pee less, or no pee when weather changes into cold every year, other street cats almost had once, I check them everyday, everyday 1 or 2 hours to stay with them, I watch them and when they meow and sit on ground to walk by ass I will know they have pee problem again.then I feed them medicines, usually after medicines 1 or 2 days they pee well again.they are still alive, I still check them everyday.

I know if parents divorce, my dad will abandon me also after abandoning my mom.but is it why I should decide if they divorce or not? My mom always think if she knows nobody she could not survive or live on, so must know someone by anyway when she can do everything on her own  fix the water pipe, cook and live.why ?

I know I should take a bath when parents try to stop me to use water, but it's why they used half of them to wash their face and I was freezing in the bathroom without knowing anything about it when I went out to check cats, why I feed them? Because when I meet them at the first time, I see humanity inside of them.

I know I'm right measuring the broken water pipe which is broken by water drop from his design in the kitchen for 30 years and messaged them to dad. But it's why he refuses to see them? Dad always likes expensive things whatever he needs , likes ,want or not, cloths, food , machines when he could wear cheap good cloths, own planted food and stuffs he could diy, why ?

My goal is for cats,not myself.

[5-50,12-27,2021]

there Are two ancient Chinese prophecy talking about plagues coming from places of rrivers and cause lots of life die.

Does someone use them to kill people for own purposes? If it's punishment from God and heaven, I don't think it's just some little dead unless it's human made.

[17-31,12-25,2021]

For telling me I'm a bitch , did he need to rape me?

For taking Hong Kong in pockets of Chinese Party of communism, did Chinese Party of communism need to make one country>two system?

For owing someone else's talent, money , governments or even countries, did anybody need to bully, cheat , blackmail and kill them?

Should water be charged just because they could only flow down into ocean?

Should human be locked just because they could climb up onto mountains? 

Should life be used just because they settle on the earth locally?

So was Wu'han virus let out from Chinese Wuhan lab4 in Wuhan,then Chinese communists of lab4 released it in Wuhan market to cover up their fault? But if it's fault why Chinese Party of communism and Chinese communism governments didn't stop Chinese infecting virus leaving China when they could in time? 

As same as 2019 Wuhan virus why 2021 Xi'an virus appears first in winter of Xi'an which is the city closing to the two important rivers of China so much again before Christmas and next new year? Do these virus have eyes looking for cities which are around water only to attack on time?

And why closing to the third important river is there Hong Kong which had Anti-Extradition Law Amendment Bill Movement in 2019, too?

Search gossips on Twitter with Chinese city names like Wuhan and Xi'an together, most of them are communism tool men and women posting porn services , businesses and even one night love, what do they want to cover up this time?

Why Chinese Party of communism tells Chinese who say they are making big mistakes to thank Chinese people who died by the virus? Honestly Chinese communists never want to thank anybody else but communists themselves. But absolutely dead in Wuhan were victims.

Picture from https://depts.washington.edu/chinaciv/geo/proper.htm

Why I don't think everything has came to an end yet? I might never know everything about the truth.

[5-10,12-25,2021]

Is making wars between America and China the only reason for Chinese abroad? 

No, but if they have wars, and both of them are badly hurt at the same time, who could have the biggest benefits from it? If it's Chinese, do they still wanna wars?

Is a war between America and China the only way to take down Chinese Party of communism?

No,  so what is it?

Happy silent night & Merry Christmas.

[19_52,12_24,2021]

feet hurts, body's tired,eyes can't open, face heats  , walked and stayed with cats for hours today in -20℃ and fix the roof of the shelter in cold strong winds. All cans and water are frozen in 20 seconds, cats meow for water and tried to metle ice by tongue.they don't eat or drink enough. Every normal thing becomes difficult in cold weather. Hope I could make it right tomorrow morning and next days.

Silent night. A cat is still missing when other two appear today.I looks for her and cried for her. Most of cats hide and new homeless and stray cats appear.when I got home my cat was talking to the air, perhaps he saw her, perhaps She couldn't make it in this weather , I can't give up.

She's a good girl. Where's she? Are you all right, kid?

I know nobody understands me when I understand them, but they should have understood feelings of human to cats. I know someone don't love me when I love them, but they should have respected my way to love.

Cause for me cats were homeless,but for cats I'm home.for someone I'm crazy, but for me they were friends.

Just hope the night goes fast, so I could check cats tomorrow morning more earlier and do something for them.

Is Chinese abroad good? Live in freedom countries and blame China they lived before. Truth is not about what and who they blame, but what they do. And what they do abroad I can't see on the internet. 

Basing on behaviors of Chinese who should believe what they read by communists' rules, Chinese communism news, online shopping , limited medias and fake information by Chinese Party of communism, these Chinese abroad could be trusted.so this behavior could be used by both good and bad.

I can't read what I like to read for turning me into a direction , but read what it's telling the truth.

[5_29,12_24,2021]

Not all good men are kind, not all kind men are good.

Have experienced something, met someone. for what? For what I am? That's not fair.

