{16-33,3-1,2022}

Never too humble to ask for help, never too arrogant to thank for it.

{7-22,3-1,2022}

ancient Chinese always say: there's no never-ending feast in the world.even if there're one thousand years to be with, the day to seperate with each other is never gone.

Let them leave.Russia.

I know in the bottom of your heart you love Ukraine, love their people, love the whole world.I know that you know what you are doing.

Set them free, set yourself free, too.Putin.

p.s Never thought i could draw it again.Thanks, Otter rog.

{7-06,2-28,2022}

All parents and whom will parents in rest of your lives, one more day you connect and deal with communists now are destroying one more day of your children's future.

Don't do that.

Your enemy is behind you,not in front, Russia, Putin, your soldiers and young kids are dying, can't you see it? Are you blind? Nut?

Stay away from the world, China, stay away from Russia and Putin, Chinese Party of communists. You can't mess me up, you can't mess them up, neither.

Perhaps he's just both nut and blind, like my communism mom or dad who's not only psycho but also deaf for enjoying taking advantages and bullying whoever are their aims.

{17-54,2-27,2022}

I don't mean sex is gift of God to have babies only, but also means sex is a very saint thing to do for being selves.

i wanna to say if someone could marry me and make me his wife or mom of his kids it would save dignity of mine to be a woman.but, on another side to say, who could do this for or to me when I'm neither wanna only to be a woman nor a man but a human kind.

The point is that: If I'm indeed worthy to be saved, or am the one who has dignity of woman to marry and have baby, shouldn't I save my dignity of being woman or to be woman on my own?  

So next time if someone wants me to call them dad again on cb , could I tell them to go fuck themselves?

{17-53,2-26,2022}

No, Putin isn't crazy. But what 'he' did this time to Ukraine is crazy, crime, and coward. And also it's what he is when he is 'himself'.

I read that Ukrain President acted a funny movie before.actors and actresses have their own dignityies, characters and experiences. Putin worked as an agent of Russia for years before he's President.being an agent is being serious, cautious, and even suspicious. especially when they both have power.

For Ukraine to join in NATO is a taboo for Russia, especially for Putin, is a dead zone for a very long time. When Ukraine wants to join in NATO this year, although the whole world tells Putin it's all right and not right to attack Ukraine at all for it. it still makes him depressed a lot.it is released by dangerous and evil tempts and slanders, and when it exploded, he fired a war.

Seeing clear what China does to Russia for pushing a war starting by hands of the latter to screw up others' motherland and Russia and even Putin himself instead of themselves'. Like how much they want to destroy other countries by one belt one road, one country two systems, and 1992 consensus. Actually Ukraine is one of countries on the map of one belt one road of China, too. Chinese communists wanted to use hands of Russia to take this thorn in the eye out for a very long time also.it's too communism to be ignored. Honestly most of Chinese and communists told the world Russia would not attack Ukraine, first they like to say everything in a dramatic way to cover up what they want, second they are hypocritical, third they thought Putin and Russia were under control.

Chinese communism Party and communists don't only shit, but eat also. So there's a question for China and communists: does China Chinese communism Party wanted to use hand of Russia and Putin by a mean-to-fail war to take Ukraine down for its one belt one road or something else also? What do you want? There are a lot of ways to do right things for God, but no way to be above .

{15-33,2-26,2022}

these years Chinese and communists always say life is fated, to be rich or to be poor is fated.

So what's life? life which must be chosen, genetic recombination,  kidnapped , breed , produced ,sold and killed?So what's rich or poor? communists who are rich and corrupted for demon could be in heaven only when normal people who are poor and against communists for God must go to hell?

Is it right to sell cats dogs for being toys slaves and even stuffs to benefit human themselves by natures of cats dogs which knowing and understanding human races well when human notice it?

Is it right to use and sell woman even human like this also? Just because they could know and understand human and human world well, so they deserve to be used and sold by human when they are human themselves?

{3-55,2-26,2022}

politics never exsits as what normal people wanna to. If it does, normal people are not normal anymore.it has power. Perhaps that's why it makes someone get crazy for it.

What if Ukraine has been cut in so deep by China and Russia, to join in NATO is to cut in it for China and Russia. And China Russia attack it for forcing NATO to accept Ukraine which's Trojan horse whatever Ukraine wants or not.

wars are shows of politicians, only normal people die for them. 

What are wars in history for except power and benefits when there's a word which is called politics? dictators, tyrants, autocracy, nationalism, communism, Nazi,even crimes , who could take blame for them?

Politics is war. Even if nobody can take the blame of the past, anybody can still take the responsibility of the future.

I wish I wanted to immigrant Ukraine in my past, even just once. God bless you, Ukraine,God bless your President and families, friends, lovers, God bless you all.any help should be appreciated.

{10-43,2-25,2022}

now I know why crosses in Chinese churches are red.these crosses are made by money which is made by blood and death of others for communists.when blood and death are power to make people fear, it's fake cross. Or demon.

{7-59,2-25,2022}

Chinese and communists always say life is pre-settled, to be rich or to be poor is pre-settled, this is my pre-settled life, treating these life well for each other is pre-settled when they buy life of animals and human's to be pets and wives and girlfriends and toys and everything then abandon, torture, laugh at them even jail and kill them whatever they live or die or not and calls it's their llife and nobody can and should do anything to change it and help them.

What's life for them?

Is it life which they can sell, buy, use, rule and control by money and power? Or only life which they can breed, plan, produce ,sell and buy,use and betray , hurt and attack, rule and control is life? 

First Chinese communists use wuhan virus, using it and vaccines collecting money for wars, and take Hong Kong for money also, then Russia takes Ukraine, then China takes Taiwan or even go straight white house and America. Ukraine will win.but what would they lose?

Wars start from virus.even trump couldn't stop it.now Biden just is scared to shit.

{23-34,2-24,2022}

how could they pay money to the others for someone to kill someone? Rescue little animals for own benefits ,kidnap, vet treatment for money and fame, hospital treatment for communism and governments, political wars for power  , viewers, spectors , lobbyist for fun, for sex, for any other things and so on. just go to do jobs of and admit themselves serious killers, isn't everything more clearer enough!

It makes me feel that everybody just wants me to be a serious killer to kill them in China by treating me and life of little animals in these ways when each of them has already been.

It's insane, not right at all.

God, I'm here.bless all of them.bless me.everytime when I ask for help from the others I only become problems of the others. Do I have problem?

{19-39,2-24,2022}

dress the cat which's still sneeze up with a new cloth for the homeless cat which i had only feed her several times in the winter and she's missing for a very long time and it hurts my heart.the night is cold for the short furry cat like this. I remember that in the place the cat walked around for food there's a store which has or had a similiar cat like this. and it's gone for a while after they have dogs which chased that cat a lot. and the male store owner doesn't like that, when i bought a drink that day, i heard his wife asked that where's the cat, and the man yelled the cat died. then started to touch his wife's dress to lift it up. and she screamed that it's cold . they lost the cat or they abandoned the cat? if i ask them about the cat, and they admit it's their cat, will they abandon the cat again, will the cat be back again? or just die.

snowy still has painful mouth. and doesn't eat a little bit when other cats rob her cats by scratching her and fights. Without teeth she could only lick and even can't eat her favor cans. Toothless cats cacan't not survive on their own but have to adopted. Teeth could never grow back.they just used snowy to do test for own benefits. taking away her teeth from her is a mistake. And I caught her for rat woman because she wants me to make mistakes for herself to control me. everything gets fucking worse because I didn't stop them cutting in for snowy when I trusted them.and it's all my fault. And the payment is rest life of snowy.money can't buy anything especially responsibility.someone who buy responsibility or love or truth or anything by money could only be responsibility for money itself.

most cats show up at night when i checked the homeless cat. i will try to get closed to her tomorrow.she doesn't wanna to get closed to me.hope rat woman stays away from her and don't try to catch her again and scare her so much.

rat woman and snake woman put food which are rice with little fishes there, but cats still are happy to see me and ask food from me, i often take dry food for them. didn't take much for them.just little bit.and it's almost running out.

