Marriage bases on equality, not morality.morality is not and not about equality.so nobody can use morality to depress anybody.

Morality is used by communists in China for too long a fucking time.I search definition of morality in Chinese on google,morality in Chinese on wiki is totally different from morality in English on wiki.morality in Chinese is based on society and class conconflict benefits when morality in English is all about goodness and rightness.how can be society and class conflict goodness and rightness. it sucks.

That's why they always prefer to wash brains of babies and little kids and young men by morality. More pure heart and soul someone have,more evil and possibilities for communism to turn them into extreme communists when they are corrupted, or it's just because they believe communism is born by nature,like coronavirus comes from nature by them,believe that Mao Zedong's god from heaven to save everybody by communism, they wanna some babies to be Mao again to control China,even the world.

Is communism poison which keeps Chinese who are born to be evil in good ways? If they do bad, communism destroy them,if they do good, communism suits them? Sound like Chinese are all monkey Kings. But no. Communism is Not a coincident being and spreading even raising in China, but an accident.like coronavirus,like Gollum in 'the Lord of thing's who got the fucking ring. China communists Chinese can survive shortly by it, but can Not live longer than that.Starts by an accident, ends by an accident.Fate l i guess .

Btw Communists all like to see the results.when someone only want to see results instead of progresses,be very careful they must be communists who're only interested to take your life for themselves. No exception in past of my fucking life.

I don't hate women who love men so much that they can do anything for men especially sacrificing themselves,by freedom,dignity or even life.perhaps for some men it's called trust, but for me it's not called security.I think I'm not that type.Because when everyone does something for something or someone, what they do are never about something and someone.

Yesterday I watched a movie with dad which is called Wrath of man 2021.I asked dad what makes you angry most as being a human, dad says he doesn't want to answer it now because it's too complicated.then I asked him,  mmm, I forget what I asked for. Then in the end I asked dad why they want to rob the armor cash carrier when they are retired soldiers,the movies didn't make any sense , do they want to revenge governments which ignore them too much and treat them badly from wars in Iran or Afghanistan? Dad says what the fucking are you talking about,they just wanna to spend them.then I feel I'm so stupid that I didn't know this communist for so fucking a very long time.

Yes,I believe my ancestors must bless me.but my dad, I'm not sure.thinking about him who has so many gossips with different women in his life,I can't be fine For a little bit.every year when he worked somewhere,he had gossips with other women when he says it's only lies,sometimes mom gets crazy and wants to kill him,argue and slap him,drop his expensive stuffs on the floor,curse him on his face,he still doesn't admit it until he gets old when rich beautiful women don't care him anymore.he even flirts with cousin's mom.of course,these days pass away.I pay something for him on it.it's why I want to go abroad when I was a kid also,to avoid all of them.but things will get worse and worse,right? When I'm still here.if I leave,perhaps no good for me,but stay here, must die tragically.

When I read someone's drinking with me,I feel so sad.when man see someone who they love and care and respect has fallen so much,they must hurt so much?

Sex is much more better than drugs,right? it's why someone prefer sex to drugs.but when someone think sex is much more better than drugs, someday they will use drugs when they can't sex or cum anymore,and become addicts.I don't know why,but when I cum comfortablly enough,me and my heart both cry at the same time,but no tear drop off.

Dad had lots of chances to go abroad, immigrant and leave this place forever when he's young, but he can't separate and leave mom when they fall in love,he can't left his families alone when they needed him to join in ccp to feed them.by corruptions when he's the biggest brother for them.hey weren't only arguing for my future, but also themselves until they get too much old to hurt each other for saving him&her.he's been reaped here and I see his fucking life for almost 38 years now still has a bleeding heart inside.I'm trapped again in this place,like winds under mountains and sky in gaps. Fuck it up Juanch.don't take a break,it's not the fucking time.

Being homeless, the precondition is that you had a home.When you just have a home, you can lose it, then call yourself homeless.

For most of Chinese ,I don't think they had a 'home'.so they are Not Homeless. Only communism is homeless.They are Not cursed, cause communism and communists are cursed. So was Karl Marx.

Real Chinese are wild and stray, because of whom they are,because of communism and communists take over their country.

Yes, perhaps I fight too much, but only fight  against myself.

Who and what are homeless? Ghosts.

I cum several times  when being rape, it makes me feel I should not live.fter that I can't cum by real dick.I tried 4 dick,none works.perhaps my pussy still can't forget the first dick in it, pussy doesn't know it's rape,only fuck I think.

I read that the body needs 7 years to clear all sperm in it after having sex.or if I sex with others and have babies in 7 years after rape, the kids still have some genes of cousin's by rape.It makes me sick.It's been 10 years,it's almost time to stop my period of month.Don't know How long it can insists, but being single will be fine for me.

Do you think basing on my characters even if my cousin didn't rape me, someone else will ,too? It's why he did it ? Cause communists never wants other foes to hurt and kill their slaves,when necessary they hurt and kill them on their own.It's communism China. You don't wanna to come here.

I think when  some communists wanna to suicide,some other communists will kill them and stop them to be killed by foes,it's what  my cousin think,for him some day I would be raped by someone else ,so he did it on his.own first.But if I was not a virgin  ,he did even not care but let me suicide,or kill me immediately.

if my value for him was only being a virgin and toy,is that bad? I told him I'm sCared to sex and want to die,perhaps he thinks it's best chance to take the best thing of mine which is virgin and he thinks if you don't scared to die,you must not be scared of sex,bitch.I'm scared to sex, still.but have to use sex to live onI.is being toy worse than dead?

If it's you, some bitch told you they don't wanna to be fucked by communists or men who don't love her for the first time but want to die, will you get the virgin which is the most important thing for her before she suicides ? Is man all like that? 