Tonight will silent night, but looks like it would not be silent but windy also.

[4_50,12_21,2021]

can't sleep when wake up at 3 o'clock.thinking of the missing cats.it will below -20℃ on Thursday and Friday. Can't wait till 5:30 to check cats. So thought every time I put food and water there do the same things, but I like to see they are all okay. And to see my cat friends again as miracles which God makes them happen for us.

I decide to buy KFC for Christmas eve and Christmas.dad asked me why KFC,not turkey or big meals. I say first we can't afford them and second KFC is from America, although it's been already local Chinese tastes and local operations business local employees, but I still love it , like me love Christmas. It makes me feel Christmas honestly.

Than to be a best rich under the control of  communists by morality preferential treatments I would rather like being a worst poor with love of God by righteous justice punishments.

I believe in my cats friends, I believe what they decide to be and do. God helps them.

And merry Christmas,everyone and even communists. Hope everyone have the most beautiful dreams come true and wish it's the last peaceful Christmas for all communists to have.

I'm sure it will snow on this Christmas and Christmas eve by the way.and teaching mom how to sell her plants online: when everyone wants money, be careful and watch out what they have done and want .

[7_23,12_20,2021]

cats suffer in this cold winter.their hair is more dirty and look terrible.And at least 3 cats are still missing for 2 days , 3 days and a week.the water bowl I bought for cats is broken by someone, and one of the missing cats is kicked out by some soldier who feed homeless dogs with his mom of their apartment.last time I saw her she got a cold when I feed her some medicines to heal it.then when I looked for her 2 days ago around another apartment full of communism soldiers kicking killing bullying cats for orders and funs,a communism solider came out with proud smile then saw me and asked politely who are you, then I told him I was looking for a cat which I saw her getting into the building, then his face turned black and long and said coldly so you are the one who feed cats and left.this morning I saw the opening window is closed which the cat jumped in it one time.where is she, I screamed and tried to call her back until all of them wake up this morning with heart broken, I saw someone staired at me in it, they wanna to beat me down I guess, but I never fear of them and care about it and only wanna the cats.

She's every thin and I even booked cloths for her to wear , they are on the way being mailed.That's payments trusting wrong people. But the cat and cats aren't what I pay. Don't take them away from me.I could pay everything.

God. Bless them.God, lead me taking your ways and protect them ,they are your kids.A-men.

[5_33,12_20,2021]

Chinese communists would rather cut of old trees to protect their electrical lines, would rather frozen the cats hiding in their buildings instead of flea medicines to help cats ,would rather want money from their kids instead of cares of their kids.

Yesterday I bought a cake, the cheese in it was too long time to eat and it got green I saw the face of the boss who sold it to me pretended to be everything fine. I know this store sells unfresh food sometimes, but not this bad.lots of old people around buy cookies from them, and the money they make or buy cakes to sell is from the pockets of these old people to survive by these cookies now, and I ate these cakes.if I fight against them and they make troubles for these old people, I could never buy cakes from this store again, but how about other old people? they could give up consciousness for 5 CNY but I couldn't give up humanity for it.hope the store never sell bad cookies to them.or they deserve to close.

When I was a little girl, I often got ill. Parents treated me so well and sent me to communism hospitals frequently which normal Chinese could have no money or power to be in it until I told them not to do it, treat me badly, I might live longer.then they stopped to send me to see doctors and treat me badly, I grow up and live on.they believe it till now. What're truth? I know they wanna me to die by hands of communimsts and they don't wanna me or themselves to suffer too much on my death. And I also know that they are used, by communism hospitals or communism ways to use their kids unnoticed for communism .but they are two different things. I know they give me up but I don't give them up, I can't leave them alone to face a communism life instead of freeing me by leaving thus world. they almost kill me by them.I notice that communism could be a fatal weapon for anybody especial who's bad very early. then I would rather to die alone and lonely than connecting with communism and communists, it's a difficult decdesion but it works.then I escape from death times . And someone who fight against them and die, not because they are too weak, but because they are too faithful. Or, someone kill them and cover them up by suicide.

Communism and communists does Not exist for alive, but only dead and stuffs.And someone still wanna to use it for themselves, they must pay for it .

[19_23,12_19,2021]

Then he asked me a normal question like other foreigners: why you Chinese hurt, do and say bad to each other? I said it's because of bias.but I don't tell him all. Perhaps also because we are built and rebuilt by bias, but we are Not bias.

I watched other Chinese kids of families in China, parents who have arguments fights and wars between each other often don't have endings.they often get bad diseases and very painful and die with blood and tears and suffer longer.and some other parents who treat ,stay and talk with their kids well often die quickly ,peacefully and easily.except someone who die in accidents or using money to by expensive medicines and last their life by being sent to hospitals everyday for years.how much love and hate among them for themselves ?

