In politics Chinese immigrant and escape from communists and China for persecution. From another side, Chinese don't immigrant or escape to America or foreign countries , they go to stay in where Chinese Party of communists are.IIf communists do good things, Chinese thank them, do bad things, curse them, owe them, get back them.dragons have their things, where they are. So America uses Chinese or their money to build America, Chinese are in America also.in their things it's their blood.whatever love, hates, or nothing/everything.and Chinese communists are someone using other Chinese' blood and life to build other counties for themselves. I send food and water to cats which live in another street,I don't do it for cats which live in my street ,because parents say it's shame and stop me doing it.but after I do it there are some other immigrants in my streets taking care of cats in my street also now.I love them and adopt some of them,ask help from others who like to adopt and adopt them online in the end for free,so are they,I give free bags,cans and what adopters need unless they refuse.but Chinese communists are not the same ,they charge foreigners who adopt Chinese babies for big money, they sell them, they sacrifice other Chinese' death and life to both build and corrupt other countries at same times for themselves to cut in, they shut up people to tell truth and lies,cheats,blackmail any other.they are totally on the evil sides now.communism can't be a political Party, so is Taliban, like ghosts possess on evil killers .but yes , only evil killers could be possessed so long. Communism loves power.is America going to attract it on itself to destroy it by hurting or killing itself?

September 11 is coming, now Taliban has weapons of American which are in murders hands.

How do you face American and people who died in '911' when you die? 

How could anyone alive make money on vaccines which are developed by millions death of human life you even don't want to know their names? 

Be careful, America. Be careful of some female.

Comparing to open enemies false friends are more dangerous and worse.sometimes open enemies and false friends are together.someone hunting are someone being hunted.

These years someone post that Xi Jinping is someone  who accelerates China to be destroyed most these years. I have no idea about it , but when China is indeed being destroyed by acceleration, towards a direction Xi turns China into this falling country could be a falling bomb, destroys where it hits, like America.it makes me remember 'need for speed'2014,the bad guy tried to hit the good guy's car by his car speeding up in race when the good guy suddenly stepped back and the bad guy's car hit the tree or something else.then the good guy pulled bad guy out of burning car which explode next and hit him on his nose.Xi wanna China which is exploding to be a weapon to hit America, the world? It's why he keeps destroying China into a weapon to destroy America ? the world ? Make China take all blames for communists and himself? How could China escape from this fate? Why what America does in Afghan by leaving weapons to Taliban is just like Soviet did by giving money to Chinese communists to rule China in history again? America is Soviet which need Afghan to be another China which is dead? It's indeed depressed and feels like walking alone in the rain before I get somewhere.

See beyond outside.how is that possible or simple,? if it is so simple why is there God?

When cats play flashlight, they mostly don't know it's from a flash light.few cats don't know, but they don't play, few cats know ,but they never stop other cats playing, or cut in.most politicians are like cats,so are human, they play humanity by instincts,and something else, when they never know what are they playing.mostly it's dangerous. But yes,from another side, when life is always stupid like this, why not doing something interesting or even risking? Because it's not a game.

There's some strange gossip about snake and dragons in China in fact.someone says there are several dragons guardian China, like mountains, rivers and something else.who are blessed by them could have this whole country.hurricane, flood and disasters are all about them which are caused by Chinese Party of communism who destroy and harm and kill them to make money for benefiting themselves , what they do make the dragons angry and start disasters to punish Chinese .and the place where Mao Zedong's body who's born as a snake monster is in Beijing Tiananmen square is the point sticking a most powerful dragon and makes it not move.because dead's body has harmful thing to hurt these saint creatures.if someone or America explode there, they may save the dragon and the whole country.it's just a gossip, but I have read it several times.and it makes me feel it's true.but I'm even not sure about it.

I still remember that 8 years ago after I quit all communism jobs and set me free from them I met two Chinese in streets when I walked around.they are almost mad and crazy.and I know why.their mom was killed by one of  biggest hospital in my city ,doctor said it's because of her diseases.but they said her mom just had some normal diseases which shouldn't had die for it.they want body of hers to check and bury. But the hospital refuse.and kept their mom's body by asking them for the money which for them is too expensive to pay.after 3 years they still can't get her mom's body out. They said it's burned or sold or used her organs by the hospital , the body disappears.because they must kill her or do something evil . the brother went to hospital every day until the hospital used mafia to beat him and broke his legs ,he's disable,his sister takes care of him and they wanted to call tv station , I told them don't have hope on it.the tv station of this city cooperate with this hospital.they never report thus, but only raise them up like legal savoirs,just take care of each other. Communism governments use their tv stations to wash brains of people, employees of these communism organizations could get free and best services and money from any other communism organizations, hospitals, police stations, mobile companies, banks, all companies of communism, whatever illegal or not.and by communism they could harm any other who want justice and everything goes to be right, like God.

Indeed wanting to give up, but I can't when I remind the people I meet who suffer because of communism and Chinese Party of communism.if I give up , who fight for them? Who will return them justice? Even when I think and know I'm useless and worthless for someone around me, I could still do something for whom are not around me and further away from me.this's not only a promise  , but what I owe them, a normal complete life.

Mom dad, you do your best to make you be my friends when i was a kid,to make me trust that everything about communism is right , tell me everybody is bad and all friends and play are harmless, telling me only communism is my true friend, only cimmunusts have future,now do your best to make you be my family, to make obey you that everything about communism is god,tell me I'm shit when I do what I want instead of communists want, nobody likes me or loves me, except being a good communists I could do no thing,nobody loves me,and I will die lonely unless I find a communism job,corrupt lots of money, marry communism soldier like you do I could live,do everything Chinese Party of communism telling online, in tv, everywhere so I could be happy.you kick out everything everyone good and meaning to me,but only make you alone beside me,now you say fuck off to me who stay with you for you.and wanna to hurt cats.

I don't have friends because of your lies,now I can't have families because of your betrays.leave my frienda alone, leave my families alone, stay away from my cats.

Why you love and love being communists so much? Just because you survive by communism social assurances from Chinese Party of communism? As demons which must pay someday?

Communism does not have a futures, I know it when I was a little child , it even doesn't have a past because of its fake history it makes by itself.no past, no today, no future. Time doesn't tell lies or betray .only human do.

See what happen to America when most of Chinese there make noises and troubles for them to go against Chinese party of communism? American are people meaning to be free, let them go,they still have choice.Chinese take care of businesses of their own , you can live on by communism, you can kill it also.what are you fearing about ? Communism ? Or is it why you don't believe in God for your fear of him? Communism is makeup of demons.China is makeup of hell.what are Chinese? 

Snake monsters instead of dragon generations ?

Aren't I mad?

Just feel so tired.

If everyday all I I have to see parents' face and their unnormal attitudes and repeated words as communism brain washed on Tv, I would indeed like to suicide.it's much more better than staying in hell instead of suffering it in real life.

From Staurday, I wake up at 5 o'clock and went to markets to bought food for them, for cats scerectly and a Pepsi for myself.then for lunch I went to buy him a cold beer in 35c weather and ice cream for them.they were happy and dad even took naps with smiles on his face for the first time these two days until right now I got a flash light for cats and he saw it. he started to piss off and ordered me to throw it away which is bought by my money and told me to do something serious when I'm almost 38 years old , and questioned me that do you feel being wronged to buy food for us, you don't eat what we buy, or you don't drink, or use, he sounds like what mom said to me in the past which hurt me a lot.