{15-51,2-24,2022}

honestly, snowy was fine frist,relax and happy, after using medicines, they gave her hormons,too, she immidiately could eat well on the first day. then they took off teeth of hers. then i asked the rat woman when snowy could leave the vet, she said she paid 6 days bills for living in the vet.then on the 4th day's night i asked the doctor, he said she could stay there longer. then on the 5th day snowy started to get sick again, no eat, no drink and looked very scared and nervous.the nurses told me they reduced the medicines on her with a threating look at me.then i messaged the rat woman and she pissed off and pushed me to beg the doctor to low the price for her to pay other days to live in the vet for treatments. I refuse.in the eariler morning of 6th day i picked her up and set her free.she seems very happy again and jumps runs fast than before.

snowy turned weak after i asked about the day to leave for her. i suspect they used the rat woman who loves to be used to push me to compromise for own benefits ,for more money. Or even wanted to kick her out of the vet( for save her  , or for nothing to make anymore when they knew rat woman needed 'an operation' , for me it should be on her insane minds) .and suspect they used some medicines which have very bad side effect to make her look good then go worse, for more money to live in vet and treatments.i never had chance to know what happened on snowy these days although i checked her 3 times a day.and almost run out of all of cat food and my money for cats to buy some food for snowy to recovery. but she's happy and seems healthy now,and still alive, it's worhty.

then on my way to get food for cats again with the rest of money i saw another homeless cats sneezing on the road asking food from everybody passing by and never stop for the cat including cars which it wanted to jump up. a taxi driver told me it's a homeless cat which had been around there for days and asked for food from him. but the cat never got closed to him when he tried to get closed to the cat. so I pick the cat back when the cat got closed to me and post online to see if anybody could adopt the cat.i try to see how to find its owner because it looks like not going very further away from home although being thin. God bless the cat to find and have a forever home and families who love her/him very very very very much till the end.

sometimes I wish i was never born in China so i could not even see such little animals suffering  and can't leave them alone on the edge of death. 

{21-46,2-3,2022}

the rat woman insisted on keeping snowy in the vet to be given more medicines when she has already had problems to eat and thick because of side effect medicines for mouth problems.

I refused. She wanted to argue by noises and evil insane disgusting mean words for attacking me.I didn't do that to her.she wants me to believe doctors and nurses who they are paid by her money in the vet are 'gods'.so she said she would pay more for snowy to heal her mouth. And i say no, I only believe in the only God who believe in love and create everything in the world. To be healthy doesn't need to sell souls.

{10-30,2-3,2022}

From when fighting against Chinese Party of communism and communism becomes a word wide movement by Chinese in the world? What kind of crisis of communists can make these coward Chinese and communists abroad move their asses to care ,rescue and cut in a screwing-up Chinese female victim in China by this country which they run out from for years ? 18 years old Eileen Gu and 38 years old 8 kids' woman are not the truth of only crime of Chinese Party of communism and especially communism. If only  going abroad of china could defeat communists , why only Chinese who run abroad focus on it instead of when they were or are still in China? just trapping who believe illusions they make to make money, perhaps by asking for donation, or cheating who love cheap lies for grabbing powers, perhaps by control media informations.both of them are not the truth.

Someone said 'wheels of justice find slow but grind fine'.in another world, you can run, but you can't hide.

{9-44,2-23,2022}

This morning went to the vet to check snowy again.She's fine.She's very comfortable there, and don't wanna to leave me or there , she puts on weight everyday because of good cares and warm stable places to rest and settle.she feels very proud. She should be left tomorrow as the rat woman who tells me she might get a tumor on one kidney and needs an operation these days soon.says for her payment.And i want to adopt her and another cat, but how could that be possible to do it. No more space. And i 'm still trying to make money to cash in the end of this month to get food for them , cat food almost run out. It can't be delayed and we must make it.

Two owners lost their pets these days in the vet when I stay with snowy.one was a cat in the evening before yesterday , another was a dog this morning .the owner of the cat cries a lot and talked with her cat, I cried and stopped my tears. And the owner of the dog cried quietly and I felt sad for her and helped the nurse to package the body for her to take away for burying.and an old woman with her dogs who I make friends with still is sad with her dog which has a deep hole on its back and is difficult to afford hundreds for the treatment everyday.I find some medicines and ways to heal the wound for her dog and would try to tell her if she could accept and trust them.and just hope her dog will be fine.

And I share cans with an adopted cat by the vet.I like her although she looks like more than 17 years old with some disable function on her mouth.

 {7-20,2-22,2022}

why there's no surprise that more and more Chinese going and immigrating abroad is just because Chinese abroad taking, charging , making , and tempting them out mainly.

It's not a coincident that Chinese are more and more abroad.

Can decide which Chinese in China to go abroad for themselves, which Chinese not to, if it's not a superiority , what is it?

Everything seems like a business for Chinese, even belief when God could 'make them rich in pockets and no lack of food and water'.

Why stories of 8 kids' mom in China is spread by Chinese in foreign countries online abroad everywhere when Eileen Gu took the gold in Beijing at the same time? For me Eileen Gu's story tells me what's kind of mom, what's kind of daughter.her behaviors are as same as her mom does. What Eileen Gu does is as same as some other Chinese abroad do, living in another country absolutely when even for making money in China relatively, live another place as themselves when thinking of pockets of Chinese .8kids' mom is sacrificed by Chinese Party of communists again , including some Chinese, for their own benefits by using and playing nationality of politics. The only difference is how much greed and things they are and want, understand, trust, respect, supports, companies, fame, champions, money, power, and live.

People are born with sins.how do they set themselves free by using each other? Just using each other to live 'better' by mouths and words.

All shit. She's not a painful mom with 8 kids, but only an woman for me and was a girl, a victim  like me.

{19-42,2-21,2022}

I feel I can't blame my parents about their foolish stupid ridiculous insane and sick minds on everything, cause when they were kids and teenager and young and life aged till now over 60+ years old this country, this political communism Party,this city where they are born ,live ,settle and service, survive in have been more than them.

So will be mine.

This vet has a lot of problems. Doctors, nurses and medicines, that's why except spay cats and never want to go there with cats.rat woman is a part of them.

{7-43,2-21,2022}

checks snowball and she started to eat dry food, she's very hungry and in the litter box there were red pee again, twice.after I cleaned the box she pee again and it's normal, no blood.keep an eye on her still.and will take more cat litter there instead of buying a new bag of it in the vet.

Checking out everything happened these days about snowball. Are my reflections on everything depressed and effected by Chinese party of communism and Chinese culture which depressing me and any other here to make everybody betraying and separating from each other for its own power and rules? Have even 100 years like this? Anybody who leaving China and escaping from this depress and going abroad and have lives well instead of fighting against  this depress and communists is anyone who betray people here when they promise to fight for God and anything right?

{3-27,2-21,2022}

When communists keep using more money to try to add life's value of themselves and others' for communism, judge value of life by how much money they are cost and spent whatever animals' or human's or themselves' , whatever they suffer or not for it, like them or not,can overcome it or not, die or live, even go to the communism church to pray for their  communism behaviors and belief in communism, singing to thank God for communism carriers,is it the excuse of theirs to do bad communism things, having second women or men, even second kid secretly, corrupt more money to be richer without noticing people's tragic lives for making them feeling rich in their heads instead of hearts when they have taken much more money of others for surviving in China, even in the world for themselves?

Rogues are not only male, but also female, like liars.

Love is such a little thing than and different from everything including paying money or bills, using power to do something or rule ,keep on loving. Snowball is in big troubles and problems now on her organs because of the medicines the vet using on her now for her mouth and strange mousey environment for interstitial cystitis. she has already pee blood once before the operation now she's shot infusion more. Her body is suffering for nothing and nobody. is that the way of the vet to make money by hurting animals first then healing them for benefits. Not the time to give up. Not this time to let her go.losing teeth is the first way to heal teeth.but her kidney can't suffer so much infusions, and started to pee blood even before the operation.fuck rat woman who having kidney disease. You have diseases of kidney, it's never cats' fault especially snowball's unless you fuck the second man to make money for your own businesses.

You never need to tell me your private life on secrets.but you can't hurt or kill cats to exchange their life for yours, pleasing yourself on pains weakness of cats because of your own mistakes.never.

God helps snowball, keep her safe from demons, heal her heart and soul, and gives her back to me from hands of painful darkness and cold death.