Like Chinese communism Party which should has been disappeared from 1949 after wars in China and ww2,they just announce the world they built China and they are the only Chinese Party to rule everything everyone of Chinese and corrupt till 2021 this year. Times tells everything, not mouth.they just wanna money in pockets of Chinese and they say they wanna good lives of Chinese, they just wanna rule this country and they say they like this country to be free democracy and good, they just wanna to watch people being slaves of themselves and say they free the whole country.Times tells truth, not Chinese communists.how much they use and hate this country and Chinese , how many communists and power they have.

[13_53,12_19,2021]

fox2 asked me why I still don't suicide.actually if he asks any Chinese about it, most of them might slap him on his face twice or even punch him on his nose, even kill him.but I didn't. I slap him and I know it never could stop him to do any stupid things like this in my whole life. I told him life is not for being ended, but for respected. But I don't tell him, it's for others' life, not mine.perhaps my life is for fight.

I think there are three motives for someone to suicide, first they are thought they are the problems which could be never fixed or forgiven.second they fear death and it's used by someone else or something.third there are someone else or something they fear more than death.if someone tells them they are not problems, if they stop fearing and if they don't turn towards to death, suicide would not happen.suicide doesn't fix anything which should has been stopped, neither is murder and kill. And when they wanna to fix problems, they would not or choose suicide.

I also told him China now is like the Stanford prison experiment. So big population, so much despotism, so long history, Chinese are not only wanting payment from Chinese Party of communism, but also wanting surviving.who could change it? Anyone could stop it?

I don't like to be played or play someone time after time. When I'm forced to do or be something someone by someone else, I don't feel i belong to them. Cause I thought I belong to someone else. to be selfish and be selfish is not the same. Cause it's not nature as being selfish.it could be turned back when being selfish could be turned into selfishless also.marry what I love instead of how I live.I'm happy when I see others stay with with their families,although I can't stay well with mine because of communism politics or even being in China with lots of Chinese.cause i still wanna to stay well with my parents.I still hope to.if what i gain is what I lost, what I lost is what I gain also.

Everything about Chinese communism is wrong and everything about American capitalism is right, it's not freedom, it's anti communism, parts of communism also.now I see why fox2 doesn't trust me.kosher don't eat pigs , it's Not because they love pigs, but because they believe pigs are Not clean. fox is always a fox, not anti carnism. Freedom is always freedom, not anti communismm.

I'm too dirty of communims to be trusted for fox2, is that why he called me a pig for being treated badly? More I fight against communism online, more others stay away from me under line. Isn't it what I want because I'm too crazy to stay with? Perhaps I'm too unstable to marry also for anybody.

[11_11,12_17,2021]Does human learn love from animals? Or only Chinese do? Like ancients Chinese who believe in Taoism to believe life coming from nature and going towards nature, everything is nature instead of Christians and Catholic believing that love comes from God and go towards God, everything is God.

Cats teach me to love others, when they get food they become good to be my rewards. dogs teach me to love myself.they are good for food like rewards for themselves.

Brains which are washed aren't only being washed by communism.people whose brains are washed , their behaviours  are changed also, habits, and lives. They obey more and more rules which are made by Chinese Party of communism and Chinese communism Party even when they don't like or want or need them but have to.and Chinese Party of communism makes them believe they are the only rules for all Chinese to obey in the world.they twist them.

I don't like my mom.she lies in her life usually, and her lies come from what she watches on communism TV news and her minds are lost by her favorite tv shows which are made by communists who have jobs to be Chinese actress and actors.she was so lovely a woman before.now mor she gets old, more frequently communism words she talks about.she's born in 1950s.like my dad who always is a Chinese communist still wanting to turn me into a communist, but never wanna to hurt my will. their birth year was one of the most darkest moment in the world.

Now it's more dark in China, but there's light already.Nothing stops moving on,and nobody gives up.is to be good enough?is to do right things enough? 

No.

I believed that rules is meant to be break. Then I see Chinese struggles ,fights against and also deny the world when they are rules by Chinese communists themselves instead of communism only. Communism of China is the most worst communism which it's never been before.they fear to break rules, they are scared to be punished by Chinese communists, and it's difficult for then to step put of the communism line,because they think when they do it they will be killed.

When unnecessary rules can't be broken from inside, force of outside will.when people couldn't be turned into normal by words and media, force and wars will.that's the rule, too.

My mom was deserved to someone else's stepped mom and had a rich life with them, but she would rather to be my mother under the name of original mother than to be someone else's mom under the name of love.cause she loves herself more than anything else,and want the others to love her in that way she likes when she doesn't want to pay for it.cause she thinks I owe her a rich life and good kid and a good husband which she gave them up on her own, and means to make me become communists for paying her back what she loses. She thinks she loves Chinese communism only,that's why dad loves her. But only dad loves her, and she doesn't even have balls to think a little bit that communism is what she hates most.if divorce can't change her, what can do? With taking assurances every month she still think Chinese Party of communism is the only perfect thing in the world and believe China would be best than ever before.unless she dies she will never know and believe what she believes is what means to kill her life little by little, when she lost her first baby because of plan of population if I'm right,someone crimes become crimes ,because their nature or self-respect never allow them to admit they are also victims.