I told him that I didn't, I felt proud that I did something for them and take care of them when he didn't do to his parents and he left home for being a communist when 18 years old, or other kids who don't do anything to their parents but only care about themselves and communism careers. and I still have chance to do anything I want, and I can. but I feel it's not right that it's only less 48 hours for having a good weekend, they forget everything good and happy in 48 hours and start to have full of angry, fury and resentment so fast again,just because next day will be monday for working again? Or need to corrupt back his soldier who he's proud for his daughter passing the exams to study in communism college by 2,000CNY when they even don't like to give me a penny for me to survive when Mr fox did? 

I asked him that if I don't eat what they buy, or drink, will he be happy? will they be satisfied?he told me to fuck off as far as I could. I never get closed to him or their hearts if they have, even when he dated with some other signal mom with their kids  in cinemas, in parks and KFC until mom noticed it and piss off on me instead of him. I never have good times with any family , if I do I would not become like this, my life wouldn't ,neither.if someone do serious things in its whole life, are they still humen? I feel I should not live so long to see them turning into this bad. but for cats, I don't think so. I thank cats that they save my life, they make me live on for taking care of them,because I feel I'm like a human when i do.dad also said everybody who live here knows I send food and water to cats, I asked him, doesn't it matter when they don't even care?I would be happy to give everything I have to anybody here if they could make me happy, feel safe and right.but it can't make me treat them like treating cats. They aren't cats.and I'm not their family. it's written on their twisted faces.because I'm not communist, or love communists who they are themselves.

I'm not hero like some Chinese abroad who look like fighting back Chinese party of communists online and in lives, or someone who have balls to escape abroad from China,they choose freedom,I am enforced to leave my home .I'm only someone who is isolated, bullied and hurt by each other and communists especially my parents every day,every second, every time for being requested, threated and left behind to feed communists instead of homeless cats, dogs,trying to help homeless poeple, if necessary I have to sacrifice my life.

When there's love, there's freedom.I don't choose freedom when I still have love in my hearts for what and who I love to take care or be like someone else who use corrupted things to look for freedom. corrupted things should not be used for having freedom, and can't get freedom by corruptions, it's not right for me. I'm isolated by any other, it doesn't mean I'm free, I think. but when i make my money by freedom, i can't leave something and someone who need helps alone . so I can't save plenty money for myself, actually I couldn't make enough , neither. so I would like to help others instead of helping myself.

they call me Unfilial kid first, they say because I don't get a decent job and big money for them when I take care of them everyday, everytime when they get mad and drunk. i tell them, no, I'm filial for my own behaviors. then they bought a job in communism military and enforced me to do it, and after I was in, they ordered me to keep working on it.they call it being filial to them and feel very proud of me doing it. for me it's not filial for parents, but being slaved by senior communists.and as I know all communists are not filial, especially dad who even didn't see his parents several times when he's young and mom stopped him to do it and got mad, because she thinks it's betraying Chinese Party of communism which are they parents.even now when I tell them CPC is bad, they look like being cursed for their own parents.to be a communist can never be filial.and they want me to be filial by giving them money only.they can't be filial, but ask me to be, and they twist being filial into making money for them to use.they are communists.

I think I know why they piss off on me everytime for money.I'm their tool man,their communism career,communism property and communism dream.because from my birth they have been corrupted by other communists and Chinese under my name,including families.when Chinese are born, families and friends and even strangers would give money to new parents, especially when they are senior communists.they know they would pay back, but it's rule, they often receive them instead of refusing anybody from offending them.getting communists'money, they must sell themselves to do everything for them,including making their only daughter to be or to be enforced and cheated to be listed in Chinese Party of communism, isn't it selling me to communism?after selling themselves, hearts and souls to communism, they sell their daughter to it. I believed that they say life's tough and they had to survive,have to take care of me.taking care of me by selling me to demons? communism lies always be the same, telling that they always do everything for you when it's only for themselves.they corrupt others by money, too. they believe if I could be senior communist, the money would be back , even more money.so they try best to kick me into the communism hell, to make me a communist as possible as I could.after I quit communism jon, they except that by my marriage they could get some money back which they corrupt others for their kids'weddings, or by my baby's birth. dreams always are beautiful when reality is cruel for communists. for me communism dreams are worst than cruel reality whatever how much it could be. I don't wanna to be a dream,especially communism dream which is nightmare. China dream isn't a dream under the control of communism, it's person, it's communist.it's anything it can be. be careful, American. be careful, world.God bless you.

if I can't stay away from communism, or communism doesn't disappear but still exist, i would never have a normal life.

perhaps I'm someone like my parents who use homeless cats , dogs even people to make money.sometimes i'm scared of it, if I am them. perhaps I would never leave China and start a new free happy life.It's fine, because if I'm that kind of people, if I'm a communist like them to use life instead of loving, careing and respecting it, it's my own punishment.I deserve.

After watching suicide squad, there's a question,why it makes mw feel that if demons do dirty jobs for God or not, too?

Yesterday I went to bought chicken chests and livers for cats, the seller told me she had to use her job to get some meats which is cheaper than market price to sell for herself by a higher price from factories which she has some one she know, and feed her dogs, perhaps herself, too.it's corruption.inside of Chinese Party of communism,outside of it, from a seller who sell meats, to the chairman who charge billion communists,they all corrupt, or as they say they can't live on, they call honest people fools and who survive by corruption , not only ccp, most of Chinese corrupt , for live. this country is not sick, it's dying, or was .the corruption comes from Chinese when communists are too weak to stop it.now communists become monsters,because Chinese feed them up.they will eat them all,then be punished by God.and ccp are kicking businessmen from streets who sell their own stuffs around in the market.only left someone who pay money to them there for doing businesses.

Taliban is so hurried to control governments after American military start to leave Afghan . It feels like that American weapons are all they want. what kinds of deals Biden governments make with them? Is Taliban robbing these American weapons for Chinese buyers who buy for communists to attack America or suppress Chinese by American governments' supports someday, or after communists and American are both injured they will break into China borders and start wars? Afghan plants and  sells drugs,Taliban met communists in China, American military leaving Afghan, Taliban riot and rob American weapons then control the country,American military still leaving Afghan with refugees,no apologies of Biden or white house. any reason. Is it too late to escape.

First,coronavirus , then Hong Kong,then Afghanistan , then what, Taiwan? America? The world? There are lots of smoke screens to be used like these.but there's only one aim.they all refer to China and ccp,but everyone in white house  ignores it.

Trump lost the last collection .but some losers of collections  were good Presidents, are good men, family and American when some winners are bad ,fake, demons, bad Presidents.

For a politician, fighting on one side could win or lose, on another side could win or lose, too.whatever wins or loses, the only ones who suffer or don't suffer are people who vote them, feed them, let them,support them, or stop them.for being a politician does a person have to see so much death,pains or tragic? Need to be numb and don't want to see the truth anymore but ignore them? When things happen on the others most of people do nothing but just live on their own life, especially good lives. Are they what politicians work for and protect from demons? Is it worth for what? These people who do nothing but only care their lives is worthy for politicians , including politicians themselves.that's why they exist.

I'm sorry, God.I told mom that vaccines of China have bugs and they cause asymptomatic infections in China when Chinese governments tell Chinese the patients all come from abroad.because local governments rob social assurances of Chinese with each other by  amounts of vaccines.it's why they enforce Chinese to be shot by vaccines.parents piss off.I told dad that Chinese Party of communism isn't the best Party of politics in the world, even if it is,it's not the right one to take care of everybody, nothing can be. It's about what they do, but what they shows. if it is, he who's a communist can say America is bad, American are bad, all the world fights against China and ccp.if it's not ,he has no right to do it.no reason to say it.ccp is even not better than KuoMintang In history.he keeps quiet.and nobody can and should make troubles for, laugh at, frame ,threat, blackmail, hurt even kill others who are better than themselves when they aren't but greedy to be it.