Why rat woman and the vet use 7 days to stay in hospital? Seven days for Jesus to reborn, seven days for normal healthy innocent life to fucking die out.

{21-10,2-20,2022}

after telling the whole stories about these things I feel clear now. And there's a question appearing: why people having hands and feet on their own service and work for heartless souless communists who always move by their heads and rascality? Are they communists, too ? Or only for money in their pockets? 

When communists keep using more money to try to add life's value of themselves and others' for communism, judge value of life by how much money they are cost and spent whatever animals' or human's or themselves' , whatever they suffer or not for it, like them or not,can overcome it or not, die or live, even go to the communism church to pray for their  communism behaviors and belief in communism, singing to thank God for communism carriers,is it the excuse of theirs to do bad communism things, having second women or men, even second kid secretly, corrupt more money to be richer without noticing people's tragic lives for making them feeling rich in their heads instead of hearts when they have taken much more money of others for surviving in China, even in the world for themselves?

Rogues are not only male, but also female, like liars.

Love is such a little thing than everything,keep on doing it. Snowball is in bigger troubles now. Not the time to give up. Not this time to let her go.losing teeth is the first way to heal teeth.but her kidney can't suffer so much infusions, and started to pee blood even before the operation.fuck rat woman who having kidney disease. You have diseases of kidney, it's never cats' fault especially snowball's unless you fuck the second man to make money for your own businesses.

{18-41,2-20,2022}

operation for snowball girl is successful. but i don't feel good very much today.because i tried to wake her up for a very long time after the operation by effects of narcotic.she started to wake up, but when rat woman came in, her eyes opened widely, like rat woman's her human, not me.I guess she's either scared of her, or love her. And she lost all her teeth when she doesn't wanna to. That's the point.

yesterday rat woman who put food and water for stray cats then left quickly without wathcing them and staying with them for a while to see if everything is okay or not because of being busy for her business connected me and begged me to catch snowball for her, she can't catch her, snowball doesn't trust her, and she's curious about her painful teeth when eating and it made her feel bad.it makes me curious . But in the end I still don't know what happen to her teeth or mouth and neither she nor the doctor tells me about it or wanna to when I take care of her alone. snowball is the cat which i have taken care for 5 years by my food and her name is named by fox. After refusing rat woman's requests to donate me cat food times which she has already donate food and money to snack woman, I don't wanna to do it, I don't wanna snowball to suffer it. Because I don't trust vets or her who seems to kill her for saving her more food to other stray cats and dogs and i know it's not good for both snowball and me and the teeth perhaps wasn't that bad for the vet which use to charge much money to cut off, take away everything from little animals and pets.my cat riley had problem of one eye, the doctor said it must be cut off or he would die soon. i didn't do it and fox said no, neither. then i found medinces to heal his eyes, now he could see well and is more than 4 years old healthily. she said she just wanted to send her see the doctor to see what happened, if there's a bone they would take it out.if anywhere hurt, they would give her medicines.and she said she would pay the bills. then i said yes. then all tragic happened.

i follwed her 30 minutes then she avoided from me even when i had food in my hands.then i stopped following her and called her back, she got closed to me quickly for food. and when she ate dry food, i took her into the bag i made for stray cats. it only spent 1 minute.she's very comfortable in it and felt warm. i was so sorry that i couldn't adopt her and told her that she would be go to the vet to check teeth. i waited rat woman for 30 minutes until she drove here then took snowball and left to the vet. snake woman was there , too, she tried to force me to go with her, then i refused, because it's already 16:00 pm and i didn't tell my parents i was outside for stray cats.snake woman piss off to me for nothing, i felt i did wrong things, then rat woman said it's okay, then left.

then rat woman messged me the doctor said snowball has serious teeth problems, need to give up all teeth by 880cny+20cny for a can. and she had already paid all the bills and made the operation yesterday.i felt so depressed, not because i can't afford it and still working on making money for cat food, but because it means snowball would lose all her teeth when she could ate well happily and a lot still this morning. i feel im cheated.i don't think it's too serious to keep her teeth there without any hard works to do.I thanked her to help snowball and hoped the operation went well and the rat woman said yes and it's better that someone would adopt her.

yesterday i worked in cb till 11:00am until she messaged me and said snowball looked dying when the doctor said no time to pull her teeth until today, rat woman said she alreayd left there and went home for lunch.i immidiately took some food for stray cats and gave them food and after that went to the vet with the litter box she asks for for snowball.i saw snowball hided in the corner and didn't wanna to eat or drink.and didn't see anybody getting closed to her with infusion.i called her and pet her, she looked at me and scratched me once, then started to eat fish cans a lot.two of them and started to wash face and take a bath.don't know why but when she scratch me i feel happy because she still has strength.i talked to the doctor and he said the operation would be today's morning when watching snowball to see if she's all right indeed or not and then took care of other dogs and cats.many customers yesterday, and stayed with snowball for 2 hours , she ate some fish cans, and had first pee in the litter box. I was so happy. 

and i made friends with another woman who's with her dog next to the shelther of snowball's.we talked happily about how to take care of pets and life with pets, she's so unpleasant and didn't feel safe in the vet until i helped her and tell her how to take care of herself by pets. i told her she's the only one her dog cares ,and you care your dog, too. so take care of each other and never give up. she looked like having tears but then she started to smile, she's a very sweet good and strong woman , so is her dog which has been cut off one kidney because of a metal joint for bladder catheter made in China,she was not told about it and she even didn't know about it . now the dog has a hole on its back leg,the blood stops bleeding, but the hole's still there. she said she would almost die because of worrying the dog and hundreds cny of bills everyday to go to the vet.after we talked she feels a lot of better until the rat woman came and started to piss off on me again loudly. the woman stayed away from me and rat woman and hide in another room, the rat woman started to blame me about only staying and sitting there doing nothing but chatting with a stranger when doctors were all busy on taking care of others. it made me feel it's my fault that so many patients there and i only used her money to play in the vet and made friends. the rat woman showed up once for 1 minutes after messaging me a lot to force the doctor to do the operation yesterday then left.i told her doctors were very busy and lots of patients here.she still doesn't feel satisfied on eveything i did.

at night she messaged me again and talked a lot about the doctor how bad he is and she paid the operation for yesterday but the operation had to be done later.and piss off again to me and asked me why the doctor didn't do the operation in the afternoon, I told her never do evil things to win evil, never follow evil people, never being possessed by power which could decide whom to live, whom to die when she asked the doctor why he does it. she said she's so disappointed on him because he insisted on giving up a cat when he still insisted on saving the cat until the cat died. becasue she thought the cat would die and nothing nobody could help it anymore. then i asked her if you disappoint once on him, how many times he disappointed on owners of pets he helps? more people helping stray little animals in China , more stray little animals could be saved.if the doctors couldn't do it when he suffers a lot for them and becomes too bad like her words, it only means nobody of her and me could do it and everything has already been changed.then she said she just kidding to make me laught. and i never think it's funny, but sad.then she added me in a wechat group which she builds up without my agreement and calls it group to take care of snowball which is in the vet, only me, her and other 7 nurses and the doctor in it.and told me it's for taking care of snowball in the vet.

on my way home I told the rat woman i had work to do and couldn't go to the vet if she could be there and she said she needs to join the worthship today and coudln't show up till it ends.

then today i decided giving up shows on cb and wake up eariler and took a can with me and a bottle of water for me to be with snowball. i messaged fox and he doesn't even answer any of them, feel like he's pissed off  on me, neither. i worry about him, but can't connect him when i need him, and otter and squrriel, i dont think they wanna help or patience about my life with cats. so i feel i must do what i can do well and be with snowball when she needs someone to be with, like to pet her to tell everything is all right, like to take care of her when she's ill and weak.when i got there it's 8:30,only one patient and only nurse and doctors arrived, they were all busy preparing for the day of whole works. the nurse and the doctor said the operatoin would be today.i stayed there with snowball, cleaned her pee, but no poo. i talked to her and made her relax and feed her food after asking the doctor about it and getting his agreement. because the nurse who gave her medicines told me don't give her food or water for the operation when snowball hasn't eaten well for 3 days after i caught her.one meal for one day, and when i caught her she just wanted her dinner after a big breakfast.and i screwed the meal she hanging for up.she needs strength for it and i decide whatever happens im with her till the end.