I send food to cat for three day'afternoon, because a woman with her man who do the same things haven't appeared for 3 days.when I got there, I see all cats including some cats which don't show up in the early morning for me and my food waiting on the windowsill for their visits in cold weathers when I was angry at the couple and delete her in my phone,they were hungry, but they didn't like to get closed to me and only stopped there looking at me quietly, I felt I was so ugly inside by being pissed off by the disappearances of the woman. love bases on time.who send them food love them and care them, they never forget whatever they love  or care how others feel, whatever ways they are treated, or how much hard life is.they love ,not because who they are or what or how much they are given or could eat. They love in liberty. Although they are homeless cats, although they are hungry, although the woman only feed them overleft food which are garbage being asked from Chinese restaurants.but when they love, they are the most beautiful creatures of nature and God.I must misunderstood cats a lot.then I look at my cats again, I suddenly feel I never knew them before, never knew their ways to live, to love , to stay with this world until they leave, to be themselves.

They will be fine. so will be Chinese and everyone everything in the world. When there's love, there's life. 

America is America, Not heaven which can't never be corrupted or disappeared.But China is China, Not hell which can't never be changed and destroyed, neither.

Force wars violence make people suffer, to make national systems which make people suffer more break.

Black is not wrong ,white or yellow isn't wrong ,neither. But darkness is.

Problems between me and my parents are not only because that they lie to and betray me, but also because of that they believe in and trust communism and its politics which I don't. I want and try to stay well with them as their kids natruely and never give up, so I never am with and stand by communism which seperate us apart mentally and spiritually by lies and shits, or even be with and stand by themselves for communists always until it breaks apart.Eye for eye, teeth for teeth,not only even for who are still alive,but also ill, hurt and dead.

Chinese should be a hope of the world, not the end.

[19_40,12_15,2021] I talked with dad in dinner.I asked him about what he said that if Chinese communism Party breaks down what could.be do how could he live without retired payments and social assurances from it, how about his money from Chinese communism Party will disappear before it breaks down, if someday he would have no money to live on because Chinese Party communism stops and can't give him any social assurance any more when they take most of money escape abroad and hide always until it breaks down?

An dead Chinese in ancient time said thinking more,worrying less,but how about thinking wrongly, more thinking, more worried, more wrongly stepping further.

Dad says if I get sick I could not even get being healed because no money no assurance when it's too expensive to go to hospital. And all human can get sick whatever how much strong you are.I told him the day I get sick it'll be the day I die.he shuts up.

When people love each other, even if they don't love me, it makes me wanna to live on, to fight , having faith.to love each other is to save my life.but in Chinese circles online,I only see crowds of fishes mess up water in the bottom and doing best to covering themselves up from something or someone else , it shows up for me as reading things being confused,terrified,scared,fear,arrogance,ignorance,have fun,violence,blame,curse,madness,jokes,communism and poison words, and even lie and betrays.lie and betray and kill make me uncomfortable even when it's lie to bad ones and betray dangerous ones, or even kill evil ones.

Chinese communism Party effects so much abroad? Or it is&has so big a pproblem? or these Chinese abroad are so important for foreign countries and governments? Anything else?

[4_25,12_13,2021]

First love,first kiss,first night. When do I lose myself who feel I can change the whole world for just a little emotion to love,kiss,even sex? 

When do I lose myself who just wanna to do something without any purpose of money help attentions for living dependence or freedom?

Time heals every good, time kills every bad.

When do we forget the most beautiful things in our lives,when do we fill full of hates angry pains in our hearts,when do we look for cats porns politics to try to find what we lose back but walk on the wrong paths further?

When me and dad blame my mom starts to corrupt dad by cursing the difficult simple live for love to love each other and overcome it together , we start to forget disappearing paths to our future and rapes of life which have changed us for a very long time.

People corrupt each other by bad mood,purpose fun,negative attitudes,stupid behaviours and tempting thoughts, does only communism do it?

Know yourself and find yourself : but when do you lose yourself and not know yourself?

When I believe something, I don't believe it anymore.

Chinese don't need a country or government which is capitalism or communism , but only themselves.

[11_30,12_12,2021]

I like fox's opinion,  communists make Frankenstein which is Chinese communism Party to destroy themselves. For me Chinese nation has been the only nation which loves and is loved by communism so long so far so long so deep, like Quasimodo's only love which was the only one loving him back in the world, never had a nation like this,  ever will have no another nation like this.

[9_24,12_12,2021]

Dad says without communism what they can do, they will be beggars, homeless jobless hopeless, nobody and  can't even feed themselves till die lonely and alone when they get older. but for me with communism what they can do, rob ,cheat, lie and steal, being cursed, disliked, fucked and killed.he doesn't like communism, but he still lives on it. Cause people couldn't refuse communism because of being blamed but because communism is wrong.

Fox says communists create Frankenstein which is Chinese communism Party and then it's going to kill itself. he doesn't like communists, so he still fights against it. Cause he has God in heart which could have only God in his life and can't have any other 'god' anymore.

