[5_00_12_01]dreamed that every morning or evening there were many little black spiders climbing out under the floor of the  of dormitory.and my city started to vaccine everyone with ID card and one of the neighbourhoods who were fake Christian started to raise up Chinese party of communism as good god.

Indeed there are some Chinese ancient normal poems tell about histories of this ancient land , even about its future,too.in them Chinese ends of communism Party can't be avoided.the point is when.ancient Chinese and current Chinese have many differences ,many people try to translate them when some ways to get the correct meanings of these poems have been lost for a very long time.

But 2024, 2061 are the years they talk about most which ewould happen some great things for China. In 2024 or 2061 Chinese communism Party breaks down and be damaged, and somebody appears in China to save this country. even if no thing happens in 2024 it's still the most important year of beginning for the world to get rid of all darknessss,but I did a divination about it yesterday, it tells me something will happen after 3 years,it'll be 2024. 

So guys whatever happens. Hang on. Keep trying. Never give up.I don't think there's anything happening for coincidence only.

[18_01_11_30] why there's so both handsome and so bad man in this world ? It doesn't make any sense. Mr weasel should be safe and must be still alive somewhere, or I should have dreamed him once.

[20_22_11_29]my childhood was hopeless and full of arguments of young patents everyday and nights, in my schools there were lots of kids who have communism soldiers being their parents and families and we lived in the same area. I guess I was and still am known as a problem in their lives, they never want to make friends with  me hiding in the blanket after back from schools and prayed that I would still alive and have mom and dad when I opened my eyes and they loves each other always without hurting and harming each other and stop wars at home. My life never be normal actually , rape is just a part of it which's more normal than my life itself's. I went to communism schools and I know I was going to jail myself there, to please them or to share them with my own life to make them live little comfortable out of communism ways and have some hope without communism's harms. I would rather admit that I did it by my own wills when I was forced by them, tempted and leaded by communism . Cause I wanted to destroy myself and die these days if they could live without communism, me or anything else making them feel bad.I was painfUl. I thought they understand it and love me for it. But I can't believe in the end they sent me to the communism military for themselves and stand by Chinese communism Party at last when I grow up, when I get old for helping their marriage continuing. It's disgusting.I left there, they disappoint.

I understand why some Chinese especially some powerful Chinese communists do things as worst as they could in China and/for being someone as best as they could in America.cause in China they have more and more depressions and harms and risks and pays to do something more they need to do, communism in China is losing fucking control because of its own shit and none of them could control stop change and handle it when they tell everything's all right on themselves in the world whatever they admit and want or not, now I'm suffering the similar things, yes, most Chinese are becoming more dangerous and attacking for each other in China ,but I don't think it's all bad for good ones or like to be communism's scapegoat, between to fight against demons by life for get the truth and raise up fake gods by benefits for dreams coming true , it tells and they shows what they have, I only have my life to fight against demons, I don't have any so called extra benefits to raise up anybody including myself but cats.so do most of Chinese in China.

I indeed don't know where does the money for all Chinese abroad to leave China come from without corruptions when they are robbed cheated and watched totally by 1 billion Chinese communists and their governments everyday as they say and post online, But I think Liberty or freedom is still Not about where to go and escape from, But about what to love and stay with.

For these Chinese in the world out of China, they are making a bet, someday if Chinese communism Party raises up, they could say when there's love for China there's still hope, if it breaks down, they could say when there's love for America there's still hope. They are someone who always put themselves into an advantageous moral and politics status for being above everything anybody to control and effect and change what they can wherever they are for themselves which are communism and morality, by lovely American laws and kind culture they survive,  anything changes?

as

[11_15_11_29] why most kindest life have to face most dangerous and evil life? When I watched a video about a baby goat asked for helps from numb Chinese drivers who talked lowly with each other like talking about their next meals when looking at its mom which's knocked down passing by the road with the baby goat by their trucks and one of her leg was injured and couldn't stand up but still licked her baby to love it, I cry and pray for them.

Why homeless cats street animals meow and shake tails to human who abandon and kill them? Why the goats ask for helps from Chinese who hurt  and eat them ? Why people without weapons put flowers in the guns pointing to them, or sitting down on the roads in the dark? Why men become feminine by dresssing talked with his female president well like friends? Why women attacked their own governments with suicide booms? When kindness becomes the only weapon to defend darkness, is it normal, when it's hell not?

Yes, Batman and Joker are the same when they both have fatal weapons to take away life of the others sadly or happily.whatever. but human always stand by sides of someone who are helpful for themselves. when Batman would rather die for the others to kill bad only instead of killing the others especially good to survive like joker, hero is whom being themselves like Batman instead of to be heros like joker.

Everything, like weapons or talents, they do same things,but for goodness and badass, they are different.

 [7_13_11_27]the world the earth is so beautiful,love between each life, among human, animals, bugs, plants , I believe there's God and heaven for all of them, so is demon and hell there . I don't  believe love between each human, between animals, between each life is because of and created made by and for communism instead of God. It's not about faith, but politics.and faith is Not politics.

 [5_55_11_27]dreamed dreams in dreams twice this week. dreamed I stood in front of a church which was having a wedding of someone with door closed ,when I felt not right about the closed door ,the door opened and the bridge appeared with white wedding dress alone, at the same time a monster appeared from my right hand side, stick through the middle of my body with its big buge paw ,a big hole on my body and I was badly injured but not on my heart, my stomach became a hole and I thought I would still be alive and fought against the monster ,then i saw my grandma on mother side who's dead this summer wake me up in that dream and the pawing monster and the fatal wound of mine were all gone.then we started to move to escape from bad guys.

This morning dreamed I was with people escaping from Tsunami when there's a boy or a young handsome man who looked for murders who killed people for fun for hide among us when we escaped or own purpose.then I saw he killed another one, then he started to tell another girl to meet him somewhere alone so he would tell her who's the murder.I was talking myself that no , girl, don't trust him. Then I wake up again.

Listened to an audio on YouTube yesterday about a communist in Chinese communism system telling that no communist loves Chinese instead of loving own kids and families and relationships for their communism careers and the futures by sending them abroad.so their kids families and relationships are communists, right? And so called escaping from Chinese communism Party in China is a political lie especially when they post online to love Chinese and China by talking about them bad instead of doing good things in Europe and America, right ? Like fans of politicians who do best to tell politicians don't corrupt for protecting own corruptions, these Chinese do best to tell Chinese Party of communism corrupts for making others believe they escape from and even wanna to change it by travels and immigrants to cover up that they are parts of corruptions of Chinese communism itself, right? That's why I always wish I was wrong and feel bad to be right , if nobody does something right on it, Chinese communists would become aliens with American to return next homes.