it's not a long day, because i have a nice talk with the woman next to us. it's a long day, because waiting in a strange place for me when lots of pets and different owners enter and leave makes me feel both exciting and nervous.i messaged the rat woman told her im worried, then she smiled and said nothing about it and just sent a picture of the church she's in with a big red cross on the wall instead of white. another communism church , and i want to ask her if there's a communism Party branch in it or not, then i stop myself. don't wanna to piss her off so much. then i still count on myself. i feed snowball some can she loves and she ate well, no pain, no suffer, the medicines work as well as yesterday. then the rat woman run towards me happily until she's frozen there and blamed me why snowball still didn't have the operation. the nurse said they still kept an eye on her when she saw me being in trouble and the rat woman started to blame her again and said stray cat is strong enough to risk their life for everything they are fine. it embrassed me and everybody there. she told me last night she was angry because she felt everyone in vet who delayed the operation in her eyes disrespect stray cats and in the end she's the only one who disrespect stray cats most.the nurse said nothing until the doctor came down to check pets , he promised to do the operation as soon as possible.then the rat woman left again soon in 1 minute with anger to me and arrogance.she said she had business to do.

the operation started at 13:09 and when i saw the nurse hug snowball inside i wanted to cry, because i could not experince these things, seperate and good bye forever. it's killing myself. it's not about having couragement or not , but natures, or characters.the operation was short, 20 minutes. they took snowbal out of the room after i cleaned the shelter for her with acohol completely.she's still dizzy, so i pulled her paw and called her name time after time when the woman told me to because she might sleep forever and never wake up again. i said okay. and I took a picture in her mouth. then rat woman appeared again soon and happily and said the doctor messaged her that the operation is successful instead of telling me first. first i was happy when i was told about it then felt i did something wrong again about the whole vet which only respect who pay bills without respecting who spending times on pets in this time.so when the rat woman started to talk bad about someone she donates for the dogs she rescues and being adopted by them,she said after they adopt her dogs they still ask money and food from her for food. i told her to ask for a list of how to spend money of hers first before she donates when they ask her money for their dogs. because when she sends the dogs to them who adopt them they should not have asked anything from her anymore. whose dogs cats are taken care by whom.it's duty and responsibility. Not about much money but bad character. or she could refuse to donate anymore, or she's tempting them to have bad habits and corrupting them by materials. everybody could cost money which isn't made by themselves, including herself.to keep pets isn't by money, but by heart. she put her head down, but looked at me again and said they have more than 30 dogs which they can't keep them on their own and they can't feed all of them. She said when she tried to tell them to find other adopters of dogs they refuse. then after minutes she left again and said she has to give her cats a bath, and told me to leave and don't stay with snowball anymore when snowball meow a lot and wanted to go outside of the shelter for something.and she warned me still not to feed her food and water for it.i told her rules don't need to be followed well when life is not dead yet.she's shocked again.she keeps donating money for homeless stray community dog cat adopters so it's the way of hers to treat cat dogs like snowball after the operation by her money only and when she needed her helps by meowing she leaves her alone for her own cats just because she pays the vet for snowball.and I'm just a volunteer who cares cats , snowball by doing everything I wanna and need to do and she treats me like that she pays for it and can bully me by her money for snowball in these days when snowball is suffering, too.snowball lost her teeth, and they try to make me lose myself and tell me it's snowball's fault, not theirs.

snowball needed something or to do something.i needed to find the truth. so i still stayed there.because she pee little blood pee before the operation , it made me feel more worse.but then miracle happend, she started to poo first after about 72 hours. and pee also, no blood but normal. then i happily cleaned them up and left the vet with saying goodbye to the woman with her dog.

I got home at about 16:00 again and today it's my mom's birthday when they invited me to have lunch with them. i lied that i needed to go to the bank and i know they would not refuse any appointmet about income of mine.i didn't pick up the phonecall when they called me for lunch, and they are still happy when i get home from vet.it makes me feel a little better about everything I do.I didn't have lunch today, and the rat woman brought a snack after the women next to us gave me the bread and I refused it.i ate the snack and she messaged me to have a big meal . i refused, i told her i didn't do anything to honor myself, just what i need to do.and when i came out from the vet, only the woman with her dog left there and nurses and doctors to get off their works,then i remembered that i needed to pee pee and I forgot it .tomorrow still needs to take care of snowball,and check cats. so will be next 4 days.then i messged her that snowball poo. she laughed again when she saw no teeth in mouth of snowball and said now you could not bite me.that makes me sick.i call her evil freak and she even doesn't wanna to explain to me about it.it's my first time to move with the others for stray cats and first time to cooperate with the rat woman.why there are someone thinking who having money to pay their bills having more responsibilities of anything including pets than someone else who loving them only? when do responsibilities become superity to show and pay for more superioty instead of loving, caring and respecting themselves? when do someone who only do things well instead of talking and making much noises to make troubles of the others become the ones who are blamed most? when helpping stray animals becoming a political communism show?

God bless all life and furry life. God bless everyone who experinces lives with their furry families, friends and therapy pets. Thank you, God. for everything.

{19-31,2-19,2022}

To decide which one to be given birth and live on , or which one to fall and die, human kind never stop chasing and infatuating it as power and everything like that.

When my mom was young, her job was taking care of babies and children in preschool.like cleaning their poo pee,washing clothing clothes, feed them food water, teaching them singing, painting,how to treat and what the world is looked like, reading and with them playing games all days, taking care of their everything even someone who could not talk well, walk well, Well, perhaps the passion of mine for cats are what my mom passes to me.

Overcome them and get well, snowball girl. Let's make it together.

{19-09,2-19,2022}

Taking care of a stray cat which has teeth problem. doctors say she need to extrac all her teeth because of FIV after giving her a test.she was caught by me and perhaps thought i wanted to adopt her yesterday, so she's very good girl and no struggle or scratch. then today she's in vet and notices that something is not right because she has been given lots of medicines and infusion and seems to hang on for something in the future. she scratched me once who heard that she hadn't eaten or drunk or pee or poo and just hided in corner for nothing but piss off herself to trust human being who's me I feel. after I talked to her and pet her and gave her the litter box and cat sand and water mixing with fish cans she started to eat so much. she doesn't eat cans so frequently and well untill today. the medicines work and the doctor told me it contains hormone.I told him not to use it too much and he says yes.i stayed there for more than 2 hours, until she started to wash face and take a shower after having food and taking a nap i left and i will be there tomorrow.lots of noises are there, i don't like there. I guess she doesn't like there,neither. and she knows that i don't like there. but it's the closed vet and the doctor i could trust a little bit for cats, tomorrow she will have the operation and 6 days left to stay in the vet.God helps her and them to overcome this difficult time.

{7-42,2-19,2022}

join in Twitter and follow me for 2 years by connecting me through cb without any tip or money deals but only talks.I don't wanna to be humble , but if there are more guys like him appearing in my life I might kill myself. It almost scared my heart out.

{7-11,2-19,2022}

I aren't rotten, I don't corrupt, I don't fall. So is love. 

God is not a shield for me, neither. But yes, for demon God is a 'shield'.

A dick mind is more sick and evil than a dick head,or a dick body.but yes, for someone else they are very sexy, I admit it. 

Perhaps I'm not human for someone, but I have to for them.

Thank you for being honest.

{4-41,2-19,2022}

I don't know what are you talking about.I have escaped from a lot of things in my life, badness, goodness, darkness, or loneliness, sometimes I make it, sometimes I don't. There are lots of ways to escape, but as I know the only way to escape from love is loving back. even though nobody loves me, once I was loved, i would love back as best as I can to this world only till my last breath, or I feel my life doesn't belong to me anymore.

God bless fox, God bless you all.

Yesterday a street cat which has problems of teeth was recused to the vet for an operation  today.they will take away all her teeth and she will rest in vet for 7 days.she's a almost 7 years old girl. Before I put her in the bag she tried to avoid me for a very long time and hide everywhere she knows. But she's hungry , so I decided to leave her alone to eat then miracle happened she came closed and even not a little bite like last time she did to me and my fingers had swollen for 7 days. When I caught her yesterday and put her in the bag she doesn't even have a struggle. Perhaps she wants to be adopted by me when she knows I wanna to. She feels comfortable in the bag on my pad for her. She feels being loved. I have 6 cats, I indeed like and wanna to adopt her and don't know how could I take care of them unless I have a house of my own and stay from my parents who might hurt them to abandon them, I wanna to live with them.it hurts my heart.And I don't need a man to give me house but the condition is to marry him or 'her' by giving birth a kid.I could get a house and live with them on my own.