Human isn't perfect or best life creature in the universe, but if they give up now, they will be the worst on the earth . Btw,Chinese Party of communism can't treat the world well, or manage it well, or service it well.look at what's happening in China, on Chinese,about yourself.but it can corrupt well, it corrupts your governments, to rule and control you well, cheat and rob your properties from you for themselves, kill what you love and care legally and unnoticed.the only reason they leave you alone and alive is that you still can be used, or lie to yourself and in dreams.their dreams or your dreams, you figure out by yourselves.

America becomes liked this, everyone who fights against Chinese Party of communism and not has responsibility for it. They can not fight alone.

What all Biden does is only for power.last time communists kick Trump out of white house, because he's loyal by coronavirus to stick communists in the world by moral traps .this time communists will kick Biden out of white house,because he's greed of power by Afghan to stick Taliban in America by moral traps again. If you Be careful Chinese who escaped from China in 2019,you must be careful someone who escape from Afghan now.but God bless someone innocent , and cats, and little animals.

Someone who have too much ambition can be used well.I don't think he wants to be used, because that's not a 'right' status.

Coronavirus, Taliban , communists set up the worst moral status for America to have, like joker set up Batman and made him choose. they are all morality traps.in another word, any other country which is more better than China is, or it's the 'saint' standard of the world ,can be the aim to communists,too.

Morality is self-discipline only.when someone use it to set up the others,  discipline the others for harming choices of freedom.they do morality blackmail or set moral traps, moral coercionn,even be dictators and tyrants.God damn you, ccp.God damn you everything including me.don't kill these little animals.it's not their fault.

God damn you, Biden, you are developing a coward American suicide squade military only for yourselves.

Because you only care yourself from the dictator of the world which is Chinese Party of communism, none business of your dead son?you said if your son was still alive, the President should be him, but honestly I don't think he deserved it.

1.I often send food to cats when there are people as few as possible on the roads in the streets. cause Chinese have circles, they make lots of noises. parents tell me it's shame to help cats when I have no job, house, cars  and 37 years old single.I don't see anything I should feel shame about everything which parents feel shame. because in communism China nobody could marry ,have kids and live on without believing in Chinese party of communism, but I still don't give up.everytime when they are heard that I still take care of cats they piss off and start to curse , stop and blame me for it. I don't see any business between this and that.but Chinese indeed make too much noises on me when I tell them I don't wanna my parents to know what I do on cats when these strangers who live around me always want to know what and why I do it,and who I am, how much money I make every month,where do I work,and who are my parents,where do I live .they talk about everything to everyone they know and don't,until they don't know and know.every time when I don't wanna someone to know something,they always know because of Chinese.just because I don't like to obey any of th who always want me to obey them by forces and enforces including rape.they even could rape me when I didn't wanna to sex with them.that's why I never have a friend,or family I think.

Perhaps I attract someone by my emotion on cats,they like to do it because of what I do.but unfortunately they are villains.I don't like to see them helping cats for having fun,or just feel boring of being alone.and don't wanna to know they don't wanna me to do it better,just because they are older than me and I need to do worse than them for respecting their ages.like that cb charge me 25 dollars each time when I cash ,but in its rules it says it only needs 1~3 dollars.it means I need to work 13 months a year if I cash twice a month for paying the fee to cash first.25 dollars*12=300dollars.they wanna to be more happier than I am when I'm in cb,so everyone could look for it first then looking for me instead.someone depress others by age,by morality, someone depress others by fee,by enslavement.Chinese communists think only their power could have sex,porn,much money,so they use power to control sex,porn, money of the country.power is only their tool.cb corrupts my happiness , joy and trust in cb.money is only their tool for it,too.

2.Perhaps God is both known things and unknown things .although people often fear unknown things, but be proud what they know.saint family is still family.

3.Mom is human, human has cruel side. If I want to protect my kid, anything I love, my cruel side is for it also.I should not make it stay away from me, or let it go.it makes me understand my mistake again about the abort of rape.kid wasn't a mistake.I made.its life was taken for m3, it's the worst thing in the world.

4.why Chinese Party of communism doesn't admit the virus comes from China,from WuHan lab and be remade by Chinese communists? I don't know.but be careful.there's a communism demon of public media in it: 

→virus comes from and be made in China,wuhan by communists,

→Chinese Party of communism is virus,Chinese is virus,

→virus(Chinese and communists) can't be stopped, can't be killed, they become normal,

→human can't let virus(Chinese and communists) go but live with virus(Chinese and communists),

→virus(Chinese and cimmunistts) isn't made or comes from China by communists,wuhan,

→virus(Chinese and communists) come from 'nature',

→you can't win 'nature',

→you can't win virus(Chinese and communists) which come from it,

→you will lose in any war which fight against virus(Chinese and communists) which come from 'nature'.

First,Chinese and Chinese party of communism are the virus makers, but they are Not virus.who make virus need to have responsibility.for every life die in it. but virus doesn't need to, it just needs to disappear.who wanna to live with virus makers and their virus, they must be crazy.because they live virus makers this time,next time the extinct ones are only themselves like virus.  gossip comes from people, national news cover mouths of theirs up by another gossip.

Second,The virus indeed kills a lot of Chinese in China who were sacrificed by Chinese Party of communism.but the virus makes a reason for Chinese abroad who actually are communism to stick abroad on where they are sent on decisive parts after the world starts to resist Chinese communists,China and Chinese  together in 2019 when Trump who were framed and left white house by these communists later started it nationally. Like whats happening now when Taliban terriots hide in chaos with crowds to go to America.From 2019 Chinese communism governments don't care death of Chinese in China and locked most of them down but fear few of Chinese abroad come back from the world.they don't care life of Chinese, but need appointed somebody to be where they are.

It's totally political and target even for a  very long time.communists know they will not win wars in front of America,so they are cutting it on its back,by anesthetized their minds first.

5.it's greedy that you want good things happening on you when you haven't done good things plenty.it's ridiculous that you wanna good luck when you don't have balls or encouragement to take a chance.whatever to have a house,place to settle or not,wherever you are and live,isn't better than having a safe peaceful,happy life.when you are stubborn,make sure you are stubborn on good things.

A good man should move his ass and hide when there are all villains around.although a good man has nobel characters, like a lion being surrounded by hyenas it's very dangerous.reminding the day Biden getting into Washington DC like a President, from the first day he only wants to be the president of dead. everyone around him would disturb and betray him someday. Yes,dead can't betray, but nobody can request alive people to die for showing loyalty and has responsibility for someone who doesn't feel safe in  his office on his chair just because he doesn't  suit the  presidentship.time to leave ,Biden, as a man,if you still are. and I'm sorry I said fuck you in my heart when I read that people in Afghanistan suffering because of your own insane mistakes.and I'm sorry that I thought you might be Aragorn II, son of Arathorn when you might be just Denethor II.

Indeed feel disgusting on someone who act in China like rats and monsters in America, Canada, England, Australia, Newzeland, German, Frence, Japan,etc, or any other country in the world.when they are in China and feel guilty it's their responsibility, when they immigrant and proud it's their duty. What kind of fucking intoxicated successes they do for their own countries? Just become they become forefinger for themselves who are still Chinese communists in their chests?