RON PERLMAN & SIGOURNEY WEAVER ALIEN 4 ALIEN: RESURRECTION (1997)

[18_36_11_25]4 dead who worked in Chinese communism governments by backdoor and relationships on the mountains of AiLao, YunNan, China, 4 other victims of this communism system.and communism governments just honor them as hero for the communism country by giving money to their families and children.do they know how much harmful for a country to honor the wrong men who only wanted to play in the mission on the mountains without taking any professional necessary equipments when they should had?

[12_34_11_25]what a thanksgiving day , guys.Thank you very much for reading so long and so much.Thank you very much for everything.hope and pray for you and your families friends have great moments with each other and have long happy safe lifetimes.

Whatever anybody's here, just thank God.Thank everyone who love care respect us. Thank every moment I spend with anybody in my life, whatever online or offline. me and cats are still alive,happily, smoothly. can't say anything about it anymore.hope to see you again soon.

Don't eat any Chinese food honestly.today I ate some Chinese snack and no alcohol in ingredient list but I tasted out alcohol, and a worm's body.if I could put all cats together at once I would not just take 4 cats in the photo instead of 6.

[7_27_11_25]for what parents want I need to do everything to pay everything to become everything and give them, especially luxury stuffs, for what I need they always stop me to get it, especially living stuffs, water food and take a bath if I don't give them what they want, like what Chinese Party of communism which could do anything on Chinese for their own benefits,I don't blame my parents who are treated in the same way by Chinese communism governments, but Chinese communism is totally slavery which would be more cruel than Nazi.in 20century Chinese communists killed rich good Chinese and rob their properties for revolution and build communism China, in 21 century they kill Chinese who did bad for them including their kids. Morality is Chinese communism's accomplice.actually,morality could be anything 's accomplice, or company, too.it's two-face. it's indeed not about to trust morality or not,but about it is morality or not.and when morality is two-face, communism must be the joker for batman.

Not all games are free.sometimes free game is either more expensive or just a trap.

[5_59_11_25]perhaps because density is for being understood instead of fight for, luck is for learning instead of fight against.

[16_02_11_24]If my parents' marriage is not based on communism politics, should this home has been so fragile and needed me to support them all the time by forcing me to be or used to be a communist? But they don't divorce, they should have.their communism lives raise me up, or their love,care and respects raise me up, even their faith of God,or just themselves do.they never raise me up by what I want to do and be except stopping me to do anything by pushing me to do everything they like about communism.I have already been in this shit.I thought I could help them to find their marriage back,because I believed that there's love whatever how little it is they have for each other without communism when I was a child, I still believe it, and I lost mine.perhaps it's never theirs, that's why I still stay. I lost my marriage for parent's when I decided to help them and sold mine to communism, like that they sell me to communism for themselves, perhaps I still think it was mine, so I don't leave yet.never help a communist unless you wanna to be one of them, help one billion communists of China in America ? It's turning at least another billion population into communists in the world again. If paying my marriage my future and the kid I aborted by rape of cousin for them to give me birth for being free, whatever it's worthy or not, I'm demon also.but cats, not the deal.

Weasel says love bases on time.but for me love is family. just like that I'm with my parents and families for 38 years,and never love them in any way I do for foxes, hedgehog , weasel, anyone online, and even for cats from the first time I see and meet and talk with them.that's not about time.it's something else.

Chinese Communists would rather to use their subnormal children by blood ties than to trust talent children of the others for communism, for themselves.that's why they have done their best to look for beautiful talent outstanding women to cheat flirt even rape or just marry once and buy something for taking their genes to have their own babies to control for communism careers like noblemen .yes ,like Nazi.they send them abroad and pay big money they corrupt in Chinese pockets for these children to have the best educations and backgrounds in the world, then have the only control of the world by them.they always are good at planning for the future, for next steps, set traps for goodness as long as they could,  and even sacrifice God whatever they believe in him or not.

I'm not talking about discrimination , but yeah, it is about discrimination.like that some Chinese post online about American polics, they have good points but they just walk around the point without taking it, American would rather trust Biden and his governments who corrupt so much from the money they should have used all on all American than to trust Chinese who suspect them.they are some other Chinese who are not trusted completely by American because they have both Chinese blood and they are not local American.they could never cut in the maintain politics of America because of who and what they are.like what happen on them in China for not being official blood ties children of communists.someone trust someone by own blood ties and backgrounds instead of truth and rightness,they dig graves for each other and even don't prefer to admit it's wrong, it's never about discrimination, but sometimes the truth is always about it.perhaps it's why it calls politics.

So if people don't have respect trust and love for me , why I need want and deserve to take them which don't belong to me? It sucks. But when I watched 'Black Hawk Down', I just only wanna to cry when I'm too sad to cry out.where do their balls come from? Why I don't have ?

[7_56,Nov 24]I make friends by my shows when others make me friends in their lives.my shows are parts of their lives.

When they need me to be free, I need to set them free also. not only for their money and time, but also for being myself.

[4_00_Nov_24]made dreams of my grandma on mother side, she wore a pink new chipao dress and looked young and spiritual but little weak, but still spiritual.she smiled to me and said nothing.I told her she looked like 30 years old when other families said I looked like 18 years old.then I looked into the grandpa's mirror I saw a thin tall white young cool girl with black waved high ponytail, it's not me, but it's me, strange.

[19_54,Nov 23]I make shows and make money by my shows when I'm parts of shows of the others' lives and the others make fun by me.

Why Chinese only have to do bad things for leaving China? Perhaps only survive for them in China  and for survive they do everything.

Power should not be left to someone who do not deserve it at all.

[18_55,Nov 22]I think I made a mistakesnd I was wrong.when communists reported in my city the virus started to spread from Nov 4,I wrote down communism governments should lock down 40 million people there immediately. I feel I'm a communist and I feel sad about it by talking about it like that for the first reflection.I think it's the way of communists to rob money on people's pockets by virus again.someone post online they cost 6000CNY for 14 days lockdown.and I notice that all the hospitals around my area are full of people to be lock down when they almost are empty as usual.then today in the Wechat communism group which is built by communists to watch everybody in it when living in my erea a young woman in my area mentioned democracy and benefits of Chinese to fight against some other communists who are named autocracy and tyranny when everyone is told that the area where they live including me is locked down,communists weld the gates of the area and makes too many troubles for people to go to work and shop living stuffs.other people started to fight with her also.

Then other communists started to talk about how much wrong is it.he says it's because benefits of people is above everything, autocracy power of proletariat is protecting benefits of Chinese people only. communists and great Xi who could be thanked for stopping virus service Chinese people only and democracy is totally against autocracy to be punished, denying proletariat autocracy is denying benefits of Chinese people to be blamed,and thus communist names himself 'towards truth'.