God helps me, God helps my cats.God helps all furry life in the world.

{20-00,2-17,2022}

I feel so very disappointed and terrible about Chinese. I read some of them online who don't need to use VPN browser the world wide internet discussing how to make money when prices of oils or stocks start to change badly for war -perhaps world war 3- of countries they aren't living there by Chinese language like nobody knows Chinese language. Then I read Russia and Ukraine start to blame each other about who attacked each other first when everybody knows someone who should be corrupted by a third country tries to start the wars between them by his or their movements as spies on their sides and they are both cheated and used.these Chinese making money by tears, blood and death of the others .first screw up China when filling their pockets full, now immigrant and screw up America and the world for filing their pockets and stomachs full,and they even have an organization to do it officially and legally which is called Chinese Party of communism. 

there are lots of uses by a war between two countries for any other third countries. but it's not a good start for everything or everybody.don't do it.

Some Chinese seem good and only call Chinese who support communism Party of China and communists maggots.by this logic,first maggots are alive only on dead bodies and serious wounds without being taken care by professional treatments. it could explain that perhaps from the first day when China is founded by communists, China already dies,and this China is a fake one,communism is breeding by China's dead body,now maggots at the very beginning become flies and fly into the world to settle for more generations when they could laugh at maggots and flies which are still on the body of China which hasn't left more carrion to live by for more maggots.Perhaps the world is not dead yet, but when corruptions happen without being stopped, it's like wounds to attract more flies to give eggs on it continually.

Flies first or wounds first? Flies cause wounds or wounds attract flies? They coexist, too, like virus. But it's fatal for both health and life.it's not a way to heal patient or save any life by so many flies and maggots, but killing them when illusions of coma,pains and infections in these dying patients' eyes before they go to hell.

China's dead for a long while and nobody even noticed it.it doesn't make any sense.three possibilities: 1. Everyone eats carrion of China whatever it dies or not, 2.China isn't dead completely, 3. Flies and maggots are China and Chinese for flies and maggots themselves.

XuZhou 8 son's mom perhaps was just another smoke and mirrors of communists to cover up what's happening in the world and in Beijing. And a bait.

{12-46,2-17,2022}

reading news of Xuzhou 8 sons' mom who's kidnapped and raped by these criminals from 12 years old when she's missing,some Chinese have a lot of questions online: if she didn't only give birth son, where are her daughters? Could a woman only give birth of daughters by every pregnant for man's willing? Are her daughters all sold and raped like their mom, too? Where are they? Men raped her and pulled her teeth out and only two teeth left in her mouth from being bitten by her when raping her. All the walls where she's locked were written 'I wanna go home' , a little son of hers told volunteers when her elder sons-who's not her kid but some other woman's raped her with his father - report to Chinese local policemen to hurt and jail volunteers and stop them to rescue his mom. Who make these crimes legally and allow and prove the 'marriage' legally by official government certificate and registration for the man who bought her, there are some gossips that governments communists raped her also just because she's so beautiful in the past.that's why they allow it happen just because they take advantage of these crimes ,too? Her dad was dead as a retired communism soldier after she's missing. She's found by some broadcasters who tried to praise this man who has 8 kids to raise up and how great a Chinese dad is under the control of Chinese Communism governments to ask Chinese to have more babies to give birth perhaps and start a donate for him until someone heard there's a women scream painfully and there's chains on her neck next to the door.

It reminds something when I was growing up.after i was sex assault by my fatherw who took his tongue in my mouth after drink and mom turned around and did nothing for it,when I was about 15 years old in a bus I suffered sex harassment when my father was with me also. A wired man moan when he played my ass and stick it by his dick outside of my trousers, I used to wear trousers and never wore a dress because it was safe.it's a long way to go home although it's only 3 or 4 stations.Chinese around me perhaps saw it, perhaps not, nobody wanted to stop it but myself.everyone looked wired to me,someone even looked like happily to watch it and laughted at me.after he finished it he put a piece of paper with full handwriting porn comic on it in my pocket.I told dad after we took off the bus he laughed at me and said he didn't see it, are you crazy .

When I was 10 years old on my way from communism school two young men drove a big motorcycle tried to stop me when I was walking, I tried to avoid them and then they tried to chase me into a corner.I turned to the walls and they almost knocked me down then I started to find way to run away,I got angry, they seemed have nothing to beat me down and they left with laughs.

When I was in middle school it's an middle aged woman who dressed like a farmer got closed to me when I was waiting a bus in the station.there were few Chinese around, too.but she got closed to me and talked with me like that she knew me as friends or families . She said you looked like a star, do you like singing? Then I walked away then she followed me a while then disappeared when I went back to try to look for her and wanted to know what did she want.then I told my parents about it and wondered if she's some one wanting me to be a star in a big company.and my parents laughed at me again and said she must wanna to kidnap you because you are stupid,to sell you into countryside and give many kids' birth and then you are done.

Then when I was graduating from communism college I was raped by cousin on mother side.

And last night I dreamed the 8 son's mom talked to me with smile feeling like that she made it and won and said life is like that.

It makes me feel scared and sad.

Perhaps nobody has ability to know the future.but everybody has their own ways to know the past .

Like Biblde says, then you will know the truth ,and truth will set you free.[John 8:32]

{1-43,2-16,2022}

if Chinese need someone alive to be Mao Zedong for missing him, is it still miss? If someone need someone else to be eternal for loving someone else , is it still love?

In the end whatever they experience and suffer, they just miss the days they have and love the way they live.nothing changes.

{00-01,2-16,2022}

fox talked with me online on my Valentine day. But fox, otter and squirrel didn't talk with me or to me on theirs . Fox is more important than my lover when I'm not more important than theirs.it means, I'm single , I'm free and when I'm offline from cb,I'm still doing jobs for it without any payments.Jesus. But when I'm there they charge much more fee from me to cash for cats and living on.how much cold it is inside of their hearts when they have so much hot bodies out? Even characters could be performed by movies and act by being paid as jobs, why not bodies? There are lots of people wanting to be famous, why I'm not one of them? Even if I'm one of them could I be famous, too? For Chinese it calls worrying about troubles of own imaging. I think it should be called an ordinary person could only bother herself.

I thought I found a job on cb,but now I see cb finds me.and I work for it, which's a bad boss who only benefits few broadcasters their own girls for itself to be pleased, or used, or operated more.there are someone indeed talent for shows, but perhaps I was just knocking on the wrong door.

{18-23,2-15,2022}

I'm sorry, snowboot. Your mom who's rat woman or weasel woman , doesn't looks like they are going to be all right as usual.although I did my best.snake woman had been done by asking money from snake woman to keep stray dogs living.weasel woman has leg problems and starts to walk with stray dogs publicly and doesn't think she could ban any help from the others for dogs just because she loves dogs actually it's selfish. rat woman gave up charging everything here by putting food for cats and dogs without caring old and ill ones, stopped thinking food is power to rule others who take care of stray little animals ,too.then, they still only ask for money from each other, walk with stray dogs talk gossips, put food for cats and dogs only then leave fast,even for stray little animals people still think of themselves more than loving them first, whatever they have or not, nothing changes.

{7-11,2-15,2022}

when I sent some food cats this morning it snowed again when it's not supposed to.people called her little snowboot because her paws were white when body's brown.it feels like she and her kids were talking to me in heaven when i cried alone in it.she knows I love snow.kids, God bless you in heaven being happy always, no more fear or scared.

{6-46,2-15,2022}

one proof Chinese communist wanna Mao to come back to rule the world next time is that when I tell them how many life he killed in China they feel proud of his behaviors and say you should thank Mao or you would never exist, like what Eileen Gu acts and says about her gold in Beijing 2022 Olympic games that she's proud of her Chinese communism background and someone who don't like or love her would never win. she makes me terrified and feels like she's another Mao Zedong himself.it's not about ignorance or arrogance of being a young girl, of knowing how evil Chinese communism and communists are , it's just communist Mao himself.