I don't like Chinese Party of communism, and even fight against it as much as I could.but if someday there would be wars between China and America, between the world, when I'm still a Chinese, I fight for my own country, fight for what I believe.not only Chinese people who escape abroad are precious for some white, black or yellow foreigners, for me there are Chinese who are precious, too.that's why I'm still Chinese.there are still something worhty fighting for.

I can't be a girl who does anything for sugars which anybody gives to me.and how do I know if others' candy is my poison or not.perhaps we are human.But Chinese are human , too.I can be in cb,sell what you see  ,read and think of me by being paid, laughed and played, but I'm not going to sell myself to a dirty politician, and their dirty ghosts instead.perhaps Chinese abroad have circles,but do they trust others out of circles, or even each other except cheats, obey and enforce when there are still communism working in their minds ?

I think whoever are born in China and study at schools in the colleges which teach communism lessons and have communism organizations in them are communists rigorously after 20 century 40s.because Chinese Party of communism starts to teach kids communism lessons from 6~8 years old at schools ,in colleges which are charged by Chinese Party of communism, they cheat, tempt,threat,enforce , corrupt and lie to parents to send their kids to communism schools, colleges and organizations by paying it by high prices. All kids are communists who are paid by their parents,families ,even friends who give each other money when holidays, birthdays and weekends, like spring festival until they grow up, graduate, start to work in communism companies,kids become paid by communism governments which collect money from their families,friends and all Chinese they can rule and control by everything in any way.the same things still happen in China and even in the world.

Yesterday when I met the white cat he's walking around beside the road when lots of Chinese did excise passing by. I had some left can for cat ,I gave him and I run back basement and took another can for him and he's still there eating the last bite.he looked like he doesn't fear human a lot but trucks and cars.he keeps hiding in the grass then run out for me to escape from trucks cars and men who run by and run head-on towards him.the men saw the cat running with me from human to the safe corner but he never run slow down and kept his speed and run head-on towards the cat instead of me.it made the cat too scared and run into the grass beside the road deeply.why he didn't slow down? Caguse he thinks homeless cats fear human or is scared of human , so the cat should has stopped and went around him instead of human stopping and went ariund. and if he drove a car I think he may be not slow down ,neither but drive head-on towards the cat,too.because he thought the same things.I was hurt by it,two women passed by,a mom and a daughter wearing in good and clean even friendly to animals , I begged them not hurt the cat when he was playing in the grass and didn't feel dangers around at all but playing,they didn't only give us a side-look but also looking like worrying fleas and scratched when the cat never hurt anybody which is abandoned and hurt by human hopelessly.I have been experienced so much by Chinese in China here, this time I'm still so hurt by Chinese especially Chinese who look good but bad inside by their unreasonable behaviors completely and feel sorry and worried about the cats.winter's coming,God bless him and all of fury kids,especially homeless ones and sick.it's not their fault,they should haven't suffered these.

But I don't blame those people who treat me badly if they treat cats well.it's not their faults when there are so many crimes and cheats and lies about adopting homeless animals in China . they cheat big money by bullying cats and making them homeless and ask for expensive money and use shows to lie to them, or just disappear after getting the money and leaving homeless animals dying there , and selling them to restaurants or killers who make money on how to kill homeless to death in many ways.I was laughed and threatened and bullied online by them before.I know how it feels.

That should hasn't been the reasons why I help homeless cats alone here.

Burned another parts of diaries of mine for do, today who told me to do so.everyone wants the best but doesn't wanna what they want.so ,only burn them when I want.hope cancer cells of fox will be like these diaries, all gone in the end.yes, cancer cells have been parts of self, but, they are not yourself who are yourself anymore.

Keep taking care of cats.one of them has problem to eat food now,it's been 4 years when I start to send her food.pray for her to get over next winter.but I know perhaps it'll not.can't give up.

The puppy they adopt today is being kicked out all the time, the puppy wants to go inside, they push the puppy out and close the doors.in the end the puppy jumped ininto the shelter full of gaps which can't be used well in winter time.how could they become both kind and cruel at the same time.greed.God bless the puppy and all little animals in the world.hope they can take the little puppy inside when it gets cold instead of scaring it away from the house.

 

More you tell others about you, more you can be used; whatever more or less you know, you can be used also.more informations,more lies. Chinese and Chinese foreigners online in the world are making their own circles to connect bigger, satisfy themselves and have fun by ccp,communism even Chinese, America and the world , like Sardinia, they are not trying to defeat predators, but hide themselves with same, similar type and compatriots to hunt and survive when necessary they sacrifice each others or kill themselves.but if Sardinia are pretended by sharks, who knows first?

Dad has a older friend who would rather selling me to communism military than leaving him alone who worried about me having no job.he's a communist also,but he loves dad.he invites dad for dinners ,if he doesn't accept ,he's very angry, if he accepts, he cooks many delicious food for dad and picks up best parts for him, lean me for dad and fat meat for him, when dad asked him why, he says it's no fun to eat lean meat,dad trusted it .it's been years until I told him that as a person who loves meat I know who loves eating meat loves every part of meat,so it's a lie that his friend doesn't like lean meat.it means his friend leaves lean meat for him who doesn't like fat meat doesn't like to have dinner alone  but with him.today dad went for dinner very easier than before, he said he didn't like to have dinner with him.but I think he should know.

By taking care of cats especially homeless cats here I notice something.last time when I sent a cat to spay in vet an old woman was cursing her cat which had big pains to be  stick a detained needle into the back leg by a new young nurse for 10 minutes .I took out my special glove for stray cats and told the woman she could wore it to hold the cat still.she looked at me cowardly and picked it up from the desk quickly then threw it heavily on the desk, made me feel she didn't want to use it because it's dirty for herself.then I saw regret and shame on her face.do i put on the glove and helped the cat keeping still, the cat's struggling when the woman cursed and scared it all the time and the nurse kept saying fuck it.I stopped them and told them patting it and let the cat feel love and trustes that it would work.in seconds everything went well .the cat stopped screaming and the needle got into the right point .

Why and from when Chinese believe and like expensive things only instead of cheap or free things for them? made in USA is very expensive in China, made in China is very cheap in China.my parents who are communists,they would rather have wars with America and send it into hell ,but everything American for them is like from God, even more better than me who take care of them everyday .like what happened in the vet ,the old wan paid a lot for her cats which couldn't do their jobs well, but she piss off on me who supplied free helps which's working finally for the cat without even a thank.but was happy for the vet and thanked them by torturing them. Because they think all good things need money to keep holding on in this communism country? Like themselves? more higher prices ,more better consciousness and purposes? Because money is the only thing which Chinese Party of communism acquiesced and allows people to connect with each other for keeping Autocracy and Despotism in China, even the world? Which communists think it's the only good safe secret thing for themselves? But when money is, where's the best work,service and choice? Only politics which makes money replace humanity and tries to turn human into stuffs for itself.

As being a native Chinese I'm not happy that I could be accepted by other nations and stay well with American especially, or Japanese South Korea Hong kongers or Taiwanese if I  could, although I'm hard to be accepted by anybody including my own parents but being isolated, even by cats.I don't know if or why fox says I'm an American who is stuck in China.I think I'm something or someone like others do leaving quickly in history, only some traces of mine, then disappear .in another word, when something exists or existed, there must be trace for a while.

A very very bad woman having 

A very very good reason to move doesn't have 

A very very stable home but is 

A very very happy rover in 

A very very strange world.

The parts of human which human don't know or understand or believe are the parts which determine everything. It's stupid for someone to hide bad things and pretending they are innocent and not guilty.that's why there's God.