Yes.I would rather to be raped once than to have such a fucking cousin who pretended caring me and listening to me and cherishing me all the time for pleasing his mom to benefit himself.I though if I was raped that's my fault.if not that's my luck to get a friend even if it's a family.I didn't think he can fuck me and he doesn't dare to because of fearing his mom until I piss him off.I tried to escape,  but didn't success.

Two years rapes can let me see clearly a fucking asshole and don't need to think about him in all rest of my life as my friend and brother and worry about him all the time. .I still think it's worthy. 

Yes. I tempt him like a shit which was practice for us always for my last chance for him. I thought it would be just a kidding for him.I was ready that if he raped me I can stop guessing if he's good or not still, if he didn't turn into evil I would be always with him and kept him from ccp .until my dad told me he already told all families especially cousin 's mom that he bought a fucking  job in communism military by 200000cny with all they had after he raped me.cousin should knew it and after raped me he requested me to find a job for him in communism  military.I refused and told him I would quit the job.then he did best to stop me until I was  pregnant and aborted 2 years later after rape.

I didn't believe who can be an ass to rape his sister before rape happened on me for ccp and a communism job.I didn't want waste time on a shit any more, then he gave me back a shit.

My parents are both communists who are totally brain washed. they are born in 1950s and proud of communism in all their life.dress Mao logo and thank ccp for everything,proud to try to turn me into a communist by torture and violence .I don't know why such parents have a kid like me who doesn't like ccp and fight against communism in all her life.perhaps God doesn't give up them yet.So for me if my parents can't take responsibility on the rape , neither, ccp must does.

One day after rape my dad told me cousin's mom called him to find a job for cousin and he refused and told her he doesn't have that power to help them,she's disappointed .then I noticed if it's only a trap.dad doesn't like them especially cousin all the time.after that I took cousin who found me to have sex to my home to meet my dad,I tried to tell dad he raped me,but I didn't ,I saw dad piss off looking at cousin,I didn't want dad to break his heart ,perhaps he would die,he's almost 70 years old.I thought dad piss off because he guessed cousin raped me,but now I think it's just because he refused his mom now cousin disturbed me for his jobs.then cousin became a cop,it's the day cousin left me alone.then requested me to be his second woman with bad smiling face.I refused again.I asked dad if he connected his friends to give him a cop job or not , dad first say yes,then say no helplessly.then mom said dad did when some day she talked about it proudly carelessly.

Perhaps he raped me,cause he envy me first that my dad could try best to find me a so called communism good job for rest of my live.after the first time rape became revenge and threat my dad when he refused his mom who told him to play with me from childhood for finding him a communism job in the future.

I know someone may say the only thing I should not do is that I shouldn't connect him when he graduated from communism college after I worked in restaurants for 2 years, cleaned dish,services customers as a loser for communists to shame my families by making money on my own without relying on ccp.but if I can pull anyone back from hell of communism by anything I can do,I will still do it again.

I treated him as my little brother before.I had responsibility to take care of him . But This mother fucker still does what he wants to do alone, even to go to hell.He never changes.

Just wanna to tell him it's not his fault that his best girl friend was raped by some powerful rich communists when he's 14 years old.but from me this son of bitch never takes a piece of shit.

Although sex is beautiful,I am scared of sex and male.after rape I still am.because some sex harassment when I was a kid.

Mr snake says that,looking into whore' eyes, they are telling that they don't care live or die,they lost their souls, even hearts.

But some who have those eyes are Not whore.even though some are Whore,it doesn't mean they don't care live or die,they just don't care fear of live or die, for what they love and care. Cause fear can't help them to avoid dangers, but only brings extra pains themselves.

When God let you die,you must die soon; when God want you to live,you have to live well.

From the very beginning communism and communists never want good to happen in China and Chinese.But, never live and love for revenge it or destroy it,love and live for what's worthy.

Sex is beautiful,not me,not my body.just sex.but I'm scared of real person for sex.curse again ? Or a gift again ? I thought I save others, now I see I'm the one who's saved to do something which I pay for what I do or be.suddenly wanna to protect this world.

Congratulations,Mr fox.you are free . Although I'm always on your side.

Homeless , appropriate a little bit . Homeless on the internet ,until I get cb.

Looks like sex has to be my only  way to go to love.never feel good about it.

Suddenly remember a detail, before being raped I was curious and asked my cousin if he's a gay or not.I wanted to tell him if he is it's okay that I can support.then he seemed pissing off but said nothing only embarrassed asked me back if I'm schizophrenia or not.cause at that time it's been a lot gossip around me have already said I'm not normal and crazy because I never do things like them,think in their ways,and believe what they believe.then he raped me,told me his best friend told him to do it.and I actually know that he has a best friend who's male growing up with him and seems treating him and his families very well.and when raping with me,he felt boring.he said I didn't scream,made no sound .after the day I aborted my first baby,after I told him everything was over ,don't connect me again, he said it's his baby he had right to come to take a look before abortion,and got the name of hospital.he came,then shamed me when doctors and nurses around me there by yelling to me who knows this is whose baby angrily.when we were alone he smiled to me again and said he had to say so and beg my forgiveness.after leaving hospital he took me to a hotel and tried to rape me again when he saw my body became slim for being hunger 7 days by being pregnant.when he raped me for the first time in bed of hotel, he laughed at me who's a virgin that where's the hole to stick in by his dick,sounded like he's asking someone who didn't in the room to tell him how to sex with a girl.I assailed him if he loves me as families why he did it to me,he said he doesn't unless making love many many times.he thanked me after rape,for what? and said next lifetime he would like me to be his sister again.why? Asked me to be his lover of second woman when I heard he would marry from my mom, insane of morality.In the last times of rapes he tried to kill me in bed by hands in my neck. suffocated me several times.but then I escaped.After his parents found him a communism police job, he gets married with one of his classmate who's a nurse.he ignores me all the time and act like a stranger in birthday Party of grandma's,after that I rarely go to visit grandma again, I feel guilty but still miss her .Does is he a gay? Does rape make him marry with a female for parents' 'willings'? interesting in body of female? Does he a freak who loves to sex with girl slim body?either of then makes me sick.I was skinny in childhood,and in childhood I played with him and his mom always told me to teach him well and being his good friends when he doesn't like to play with anybody else but only his best friend.Meaning he's a gay who doesn't know that he's a gay?