{2-17,2-15,2022}

China is either an illusion, or a fake one, or just an evil one.being an illusion means everyone wanna to be a communist of it when they are suffered because of it, being a fake one means the power and money for founding this country by killing and robbing so much Chinese's life and properties for communists makes China and world messed up in an opposite way of what communists promise.now dead Mao was so happy to keep Chinese and people in the world apart which are alive live more than dead himself companies in living world when he's in hell.that's why it's evil.

Mao's body in Beijing Tiananmen square is like the eye of sauren which wants to come back to the world for me.and Xi jinping is Gullum which's changed forever by Mao, being slaved but not pure evil. perhaps that's why Trump called him friend before.

{2-15,2-15,2022}And it's stupid to judge someone by looking at their eyes only instead of feeling into their hearts.not smart, but play.

{16:23,2-14,2022}

I bought a bowl of ramen for myself and a delicious chicken leg today when the rat woman connected me when she told me the dead orange cat which I found in the empty room was the cat she took for years. I told her the orange cat is fine,and sent her picture I took, the cat I found was the cat snake woman took care badly.the food of snake woman for stray cats is difficult to eat for cats. Lots of fish bones only and dirty stuffs.

Then after she told me 11 puppies died in cold winter by cares of hers and another woman which is the the mom dog taking all puppies out of the shelter they built for them and killed the puppies, this time she told another mom dog they took care died with all her five puppies last week,the mom dog's ass had blood and no milk to feed her kids and very very very skinny, she gave birth at about Feb 8 and died in 3 days with her puppies.

I knew this mom dog and loved her very much.when the first time I met her she always looked very very very sad every time and it took my attention. she's very different from other stray dogs for me. I feed her food sometimes when food is plenty for both cats and some dogs. and she loved them, she loved me.although she's very scared of human being and often bullied by other stray dogs for food to survive when these women often called her silly for being bullied, and didn't like her. it was wrong. she often stayed away from me when other dogs stay closed to me,after other dogs are she got closed to me,but my food was already gone.she was sad for living in this way but still fighting against it, so am I.

now I know why the stray dog which bullied her a lot looked very depressed and doesn't bully other dogs or stray cats again or barking when I feed them first but just stay beside looking at me quietly for food.he's sad and might feel sorry about his friend's death.last month I felt something following me when walking in streets for cats,when I turned around nothing, only winds. the feelings had gone from last week,now I see why, for the mom dog , and she's trying to ask helps from me, or tell me something was wrong on her and her kids.

The rat woman blamed the mom dog again about settling her puppies between the gaps of a wall which cold winds got through and the wall even hurt one of their heads when last time she blamed another mom dog which put her 11 puppies on the cold frozen ground and killed them unintelligent to do it.I think she's wrong and bad,although the snake woman told me the rat woman is rich and very kind.I don't see any kindness to blame mom dogs like that when she's a mom and looks like corrupted by her money when she told me they all are tired for these stray dogs they feed.

mom dogs do everything for loving their kids, whatever they are dog , cat, human being.their puppies are hurt, died or killed ,and they shouldn't have been blamed ,cursed or hurt in any way, there is only one reason, it's not any of their faults and it's because their kids aren't safe for them, by their instincts, they don't trust some human they would not settle their kids in their shelters, they ask helps from human they do something to tell them. 

And as I know these mom dogs are more smarter and adorable than any other dogs . The mom dog had blood on her ass, I feel there was another puppy in her body. She put the puppies in the gap of the wall, it's looking like she's trying to tell human there's a puppy stuck in her body, like the puppies she put in the gap of the walls. But women only blamed her for it to be talent, worse than animals when she wanted to save her kid in her body still by asking for help.

It's her first birth, she's too skinny to have strength to push the baby out which couldn't move anymore, and no food water and nobody helping her to feel comfortable well safe for giving birth, she died for obstructed labour, and the third weasel woman found her and messaged me about it. she didn't do anything for it but just moved the puppies from the gaps of walls instead of sending her to the vet for a check when she lives in expensive communism apartment as families of Chinese communists, too. The puppies didn't make it, hard to make it in their shelter alone when there's only a shelter for them without love, but only pity to protect these women's selfish for keeping controlling them , ,for showing power and money, like witches.

It's my mistake.if I cut in the end would be not the same? Nobody could be trusted in China. Or the only payment they take away from me is what and who I love,care and respect . When they talked like that they love these cats dogs so much but they feel tired and no joy to take care of them my heart was broken for thinking about them as companies once.cats,dogs' love, trust and care wrong human here and the only thing I could do is staying with them, give all food I could give for them and lose sleeping at nights by writting down them like my little dirty secrets.I trust these little life,but I don't trust human they trust.this is not the only point I can't let them go.but it's a very important point for me to keep trying for them, after knowing the snake, rat and weasel women  and what they do, I think of giving up more frequently , but on another side, if I can't be trusted for these furry creatures, who they can trust except me?

I asked rat women where did they bury them, I want to see them. She doesnt me tell me I feel she refuses to.life is equal, everyone has pets or had, who could treat other animals ,little animals had even worse just because they are homeless, are stray?

{7-35,2-14,2022}g

Perhaps my life is a progress to make mistakes for me to get how much stupid I am by making mistakes, or to make sense of me.

{18-02,2-13,2022}

they in hell are not only for or because of themselves.

Romans 14:7
[7]For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself.

Perhaps, hell is not an end. Everything and everybody could be there and have another choice when they could have or be good.hell is like a transfer station, only when someone are too hard to changing, to leave, to know, they in there would be longer, till external . angels in heaven could fall,too.

There's not only black or white in the world,or grey. It is a world, not bagua or Bible which are a picture or a book to get it through.

{15-24,2-13 2022}

but honestly, even if I could go to hell, I'm not god,what could I do to save in it these people?

{7-4,2-13,2022}

God bless China, God bless Frankenstein. God bless Russia. God bless America. God bless every country, everyone , every life , all existence or not in the world.

God bless all of you being in hell including myself  . I know not all of you will, but I'm not god ,so for making sure I will be first, I just wanna to say it.

Romans 12:21
[21]Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.

{2-10,2-12,2022}

forgot another question about Eileen Gu until reading Russia girl testing positive about stimulant.did Eileen Gu take stimulant ,too? If she's a spy or a tool of Chinese Party of communism which would make sure she gets the gold by doing anything under the tables.all businesses shows in China for her to make money, advertisements in communism medias, all Chinese communists showing up for her as families, everything shows to foreshadow her next moments to cut in both America culture and politics officially in front of everybody.an Olympic gold is a chip.if she took stimulant, either her career of being an athlete is sacrificed, or being an athlete is just covering up her political self.actually doing big air jump ski for her only few years, and never had good results of competitions until from 2019 she joins in competitions by 'having a nationality of China'.perhaps her aim is not for taking a gold for China as Chinese but for taking a female President of America as American for communist.

I feel I'm so evil at this moment for this girl,not for a communism national machine and puppet making money by communism systems. But if such a person could take the gold of Olympic, what things could not happen next? How evil this world has already became?  by extreme status people often blame cheap made in China is too bad to use, but if they don't care prices but equality of stuffs, how could it happen? If people don't care money but doing honest business and stop bad businessmen how could they be harmed? If people keeping working together for good to each other, not power for benefiting themselves, how could so many life have gone by being killed in just 2 years and now everybody is talking about a fucking communism spy 18 years old girl and looks like nothing happened and happens from 2019 Nov to Dec in the past and even the future?what kind of future it would be like this?

Lots of human die by virus, by governments corruptions, lots of animals die for human, because of human, what does an Olympic champion gold mean for them even when it refers an ugly cheat of communists , China or for rest of human to be existing or arguing and talking about? 'Jesus' reborn to save the world? Or dead coming alive again by it as zombies to kill themselves? dead should be worthy , not for a fucking gold champion or communism, but for God's wills.

Chinese communists and their governments are trying making and using more and more controversial and aggressive things to break the whole world into pieces for crushing one by one.

And there are some Chinese talk about everything like that China still has hope, communists are bad but China Chinese are good,if there's still hope in China, why you leave it, blame it, If you are hope of China by leaving it  immigrant to other countries, why you push others to be yourselves?