Life is equal,whatever animals or human, diversity of human nations is good, but human are kinds of animals.discrimination for animals is discrimination among human also.China isn't only Chinese's, but also all life's here, the earth isn't only human's,but also all life's here.

If I feel my life is all shit when I die , I should have never lived.

I suspect if there's power for human or not,power might be only excuses for someone to desire perfection of anything , to act like so called god. If human can have power,the world shouldn't has been like this. if politics and morality are parts of humanity which human don't wanna to face,or fear to face, is it right to decide who should die or who should be set free, if selfish,self destruction or self protection are human ways to stop and control themselves from being extreme, does it matter to have power for human? If human have power , how could they have to hurt each other and even themselves for it? Because I become obsessive and aren't honest at all: if there's no power ,how do human corrupt,if I don't know what's power, how to corrupt? If power doesn't exist, what human corrupt about? Too early to think about it.BBut if we don't wanna to be perfect or a perfect world, why do we need power?if not perfect, why need power?

Mr fox starts to heal in hospital today.lots of pains. I think his disease which is cancer is still changing, and changing so much. perhaps not only being need Radiotherapy,but also operations to cut on the Tumor which is still growing.but God, they must work well, give him back to me.I don't wanna to be alone again,unless I have to.Let cancer go, fox. Let me go. don't give up and keep trying always.don't go.not your time.everything will be all right .

this morning when I checked cats, one white cat didn't show up. but the white cat which had missed for almost one week appeared in another area.he's going to get inside of that Residential area which live full of communists when I was on my way home.and there were still some food left in my hands for him.thank God.

When coronavirus appears it's the time that billions Chinese can't pay to almost 1 billion communists for their high payments,retired payments and extra awards including how much they corrupt to use and have abroad. When there're wars, China and people in it will be in bottom of the hell.but, when I see homeless and stray cats settle and hide in the empty buildings which have been there for years as ghosts and can't be sold for too high prices ,which are abandoned and locked by Chinese Party of communism which say it's their property and nobody can rent and touch, which have no windows glasses like skulls standing like death waiting me to compromise, even though there are rats in them, I think if all Chinese or human in isolated China  die, or are zombie and crimes, at least it's good for animals , for plants,for bugs to live on more better than before.it's A good thing which I have wishes for a very long time, return this planet to life which they owe, not life which think they owe this planet when they don't love it but destroy it at all.

everytime when dad asks me to take care of mom, I can't refuse and can't leave her alone.but everytime when mom says I eat their food,live their rooms with so many cats and spending so much money for cats and curse and blame me for it and does best to kick us out of her life,I want to piss off but have to depress myself for it. everytime when I use my money to buy food ,pay bills for them and do houseworks for them and tell them all they want and should and need to know to be better person,she only laughes at me and requestes more and never stop look me down.she never wants to communicate with me,like that I'm not her kid.but dad does.but she likes to do anything on him including hurting me,harming me and even trying to kill me and cats.when dad hurts her, I stood by her most of time when I was a LITTLE girl and nobody came to her even her sisters and brothers who look like treating her well.it makes me hesitate.and she said I'm her only sweetheart.she betrays me by her behaviors.she never tells truth.it's why I never trust female, and stay away from male, I don't wanna male to be hurt by me again by female when I'm female.I know dad loves her.but she only likes dad to die for his everything else.for it she can even kill him.of course she wants to kill me who doesn't hate dad honestly by being used to hurt him also.and she hurts dad worse,because dad helps me a lot indeed to success, to live on,dad gave me money when i quit communism job which she Instigated dad to connect his friend in the communism military by sending all his money out to trap me in it without telling me in front.because she knows I MUST refuse and quit.if I didn't quit , she knows I would be killed in it who fights against communism if I quit, she can use it to depress me in rest of all my life and dad's. to shame all of us. it's her plan. and when I thought her nephew wasn't like her but a good kid and told him that I would quit the job, he raped me for years, i was from a virgin to a whore of his,until i aborted my first kid. she knows he fights against her for me,not only because she hurts me, but also I help her.I still see her face when she was told that I quit the communims job in communism military, suprised, felt disguesting,then proud of her Strategy.she mustn't know i was raped by her nephew, and I know he doesn't even care about what she thinks.cause he then becomes a communism police.and they even don't connect each other, but they can know what they think about one thing.it's not only about they have blood ties,but also about they are Chinese who only have communism in them, Chinese communism, evil communism, demons' communism.they are not themselves anymore but something who believe only ccp can give them a bright future.

I think she's a curse for me and dad.although this family is not blessed . dad is hurt most,I can't avoid when I should have been hurt so much by her but stay away from her.but she hurts dad so badly to keep him with her, harming him, even killing him, I'm effected badly, too.she can and wants to hurt me by hurting dad, except communism I don't know what makes her so mad or she's just born to hate, nobody is.so,family and friends,home,husband who can bring wife and kids a stable place to live, everything which can make me settle down are only flowers in mirror. beautiful, but hard to be real.the only one I can use, it's myself.

Is Biden who wants to keep his President payments and power from somebody using America taking his blame for himself? 

People are the world. they are their own countries.whatever how long they stay in other countries, they are still not parts of them, but their own countries. it makes me remind that in Bible there's a story, Jesus says hearts of men are like rooms, when they are dirty, they attract demons moving in, but Jesus find them and kicks demons out, rooms are cleaned.but after Jesus leaves, demons will come back again unless the rooms have belief of God who kick out demons and keep hearts away from demons always.Afghanistan is like the room which was settled by demons before, after American leave, demons come back, because they don't let God in,the room was empty when it's clean.Jesus, they can't believe in God when they believe in  Islamism.

Taliban has corruption ,and lots of fake things about it,it's not like what it tries to show to the world.but it wants to show something to the world, means it wants to connect the world and makes friends,whatever they are as good as America, or as bad as China.God leads them all to pick up good ones instead of bad ones.if Biden leaves American weapons to them, it means American weapons only kill bad ones.but if they pick up bad ones,disasters will come back very soon.

Perhaps I suspect too much.more thinking of Taliban controls the country after American left without taking weapons away, and meeting ccp in China, more feeling that it's another America tool organization after coronavirus like Chinese Party of communism.

Chinese Party of communism lost its value to be used, coronavirus works a lot by harming China which might be the last thing of ccp to fight against its destiny.America needs another one to do dirty jobs for being on the top of the world.

The only ones who suffer are people leave here and go there, busy showing loyalty to America, hating their enemy countries ,betraying their own countries,dying in China.they know they do wrong things for conscious ,because it's what they believe ,know and tell is not the truth.but for politics they do right things and they should , by telling lies they can stay ,alive,have good jobs ,lives, fame, act as how they act.

Everyone is a part of this whole world's twisted system. Without any of them the world can't become like this.They become the twisted system which twist them worse.and the twisted system makes the world working twisted.

I hope I'm wrong.

Last night dad came home late and was hungry,his boss who owes his money thinks he's too old and keeping making troubles for him to kick him out of the company which they invest together. mom blamed him again and piss off.I cooked noodles for him again and gave him a couple of water, clean the sofa ,put pillow and blanket on it for him to sleep.we talked a lot.I saw his body became twisted, like a dying old man.I felt sad and bad.he told me to take care of mom well after he dies and she doesn't anything wrong, if she could cook some food for him he would feel much more better.he said he wants to try best to stay with me for few more years who only understands him and treats him well, he says it's Destiny that mom harms him and makes him angry in all his life and he can't get rid of her.i told him his own wife needs him to take care,I never want to cut in their private lives unless something happens which needs me to.she makes many mistakes, I don't go anywhere but be with them whenever they need me or not till the end, overcome difficult things and everything will be all right.