I don't know cousin ,the reason I tried to connect him is that my mom who's his dad's sister force me to .she always say he's your brother ,you need to love him.but he's a stranger for me.the only thing I know about him and his families is that his parents fought a lot when he grew up.and they were as poor as mine.his mom is an orphan, and a stepdaughter for a rich communism family (?) I never know.cousin always told me that there's too much I don't know when I want to know something and ask why. His mom's parents who gave her birth just died few years ago,why she's an orphan.I heard it from mom who pity them or wants benefits from them a lot and pushed me to cousin when I was a little girl, but she doesn't tell me more.she sacrifices me for herself many many times,but she think it's normal.cause I'm a girl when she doesn't want to give birth to a girl but a boy, I think.it's why when I heard that mom had  a baby before me,I wanted to know if it's a boy which can make her living more better for her or a girl which can make her live more worse for her,like what  I am for her.everyone discriminates female when I was born, and too many Chinese who do it makes this terrible thing looking like normal.

This morning I told dad one of my friend says I have poor hygiene for a woman and poor in pocket enough to have a poor life,dad drunk tonight, came at 23:00 after months when he didn't drink again.he must be hurt by what I experienced.he cam do nothing to help me when I'm hurt but only drunk more, mom can do nothing to help me when Im hurt but only expect more.It's okay, dad,don't hurt, we're not dirty, or  poor, I'm  fine.being rich or poor isn't a crime,but crime is just crime itself.it's been truly 10 years ago, I still feel that it happened yesterday.I must be crazy.God dann it,it's been hurt too much,how could I fix and make it through ! I'm guilty! But still have to be breathless in this way? In this place? This country? I make it happen, let it be, deserve it?

Someone say they want to marry me,I deserve it.but what about other good girls who are more good than me,they deserve it,if I marry a good man, they lose a good choice to marry him.

Someone says he wants me to rape him,or rape me, I deserve it.but what about his families,his girl who he still miss and love,if I do with him, they lose a good life with him.

Someone says he wants me to live on,I deserve it,if I suicide,ccp and cousin win.but what about me,do I win? Can I ? May I? when I live on and even live better than them, I'm the biggest lie which everyone around doesn't know the truth about rapes when I always say I'm honest for me! I'm just a joke which can only make money to be laughed,I'm just a toilet paper which can only be used once then abandoned all the time!

Any different?All the same. No love,no equality.

I'm not a bitch,but a bitch of morality.perhaps.for everybody.but why it's so hard for everyone to tell the truth ? Only liars can get all truth?

Can't stop flowers  to withered and drop , but can feel someone familiar to me coming back again when they are just strangers.

Sometimes the only way to start is to go to hell again.But when you start it again, everything just comes fucking back .

Thank you ,Mr fox.thank you for becoming a real grandpa. Just a good dad and grandpa, it's not what I want for kids, but a lie which I can't take any responsibility on it unless I die.but a real grandpa with his real kids and grandkids, never need a fake mom and grandma,right? You said you never take the vaccines for taking planes again to come to China , I don't wanna you to take the risk,neither . I'm sorry, I tried my best .

Tomorrow me and parents will go to watch a movie together,the last time when I watched a movie with dad or mom was 20 years ago.I should be happy, but now I'm so sad.

Grandma on mom side,she's still in bed.Mr fox,you are right, she gives up, she's letting it go after fell down in bathroom alone, she doesn't move for months but lying in bed,become skinny,become speechless,become weak.she may not survive in this year.last week in my dreams I saw her stand up again in front of mom, me and some other families when a family who died last year sitting in sofa looking at her back.

She told me to find someone in China and marry him after I took you to visit her,although she says you can be a good boyfriend of mine,and good husband.she told me to stop feeding cats or having cats.it's poisoning me inside somewhere .Chinese respect old,obey morality blood ties and love power.they are proud of it as Chinese culture and being Chinese.in another word, they always fucking suck blood of their parents ,blood ties even friends when they get old,always be fucking dolls in front of somebody,always do fucking everything for others instead of themselves by selling life and hearts and souls.

Being Chinese or have blood of Chinese is a bless? Someone still want to be blessed when being Chinese and have blood of Chinese?

No, I don't think so.it's only a fucking curse ever.

What attracts Yin communism to China? Money which is Yin gold also? Yin things attracts Yin things which has same characters.If Chinese Party of communism doesn't hide their money which they corrupt in China into America and the world, but leads and even be followed by Yin communism to America and the world by corruptions of Yin money, why .communism has already been in America and the world.they are trying making communism move from east to west.people always want something to last forever, including communism,nothing lasts forever,but things in hell do.and this world is not heaven yet .it's hard to understand for me when someone are busy to go to heaven some other ones are doing best to go to hell.