I just watched these communists falling down and they could not be saved or helped.and praying for these people being all right and no trouble for them after the argument.I know if I cut in nobody would say a word then I would be put in jail.I wanted wanna to tell the communist that he doesn't deserve 'towards truth' when his truth is communism and Xi only, like that 'Chinese people' in his words is only communists and Xi only.I don't care if the social assurance,retired payments and buildings communism Party gives him to use,to live to enjoy rests of his life is all he makes on his own or not, but I do care if he's sure enough that all communists and Xi's money is only made by themselves and none business of all billions Chinese for God's sake.

Younger people are supposed to be loved cared respected instead of being fixed to be attacked by all communists and Xi.this communist has his own kids, how he could do cruel things to threat flirt and play a kid of the others as similar age as his kids for doing right things when his kids are corrupted to do wrong things by communism? 

Do communists never feel sick guilty shame?

 

 The hotel to make money by lockdown for governments

[23_49,Nov 21]made dreams,in the old castle , mom died for years, I moved back to live with dad,then found the castle had ghosts, or demon which wanted to kill me,too.I was folding cloths of mine which mom left to me,then a paper hidding in a pair of boots which's written by mom or someone else to me secretly , I knew what it said without reading it ,I asked dad to move out and escape from here with me when avoiding attacks of demons, dad said we never moved out,I said dad you are so terrible. I knew on the paper it just told the truth to me, might dad killed mom, and dad's becoming part of this castle,which wanted to kill me also.

Another nightmare.there were someone who feed street cats ,too, in it.

Don't know if dad means dad only or someone who's like a dad for me in real life.cats are innocent , I pulled them in this mess for scare to demons.

Honestly Mr fox is as imposed as existence of my dad.

[10_02,Nov 21]I break up with Mr fox first, I take all responsibilities for it.

[8_46,Nov 21]but some Chinese are right, the code by results of public virus text is and can be controlled by communism government, red yellow green, it's not based on the truth,but what they wanna to tell.

[6_36,Nov 21]rog doesn't even exist, or just lies to me for purposes until he has enough fun on me for free to leave , it's hopelessly why he left without saying goodbye when he tells me to come to visit me and marry me and have kids with me and take care of me and cats,or perhaps just some girl who cheats me by a man's photo. like red who has problems of money, he's delaying to come again by making more excuses until nothing happens.

I don't wanna sex with any man in my real life, although I wanna sex. Sex without love is porn for the others,but porn without love is sex for me. It's why nobody could love me by sex.perhaps I'm the only cowards prostitute who can't marry myself.at least it could tell why I'm single.

Okay, go to check cats first of the rains stop. What could I do for Thanksgiving by anything else?

[5_37,Nov 20]remember the days working in communism military.Everything communists do in everyday is doing best to stay for the jobs by showing how much loyalty they are for Chinese communism PArty and high level communists ,how to be more loyalty for Chinese Party of communism for own benefits instead of working hard on their jobs , cars,houses,cloths, money, kids' education, families' social assurance,self' s rewards by the PArty.treating each other 'equally' is not because of human right,respect each other by talents and trust in God,but because nobody knows how much loyal and powerful and background and each other could do for communism, today's employee would be tomorrow's communism captains, for careers they would like to be 'slaves' of everybody until everybody's their slaves.so who would do all the jobs, for themselves and the others? Someone , some new and talent ones who don't listen to them, who don't believe in communism, even fight against it, want to leave.these being used ones could not share any benefits with experienced communists by the works, but could be abandoned after being used and finish works and even kick them out for political reasons, even send them to jails.biggest honor for the world they should have done,least works they don't need to do and smallest risks to lose their jobs. New and talent communists could be corrupted by least stuffs, but be controlled most. Could do anything to stay in communism Party, then do anything to betray the communists who corrupt them first for more corruptions which decide their lives and how where what to live without being controlled by other communists.Chinese communism was anti capitalism first in 20 century, then help capitalism, now is becoming anti capitalism again.I'm sorry I assume all Chinese abroad are communists first ,because I don't understand why Chinese communists could get in capitalism America which has laws to stop communists passing by their customs
, unless communism is more than corrupted capitalism itself to rule everything. Communism is a system people eating people. So what's happening in America? I'm looking at demon possessing a man who it wants most.Taiwan is only a blindfold which could be taken by Chinese Party of communism if America falls earlier.

[17_01,Nov 20]Do I love someone indeed ,or loved?

Watching American movies and think American is great , then notice that it's only in my madness .Could I just have a normal life whatever I do for live till my life ends? Or with someone else?

No one for love in real life, then on internet there's still none.then some  people only tell me to look for it in real life. Like playing balls.if female needs to depend on male to live, male needs to depend on female to love also.why do they just tell half of truth, and don't admit it's a lie? Is male so powerful? Or only God?

Promised by own life to take care of me and cats by visiting us for porn photos and videos and call self New zealand man who only had one gf and wife in China, me, on Twitter, then disappear like a Chinese coward prostitute.Like Chinese abroad who talk bad about China communists and Chinese, don't do anything to defeat them but stick knifes on their backs,is it right? By using other's dirtier things to cover up own dirty things , is it more cleaner ? or only betray?

It's still a miracle that I'm still alive by thinking in these ways above,so evil,bad and negative .it looks like there's Judaism which talks about God and demon is the same deity.can't believe even if don't talk anything about it I still can be effected.am I so sensitive? Or didn't notice anything which's so closed ?

Everyone tells me that they only love me have me be with me marry me have babies for each other and take care of each other in rest of lives, then I see everybody has shadows of the others who still love them and be loved by them in those ways.the one who tell truth is only me to be ignored,shamed and betrayed for it .and I don't wanna to know what others think feel and I don't wanna to change them by what I write.If marriage without love is kind of helping each other , like marriage of my parents, will I do that? And have kids like me who feel bad about it in mine ? No, I would rather have no kid than having any kid like that. That's not for kids, but only for myself by sacrificing kids first before they are born.

Everything referring to politics isn't great at all,how to be great by politics for everything indeed? Anyone referring to porn isn't right at all, how to be right by porn for anyone?

[8_33,Nov 20]made dreams again.last night I dreamed that one of my classmate had a yellow code after taking public text of virus when mine was green.it's a dream which made me nerves a little bit.then this morning when I wake up parents told me that many neighbourhoods have yellow codes suddenly and need to do the public texts again today to mark sure they're not infected by virus.I checked mine, it's green.dreams are just dreams, not for me perhaps.

[5_26,Nov 20]love right ones and hate right ones for whom? Being good ones and bad ones for what? Am I too simple to think about it?OOr it'sjjust too simply for me to figure out.