Thank you for reading,but I think having patience on life and writting diaries are not the same. I may stop update here soon or later Again.I don't think it's right to write on when I feel not right. And don't know when I will update again. A sick broken heart can't be healed by keeping writing diary,but record how things effect its whole life and things get worse . no worthy to keep recording it. I thought writting online diary opens a door for me to get into a new world more closedly, but it also opens a window for others to see me more clearly.

I thought I can prove sex can bring life happiness after rape. I think sex makes people happy.but I'm wrong .I thought I was raped,so if I could prove that I can be happiness by sex and love by it, it could help more people having similiar experiences like me. but I'm wrong. The only who can't get rid of rape is me, most of female protect themselves better than I do. They don't need me, even someone who have similiar experience like I had, they don't like it or even me . look at myself,I was raped, even if there's belief,there's a lie in it.how does sex bring happiness to me? it makes me like this.if it is happiness for me, only one reason, I lie to myself. I believe sex can bring me happiness most,why I am hurt most more than others? Well, sex can bring happiness in fact, but don't mean you need to sacrifice right things, like morality and dignity. To do something for others including sex, don't need to sacrifice yourselves. Sex which can bring happiness is not sex,but a promise.

Why my parents always depress me when other kids' parents always praise them ? their kids become richer and have good payments in communism companies, communism departments, and communism banks abroad, fall in love, marry, have kids and settle abroad when I'm still in China living like this. I thought I was talent for them and so they tried to protect me until I was raped I see what they only curse me to die, leave them alone and disappear. they wanna me to make more money by cursing me more,blaming me more and bullying me more. what do they want me to be, a piece of shit for them as a slave for them to feed them when they get old.if not why they gave me birth?why I m born in this world? billions people live happily and feed few communists who are and were all over 65 years old in this country with proud, how much insane this country is, and my parents wanna to act like these few communists by me honorably.if not they hurt me more for it.I would like to die as a human being than to be killed as a shit.

Yes, I love America ,American culture and God,it's my own business. to be there,get out of here,it's my own business,marry, have kid(s),die as old as I could freely, it's my own business.nobody likes my ways to love and care them, but I still love and care this world , it's my own business.

I'm still alone,take care of cats ,parents and myself ,I mean, without a human partner for lifetime , it's also my own business,my business is always my business .something never changes.

Perhaps the only one who treat sex works low is myself.do you know how much money I lose when I send them pictures and c2c by body for free?

Yes, but they are called friends.even if they use you,  you still can't charge them for it.and they have choices to do what they want to do, stay, leave , or keep quiet.it's their freedom.

So if they are friends, why do you let them know you wanna to marry, wanna kids, wanna a normal like as a normal woman? Why giving them chances to use you then you can blame them by it, don't you know it's moral coercion which is one of the most disgusting thing in the world? 

I know, I know I was wrong and it's my fault.I don't like it , neither.

Couldn't mix person life with works.without sex they are just friends.I have no right to hurt them by sex at all.I'm not strong enough. I need to be strong.and, I need to be kinder.but I indeed can't be kind to Chinese especially mom who always blame me to rescue and adopt and take care of cats.I avoid to argue and fight back her anger and stupid words and provocation, stopping her negative and bad even evil life brain and theories by Hong Kong movies in 80s 90s and it works well.darkness always fears light, demons always fail in front of God.most of time, basing on having such a selfish bad mom who has full of deceit , I think everything is not my fault at all.

Someone who has dog which he adopts also asked me why I take care of homeless cats and adopt some of them,I said I can't leave them alone there when I know if I leave that time they will die and I can't see them next time.life is only once.he said I'm kind instead of pitying them.I asked back, I can't pity them,if it is pity, how about lots of Chinese who are dead,killed and suffering now because of ccp and communism? He smiled.it made me feel I'm evil.don't wanna being kind to cats is my last kindness for this world.but for parents I'm their slave, yesterday mom just asked for golden bracket again from me when I already bought a sliver one last year for her instead.they don't deserve my kids,I don't wanna them to laugh at my kids because of myself, to use me by my kids.that's also why I don't wanna a man, to marry, to give birth here ,don't wanna to have kids here,don't wanna my kids living here .and the only thing I don't know why is that why mom even dad blame that taking care of homeless weak hungry cats which are homeless is a shame.for homeless people who beg on the ways when I give them money,they only call me stupid fool and curse me a bad woman and immoral daughter who don't give them as much as money they want instead when they always ask food and money from me and never feel it's not right.feeling like my birth by them is only to feed them when they get old,but God says no.

A white cat hasn't appeared for 3 days aat least. He always appeared in the morning and wait there for me and food,walk around for food and fun when people there bully and scared cats for their vegetables on the ground and dogs try to catch them.I have taken care of him for the whole summer when I saw he's skinny and dirty hopelessly around there .he's a very smart boy,God takes care of him and leads him back, keep him safe,warm and full every day and night.

Parents worry about me in my life,we can rent a cheap apartment which may be the cheapest apartment in my city of ccp military ,because dad's a retired soldier,after he dies we will be kicked out and homeless .dad's about 70 years old,how long he could live,he worries about mom also,if he dies first,how could I take care of her even when I couldn't take care of myself ? Why Chinese abroad start to talk bad online about ccp,why they didn't when they were in China and feed them? Perhaps their friends, families,who they love and care are still in China,and they can't do anything for them but making noises.

It's stupid for someone who still only want to make money and collect benefits for themselves when sitting on a volcano which's going to erupt.after American left ccp starts to meet terrorists, and terrorists start to move again after meeting ccp in China.and the most evil thing is to force people to make money when it's happening.Why young rich people are more easier to accept communism and corrupted by it? Cause they never make a penny above board ,honorably and fairly.

Chinese should not ask for money, should not ask for fair and justice but only be slaves ,should not fight or fight back white , Jew and crimes but only please, obey and listen to them.Makinv money and live on by naked body and sex online like 'whores' isn't worthy your fucking money.it's discriminationt also.Go to the fucking hell and go fuck yourselves.I don't think these are never about Chinese, but about yourselves.and when you think Chinese = poor, it's about communism which is called class struggles and conflict.communism is like cancer cell, it's everywhere,only when the world becomes sick and be  wake up by something, it starts to spread in the body.perhaps coronavirus is made as something pushing the bottom.how many people are killed by coronavirus is never a problem, but progress of turn.

Why someone are dead inside when you look into their eyes, especially whores or cam girls? cause there are someone who call themselves bf gf wives and husbands of theirs and they believe it and trust them until they notice that they only do the same things as someone who pay money to have and watch sex with them, but when there's love for them both, it should hasn't been the same.lies for cheating and stealing and taking advantages of their works on sex and porn for free under the name of love, this is the most fuckest thing I have ever experienced except rape.selling sex is more cheaper and low than selling labors, brain and knowledge  even heart and soul? Selling acknowledge ,heart and soul ,time and life is more superior than selling sex? Because you love sex most than anything else, even God? If it's true, why you don't pay for? Expect not to pay anything for getting what you want including sex, it's called thief.

First making people pay medicines from communism national hospitals to get medicines who are still tested or fake or bad for healing diseases.then the medicines and operations cause side effects and more diseases to make more money from people for communism Party.do all great men or somebody in China success or win in any poisonous way they can use ? Including coronavirus?

If heart is empty and no soul, no faith to believe in God , inside spirit is in hell when wanting body to be safe and escape for keeping body and own life safe, like Chinese from wuhan taking virus by their bodies to the world, like someone letting demons inside and go into churches, for revenge or for destroy or for survive, does it mean anything to me to leave here?