Chinese Party of communism Party is using you to destroy yourself , Russia. Stop.

Fuck you, China.Fuck you, Frankenstein.you are not leading me to God, but tempt me to hell.

{3-49,2-11,2022}

I say I love fox, love America everyday, but watching and making them suffering and depressing day after day. How could I call it,how could it be love,how could it be called love so much, so frequently, so long?

Romans 8:36
[36]As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.

Fox indeed doesn't wanna to live on anymore because of guilty deeply inside for last marriage or his ex wife?

{20-34,2-10,2022}

at dinner my dad said I'm sorry I didn't become a powerful communist but a communimsm unknown soldier to make you like Eileen Gu or Meng Wanzhou, famous, rich and powerful having better lives in America.I told him, no, don't need to. Thank you for not being like that, then my dad looked proud.I guess he doesn't become too bad because of protecting me from communism,perhaps sometimes parents only wanna their kids to survive.for me to survive in China they have done everything they could for 60+ years. I could feel it when I check stray cats,too. Or he understands with my nature or characters I would already be killed, disappeared or mad in communism jails by communists if similar spy missions of stupid bitches' communists was mine.and he starts to realize one reason my mom tries too hard to push me into communism Party is because she doesn't wanna him to blame her who's not or wants to be more higher level background communist when she's born than being a common communism worker's daughter.but as I know grandpa her dad was an outstanding carpenter and a good dad.

Perhaps,my parents knew I would quit Chinese military job which they bought and they still bought it by their money.they just don't believe someday Chinese Party of communism will fail.

Everything has its means, in God, or by God's will, how could human know them well when they are human who don't know? So why cost time on arguing about them, talking about them, fight against for them or become parts of nothing for them to hurt God? whatever Eileen Gu, Meng Wanzhou, or many unknown communists in China and the world, and me, their existences have means. Perhaps someday the most proud weapons for Chinese communists will be the most fatal mistake of it -perhaps the one who wanna China to fall most is Russia by standing by China to make it happen, or fall with China together.

Who can tell- if someone's life which is raised ,benefited and made by communism ambition, purpose and plans can give up the communism money pipes to live on, to survive, to be a human kind,that's why they can be only tools to be sacrificed forever.

{9-17,2-10,2022}

when someone use rules for themselves and make them become new rules, either break rules, or change rules. Is there the thrid way out? It should.

When communists appear in China, morality changes , not the ways to stay with young, lead them to truth, but the tools to control them, tempt them to darkness.

Country is a political word. Now so is home .

Talked about Eileen Gu with my dad, I said she's another communist like Meng Wanzhou who's daughter of Huawei company boss having 7 passports as being a Chinese. a Chinese communism spy who's cutting in America for a corrupting system and fell country which is called China. He can't deny it.

{15-58,2-9,2022}

Eileen Gu,another one who's sacrificed by Chinese communism Party.using such a young girl for own political purposes, communists are more than freaks.

{6-53,2-9,2022}

I could walk somewhere I want, I could not be jailed in prison, but I still feel communism controlling me, with me, and I don't think it's an illusion.because it looks like everyone who has genes of Chinese is born with a mission of communism.and checking the list of gold of 2022 Olympic is watching a discrimination of human world and bully list for me. Everything about communism of China has too many dark businesses and deals under the tables.

So let me talk about politics and communism again with my 'bias' about Beijing Olmplic games 2022 which has been corrupted totally from athletes to International Olympic Committee.And everyone who is benefited by Beijing Olympic games including taking gold are tools of Chinese Party of communism only till now.they are not only being used, but being sacrificed.Thanks to the fucking rules and IOC which are greed for power by money if nobody can stop them they are and going to be communists and their fans who will go to hell soon.if i was President of America i just wanna to start a war now ,kick China's ass and get all my athletes back.but that would be traps of communists for everybody.so.that's why I'm never a president.

I read some gossips about a 18 years old young girl Eileen Gu took big air skii gold for China teams in Beijing Olympic games 2022 by something which she had never tried before, and Chinese 'athletes' took short-track speed skating by winning other Chinese foreign athletes of the other countries. And most of foreign athletes don't eat well and don't be treated well,live well and be treated wrongly by Chinese governments, Chinese volunteers and Olympic game judgements.the best athletes are canceled scores for nothing, or be infected wuhan virus from winning gold from now on, or bodies are hurt badly by terrible 'accidents' in competitions which could destroy their whole professional careers, they are Injured by both bodies and spirtis.

my first question,is Eileen Gu some powerful communist's illegitimate daughter or human clone or even Genetically Modified Organism? I know gossip about high level communists in China find genes females like PengShui or Chu Chen to have babies for keeping communism power in the world, and as I read Chu Chen has a son which is called Chu Yang in Qing Hua college in China of Xi Jinping to insist on his father's careers. Eileen Gu.a girl who's born in America, study in China, has a Chinese mother and tells the world she chooses Chinese culture because of her 'Chinese genes'.why she relys on her 'Chinese (communism) genes' too much to be an American in God? no father photo on the internet anyway , no background of families, only shows like playing games on her own. and when I search ' Beijing Olympic cheat' on Twitter, nothing when I have read someone post this on it. someone who don't know how much evil they are more dangerous than who know it. someone who don't seem to have any background often have the huge background in the end.

second, Chinese  'athletes' with other countries' Chinese foreign athletes trapped North Korean athletes in games and then let Chinese 'athletes' took short-track speeding skating. Chinese in other countries are very easily to be bought back and ruled again by Chinese Party of communsits.

thrid, A Chinese foreign girl who's called Beverly Zhu fell in games times and made China teams become the fifth place and became the best opposite aim to be attacked by Chinese people for Eileen Gu.she's either sacrificed to be comparted to Eileen Gu or she just failed for her commuism missions because of other countries' athelets efforts and talents for real.or it's what Chinese foreign 'athletes' should be like that without any corruption of China to push them taking gold instead of pulling them back from it.

forth, why Russian appears and take some gold, too? is Russia plan B of China and communists to start a war if American win some gold or the competations are going to be right again?is it their final trump?

Third, be careful of everything in China and if taking something from China for Olympic, be very careful.and be very careful about food.

God bless all who fight for God and American in this game, protect them by truth, keep them healthy and safe, help them to get goals, lead them to lights and get rid of any Chinese and communism towards home.

{7-10,2-8,2022}

I dislike my parents or Chinese not because they who become to use tragic misery experiences of any other and innocent victims to scare, threat and depress me, but because they start to use others' pains, death and injustice things which are because of their numb ,fear and mistakes as tools and wipes to control and rule me. Perhaps this place has been suffered too much, perhaps people are in darkness too long, but still has no reason or excuse to turn into monsters.

{5-01,2-8,2022}

God , show them your love, fox needs a miracle. 

For some other power, even dark ones, I know you exist,and  you know what I want. Do me a favor. If there's a good future of mine or soon, I would exchange them or delay it for more 10 years life of Mr fox.

So fox could see his granddaughter to go to middle school when he's alive.

Have bad luck so long for me, 10 more years life is more worthy for him.

{4-21,2-8,2022}

Dreamed that there was a family , 3 kids and parents, two were twins. One had superpower to make money by air, like magic.one could make these money disappear in the air, like magic,too.they lived in a small town and their families and people know them treated this twin like monsters.someday a woman, a man and a kid like mafia came. They knew this twin.and took them away and promised them to take care of them.actually they used them to do bad business , they were bosses of a large mafia organization. They pretended to be poor families when police visited them and another kid envy the twins until he's abandoned.the mafia used these ' money' to do business and made more money, he owned more businesses,but owed more money, but was more happier.someday he died in a car ,before he died people saw the car shaking ,like someone in it playing women by sex.the woman kept cheating people until me who's a detective noticed these cheats by lies. the twins left,nobody knew where they were.someone are never as poor as they look like.like Mr fox says, never judge a book by its cover.

{3-01,2-6,2022}

my father always say, admit it, anything anybody which's with you is and will be broken or die because of you.

I told fox about it, only him, he says no, that's not true.

To make me a trap by using my kindness for anybody, if it's lucky I could be sacrificed, even be married a good man to harm hurt sacrifice again who love me to save, help, take me, raise me and pay them everything for me by what they have even their life, it can't make me feel I'm innocent here, only guilty for  keeping on being a victim to protect these trap makers.and I couldn't stop them.