But I like the book about Quasimodo altbout it's too sad for me to read it all. I believe there are some goodness in badness, which is not bad at all, so there are some badness in goodness, which is not good at all.if human came from space to the earth, they are kids of aliens, they must learn how to love from animals to live here, or even sex with animals to have babies also.

Goodness and badness are based on different views.When someone love God, someone else love demons.nobody could say they love demons not as much as how much someone else love God.the personality says love is equal, so it makes love become a right of politics instead of nature of humanity, there's right to love and hate demon,there's right to love and hate God, too.then people fight for rights to love and hate whatever God or demon , not only God or demon anymore.then wars start.Is it normal?

[4_40,12_12,2021]

Or is it true America creates this big Frankenstein which are China and Chinese Party of communism even Chinese communists then is going to destroy it by itself?

Chinese communists thank to someone who were sacrificed by communists to save themselves , these people believed Chinese communism Party  , and do they indeed want to kill them?

But the only way to fix government's corruption without hurting government itself is to kill people, only for communism ? To kill people of other governments for saving own people for own governments?

God always takes good ones away to heaven quickly and forgives sinners to pay for their sins lively and send bad ones back to hell definitely.Is it the only reason why there are so few good ones in the world? 

Having good humanity doesn't mean being a good man.everyone has good humanity , but not everyone is good? Quasimodo is not Frankenstein, Frankenstein is only Frankenstein.So why someone like to judge own judgements and call it truth or lies to play themselves? Is it normal?

[18_25,12_11,2021]

dad drunk from a meal for dinner and he's happy then was very sad and depressed. As an old communist he told me Chinese now are too fake to be human again.someone who has dinner with him said he didn't know dad until dad called his brother and talked like friends by video online. 

I told him I don't like lie and being lied,neither. but often I don't expose them unless they lie to my friends.then he looked sad and said thank you. What he did only was another real lie for the other communists, or in another word, Chinese .I don't think he did that for others who were friends of his or not. But perhaps his friends lie to or betray him first. As times as he tries, I respect him.I told him to quit communism circles many times, this time I still tell him so.

From my childhood parents always stop me to do anything, I fight against them and everything in my life.now I grow up I start to get closed to them, I don't understand.And i thank God making me too little to effect anybody. I can't effect them, neither they do.or in another word, the world which could be effected by a little person must become too messed up to clean up for itself.

People who lie often don't make money honest on their own but cheats, and communists always lie and never tell truth.I tell dad to stay them away and cats are honest than people, people aren't honest than cats.dad only tells me it's right when it's not : how much pay, how much gain.pay a lot, gain a lot, but in China. It's just a communism show.

I read someone Chinese abroad post online that they cry when they read some Japanese say forgive Chinese, they have no country power to protect it or support them but only rely on themselves.I piss off.I don't have any fucking country or government like communism China and Chinese government of communists only to be mine.I don't need them or any communism shit.

Some Chinese abroad talk a lot online about virus that it's released by wuhan China lab4 from 2019.even there are things which have been discussed about it before it by some American, like Bill Gates. And they effect me thinking about it or find the truth.And it's suspicious for me they could talk about it freely just because they are outside of China.

Is there possible before 2019 America or some other countries with America notice that Chinese communists wanted to do something to rule the world and threat their existences and hurt theories and they decided to use a virus to destroy and defeat Chinese communism Party by it? And Chinese communism Party says they should thank people who died in wuhan first for making times to keep Chinese communism Party surviving like what happened to 'win' ww2?

Or is it true Chinese communism Party killed these victims by virus for purpose to save itself from being killed by own corruption to be an alive monster which's going to be killed by the whole world?

Begin [7_50,12_10,2021]

China is or was as known as 'the world's factory' in past 30 years. cheap stuffs, cheap labors, cheap everything. Made in China has been so popular in many many countires on the earth until something's revealed.

• Output Cheap stuffs: fake goods, bad goods, real goods which're stolen,copied and smuggled from the others in ilegal ways for other countries'laws by Chinese laws legally. some phones explode and hurt kids, some machines have back doors to collect users' private informations and send them back to Chinese communism big data, some cars and motorcycles burn by themselves and people die in it,some food makes people weak everyday and some medicines and even drugs kill life everyday in every corner on the earth.

• Output Cheap labors: lots of Chinese move and immgrant abroad from 20 centuries under the name of themselves, under the name of right of asylum of America, now even under the name of Chinese communism governments. they work hard, live well, be friendly, although looks like having lots of screts, shit on the roads or curse each other by Chinese lanuages as low as they could , but they only want little payments, little awards, little worry, little cares, still make a lot for their employers, bosses, even families and friends, and they also eat everything, buy everything, sell everything from where they live to China and turn everything into money and put them in their pockets. like what a chinese communism politician says: Chinese could be alive by only eating grass.

• Output Cheap everything: friendships, marriages, orphans and politics. one China, different interpretations for Taiwan, one country two systems for Hong Kong,one road one belt for almost half of the world, everyone could make friends with Chinese, marry young and beautiful Chinese whatever they are men or women, adopt children from China for benefits, money, power even belief of communism of China when Chinese communism governments could take care of the rests for all of them. they all have background of Chinese communism Party and Chinese communism governments to be their supports, they are the only people who have moral guarantees from their own governments to do only good things instead of bad things.