Without love ,care,respect etc everywhere is same for me.life is always lonely.yesterday I was just angry at parents who happily took advantage of my money for a sheet meat lunch,today I was just touched by dad who stayed with the son of his brother all day long for the son's new house, he left home at 6 o'clock,but the first thing he did when he came home at 15 o'clock was cooking for me who didn't have lunch.sometimes parents suck,but some other times they become the only ones who love their kids than anybody else in the world unconditionally,than anybody,husband, wife, even kids' kids .Parents doesn't exist to love their kids,but teach them how to love.after that I invited dad and booked 2 tickets for me and dad to watch his favorite movie 'the fast and furious 9' which isn't my type in cinema next Tuesday for thank and he booked a ticket for mom also with us .we will have dinner after that together,not their faults,if I did better ,perhaps they have already treated each other well instead of arguing for me, perhaps I had been abroad.I don't choose anything, times do for us all the time.dad's so very happy like a teenager and then smile like a kid.

I think most Chinese in American and other countries have turned into western people, American and foreigners for a very long time.their opinions, their thoughts, their behaviors are not Chinese anymore.some of them even can use what Chinese like to hear by sacrificing Chinese  to make themselves famous and popular and rich when Chinese still think they are raising up 'Chinese'.two worlds between me and them, although they can still speak and write everything in Chinese like one family .One family, meaning what? What's making them hanging there between protecting fucking foreigners and acting as fucking Chinese like me?

Women and men are born for each other, only human kill hurt harm each other when they don't need to.no equality, no matter.

Comparing with me who is vexed by someone's condition which is to abandon my cats and listen to him who's always the first of all,then his mom ,then his kids,then me on everything to immigrant American alone as his wife for green card, I prefer and like me who lives with 'parents' surrounding by cats every day more happily without worries.

Communism doesn't create,only steal,doesn't give,only take,doesn't produce,only use.it's Yin.Yin needs Yang,Yang is Fire,light,and hot things to keep Him working well.Virus for me is a kind of Yang, it exists or made by Yin communism for balancing Yin communism which is more powerful day by day.but when spreading the world,it's losing control.too much Yang needs too much Yin to keep balance.some kind of water is Yin.if the old prophecy is true: in 2022 fire and water balances each other or takes care each other  then in the end something will happen again.Virus could be controlled,but then there's something will happen again.Yang virus is troubles being made by Yin communism for itself to survive.

Honestly Yin communism needs to be controlled and rules to exist.communism should has disappeared on its own when it become enough powerful in China in this way , when it lost controls by itself ,it needs things to depress it. Fire wars is it's only way to exist.America's Gold,Gold creates water,water could balance fire.if America uses fires to have wars with communism China,even kills a lot of communists ,it doesn't make any troubles for communism,but helps it to survivec.cause if Yang virus disappears,nothing to control Yin communism anymore,in a other word,they mAke virus to control themselvs.it's keeping losing control,in the end only destroy Yin communism will be the only choice for Yang fires,by wars.I think communists can't wait that day and with money they corrupted and taking abroad to start a new life,especially those ones in America.

Truth is always not what it looks like.communism become powerful in China,it's not a coincident.

People often say when you have the worst lucks and dying or can't live on before giving up in your life you always have the best pasts in your eyes.But I only have the most anger in my heart because I don't want to let them go.

Now I think they are curses and laughs from the cousin who says you will still be my sister in next life after raped me and the classmate who says I should have raped you first that night after he heard I was raped by the cousin when I was a virgin .they mean that I will never get a job,live on, immigrant where I want to be ,find true love and marry and have kids in this life like they do.and they mean that I only deserve to be lied,played,cheated,betrayed and killed when they do and want me to do these to myself .the only reason they tell me in opposite ways is that they believe I will not understand them until they completely escape and hide from me with their families and friends who want more from me than they can have and I can give .

I am shit who is punished by what I have done still .I pay and repend for them still .I'm still Myself.Whatever I deserve them or not,I still dislike anybody else using name of Justice to satisfy themselves and sacrifice the others ,using name of God to benefit themselves and tempt the others ,using name of Freedom to please themselves and trap anybody else for themselves.

Cats with me,parents with me,everyone who should has left but is still with me,don't separate with me don't leave me alone,don't screw me up or fuck me off or hurt me inside,just because I can't suffer separating, I ask for others to betray me and lie.

I have to grow up.but why still feeling sad and lots of tears when I know it will come someday? Why it's going to killing me inside? why I can't stop crying for it? Cause everything will not get well in the end.

That's why for someone I can't be an actress or make good shows like expects of families and friends,but a very very very bad cam girl who must do many many many times sex?That's why my cat's lying in my arm? If someone doesn't dry off my tears ,I will be drown and killed by them by myself .That's why I exist? Cause I should not deserve it.

I told dad to heal his lungs first,then his nose will be fine.I told mom that if she stops thinking that she is taken advantage of everybody and stops taking advantage of everybody ,she will be healthy again.

Perhaps I aren't only sad that someday others leave, but also sad that someday I will leave them.

That's why I don't want to stay or stay longer.

Now you are alone,tin,it's great to see that you can only torture yourself.

Divination is correct,it bases the power or super power who does it.more power,more citrus it can see.and mine can just see resent moments. Perfect.it's okay.

Can't believe I'm saved by cats.they deserve my life to take care of them unless I can't live any more.they save my life,I take care of theirs by it.

Honestly don't wanna to live by others' minds anymore,movies cartoons books stories myth.what's matter if they are good or not,whatever results are good or bad,they are all others', not mine.

Have big family,make good friend and even get sweet lover online,in the end they're just friends who are strangers to me.still can't change the fact that I want to immigrant and leave this country,it's what I want from my childhood ,stay somewhere which has love freedom and peace.my half life has been passed away,what and why am I still doing nothing in it,when will it happen and come true?perhaps,but when I met cats,everything changes .no love,no freedom,love sets you free,gives you peace,not America.