Someone think BaGua TaiJi's a progress for turning, from dark to light ,light to dark, bad to good, good to bad, right to wrong, wrong to right. it's like a way to understand and know things, instead of someone who understand and know things like that.

I met a middle-aged woman in the vet when I spay a girl cat.She showed me photos that she adopts more than 30 cats and 2 dogs in her rent rooms and buy expensive food for them everyday.when I asked her what does she eat if she feed them so expensive food, she smiled like that she eats the most delicious food in the world,like her cats do.

I adopt 6 cats and send food and water for other cats about 12 cats which I couldn't adopt everyday and I could only give them dry cat food with little cat cans mixing together and still start to complain too much costs at home. She adopts more than 30 cats in her rent rooms and feed them expensive good food everyday but still smile at me when I care about her health only.

I help cats like doing kind things for the world, but she treats cats like her own businesses.being and to do good, right, kind or not,it doesn't only  mean it's unlimited to be and to do and I'm not good right or kind , but also means it's indeed none of the others' businesses but self's.it's kind of morality also.but never depend on how much money and conditions I make or have for them.

[20_40,Nov 19]There's nothing about 'America is heaven and China is hell'.on BaGua TaiJi only when Yin is hell, Yang is heaven, there's only one God, and only one demon also.so why the spot is in the black part and black spot is in the white part? Demon does its job to send bad in hell when God does his job to take good in heaven , too, why people still only love God when only hating demons? Where to set love or hate in it? Is God and demon same one with opposite sides? 

When you open eyes at night you see light moon, when you close eyes in the day time you see black sun.is moon sun? No.sun moon earth and me, God demon BuaGuaTaiJi and me,God is there when I open my eyes in the daytime, moon is there when I open my eyes at night, the black spot is not sun, but like a shadow of sun in my eyes,moon doesn't have a shadow in my eyes ,cause it doesn't light, when I open my eyes towards sun shadows are gone.demon exists, like God does. The black spot's gone, because sun shines in my eyes.perhaps demon is the darkness which's burned by sunshine inside of human kind,is the mark to tell God's always there, is the sin which could be only taken by sun light.

[14_36,Nov 19]we are all passing observers for each other, just not as long as you could expect, right ? Yeah,  but you are not my passing by.we both know it,right?

Just wish him and them beautiful peaceful and hopeful life in rest of their lives.and hope me with cats have a long happy healthy life in the future.

That's all I could do.

[12_8,Nov 19]I didn't forget, but brain washed by communism .when brain washed happens, yes  , I can forget, like taking drugs, forget pains of life, madness of the country , move on by being used like a tool, more worse pains make me numb.forgot the days with the others , being happy ,smile, laugh, tears, cry , crazy, dying, even rape and abortion and suicide , which's called life.just thank them and keep stepping forwards on your own.

If Chinese are indeed the most diligent kind nation in the world, treat each other honestly , and fight for the truth bravely, learn knowledge worthyingly,  like what communists tell them everyday on the tv shows in China, why they need communism?

[9_34,Nov 19]I'm sorry.

It's okay, if he's the third one who only could talks to himself without understanding you, understand him leaving as a passing observer.

[7_38,Nov 19]The girl friend of mine who I treated her not right in my dream is not the others, but myself.

[3_33,Nov 19]in dreams I went to sift an 

^American black woman's lesson, forgot the id card to enter until she called the school to make sure I was on the signed up list.then she started to talk about everything.American, health of women, made an illusion of destroyed inner world, until she started to sing the internationale.I was happy to have this lesson until I started to sing with her the song because Ioved singing when the only female friend of mine was scared and worried now and kept quiet when she saw she's sing it.when I realized it's a communism song which I didn't like most I already finished it,then I blamed and looked her down my friend by silence of hers that she didn't stop me singing it when she kept quiet and did the right things as an innocent victim alone when I was being guilty by doing something wrong instead of treating her well.

Although I think I'm not innocent but my dreams told me why I'm not. I love singing, changes, American, my friends, but not communism which tempt&trap me betraying and hurting them,wash my brains.

[5_17,Nov 18]made a dream, behind my name there's a witch being marked.whatever how much beautiful dreams are, they are still dreams. If I don't wake up from dreams, it means I'm dead, for sure.I'm not a witch. No power.

Why I don't have any female friends? Whatever how much you are best friends for each other, who she loves is still hers . Who I love is still mine.it makes being best for each other is like a lie.female could know each other, so why they call each other best friends for each other by men? Why they can't call each other best friend without men? Why there's always someone acting characters of being like a male when there're male around them everywhere? Everything becomes complicated when refering to females and I don't know how to take care of it but escape.It's sick, not their faults, just because of what I m treated by my mom.

I don't understand why someone feel disgusting or look like to gross when they hear someone jobless hopeless breathless who don't have more money than them or much money they expect helping homeless animals or treating each other well by kindness and consciousness, or even more younger stronger smarter than themselves, or too impossible to do something because they are not as what or who are expected or wanted or heeded . It sucks. Cause most of existence help each other like that.

Yes  , there might be destiny, but It Isn't always Right.

Me is not only a person, but also how I become to be. love is not a thing, but life itself. When I bully males for being bullied, I pay; I'm bullied by female when I bully back, I pay also. But make others pay it by being raped and attacked , it's not only loser,but also criminal.basing on what I have done I'm not innocent when I'm a victim. I know. If only being innocent could escape from being victim, I would rather being a victim instead of being innocent when I can't protect my fucking self.

[7_41,Nov 17]perhaps just being another substitute woman for them ,whatever I pay for or be taken.as ridiculous as that America is built by Chinese and communists from 20 century, whatever it's true or not.great.They love to do it, like I like to be it also.whatever America and China has wars or not, American and Chinese fight against each other or not , it's a show.they are on the same side perhaps.So why coronavirus was released ? too hurried to avoid the accident.So why coronavirus exists? Everything is not the same as all media reports.

[7_15,Nov 17]someone think lies could protect themselves best in the end when bad guys are all around them, but when they lie to the others they need to hurt themselves first, and both finally.It's double lose.So why start fight first and continue it?

when I was a little kid, everyone said I'm talent,I think they say it because my dad is a communist for purpose and because they're communists also. Everything they wanna me to do is honoring ccp , the songs I was taught  the books I was read the lessened I was studied the things I was written, and I don't like every step I make in my life all had a mark of communism.I refuse to do anything which is so called for my sake in the end.because whatever I do is what they want me to do,whatever how much good I do, it's all belonging to ccp's sake.I don't like to do what ccp tells me to do anymore or work for it.more growing up more notice everything is in the traps of ccp already  it makes me sick.It's suicide in it.whatever communism is a mental order for me or not, I do my best to get rid of it in all my life.