These ones who are abroad and in China post Chinese language online for Chinese and themselves by vpn that ccp is the main source of everything, ccp is the only one which makes everything bad.so Chinese don't have any responsibility when Chinese Party of communists are Chinese mostly . Is it true? If Chinese could believe and take communism home and call it China from 1949, killing riches and rob their propertiest, they can believe and take it anywhere and killing rich communists who become rich in pockets by corruptions first for robbing their properties.Chinese communists are someone who survive by 'eating' each other first basing on their natures, after 'eating' ccp in China, when they become more powerful , who will be the next ?

They say China now has a large population which has a large population of old Chinese because of the Chinese family planning program in 1970s.is that true? l had a tank of fishes, parent fishes had baby fishes in the closed tank when they were hungry and felt worried they ate and killed their babies till all baby fishes died at one night.older Chinese are more and more when younger Chinese are less and less, because older Chinese are 'eating' younger Chinese in the closed communism China .younger Chinese are harder to survive ,it's why young Chinese don't wanna giving birth,who wanna to own kids being 'eaten' from the first day they come to this world? Nobody wanna their kids to have same lives as themselves hopelessly.older Chinese communists 'eat' younger Chinese whoever communists or not to have more power? They believe Mao Zedong, because they know he can attract demons?

Too much death and hurting each other years.these spirits and ghosts which can't rest in peace and killed by communism when they were alive, become curses on alive communists and Chinese and this country, even this world.death attracts more death by wars , blood attracts more bloods by violence,  demons attract more demons by lies and betrays.hypocrites attract more hypocrites by fake attitudes and behaviors. ccp's fall doesn't mean anything when it's just a start of something else which can't be fixed by fall of ccp alone.so why someone wanna to sacrifice it for themselves?

when you feel unfree it doesn't mean you are not free,but temperance.

3:54-23:45.8/11/ these days I feel something is not right on me. Everyone around me in China become more and more wired ,everything they does to me sucks , but I become more and more friendly to anyone.I think I'm crazy.and I think everyone in China I connect it's extremely wired than usual when I'm extremely friendly than usual. My life is threatened and I think I'm in danger.I feel I'm washing away by flood which I can't survive .but when I see it from another side, if I'm wrong, I still need to keep moving on .things never are that easy.if I'm right, it means they need to do so when I must. It means even if I want to die for them to make them hurt when they kill me who love care respect them , they still think it's what I deserve.it means if I kill myself who love them, they don't even care.

So here's an assumption: if it's not corruption of ccp who corrupt all money of Chinese , if it's not crime that communist take all money they corrupt in China abroad and spend them abroad ,if it's not washed-brain parents who paid a big money to harm me by sending me learning in communism schools colleges and working in communism military.if everything is just about someone owe someone's  money or someone raise up someone else by money, if all results are just reasons to start or start over again.Will China  be national subjugation and disappear someday soon or later? Whatever, owe something,pay back something.you can welch on something of someone once, but the bills are always in God's, and demons' hands which you can never understand unless you change.

There are someone who write Chinese online, don't know where their points or thoughts come from,perhaps being effected by foreigners who they work or live or stay with, perhaps can't be effected by their lives .but more they show they are foreigners ,more they are showed still being Chinese in minds by themselves when they don't wanna to be. Like cicada in autumn, doing what they mean to do when knowing their fate and making some noise.it's called freedom. But in a freedom country asking for absolute freedom, it's called greed.it's bringing corruption for where they are also, as locust.

Yesterday I dreamed of grandma, her funeral was the same day before 2 month.she looked like a white shinning light and smiled at me, she told me that she had nothing to do ,so she left.I cried and wake up,bow my face to the ground three times towards the direction of her apartment.

Don't worry, don't feel guilty, don't stopping doing what I want to do and need.I don't wanna America to be hurt when ccp hurts it.of coronavirus is an accident to release to the world, it's too coincident to believe.according to ccp's characters ,sacrifice WuHan even tthe whole country to harm the world especially America is the only 'best' way to go.and They can also use Chinese 's sacrifice to pretend to be a victim and it's an accident to stay away from responsibility of this massacre.It must pay for it.

21:42/8/10/After birthday 2021 I will be 38 years old. I thought it's curse and blame even bad luck that I still don't have any job,marriage,kids,money,house or cars.but in China, in a communism country, isn't it a bless,miracle and dream?

Doing 16:11.8/8/Honestly, today when I walk in Chinese streets and roads now, I fully feel everyone passing by me is communist, who might be a communism captain, or a communism agent, especially someone who are older and dress poorly or unremarkable.

Why communism is developed so much in China, why China for Chinese to choose communism,especially MaoZedong? There's an answer , Confucianism which has been for a long while in China to control Chinese brains by keeping tell kids to give best better bigger ones to someone old, powerful old for being cared and loved by being so called modest.Chinese like some communists who called themselves saviors of Chinese to be rich first modestly, basing on Confucianism.only China who has a long-time Confucianism culture can let communists who has power after ww2 in China to be rich 'first'.Chinese Party of communism's weakness is Chinese's weakness.

It can explain why rich Chinese and communists run into and towards America, and other developed rich countries, not because that they are rich, but because that they break their promises to make the rest of Chinese who let them rich 'first' rich 'secondly '. Perhaps it's even not a promise, but a lie, someone who become rich 'first ' are someone who can be rich in the end by communism China.from the beginning to the end communists always say the final object for communism is to solve the problem of big inequality gap between 1% rich who has 99% wealth of the world and 99% poor who has only 1% wealth. But what communists do by running into America and other countries especially Chinese communists are making this gap more unequally by becoming 1% rich from being one of 99% poor.it looks like they want to be that 1% rich instead of making 99% poor become rich as they tell.communists say communism is the only thing to solve contradiction between bourgeoisie and proletariat, between public ownership of proletariat and private ownership of bourgeoisie, and they also say all these contradictions are main contradiction in both China and the capitalism countries for all Chinese communists. They say capitalists doesn't work but get most of payments, capitalists exploit. but how to get payments when communists don't work,neither? Corrupt.how does parts of contradiction by being communists to solve contradiction against capitalists ? Become capitalists, become traitors, turn into their foes . By these years in China Chinese communists now use capitalists especially American capitalists to whitewash themselves with scandals who are evil shit for what they don't wanna to give to Chinese by corruption,it's how Biden become the 'President ' for using them back, then pay back who make him 'president ' in America and release them from jails, set them into America.Biden wants to be the king of the world? What are they fighting against, why I can't see it? How much power he has now, what's the aim of republic Party ?do they feel sad that they lost Trump last time ? Yes ,if bad guys are too strong, stepping back is kind of way to go forwards next.but why I feel the way they treat American and communists is like treating beggars?doing anything to please everybody is not a lucky thing. pleasing anybody by tempt or being pleased by tempt is not above abroad.

2:55.8/8/made a dream that I was infected coronavirus by my cousin who picked up a hotel which had coronavirus for sex, , I felt it's my fault, because I didn't remind him to wear condom, because after that he sex and infected more people.

If marriage is end of falling in love and new start of life, both of falling in love and new start end for me.If marriage is update for falling in love, the system is broken down by hpv virus.

No sex again for anyone before marriage unless using condoms,  no rape again but hurt someone who rape me and die , no love to fall in again which can both heal me and hurt me at the same times.