I'm sorry,grandma.I know you know I want to go to America.everybody knows.I know you don't wanna me to go there and just want me to find someone who I don't love to marry.you know I don't like all Chinese , and some American,most of foreigners .but ,do you know that,when there's love,freedom,peace in your heart, everywhere is America.it's why I want to be in America,I know nobody can stays with me forever,I know they have their own things to do, own life to take care,so I just think if I'm in America,when I come alone, when everybody leaves me to have own lives,when we separate,I do not feel too bad.

Don't use or sacrifice yourself for what others' want and yours,whatever they are good or not,especially when what you want and others' want are the same,unless you want to trust them or you can take all responsibility for yourself if they hurt you deadly again.

When you don't know the ends by divination ,you need to take care of it on your own.When you know the ends by divination ,you still need to take care of it on your own.just like being in a movie,you can't jump over the whole life and just stand on the end.only things which you try,experience and understand on your own belong to you.

No snow now,but my heart feels cold and it's like in winter.weathers seem informal this year,now it's May 19,it should be summer hot already.but still feel cold when sun doesn't appear in the morning and at night.will next winter terrifically cold again? God bless homeless life and wild animals to make/get it through.

Even there's pains ,there's still faith .even nobody cares you,you and cats still care each other,even everybody hates you,they can still find some other ones to love.what fucking guilty do you want ?

You have been blessed so much,how much can you want more?

I want to know why Chinese choose communism ways to go from the very beginning which is a dead way in the end.Perhaps they never wanna to live, like Biden does.perhaps they are too kind to be harmed of backstabbers.suddenly miss Trump.

More growing up,more pains, more lies, it's why I don't wanna ?Everything will become more harder and crazy and terrible ,nobody cares me and cats till the end?I thought the reasons why everyone who leaves me gets better live is that they love me,but a movie tells that they hate me,wanna to revenge me who leave them?

Either that movies is based on life,or that life copies movies .why my life must be as same as a movie to be liked for making benefits for living ?I don't wanna to be a movie,although i want to have an end nnow in it.I wanna to be out of this movie for me.it sucks that life is just a movie.

Never image someone to masturbate.cause if I can't sex with them, I will not be me but some image for me always.

I'm not shit,not beggar,not homeless,not whore,not teacher,not friend,I'm not me,whatever anybody trusts or not.

Someone believe divination and even in God.Just because some times they want them to happen,they wanna them to be real,some other times, they just don't .without progress there's only result,can see the future but still must experience it again, what kind of fucking life it is.

The kitten is adopted by someone who lives in the city. I used my last money to take a taxi,on the way traffic got too busy to move and I started to try to make the driver clam down and felt relax by talks.he helps homeless cat to find adopters also online.and after he heard that the kitten in the travel bag is adopted and I told him to stop when my money wasn't enough for the rest drive.he gave me back 1 CNY in money and drove to the place where I would give the kitten to the adopter.

The thing which is innormal for me is that before we arrived there,he told me the thing.A young man suicide after taking his taxi.he's so depressed and felt bad or guilty that he couldn't stop him to do it but only ignoring him when he piss off in his car until next 3 days policemen found him and asked him about him.he regretted too much and said he should has called polices before the men killed himself.when I heard that the man suicide for his girlfriend who's raped by someone I felt so unbelievable.I know the place they stayed has some colleges for rich communists' children who gonna to be rich communists powerfully.but , so, what the hell, a victim doesn't suicide,but her boyfriend did? Can all the people who get the truth only admit or accept truth and it's why they can't live on or move on in ways or the world which are full of lies?

Then I read someone talking about 'knit'2017 which is a Chinese tv series and 'Ergo proxy'2006 which is a Japanese cartoon.there are suicide also in them, a human-made proxy which's born to find truth and a man who tells truth about communism after losing his mom and is reported by his family for it.

Why rape isn't a crime but a shame for ccp in China? Why whom rape others can't be punished by laws,but victims who are raped must pay life to end this rape in minds after being raped by body for being alive or for freedom and lives of whom rape them when communism governments and communists cover up these crimes ? Why so few real rape is punished but most fake political criminals are jailed? I read another post about a woman who's raped in China by a friend and suffered in communism police station by being shamed by Chinese communism policemen after she told them she's raped and wanted justice .she writes down  it's more worse than being raped.it's another rape in mind in police station.she's treated as a whore.

Rape,communism,death, any connect?if rape is worthy to kill victim by their own hands, in communism China ,is worthy to suicide,how could they suicide for being raped ,how could they kill themselves for communism ccp , how could ccp cover up criminals instead of protecting victims and their friends families by shaming victims,how could victims only live for being raped only?how and why is rape not crime in laws but shame in morality for Chinese Party of communism or even Chinese only? 

When all crimes are blamed to shames of someone or somebody of cimmunists and the country who rule there and everybody,no crime anymore in the country and all crimes, criminals transparent forever? Blame chairmen and Presidents forever and so everyone else will be safe,no pain no hurt no death Anymore? 

Why I feel that I'm walking to the lights but when everything around is so dark here? Only when I eat food I feel I'm starve.no eating,no feeling of hunger.after eating,still no feeling of food inside.strange at all.

The official news about the infected passengers who are reported by Chinese communism Party in my province are very unreasonable.if they are infected,why they could move from South to north China without being locked down, if it's real it should has been a lot of infections instead of two Chinese when Chinese governments notice by communists' rules,but only two Chinese are infected,unless the infections are everywhere in China or Chinese governments don't know where are infections, but want to make people in my province to have more shots of vaccines for political purposes by fears for political games with lies.

Truly independence is Neither separation, nor split,but share.America has Independence day.but Mao Zedong and communists never say China is independent,especially in the important speech of 1949,in Tiananmen square,he only told Prc founded/established.Independence can be death after being damaged.Only something being founded/established can be separated and split.they will never die,but they never live.