[14_43,Nov 16]when becoming somebody in China they must become communists. When becoming nobody in China they must become communists also.that's why billions Chinese become noboody form somebody who are communists? 

Is it the truth or not? 

How Chinese treat each other is how communists treat themselves and Chinese.when communism is faith to become rich by corruption, tool to become American by crimes, nothing to become myself by shows, is there any worthy to use it to live as a dead?

Rog weasel must stopped his account on Twitter and finds his true love. Mr weasel,it's cuter than a wolf indeed.although there 's just a smile.I was hapqpy with you when being myself.Thank you.good bye.

Honestly don't have any confidence to be a gf,to marry, to be a wife, mom, stay with someone and getting old together. I don't know if I could make it or not, I don't know who could make me feel confidence about it, I don't know if who could have confidence to do the same things with me till the end of our life or not.life is so  short, that day will come to say good bye, good bye when being alive or good bye when dying or after dead.

All I do in my life is to say good bye as late as I could peacefully , to say hi as early as I want peacefully ,to prepare that moment when I could accept and put down peacefully, to be ready for leaving this world as who I feel good when I don't know if I came to this world by feeling good or not also peacefully.that's called love of life.

[5_22,Nov 16]I love and enjoy and m happy what and who I am now.Whatever how the others see me think of me or treat me.like thirsty grasses finally have big rains, old trees finally have new leaves growing, tired animals finally have safe places where are full of food water to settle, like a depressed person finally have chances to connect himself.

Whatever crazy mad terrible boring for the others or not, I feel good being myself and thank God for it.

So perhaps for Mr weasel I'm the monster of monsters, perhaps for anybody.For me I'm not.

I don't understand but I know money couldn't not buy respect, but heart does.I don't know but I understand money can't fix mistakes, but I can.

My heart hurts by my parents this time,but I still gave them 300 CNY for mistakes of my governments which only praise themselves instead of apologize to make them feel better from being scared of virus.I don't wanna become their governments, I can't.300 cny can't buy them a right government,can't but safety of mine and cats' from them, it's totally not what I want but in an opposite way.I'm not safe in China,not because of having money or not, but because of me who have it or not, and the ways I use it for whom,but because of communism which wants to have it all.

I'm not my cimmunism government, and I don't wanna do be.I fight against it for God instead of money in my pocket or fucking communism reputation or even Mr hedgehog who told me to give money to parents and said if I did he would added some opinion of my in his homework.money only proves how much poor my heart is instead of pockets I have. Mr hedgehog hurts me.but indeed I need him to tell his friends to prove themselves from someone especially communists to use them greedily in his homework, and need to work harder to make money for me and cats again.It's a hard decision.but it's worthy to tell him how stupid he is by it.being friends with communists and Mafia is sick.Or how stupid I am.

Why people wanna to take drugs? Cause their bodies are called by demons when their hearts and souls compromising to it.My parents are called by communism demons and they still want money from me who spend hundreds CNY every month for getting good living stuffs and cloths which they don't even buy a little bit for keeping their money in communism banks.Mr hedgehog is right  , just 300 cash could save 600 CNY for me to buy things for them to live better, why not do it?

Money never makes them living better, only worse.money never brings resepcts, only thievesi.money never makes me happy, only troubles.

Is it better to make anybody happy by money  than taking care of them by myself? I don't think so. So i know who they are inside indeed ? If not why I took the risk? Is money more important than me ? I feel I'm played again, and used, and cheated by parents.

Why money makes everything sucks more?

[23_01,Nov 15]I thought weasel looked like wolf,but it's so cute when I first it's photo.like meerkat.Why Chinese fear it and tell terrible stories about it that it could pretend possess even hurt human being to have fun on them?

Whatever in the end I see my ignorance.the only I could rely on is only myself who's still myself.

Good night,world.

[10_23,Nov 15]on the back of morality there's always benefit, money and power.when morality starts, corruptions starts also.morality is the beginning of corruptions.the point is that corruption benefits rich or poor, capitalists or communists.

Clean works clean hearts and souls.dirty works dirty hearts and souls.that's how to work carefully for sure?

[8_54,Nov 15]Mr rog weasel's account is frozen by Twitter,might be frozen by sending porn video and picture to someone and reported by them.or it's just a female who use handsome man photo and video to cheat female online.either of all three possibilities makes me feel bad.just disappear in this way, but I can't pretend that we didn't meet in my whole life.how to find someone hidding on the world wide web unless they show up on their own and want me to find them again?

[5_49,Nov 15]made dreams.in it I saw 5 or 6 young girls with me as pleasure friends, one of them was great and was bothered by my cousin who bothered me also in my home, he tried to sleep over the night with us, I kicked him out and he said you would be regret.I saw he went to his friend's place and he used him to make a terrible huge curse by children's and animals' bodies which were apart with red lines connecting each other and hanging on in a room of my home.military settled in my room but they hated them and just ignored it.some local people helped us doing something by collecting nature stuffs to remove the curse and clean it. 

When heart is empty, nothing could be stolen or taken away from it but heart itself.when demon settle in it from the door, it becomes evil ,and when God settle in it,it becomes saint.desire can be limited, filling necessary desire and puting down unnecessary desire are the same ways to be satisfied.so you could wall on your own way by God instead of being leaded by your desire to hell.

[18_43,Nov 14]sometimes it's not about I can't be wake up from dreams, just because dreams are too beautiful for me to wake up.

I call someone fox,it has reasons.

In one's life there are so many things happen, most of them are big similar even repeated and you can't remember all of them.but some little thing happens once, you would never forget it.

when I was a kid my dad told me there's a weasel smiling to him on the wall of grandparents' garden,he's a little boy I guess.then I know grandparents' house raised up weasel or fox' spirit, just like shaman before culture of  revolutions.they don't do it anymore.but 5 years ago after rape when I visited them who are farmers with parents I had something in my head growling when I took a walk alone at night on the pathpath beside tthe big corn fields.I looked around, no thing, but the sound was more louder and louder until I run into the lights of  yard .the black dog which never bark in the yard started to park badly and angrily.its owner blamed it did not, but I knew why it happened.

Then when I feed street cats in my area,strange things happened also.I helped an old woman with her husband taking care of homeless cats and dogs ,sent food I could get to them ,for human and for animals both in their store room which is far away from buildings, wasteland, empty houses abandoned factories, and animals. one summer, one night, more than 10 gooses of their neighbourhoods were dead when I stayed there for help in the first year,nobody knows why, someone said it's killed by animals, someone said it's poisoned by bad guys, she said she's been there for 40 years no thing happened like that ,I asked if there were holes on the necks of bodies of gooses, she said no. she said it's s too terrible she would not even take a look.after that day I never went there again.