Could all these three things chang the world into communism? 

no.they are covering something else up which could do. in Chinese Thirty-Six Stratagems the 8th one is advancing secretly by an unknown path. some Chinese never do 'losing business', doing business honestly and hard as best as they could as some great American do is to lose for them.and sadly these Chinese possibly are communists who are good at pretend and hide their real selves under the masks unnoticedly: when they pay one thing, it's to trap everything. advancing what?

• Output communists who are all 3 kinds cheap labors above including communism spies.
  

The question is : what's communist?

1. Opposite or Different for good and bad: good people could see who's good to them;bad peope could see demon who's bad to them. only good could see God;only bad could see demon.when God's in front of peple,only good people see God;when demon's in front of people, bad people see demon only.so perhaps demon could not see God by itself face to face, it's why it could poccess people who don't believe God sometimes to chanllege God, pepople are intermediary. but why people see the same things in different or opposite ways? what make them mix God and demon together as a same one when they are not? what's on people to make them do it? did someone seperate God and demon from a same one meanfully but never make them against each other in the past?
2. Believes about where American and Chinese come from and go to: American is like they come from God,and they will go back to God when Chinese is like they come from hell and they will go back to hell. what if they are not born like these, they come from same places and will go back there also, like God and heaven peacefully, like what Chinese Taoism always believe.Ancient Chinese and some Chinese believe that life comes from dusts of earth, either about themselves or life on the earth only when they don't come from earth,neither.only American see things from inside following lights? Chinese see things from outside towards darkness?
3. What about bible says about human comes from: Do American believe God because he's good or by what he says? Are human alines from space and land on the earth for reasons?and by life on the earth they learn love and love God, heaven, who they have been from where they came from till they die on the earth.and they reason is about the story which's about apple,tempt,snake,garden of Edean? but bible says human's born on the earth like Jesus does,not from space,is the earth,original place,or first place where human stay or settle on?
4. opposite or different for Capitalism and Communism: capitalism and communism , do they exist for each other? if communism disappear, so will capitalism? or capitalism has balls to disappear with communism? or communism could always be there ? or capitalism wants to stay together with communism which wanna balance only ? in another word, communism can't dsappear when capitalism still be there, unless the world changes for a third choice, a new option, without two of them in the worst status? the third choice or option is called nature.it's an endless end unless no day and night, god and demon,capitalism and communism, men and women, nothing left.
5. All is about different, not opposite: Sun and moon are different, not opposite.God and demon are different ,too. making sun against moon, making God against demon, wolf against sheep,cats against rats, dogs against cats, men against women,capitalism against communism, America against China, American against Chinese,  it's not only about the truth but secret of the universe, the world. human knows little, less than they could know. should they exist because they should exist for reasons? why cats get rats,dogs wanna cats,men get women, human pet dogs? actually dogs still kill cats and Chinese still kill dogs today in China. are they in a line for killing each other, or playing and loving? nature creats them when making them killing each other? playing each other, loving each other under the name of demon, animal or God?when do people try to ignore each others' personality but making anything against anything else? when someone use personality to start a war.
   
6. Is unarmed Chinese more dangerous than armed communism military in China:  Chinese can't have guns but only communism military has. is someone who don't have weapons more dangerous for someone who have weapons? or more stronger? or more greed? when someone who have guns more sick weak and little? because Chinese are so strong, they dont have guns? because American are so weak so they have guns? there's only one country llike a zoo.Chinese are in the zoo which's called China being watched by everybody and Chinese Party of communism who has guns in the world, especially in America.painful lions are in the cages of zoo when tourists who love each other smile, watch and sometimes throw food and stones towards them.
7. What's Communist and natures of different politics: politics of America is about humanity for God. Chinese communism politics is for nature of communism Party.what's nature of communism Party? it's communist itself: being things, especially being 'good' things for only communism Party, destory humanity and make a machine of communism, only listen to communists, not human being.they would believe nobody's born to be good like Jesus but only Chinese communists do.they believe only communism chairman is born to be right for all life. sometimes nature of communism Party is only about being a perfect machine which has no humanity , personality and ability of being alive. like the communist says, it's demon. but it's not demon itself. demon is who controls it. Chinese Party of communism wants to make communists who are machines of communism, no deny, no question,no refuse, no jealous, only allow, agree , accept and admire for being easy to be controled, ruled, effected and used. it's not like AI which's made by software, metal and technology - science is from belief of God by the way - but human.perfect things in hands of nobody is nothing, in hands of demon is fatal, in hands of God is angel, in hands of communists is communism. goodness can't be used anymore. 
8. Input communists all over the world for self: someone knows that all communists in manager level of China have lots of problems, ambitions, corruptions, greed, rapes, murders, even evil and still doing everything wrong for keeping letting China output communists to the world because of their super 'obeylity' as super cheap costs when they think these Chinese communists would never lose control under the super  'power' of Chinese Party of Communism which makes them 'lose control' correctly in time,like put key of own house in thieves' hands . is it their way to believe God, love families and protect their countries? or only their money, power and themselves?