In dreams when I tried to be smart again,a girl asked me: are your friends all bought by money?

Too much details in posts of Chinese in America and the world on Twitter.It seems like they don't know what real happen when they indeed are one of it.

It's like looking at a huge fall from the sky,like being heaven and human world between American thoughts and Chinese thoughts.

Well done.

That's the flood for Chinese if China's still closed which should be care.Chinese Party of communism isn't good enough to save Chinese by sacrificing itself when most of them who have responsibility have already went abroad and immigrants by crimes and breaking laws.that's the fire for American to care.China isn't still the end, but start.Everything will come back again in America after China.all fights which can be years or hundred years are only a ploy to cover up some Chinese and communists which have been already in the world,in Americ

In fact most of Chinese and secret communists cover up themselves by wars between America and other countries,like masks.no exception.the war is a trap.

I think Chinese should create and do something good to the world on this earth,or even self,cause taking down or taking care of ccp which's losing minds is Not Honor for all Chinese,But a Responsibility.

I made sad dreams last night.

Why someone who have all behaviors and chatacters as same as whom seem loving me before but hurt me badly don't love me still actually?

Because they all don't love me.and I'm not alive for them perhaps.they make me numb for stopping me fighting against themselves by lies and betrays of love.

So long I have ignored what's truly valuable and worthy and important things in my life when I'm busy for money and something else.

People may forget, but sometimes some of them can never forgive.

I think communists especially Chinese Party of communism don't build or create or develop communism and anything, they just use ,twist and turn your connects ,ties and relationships with each other into communism ,basing on it they make all the others' connects communism and more ties they refer to ,more bigger the organizations of communism they have.they don't damage your connects and ties with each other,cause they need them for communism.the ones who control whole ties are not who love you most,but who love communism most and have the most materials by communism to charge everybody.they destroy everything in them when they don't damage them, only leave tear,anger, guilty,greed,lust,pains,bloody death and you there as their fucking shits to God.

Mom cat came and returned 5 times to ask good from me for raising up her kids.

Taking care of cats in China is not about cats, but about having connects with Chinese.I hate this place.

Parents of Chinese can never be friends of their kids,but someone who need to charge everything for them,by money.they call it power,cause in communism China, no money,no problem to die.I have tried to make friends with my parents in all past of my life, but when I tell truth about ccp and communism, they always piss off and attack me by shits for them like demons.I can't stop it by myself.

For someone especially American communism seems not to change anything.they only benefit you , with some normal requests and free words which look friendly and kind,no fatal. but, communism isn't only about corruption,especially money.it twists your relationships, friendships, connects with each other.making your partners,business cooperation, parents ,families, friends become king, queen or slaves for grades by power in yiuryour countries .and changes them forever, for communism itself.when you believe communism and communists, you betray everything and everyone who love you and you love, only lies in your life, they twist all ties in your life with any other forever irreversibly till you dead into communism organizations.in this conclusion lives of someone including Chinese have already been damaged at all.the question is how many are they in the world ?

A bad thing.after I went to see the doctor for my teeth when my dad came with me, he told me he didn't feel good and had a diarrhea after he came home at 16 o'clock yesterday when I had a fever from shopping .now I'm lying in bed at 2:13 am,my pillow gets wet for me who sweating a lot when taking a nap for 8 hours.the fever which is as so much similar as the fevers I got in 2020 fadeing away and i feel little better from heating ,sweating,strengthens and headache now.

I told dad it's either a coincidence that when he has a diarrhea I have a fever at the same time,or it's a coronavirus infection which infects us at the same time when we were connecting the doctors for my teeth who have taken Chinese vaccines together ,that's the only thing we did together from a very long time .he piss off and screamed that you have talked about infections for more than one year,any infection among us?then I asked him back,if it's just a normal cold,which kind of cold can cause diarrhea? He shut up.and yeah,every time when I don't feel good in last year I sweat a lot like getting a cold.but I never sweat when I get normal colds before and rarely sweat even when I do hard sports.

I thought I was effected by coronavirus, unless the Chinese vaccines which doctors take are the virus which make who get that shots to infect and spread to others .now I remember the doctor indeed seemed like getting a cold and staggered,I thought it's just because of 40 minutes works on my teeth.what can run a doctor out by 40 minutes works which she has done for 10 years when she's 35 years old today ? Only work itself? If she's been infected before taking vaccines,why she's okay to work with green code to prove she's healthy by Chinese communism government ?

The kitten can pee poo on its own without my help and eats well on his own.it doesn't drink much and sometimes falls down on the ground when playing in the corner.he hides in the shelter too long,he's still scared until seeing me to come out.there's another cat staying next to its room,they may stay well and take care until I go back again.

I don't take the Chinese vaccines or any vaccine.why someone who says she takes the vaccine shots infected me and has green code for proving healthy to work? If all information is true,it means when everybody is infected by coronavirus and hasn't die for it yet,no coronavirus anymore , communism community immunity in China is totally a fucking political lie.

2:44am,I had diarrhea once.not as bad as ones in 2019.is it why someone say staying away from who take vaccines of China ? countries which have serious infections to take Chinese vaccines are suicide and is a political trap.

It was a good day until things get bad.I got some money from Mr fox who's family and Mr Bear by teaching Chinese which I very appreciate.then my broken teeth with a little hole in it cost most of money after I went to see doctors.they dig a big hole in it and cleaned the dirty things and filled it with something which they told me it can just insist on 3~5 years.that sucks,100CNY only for one year on my teeth? That's why all Chinese in America say it's a fast way to become rich in America to be a dentist?