In past 3 years I kept meeting hedgehogs on my way around here.I even picked up a little hedgehog when it's crossing the road,but it just freeze there staring at me beside the road and I  put it in a further bigger garden beside the road, when I returned with an apple, it disappear.then the place where i picked it up was damaged and all trees were taken down by trucks.

After I aborted I could see something in the corner of my room every night until I adopt my cats, it disappeared.even when I opened my eyes in the dark I could feel that thing.

Before he visited me in China from America and brought cross for me,I don't believe in Buddha and suspect existence of God.I'm interested in Taoism but just use it as a tool and a game lowly.

Rape makes me get rid of them for a while, but before I was raped, one reason for me connected my cousin to talk about is the fear which appears suddenly strongly , I feel something but don't know what is it.he can't feel it, he doesn't know how and what I feel.

It looks like my life changes a lot by rape.I tried to make me believe I fear rape , fear being raped by cousin, and repeated it times in my life. but no.perhaps he thought i did.so he made it happen.

Honestly cousin told me his classmate was raped by a communist's son when we were teenagers,and he wanted to revenge for her but too powerful communism families of the rapist. if rape could changes even destroys anyone's fucking whole life as people even as he talks about the girl I would rather to thank it than piss off.then until it indeed happened I see it's just a fucking lie to cover up he could not help but only wanna to use me.and I should has not trust it at all just because he's a cousin.trust for relationship and blood ties and same genes in body is the sin.

Some times when A revenge and want to revenge B and tell C about it, it doesn't mean A's good or victim of B, but means A's one of B group who is uses by B to do the fucking dirty jobs ,and want to use B for benefiting self by using C and getting D for E only instead of finding the truth or justice .it's how the cousin as a Chinese communissm police get payments from governments by their fucking jobs.he's only wasting my fucking time in my fucking life.

Everything needs to start over again.

[15_21,Nov 14] in the communism country, mind rape, then body rape, then what?

Avoiding mistakes is avoid myself.so can't avoid it because I can't avoid myself.

When everyone want the best, why I don't ?

[8_40,Nov 14]notice that everyone who is feared by the virus this time is someone who believe in communists most.

Love your enemies, not God's.

Because it's what God does to me through the others.

[19_41]i could understand others rape my minds head brains even life by for with communism, but can't understand why my parents and families do it to me when they tell me it's good for me.when they rape my minds by communism they wanna communism comes out of my head.because communism is a thing which is made by incest, by demon .when blood ties of mine has and use ccimmunism ,it only makes me escape. And communism can't be right , because it's incest also.

[18_49]Why I don't take the public communism tests? Why I don't like everything about communism? not because I know it's evil ,actually I don't,  but because every time I feel it's rape my head when I don't wanna to do whatever they want me to do , especially by their lies and cheats and shameless political purposes from the very beginning until I grow up by learning a word which is called brain washed.

[18_10pm]communism organizations just tell Chinese to do tests in Wechat groups,everyone pushes each other to do it personally and I don't like it at all.

The money to do the public tests is from governments financial apartments, they are all money of Chinese's. But communism organizations tell Chinese it's free test for everybody.it's a lie.all money is put in communists pockets, and Chinese can't wait to thank them for it.in the end Chinese only listen to and trust and love communists who laugh at and steal and kill them time after time.

Dad asked why you don't do it when the others all do it? So does he go to die when the others all go to die? no, only stepping stones like me for him . Mom said if you don't do the tests , the code is turning into yellow and red. But the code doesn't turn, she turns. a brave mom only knows to survive by bully her daughter.I asked him what do I owe them when I don't do the tests, he said of course you owe us.I asked is it my life? Take it, take it. He said ,you wanna to die, die outside instead of being at home, move out, I don't care where you go or live, dont eat or drink at home, I will never beg you for any of them. I said , no, it's not my home, but I don't move.I pay also  I take care of you and do heavy house works, I can stay with cats as long as I want to until I leave.it's none of your business at all.they only love money in their pockets and feel shame of being infected and me for communism instead of life,liberty and dignity.

It's ridiculous someone piss off for themselves who are communists .and it's sad that someone 

Everything about communism is Not clean.not because I know it's not clean, but because I don't like to take anything of any other's,whatever stuffs or bf husband or even a cell.

[16_19pm]honestly I don't wanna to be buried on this land after I die. That's why I tell myself I would rather to die on the way for freedom than to live in China if I can't leave here forever,with my cats.and it's not my last words.

[13:53am] even shaking hands hugs kisses wound be imaged by internet? they are by my hearts,not image. Whenever sex is job for me or not, sex in real life with Chinese who I don't know if they are communists or not and communists is rape and imaging to do it  for me makes me gross and sick, not clean.it's not only body reflection, but also mental thing.it's never about real sex or virtual sex.never ever is.real sex and virtual sex are same for me.just like that I feel communism isn't clean when I connect it from the very beginning even when I was a kid.

I'm now discriminated again by parents who believe in communism by not believing or obey or follow communism.after trying to kick me out of this home, when lunchtime they ask me for money of food water electric and everything to live after ask for internet fee when they accept retirements from communists every month, six thousands add 3 thousands, 1 thousand fee for rent the rooms each month, 1 thousand fee for internet 1 thousand fee for public heat in winter.they don't let me eat and even stop it.all they like to do is to dig all my money out for communism and themselves to buy stuffs by my own money with so called fucking greedy damn communism  shit.

As being a kid I love my parents, but as being a human I'm so sorry for them and can't stand by them but only God.virus is the biggest mistake of Chinese communists which kills billions in the world, now they buy everything expensive for helping communists to pay everything by their own money and prepare being lock down at home for communism government but blame and curse me who take care of th at home to die for it alone and lonely and raise up communists to bless all of them when they know and understand everything is just a show and a lie but still cut in it for showing and lying together with communists in the world.they would rather to stand by 1 billion communists who tell lies than standing by only 1 person who tell truth to them.I could only say, I'm sorry, God,

SagaIt's never about morality in a communism country naturally. communists destroy morality already when what is 'morality' only is communism.but people still believe that it's morality, not communism, but moral communism. it's communist, is evil demon.

my mom she still believes that when she does everything communists wanna her to do, do all the public texts, have green codes and vaccine communism stuffs she is safe when I'm not to be lockdown by her reports to governments.she's wrong. Four hundred thousand people have been lockdown beside my city, they have done public texts for 7 times.and when there's one Chinese infection in my area, communism governments will lock down this area also with everyone in it.whatever how many times they do for communism party , just being abandoned, as fucking pieces of shit.and I told her whatever I starve to die or not.

I don't need them to bury my body.

Everything is for communism career only. Everything and everybody could be and should be and will be sacrificed. It sucks.