I'm not a victim, a revenger, an avenger, a survivor, a fighter, but a sinner, a criminal.

{21-57,2-5,2022}

Nothing or nobody or this world can screw me up, if I'm screwed up, only me could do this to me.

{19-25,2-5,2022}

Cause love is never about what you give or can give, but only love.

{18-04,2-5,2022}

these days when I walk I feel someone walking behind following me.but when I turned around,nobody's there. I tell fox, he says he's always with me.

Cry a lot.tears can't be stopped. I could feel something in him changes, makes me feel hurt.

The white cat meow for me around my apartment, but parents lock the door and will hurt me if I get out.someone passed by seemed callinv him and gave him some food, he stopped meowing. He waited in front of my apartment this morning for food again. Usually he just waited me 500m away from here.

Life is not always good, but love is.they need me, but I'm not there when I wanna to.they give me everything they have, I just wanna to give more. my fault.

{13-44,2-5,2022}

I will not fucking talk about anything about communism or Chinese anymore.I can't let hate become cancer of myself, of anybody else.

Communism is like cancer of this world, of human being,fox needs no cancer, nobody needs more.

I don't wanna to be one of them, cancer cells.they already suffers a lot.

Hate can't destroy communism or defeat demon, only love does.

Hate feeds it. Too much hate for destroying them could destroy everything.

Don't hurt me.don't leave.

I need to be strong.

Love is not about sex, life, time, money, power, even me.

Love is just love itself.

I wish I was the cancer of this world,of fox, so I could cut off myself.the world and fox would be safe.

Fox treats me and for me is as family, brother, friend, best friend, boy friend, lover, as husband,father, dad, as teacher, leader, boss, mentor, master, as everybody and everything I have.the only one time he came to China for visiting me, it's me pushing him cause I told him I don't believe that he would come or not. He never hurts me, he doesn't hurt me.but why I'm so sad I don't wanna to leave him.I don't wanna to leave.don't leave.

The normal life of people around me is never normal.only crazy people are normal, to be normal by being crazy is crazy, too.

Make me his if it could save his life, to keep his life, I know it's not marriage, not sex , not pregnant, I know it's not immigrant, I know it's not becoming American or even going abroad.but I know I care him, I care him more than caring myself, more than politics, more than any politics or communism in the world.

Don't let him go.don't let go.don't take him  away. Don't take fox away from his family.it's not his fault,he shouldn't suffere it.or take me back to hell, now.

{4-57,2-4,2022}

It makes me sick that a female is sacrificed by sex assault, harassment and rape of her families to keep bloodline for communism, and it happened on me who are born in China and never step out of it a little bit by my own feet.Is it that foreigners do to me or American? No, Chinese and communists, my own bloodties do to me when they blame others and me for them. So you tell me why I fight against all Chinese and communists? Is it about bloodties or Chinese nation or politics only? Isn't it personal enough? Fox is not part of them.let him go and keep him live.

{19-50,2-4,2022}

dad drunk again. Don't think anyone who drunk will not drunk when they get old. They drunk more and become more evil.

He doesn't admit he's drunk, he says he's not drunk, then tell everybody I want him to die because I'm evil to harm me who's good, not bad.and everybody likes to believe it, to see and make me being sacrificed for it again, even to be raped again perhaps.who could be responsible and feel guilty to rape 'an evil daughter' of others when her irresponsible drunk father did sex assassault and harassment to her also and her mother saw it but didn't stop it a little bit and just turned around to do her housework like nothing happened at home then blame and curse her why she always treats them as enemies and foes and tempt her husband?

Why? Why not just be honest and do something good? He's a retired Chinese communism staff officer, they are all communists.

Why once someone has power, he always want more, why once someone's kicked asses to get power by lies, he always lie and fear to tell truth, why once he's born to survive by drunk, he must walk towards the darkest end, no way back, no way out, never be honest and never want or need to take any responsibility at all?

What does it mean? Is it communism creature still? Or it's Chinese itself?

{16-43,2-4,2022}

cause he will never know how painful it is when a mom lost her child which should has stayed with her when she should has died earlier.

{8-40,2-04,2022}

I don't wanna to die, I wanna to live.Mr fox is like me for me,but he's not me.So don't take  him.Honestly I think Chinese will not have an heart unless they experience something like this,separation between life or death.I wanna to have an heart.Take me.give him back to his mom healthily.

{7-24,2-3,2022}

I don't know ways to praise Chinese deity. But I know to pray to them has to be in the daytime around lunchtime, with fruits, food, flowers, and sometimes shoe shaped ingot making by paper usually. In Taoism Chinese communicate with dead by burning special yellow papers at nights only. cause ghosts are strong to come out at night or in the dark .

On my way checking cats in the early morning I only see Chinese communicate with their dead by the stuffs which should have been used for Chinese deity.

For me it's praising and treating ghosts as God for benefiting themselves.it's not hell, but more than hell in human world.

Chinese communism communists don't wanna to rule the world, but ruling it by '6od', only in this way making them feel they are above Him.

{3-20,2-3,2022}

Mr fox gets hamartoma, cancer has been released into his bones after cancer's disappeared by radiation on his throat. In next two weeks he will accept very serious treatments, if the doctors can not success again, only 4 months left as the doctors said.

{2-49,2-3,2022}

A movies says when people use power to get something someone, they only wanna more power.

If Chinese still keep killing any others by communism for sacrifice to keep themselve's existence, like keeping playing politics for themselves and fun all over the world whatever they are American ,British, Canada, Korean, Singapore, Japanese etc or not, there never have no damage of communism, no saint of China to save the world, only themselves go to die after being tortured again and again and again as long as they are alive.

NOT beause human can't coexist with cancer but Wuhan virus, But because no regime Could last forever.

It's not funny at all to call China hell, because nothingness only deserves nothing and doesn't even deserve hell.

{20-47,2-1,2022}

Perhaps communism doesn't choose China, but China chooses communism.even though there's Buddha in China in the past, Chinese local religion Taoism still is the maintain belief among Chinese. In Taoism Chinese believe deity creates chicken, dog,pig,sheep, cow,horse,then on the seven day it creates human, it reminds me in Christian Jesus reborn on the seven day.it seems to have connection between each other.

But now in Taoism operating system is like a line and a pyramid, one king ruling all on the top,then each deities which are ruled by the king and they rule the rest existences which are more lower than them,including human,as same as laws of Chinese Party of communism which calls someone who don't obey this system corruption and criminals and judge them into jail and death.Taoism is a religion, not only a belief.

Today's belief of Taoism is different from the past and even Christian or Catholic about God which means life is equal, but life is lower than deity which rules life. they can't exist well at the same time or either of them must be against each other to survive.like what Chinese party of communism does they catch believers of God, burn down churches, rewrite bible to ban and delete some important sentences and plants communism departments in Chinese churches.Today's Taoism is not so much as Taoism itself as something which doesn't have a heart or soul, or spirit for a theory which's called communism to be back again, in another word it's just communism itself.

There's faith Taoism among Chinese. communism controls and uses it, it makes communism continuing.Communism was not politics, but a theory which Chinese believe, it is politics when Chinese makes laws to protect communism.communism is religion for Chinese when it rules them,both bodies and brains.chairman of Chinese communists are not going to be a king, but being pushed by Chinese's belief to be it.he's satisfied by being sacrificed by Chinese and communists and Chinese to pull them into communism. communists who already go abroad and start their lives, or keep their lives out of China,whatever they are criminal or not, they never be free unless communism and communists all gone.So called demographic transition basing on ghosts which were killed by injustice communism China family planning from 1956 by Mao Zedong now is what takes Chinese party of communism and who are benefited for it to death, and it happens again in the world by releasing coronavirus to kill more innocent for fewer sinners to live.the world would suffer more what China suffer if it keeps following the ways of Chinese Party of communism in China.

When I make money I spend them all , for cats, my parents and me, and others who need helps.I'm not generous,but just fear to become someone I don't like, someone keep money for self ,ignore any other's feeling and escape from here like a shit everyday. or at least I could try to change something for the others before I'm screwed up totally by communism, make something right.