 

After that when I went home and worried about my teeth on my way I heard some meow in the grass after I saw the snake man who looked at my chest all the time when passing me by.I think he might throw it there.it's a kitten in the grass.I promise that I will not adopt any more cat and take them home ,so i asked for helps from an old couple who feed homeless cats nearby for years, they refuse and stay away from me and were going to leave.I picked it up and took it to the shelter which is an abandoned wooded box with warm pads under the trees for hidding it from stray dogs to bite it.I put some dry cat food in the water which I could find to make them soft and covered up the enters.I plan to check it tomorrow and took some pictures and videos and uploaded on the Chinese communism internet to look for an adopter.on the way back home I saw the old couple returned again and they didn't leave.I don't bother them when they think they are bothered by love for cats of theirs? So Why they feed homeless cats around and leting everybody who lives here knows that they feed cat?habit?

Then after I returned home and took a bath I see there will rain at night and will be colder.lots of tests for lives it seems to be.

if nobody adopts him,I must take care of him as long as I can if he survives and lives on in and around the shelter well although it's still dangerous enough for him on his own.

I think Mr bear will  piss off about it that I don't use my money to make more better,I'm sorry, so tell me how could I leave it alone when I know that nobody will come for him? Why do I know that nobody will help, cause after I was raped,everybody stays away from me who am like shit and leave me hanging on there to die lonely and alonely, for shaming themselve.

Try living well, kitten.so many good men help you in the world, especially in America.don't give up.it seems like that when my life is saved to be alive, must use this life to save other life,or it's not worthy for the helps.

 If heaven and hell exist,

Heaven always love human more,

open,vast,

They have love which they don't,

They love you,

It's why they love you to live. 

Hell always needs human more,

closed,narrow,

They don't have power which they do,

They need power,

It's why they need you to die.

I found a mom homeless with 9 kittens in an abandoned building which is nearby garbage box after she was jumping out the garbage to take some orange peels from it for feeding them.

I was complaining to deity and God that why lots of kittens again to take care ,to feed and to heal in the beginning years ago and prayed everyday no more kitten, stop giving birth, no more tragic and tears and heart break in my eyes which need to worry,to be sad,to die or to be gives up unless all of them need to be adopted.now I think I'm wrong.totally wrong.

It's bless from God for these cats and kittens.God,nature and the earth are too high to refer to for me.many life come to this world every day,every second,they never say no,or refuse,or step back.they make it happen.what could I do for it? only human say God punishes someone who do bad,nature gets angry about what we destroy, the earth can't suffer anymore about human but explode.all of them are wrong.even when human do bad God still loves them,even when human destroy nature still gives, even when the earth has human it still takes care of them for a very long time.they come to this world by blesses,after either suffering or enjoying or sighing,worrying,crying,laughing,singing,smile,they go back where they belong to.what could I do?

Yesterday I heard from mom and knew who kicked the homeless basement cat out which was killed by stray dogs with all wet body when they were sunny days and no rain.the woman who told me it's an abandoned basement where was safe for the cat did it when I asked her if I could open the door and took the kitten out.she used sodium hypochlority to attack the cat and after the cat left she uses the basement to keep the chicken she bought last month inside for eggs. In a rainy day after someone threw the water and food bowl for the basement cat away I helped her finding her chicken back when someone broke her door of cage to let the chicken out.I put new bowls on the windowsill when I heard the basement cat meow to me for response.now I know why,someone knew what she did to the bowls and revenged her to make her lose the chicken.two days later all Windows are blocked and the basement cat was missing.

I wanted to burn the basements down and throw shits in the door of theirs.but I don't.it's not worthy for the basement cat,not worthy for all love it gave to me,not worthy for all things and moments we shared with each other together,but only worthy to do good for cats,treat them well and love them always.

Is it effected by Buddha that it's why Chinese are always some one who kill what they save,hurt what they care,and use what they love,destroy what they believe,lie to what they trust and betray what they are loyal to,etc? Why is and what makes everything a circle for them to lock themselves inside to feel so fucking safe,superiority and sick?

Someone told me he doesn't know why you don't have money but still buy food,meats and cans for all cats,stop using meats and cans to make them lazy,it's your fault they die for hunger.it's your money.you use them.in fact I want to know also.it's like someone call me for help when I meet them. and I don't know if it's my money or not,but I'm sure I wasn't born with it.I never have money, they haven't been parts of my life for a very long time.

I made some strange dreams last night.

First I saw a white light moving in the darkness,it seems like that it has life,but not ghost.then there was a young foreigner who visited me in China coming from America.he stayed here for one week,before he left he wanted to visit a factory which made honey of bee in HeBei by trains which was called Kalimeris indica in Chinese,which is this plant,

 

I didn't know it's name until today,I saw lots of them in my childhood and love this flower.

Then in dreams after the American man returned America and he messaged me on Skype and told me that:

Don't scared to be sad,to be bad, to be worst,they make you human completely , it's seed of plants.plant them under your ground.

Everyone wants the best, joy, happiness,success,light,top of the world ,etc.Anybody want the worst, hurt,sadness,failure,darkness and bottom of it?

Find myself, find the truth,find anything.but how about they are all games of philosophy and politics and purposes.I Am Myself,Truth is just in me.why do I need to find anything for someone else?know myself? If I tell you what is myself ,do you know if what I know is myself or not? What do you want from me?

When I need to take something which are important for someone else for what and who are important to me,it's crime.when I have to live in such a world which need me to hurt others for my loves,it's crime.when I need to let someone hurt, suffer and die to make me survive, it's crime.

If America is heaven for criminals which teaches and punishes them by making God's laws to obey for hiring servants , China is hell for them which controls and imprisons them by creating communism rules to break for collecting lackeys, all for themselves .it's just a fucking game.