I think there is love among Chinese which is Not about blood ties but good and depressed by Chinese Party of communism among Chinese people even to fight against communism when there's is communism raising up to pull the love down. But , corrupted money only makes corrupted money, build corrupted buildings , feed corrupted people, there's no exception about it. So what about the 'love' is communism itself, love for communism only?

[8:24am] and what's the source of this infection in my city? And why? Someone relapse who were healed after being infected by coronavirus?

[2:17am]actually made a dream and wake up so write it down.my cousin who raped me with his background power found an abandoned empty old huge temple on the mountains when they did nothing but survived everyday, they lived in it and rebuilt it into a luxury castle.on the day for the cousin having a bridge being married, he with his families prison me in it on the top floor ,as a second woman and bridge or a sex toy in the future when his wife knew it and let him do it. When they had wedding I escaped,first burning everything in the room after connecting police and telling them cousin with his families killed lots of people and the bodies were buried in the garden,but cousin's dad already knew it he used the secret door to escape and tried to destroy the bodiesbodies before police arrived.I knew the secret door and told police also when they questioned me why no body was found.I was set free from them and joined in another wedding which made me feel happy instead of being sad,although I was not the bridge.End.

[2:10am]As being someone in shows Somethings were disasters, troubles and difficult in yesterday's show. But it's lucky everything's all right. Because I didn't take care of some status right, and could fix it right next time. 

As being myself I think I hurt someone in shows because I was hurt also. And I don't know why I hurt them.it made them escape and leave me.but as much as the truth  I tell, even when truth hurt me, I could be fine. I don't wanna to hide anything or lie about me to myself.

[1:51am,Nov13] yesterday I messaged dad about virus when he forced me to do tests for a green QR code to go outside freely by it and  said virus would kill all of us in my city.I told him,no, whatever green code yellow code red code when you are infected they are all dead code. communism governments wanted to make the troubles bigger in my city by turning a big place into somewhere for lockdown infected patients.everyday more than thousands people were moving to my city, they wanted to move all patients from another part of my city where's 2 hours drive into my city for lockdown but never made the infected lines clear or moved fast by lockdown the sources of infections in time.but patients are too much, it would cost more time and materials and money. My city is only a small city but has 6 million population , no time. do they wanna all of them being sacrificed for own communism careers? the virus spread faster than last year, and if all the patients moved with the bad governments decisions but did nothing or heal them immediately , the infections would be much more in the next few weeks ,my city is small but people should not suffer this.if the lockdown hospital is built the things would be worst than Wuhan which was 110 million population and people would be hurt most by corruptions and weakness and delays of governments.it's not my city's fault.why it needed to be blamed or cursed for little mistakes so much ? It's not right.is it fair? keep people in where they are, lock down at where everyone is and start to heal patients who are most kids and young people at schools and colleges by right medicines and ways instead of moving them all out to another place with fear,  punishing communists who are pushing responsibility to each other and only protect themselves by their jobs,take care of old ones who already have diseases and need medicines everyday, free food and living stuffs supply . Now. everything has been already in this fucking ways, hope everyone will be fine and make it this time.

[6:00,11.12]totally don't like Chinese party of communism which only call someone elsewho don't follow or do what they want immoral ones and bad ass.

There's a 'the 19th CPC Central Committee holds sixth plenary session' in Beijing from Nov 9 to 11,now there's a big infected case being reported in my city which should has be healthy and people living here indeed don't mean to be sick but strong enough to stop everything .communism government now forces everyone to do the public tests by sticking something into mouth to get salvia  , or they will ban them who don't do the tests to go anywhere by red and yellow QR code which they set by lists , and tell  everybody that who don't join in the public tests are irresponsible and dangerous for everybody's life to make excuses bullying them pushing then out who don't listen to ,obey even fight against them. So doing communism tests is responsible when telling the world how does  wuhan virus is made and where does it come from is not? So doing communism tests can go anywhere even abroad by corruptions when someone who aren't infected virus can't go anywhere without allowance of Chinese Party of communism organizations? These mother fuckers request Chinese to be responsible for their own property but call Chinese who only are responsible for own life without their benefits irresponsible? Who are responsible for communists go to hell forever ,you'd better hope that I'm not fucking one of fucking any of you,or I fuck you all when you're living and after die.

Now I suspect that some Chinese and Chinese foreigners who curse Trump first then curse Biden second are doing them for purposes.they could do better than that, don't they? I can do better than that, I can do better than that. I could do better by stopping when should stop and moving when should move.keep holding on,tin. You can make it.you Don't need to rely on anybody else.

[7:01,Nov 9]my dad says who leave China whatever they are corrupted communists or Chinese or communism is strong, capable or has ball. 

They don't have duty or responsibility to throw down a line for Chinese in China to get out of China or rocks to kill the rest indeed.

I never like or accept anything dad says and does in his life.when I hear it this time, I can't say anything about it to him when feeling depressed.

Yes. everyone becomes themselves,whatever they want or not. In China everyone is victim of communism, but a lot of victims become crimes again and prefer to do best coping communists by corrupting for getting out of here and admire and raise up communists who corrupt their money and lives to leave this country like my dad, die like a god, like Mao Zedong, act like an America, be like every of them abroad.like a trap.

But. when life recognizes that it's somewhere locks it down and there's a bigger world for it, like seeds growing up trhough the gaps of stones and break them down, insticnt of life which always be alive towards clean lights,breath fresh air, drink natural water and pray to unique God.

is there anything which could be done once and then everything could be fixed completely? like a movie? the longest movie is hours, can't be as long as lifetime, as earth, as universe.life is short, but if it's short enough why I can't see it all when I am alive, or even die?

[6:39,Nov 10]Then I realize that followers could never understand each other online when I saw one of them ban another one who love cats also but don't like to show for being famous and bullied her.it makes me sick and don't wanna to touch Twitter again.

But yes,how many times I read Chinese and Chinese foreigners abroad ban each other when they bully each other and talk about Chinese China for own reasons under the name of anti communists when showing their proud lives abroad? Many .is it sick enough for them to stop them a little bit when they look happy?

I'm a woman waiting for marry when I can't find my true love but I'm not man to do great things when I can do something . Is life equal in this way?

When does money become the only way towards freedom to leave China for Chinese without love care respect and God? By money to buy green cards, buy being a foreigner, buy rests of lives abroad in China and become a rawhide to beat Chinese for working harder and harder for rich or poor communists and their families and workers to have a luxury and good life outside of this country? When does bad evil painful experiences become the basements of games of fame for internet users  without honest humor and modesty?  When does power become the only way to have freedom also for free and superiority without God, cheats,lies, betray, rape,blackmail, murders, from when the final way of communism system or something else is the only thing making tornados to destroy everything in this place or the world ?Why I feel I'm so stupid by these in this way? Rich and powerful people can be the same ones which are called communists, only talking about how to seperate black from white, is it any reasonable but being mad for being a fool?