By all above, when communists are needed for political purposes, they never disappear. when they don't die for political purpose, they never can't be trusted. when they are alive for others' purpose,  they could be always used. communists are born from (inter)national political needs and are property of communism countries,tools of communism Party, (inter)national political machines being made by communism and ww2 which're controlled by Chinese communism Party in appearance to be sold, to be uses, to be deleted for someone else who start and use it and end it for themselves. cause when they are communists, whatever how much they are, they are always communists.When someday good citizens, husbands families friends companies suddenly become crime,terrorists and someone finishing your life and lives like cancer cells as communists who you don't know, are you ready for it?

End [20_38,12_10,2021]

[23_22,12_9,2021]I could believe fox doesn't tell everything about his illness.God help save protect him , for it I could go everywhere, be anybody, do anything.

[4_44,12_,9,2021]America is the super country in the world. There are so many Chinese,immigrants, muslism and communists and terrorists in it, America is still America and own owe natrue, whatever how much it changes, how much strong weapons they have, it uses itself changing these bad people into good ways peacefully inside instead of weapons to attack their motherlands and kill people in their hometowns today. With other countries, New Zealand, Australia, Canada, which stand by it or do same things this time, they have respect, and deserve respect, too.

Today's zombie doesn't only wanna blood, luxury cloths, big houses, famous cars, delicious food, banks cards, haircuts, money, power and rights make them move and act also.

Yesterday someone said I'm keeping going on with or against Chinese Party of communism which isn't good for them, but he doesn't say it's good for them,neither. Perhaps he's right, it's a war which there's always losing. But lost in the past, doesn't mean it will lose in the future.

[7_38,12_6]when I leave or die, I leave or die cleanly, by clean stuff, including clean money, which isn't made by any lie, murder, or cheat; no hate,no confuse,no regrets, no lie, no kidding, no politics.

No Chinese be sacrificed for me unless I'm sacrificed,no American left behind for me unless im left behind, too.

I think when my parents were young they did the same things.that's why they still are here with me instead of having own lives and immigrant.I wish they left China when I was young, never come back , whatever it pays. But I can't do it, how could I request them to do it when I can't?

[14_04,12_5]what's somebody?

[11_00,12_4] i aren't born to have communism money and life of communism, I have been almost killed by them,they are poison which I could not eat as big meals like others do.That's why I would rather make some little money out of communism firewall only in my country than do a big communism job in it to put money of the others in my pocket as much as I could. born to be a goat , can't pretend to be a wolf. They eat different, just keep starving , or turn into zombie or vampire in the end.

Born to be nobody, how could be somebody.

[5_6_12_4]was it right using Mr fox to have a sex with me? Whatever he had cancer or not, I never  regret for it.because I love it.

[3_48_12_4]when I was a kid I told myself all pains and suffers and tragic and everything of life of mine would end when I grow up and I would leave here someday and had my own home. when I grow up I think my childhood was just a start of tragic and everything.yes, everything, everything in my life is a gift instead of tragic only when I give up.

[2_28_12_4]Love is about and for my whole life.whatever happens, whatever how it ends.

My parents force me to date someone again who they like again and cut into my life by marriage when I wear high heels for the first time with black cloths like a bad bitch for them . I refuse always . She said it's delaying me for my sake by Mr fox who helped me by showing up to be against my parents for stopping them trying to find myife and saving me from killing myself for it when they say nobody wants me.I asked her back what's delay for a woman ? To marry someone for money for job for works for food for breath for live and have a kid she doesn't like at all by bullying blaming blackmailing her in rest of her life is to delay her, to have a better life or go to afterlife or heaven. What's woman for her ? Stuffs? Abandon after being used? being playboy and easygirl are not good for anybody . How could anybody like my parents be proud of being like that and teach their kids to be bad for honoring parents themselves ? For being insane,innocent?  for being shamed? I asked them back am I some Chinese who blame and force their parents to send them abroad by asking for money being made by corrupted and harming Chinese and crimes or they will suicide , or do I request them to sell their organs and hold knife ox sticks to buy what I want, to let them sell me to communism schools or military for being washed brains ? Do I bully them to bring rich and young handsome communists for me to marry and don't need to work but enjoy what others have in rest of my life instead of mine? Do I kneel on my feet to beg them being for going to communism schools,kept working in communism military and joined in communism organizations for fame and not to be looked down and made troubles by neighborhoods,for a better life which is built on others' pains tears and even death and sacrifices for me who don't deserve any of them , to be a bitch or a whore, a bad women,a victim or anybody else? No. Only they do, threat blackmail and harm me to do communism things to be communist to service them by their own life, or they will kill themselves, judge me good kid and morality or not by how much loyal I am to themselves, for communism Party of China instead of being a Chinese,being myself, love me by how many things I do for what they love instead of how much I don't like it, take care of themselves by money I use on them instead of caring homeless cats, little animals, poor people who need help and the damaged nature and the whole falling world. Only my parents do these to me.The only times when I hold knife in my hands is to protect myself from men who make me nervous and try to kill the myself after being raped when my parents want to abandon me for it. I'm nothing for anybody else but a tool to keep them living. And I don't wanna anything anybody from the others from this world but what I have on my own. I do what I wanna to do, they don't help me but keeping disturbing me. That's not my fault. I have my own life, nobody else's.when anybody cuts in my life I don't like , I just wanna to give up my life. And when anybody I don't like knows it but still keeping cutting in my life, like my parents who are Chinese communists do, what they only wanna is to kill me by and for themselves. I'm too stupid to revenge for my parents to Chinese communists by filling anger hate sins in my heart, shouldn't demons be more smarter than I am?