Life can't be copied or repeat.when A make money from B by lives of C,will B have same  lives of A and C? No,money can't buy everything.if I don't prefer money and power to buy&get things but truth and love,will something change?

Nature has lots of sides including dark sides,human and life have lots of sides including dark sides also,such as shadows and crimes.no right,no wrong.it's cruel.but it doesn't mean that it doesn't make any sense.

Nature in the earth and universe are indeed life of earth's parents.even characters are so much same.but someone believe that they are stepped parents and human are kids of aliens? That's not what I believe.And when you think God and Mariah are not listening to your prayers ,I think they are just so busy to take care of yourselves.

I think demons believe in God,too.some of them just don't believe in God enough,some of them just believe in God too much.all of them only know parts of God.it's why they are damned to hell,but still have power there.so is there some one who doesn't believe in God for a little bit?

The world isn't that beautiful great and important ,right?or why there are politicians in it?if it's beautiful,all politicians who say the world will be beautiful great and important because of them should not have existed.

I thought so called face, like losing/saving face,having face,want face for Chinese is about being self with dignity and honor and proud for real and respect and belief untill I read something about Chinese face in this morning--face in Chinese culture is mask for Chinese.faces mean lots of masks.one-faced person,two-faced person,three-faced person,unlimited-faced person,unknown-faced person.even if someone has only one face,is it still the real self of theirs?no.is there someone who doesn't have any face and the real self is unknown?yes.do I have masks on my face also? For me who wear masks to live are liars who can't be trusted at all and aren't good at all. Why they put on masks on their faces? Are masks real faces for&of themselves?if it's real are they human still?or just demons which having many faces,even names?

Divine can't tell truth.cause destiny comes from heaven,also hell.you can never avoid or betray what it means to be from there.like that I divine a lot for the basement kitten,and never read out it died among several big stray dogs.I think I killed it.but no, I wish it was me,do i could be be damned in the bottom of hell.life is so cruel by anybody, everything.

After Mr fox, I met 2 men who told me he's not smart and bad when he can't get my payment to send to me anymore in America because of more tax for us.then I broke up with him, stayed for a while with these 2 men.I tried to tempt them for getting my payment safely,but after experience with Mr fox who sent my payment later and later,I found that I can't trust anybody else by love.I felt bad,stepped further and further in wrong direction by their tempted words and behaviors when Mr fox still does his best to help me to take care of cats and myself.then I see all of them lie to me,use me to have peace for their families,have fun with my face for his friends,or release guilty by my pressure for his lovers.

Yesterday I was lying on the floor,don't wanna anything especially my life.but how about cats? I need to keep moving.when my life is worthless for you,stay away from me or kill me,don't try to shame me by your mistakes.

I stand up,pick up,cover up,break up and make up,but never feel it's real,happy,strong,good and right,but a shell,toy,doll,tool and even nothing.a plant even live more freely than I do.Every time when I feel hurt by foreigners, I just lie to myself that it's American and America and foreigners' special status, they don't mean it to you and you just need to understand.then I think that's not true.that's not only theirs,but also mine.each time when I step back from hurts they hurt me more than that.they treat me as nothing so I have to be nothing? They treat me as communist so I need to be communist? They treat me as a whore so I need to be a whore?why I need to satisfy them always?Everybody!why I must satisfy you always!anybody? Because you hate China,Chinese and communism ,because you are disgusting ?

I'm not a philosopher, even have an empty head when sun rising up in my eyes .why sky is more blue when sunshine starts to shine in the morningw,hy dust of universe is so huge like a planet being a sun , what I am?I'm what?what's in my side?

Either all the Chinese who believe in communists is a tree which growing up by communism or all the world people who believe in God is a tree which growing up by Jesus,whatever communism Chinese and communists call someone who accept American being corrupted or capitalism American and capitalists call someone who join in Chinese being corrupted,God takes care of who believe in him and not vigorously,Chinese take care of who believe in communism and not shabbily, but they all want&need sun&power and money&weapons as poison&drugs.don't know if it's a start of bad things or the end of bad things or not,but it will last for a very long time,perhaps till earth disappears or all survivors on the earth immigrant to other planets before it's too late.American is the one who love themselves most so faithfully and Chinese is the one who respect themselves most so bravely.luckily or not I'm neither of them,but don't wanna to be bitchese between A and C,neither.so, blogerese is fine.but A and C,none of them are completely good or right.

Well.I have something to say about last show.Johnny868 who said he's in Taiwan and is a doctor in a vet to help animals, okay, if he's a Taiwanese,I piss off when he tried to play me by words without tips who work hard ttaking care of cats in my life and helped a black man in America who felt happy and laughed when I told him that in China black students play Chinese game students in college and make them pregnant and abort.Taiwan has good laws for little animals when he says he's a doctor in vet to take care of little animals, when he was trying to have fucking political discriminated funs in my shows.but I'm glad he mentions animals all over the world to help for him and I hope he will keep his words about that.

Now it makes me thinking of something in that way.I think emotion or love and some other humanity of Chinese is predatory,a best opposite way of it is American who think that if they don't pay they will not have or be given,or in another word,helpers who are not based on pleasing others for what they want.perhaps because of different believes between God and Taoism,perhaps because of different political Parties among communism ,democracy and republic Party,or perhaps because Chinese can even live on by eating grass which they cherish as gifts from deity as Chinese communism Party says and American are blesses by God to have everything in the universe when they can leave them all alone to others and turn to God by death,but from when haven't Chinese cherish their life and lives which are raised up by even little life from universe, from when haven't American stopped to want more and more for filling emptiness in hearts and souls which can't be filled by materials but faith?

from me?