[00:38,Nov 8]Morality always be something to raise up someone or take down somebody. Why?

The only son of dad's side who's the last kid of dad's little brother told me he's the one who does everything by himself without relying on everybody when my dad gives his everything to him, relationship,friendship, businesses and social experience and cimmunism background which my dad hides them from me all the time . Yes, he only rely in himself, just rely on his blood of being a Chinese male.I don't touch anything of my dad's, don't wanna anything from my families,but it doesn't mean he and other families can take everything of my dad's or each other's reasonably by blood.

Dreamed dad left home at 1:00 am and 1 of 6 cats run away when he opened the door talking to me, I tried asking for help from a neighbourhood who went upstairs but nobody did it.I followed her and called her name,she run into a crowd of street cats when I caught her tail,but when I pulled her back I saw it's not her.no cat was her there when a street cat started to pat my legs.I cried I wake up.but no tears.heart hurts.

It's snowing and very cold.street kittens cats and puppies dogs and little wild stray animals and all life, God bless them all.

Being good doesn't base on arrogance and ignorance.when life is cruel life is Not cruel, who and what has it is.so treat life well, not only because of equality.

[18:27,Nov 6]now I get that why I feel being abandoned every time.cause when they think I should do something for being someone of theirs, for me it's more than I could do.in another word, them who I think it's someone of mine are more better than me.so can't blame them or any other for it because of me.

[16:51,Nov 6]China, communism, Chinese party of communists.who raise them up and say they are good right and saint most must be someone who benefit themselves most by corruptions kills and murders of theirs.

it's ridiculous that when fox gave me money for help I used them to take care of adopted kittens which have grown so up and other street cats which have lived for 5 years.can't image if he didn't do it where are they and where am I now.but yes, it's so sweet and fantastic , he's always dad of cats and we are always proud of him and his families.

So do human in the world for their rests of lives  to pay back for what they cost from their birthday?

Between to be prisoner of love and to be slave of greed, I would like to be myself.

[15:18, Nov 6]came back from checking street cats. It's getting cold already.cats are hungry and I brought some food.if I didn't show up again at lunchtime for them I would never know how hungry they are and how bad environments to live for them when I take food for them every morning once a day.I thought they were fine.but no. Don't trust heads, trust hearts. they don't live well, they are not as happy as when they see me any rolling on the ground meowing happily walking running like happy kids .some of them are still sick and in troubles. My head ignored them all which are only good for myself and called selfish.

Must change the time to take them food at lunchtime.checked the weather's in next 2 months it will be -15℃ coldest .mornings could not be warm a little bit for them to stay outside for me by hours to take them little food which isn't nutrition or plenty or warm enough for a whole day at all.

And a street dog follows me when she see me every time for cats. She tries to scared cats for food, but shake her little tail and looks at me with full love and sadness in her eyes.I have to give her some food.although I know she might not make it like other street little animals in this winter,she was following me for a very way and time today.when I gave her some sausage for cats,she caught it and ate so proud. it breaks me heart when I escape from her trust and respect, and care, a guardian protecting me on all my way home, I can't adopt her and only thing I could do is not hurt her but love her. God bless all of them.

Because I don't have lunch,now I eat the rest of sausage which I gave to cats and the dog.whatever anybody likes or not, taste good.

There are coronavirus again in my city.and all express companies are stuck on their ways and haven't showed up for 1 week.And i still need to make money to buy as much food as possible.

My goal, except making as much as possible money and have a good life with parents and street little animals and my cats when I could take care of them and spay them and protect them from being bullied and eaten, cursed and used and sold, what should I want to do? Make some troubles for some ass holes sometimes.

I don't wanna anything anybody if I don't need them.when I don't need them, what I am? Cats adopt me when I thought of suicide after being raped.From that day my life isn't mine anymore.

[8:56,Nov 6]you think you met your true love, then you see you just meet someone who think they meet pieces of shit.

Being a Chinese, can't love Chinese,can't be loved by Chinese. Can't love foreigners,can't be loved by foreigners.cause for some of them, love is love, life is life. Love and life are separated, that's why there's porn and imoral sex.that's why I love my life but still wanna sex for the others?

They never know me like this.

Someone only proves that gold is always going to shine when someone only prove that shit is always going to stink.

I screw up everything and keep everyone staying away from me again, how talent I am.

[2:45,Nov 5]Honestly Chinese communism governments request Chinese to restore living stuff and food, could be another way for Chinese to eat Chinese.because only communists have money to do it, poor people,homeless, normal families don't have these extra money to do anything for it.when food gets more expensive and less, who will starve first? Then when Chinese communism party has wars with other countries, who will starve secondly? These rich communists who restore food, because Chinese communism military will control everything to make sure they have it, they could carry weapons,guns to rob everything in these rich communism homes under the name of country.because no gun in hands of Chinese, only Chinese communism military has.

Why some Chinese abroad say bad to Chinese and China and its government, some Chinese are sent by Chinese communism party and governments abroad,have jobs families futures as communists abroad,do these Chinese do this to whom make them themselves? Yeah, they deserve by what they are and have done.but isn't it another way to be communism which could be under control of something if they only do what make them look nice?

How to see if human love each other or not? See what and who they become by time in the end.what and who they are is carried on someone other 's back.like Jesus carries cross.someone are dropped off , but someone else pick them up.someone would be never picked up, but when they believe in God and have faith for him, there's always love in their hearts till the ends of lives.

They only become what and whom the others want, need and love when they want,need and love the others also,whatever for purpose or not,or using each other to live better best or not then seperate .

I don't suit being a step mom perhaps.and if someone wanna to hurt me and my cats kids if I have someday or use them to hurt me, I wish me cats and kids never lived.cause this world isn't worthy for us, unless we are worthy for each other in some ways else.still remember when I wake up from the operation of the abortion, it's like my heart is shot and I'm already dead,the baby was two months by incest and rape, 3cm big. We can't make it, God  forgive us, take it home, guide us in your lights, keep us together.amen.

[5:18,Nov 3]compromising to a madness or tyrant or bad  makes me feel I'm a madness and tyrant bad also.that's why I don't.

[6:42]sex is part of human being, it makes me feel guilty?

Anything makeing me feel guilty is immorality.but sex is not immorality.what does it mean?

[14:10]Selling pepsi fixing cars brings love, cooking cakes having bread brings happiness . what about show and sell sex? 

Yeah.it means laws is never about justice, morality is never about God, neither.because laws should be justice which stands by heaven instead of replacing justice, God is always morality which fights against hell instead of being god. They both aren't as same as possible for being justice and God.so justice is not law,morality is not God, why nothing changes?