Trump can't win the next election for winning Chinese communists, but win election when he defeats Chinese communists if he's not a communist.the progress for his back should be the result instead of starts of a progress. But some Chinese on Twitter say he'll be back for defeating and winning Chinese communists, I don't understand but is it another way to let him be democracy party's scapegoats? Or they want him back for own purpose, or wish Trump's a communist? I know some bad ass like my mom use to think people who expect them to be good ass owing them what they should have been for forcing the others to do what they want to be as bad ass themselves . This is why to expect isn't right. But I don't think trump should be a hero who only does a show. Like what Mr fox and hedgehog do. I don't trust American by myself .

Yesterday I got all cat dry food I booked online , moved them in my room , hide them from my parents,  so I could take them to check cats everyday without being stopped by them,some of them had good prices but don't smell health for cats, so I booked some leftover chicken chests online again to cook them and keep them in the glass cans and will mix them in them, pray the dry food will not hurt them but help them overcome the colder winter of this year.God bless them, all life towards him,  God bless this world.now teeth hurts,belly hurts, yesterday I forgot and missed the showtime until I remembered it at lunchtime, so in the afternoon I checked cats again and gave a sausage to the cat which didn't eat anything I brought to him and some other cats didn't eat them,neither,  in the earlier morning , because I cooked the chicken livers and chests last night and didn't put them outside of my window, by higher temperature of my room inside, they went little sour and I didn't notice it. My fault. And some cats need medicines again for mouths,they don't eat well or good food enough.I need to do some more I could, only by God.

[18_48_12_1]today I rebuilt and cleaned the shelter for street cats again which is made by abandoned furniture in garbage.it's been years and rains snow is damaging it.although it looks well by appearance and there's anti water painting outside of it, but after someone who live there destroyed the roof of it in rainy days and wet inside, the woods start to be dust from inside with bugs settling in it  by eggs. Like Chinese Party of communism and China,even Chinese.in the end the shelter will become garbage again and dust, but it will become itself finally.

Communism is only reasonable in an totally closed and absolutely limited conditions. But any country in the world is part of the world, including China.and when they are parts of the world, they corrupt communism when they are communists to corrupt world also. The process of corruption for Chinese communism is to become the world out of China, in another world, to become China itself.I should thank Chinese and communists who escape from China and immigrant abroad.they speed up the process these years, but I could never thank, like what Chinese communists blame to Chinese , and only apologize to people and each life being killed by wuhan virus.Chinese communists are bad, but I never thought they are too bad to be suffered by myself anymore.If nobody does something or help some good Chinese to protect their country, either the world become dust as communism or communism become dust to return the world until nothing left.

Do Chinese communists in China have power? Every one of them worry and fear each other to be sold and hurt and betrayed and cheated for being stepped stones, no power at all, power of communism which is the power of all powers and best political Party in the world to rule the world for being the top as god ?no one sees it, no one proves it , no one makes it come true, no one has it , only gossip for it, it's a lie. I aren't born to be somebody but nobody who only pray there's only one or few ones for me to be trusted when fighting against demons back to back. And who wanna to be some communism captains who can't be them more than 3 or 40 years by risking own life to be killed in pieces by all Chinese who will be against them for what communists have done from the very beginning? do Chinese communists think when they don't have payments from communism governments Chinese will pay them again ? Do Chinese communists not know how do they built communism governments in China by killing rob good guys and rich families, all of them? After costing ,wasting,  corrupting, moving and sending all money abroad Chinese communists in China's pockets are empty, history is similar when people never change.when only guns are chosen to be left in hands of Chinese communists what will they do to Chinese again? Give guns back to Chinese ? Or fire to them for  building another new China? Yes, Deng Xiaoping said let few Chinese to be rich first.but he didn't say let these few rich Chinese to help the rest of Chinese to be rich secondly. So then? Nothing next. These few Chinese are communists today, Deng died naturely. Soul could be in hell only by dealing with demons for being alive longer with sacrificing others lives.

Perhaps Chinese communists you indeed wanna to have eternal life forever as what some communists talk about. I don't think it's because you believe in Taoism or Buddha, even God, but just wanna to laugh: are you too scared to go to hell after you die?