7:32.8/8/conected Fox and he coughed blood again.I did research about Chinese medicines to help healing cancer and found Chinese medicines which are plants seeds and leaves I need to mail to America when they can't be mailed to America from China.but it's a miracle that there are kinds of Taiwanese medicines which have most of same composition in it online and the seller is in USA!so far so amazing, he can get as soon as he could! He's so blessed!I hope before the hospital starts to move its ass to do something on him as soon as possible, the medicines could delay cancer cells to act so fast and spread more.God is everywhere, I love it.No give up but keep trying.

 18:14.8/7/fox doesn't talk to me today even when he's online, even when I talked first to him, he ignores me.whatever, shouldn't someone in movies who are set up by someone else revenge and fight back or against? Why I only wanna to eat a lot, sleep a lot and suffer a lot to be a lazy fat stinking asshole or something like this? like someone who just get dumped? Is? Coronavirus doesn't separate us apart, hpv does.great.

there were three pieces of pork ribs in our pot, two pieces were smaller and the thrid one was bigger little bit. I ate first when dad was watching an American action moive, he told me to eat first and didn't need to wait for him,he said I could have 2 pieces and he only wanted 1 piece. then I decided to pick up a smallest one and left the bigger ones for him. when i picked up the smallest one, I found that it's a part of the biggest one, because I had already picked it up by my chopsticks which had my saliva on it, and there's no reason for me to put down what I pick up,so I decide to take any responsibility for my behavivors and any responce of dad who might have any responce about my behavivors.So I ate it.after that I think I need to ask dad about it first before he gets mad about it, so I asked him that which one he wanted to eat among two small pieces and one big piece, then he said two small pieces. after that he thought it's not right, so he went to the kitchen and checked the ribs, he's hungry , he ate the two smaller one and started to complained that the smaller ones had so little meat on them. so I understand he's someone who prefer better quality than more numders.next time I will give him the better ones and keep the little more ones for myself.

So either that I infect fox by phv virus or not when I asked for sex from him when he visited me for the first time, or he infect me and effect  my future by phv virus ,or phv takes away his life or his future or effects his life, it's my responsiblity for my ask only , if I can take all responsibility .he doesn't wanna to talk with me anymore or be friend of mine, I can't refuse but his choice. it's not his fault.but if he sex with others after he sex with me and isis infected by phv, it will kill me.I would rather I have phv, so it can explain why he says his cancer is caused by it.

My life is so fucked. I'm wrong and wrong to make me feel right by being wrong more for balancing this uncomfortable feeling to pretend everything's all right. Capital and money are for love and happiness, but love and happiness are Not capital and money at least. aren't happy and don't love, so catch and hunt capital and money for pretending being happy and falling in love, is it what communism believes ? It's why ccp members with their followers make and corrupt money in China,in east world and live in USA, in Europe? Not for communism, but for themselves  ?

So much pressures and hurts and questions. Fox1 told me tonight his cancer is caused by Hpv virus which is infected by female when someone working in hospitals told him.

I checked that hpv virus can be infected by sex , by using same bathroom together, toilet, towel,washing underwear together and living together. And he says the only one who sex with him after his ex wife was me 4 years ago and he tasted my pussy once after I was raped 4~6 years ago,in this 4~6years I sex with 3 men who are communists soldiers and a foreign student from middle east in my city .I believe it,and I trust fox .so if he doesn't sex till now after sexing me, if his grandkid doesn't have hpv when he sneeze in his arms one month ago, if it's not his ex wife or his kids who lived with him for a while, if it's not his kids, he could infect his kids also.but he says his kids don't have phv virus.if his ex wife has,their kids should have had PHv also when being given birth. he was kidding me I want to kill him.actually after the cousin raped me he got angry at me that his dick grew some little pimples like white rice, he told me i was the only one who sex with him.and before he raped me I was a virgin , 5 years ago before being raped I kissed and did blow job for a classmate in a communism college where I lived for 4 years, with other 3 roommates who had bf when I was not and being bullied for it, some times they didn't come back to sleep, I didn't borrow stuffs from them, but they sometimes borrowed mine, after I kiss and did the blow job for the classmate who touched my pussy when kiss, when I thought he could marry me  and build family, around my pussy there was a pimple growing and mom took me to the hospital and the doctor said it's genital warts which was caused by phv . She felt shame for her thoughts which I am a whore sexing too many in the college where she sent me to and paid for it when she knows what's the fucking place it was, a brothel.but she blames me for her illusion, for any other gossips on me instead of caring me a little bit,instead of asking for truth. She only cares her illusion and gossips on me, or why she doesn't wanna to stop them. it's gone after 1 or 2 days without any medicines.if I'm the hpv carrier, I feel I'm the one who spread hpv in my life to everybody who I care. 

Satirical.that's why I'm single to death as a fucking bitch? If , the classmate think I'm a bitch, because I have phv, Cousin think I'm a bitch not a virgin ,because I have phv,parents, strangers, everyone think I have phv, because I have phv, they don't need me who don't know if I have phv or not, who don't know how I get phv if i have , but a victim to be a bitch.they don't need me to know the truth, cause they only need to think, to gossip, to image. Now I feel I'm ccp who always deny they spread virus in the world and release it.Chinese live in a country full of virus, not only coronavirus at once.I'm sorry,fox.if someday I get cancer by Hpv,now I know there's possibility for you if I still have it.but my mom had trich after she gave birth of me and blamed dad for it and suspected he had another women outside and they still dont't divorce ,why I have to feel guilty for it after I separate with fox? no, I can't judge myself. What a fuck.

So the bias of basing on my experience about coronavirus, the first one is that ccp was promised or tempted to make the virus as dirty job, if ccp crew it up, ccp will be taken the blames,if not,ccp will get what they want, the result is like what the whole world sees, it gets nothing but takes the blame from someone else . So ccp starts to torture ,hurt and kill Chinese again including itself for being honored again. The second one is that ccp focus on this deal very much but in the end it made a mistake which makes somebody who promised it something very unhappy,like that the virus hasn't had some effects at first,  then somebody cancel everything and quit until the virus starts to turn.The third one is that ccp wanted to do something kindness, but it doesn't do it by changing its minds, so punishment comes through coronavirus.most of Chinese don't wanna the truth of coronavirus , but only wanna themselves to live and survive  ,  it's another truth.

Focus on helping fox overcoming this cancer , what people especially fox says about it is just like winds to blow away my emotions.forget the past. Calm down and doing some research on Chinese medicines.no money to go to hospital, no more money to take care of cats, no sex to get married, no mood to face coronavirus which is being texted when spreading the whole country ,no luck to defeat ccpn,no one trusts me about my life, now I book hpv text online to see if I have hpv or not.even if it's not hpv  who will believe it ? hpv sounds like hiv , no chance to find love,marry and have babies anymore even if I don't have it or not? so putting on weight now  when stop excises and losing weight.nobody cares it's beautiful or not.yes, so ,I can just tell them to go fuck themselves when they want and call me a whore.hpv is a serious disease at all.sad for being loneliness. But if it's for phv, it's not a reason to be lonely, but a discrimination.it's not about love at all.

After many dreams finally I understand, when I love someone, it's not important whether I wake up or not, about marriage, babies,happy live, about anything I want as a beautiful result to prove love which others have like movies, but everything we experience together, every moment we stay with, everywhere we live in,is important. Whatever what the result will be, still keeping moving on towards it as an unique  process, with each other, for each other .whatever happen we love each other, it's the most important thing in the world.

By fox1 and fox2 which was dog=snake,I feel I owe them, need to pay for their success in their lives, as a friend .but through cat which was hedgehog and perhaps is a swallow next, I notice above.

Fox1 gets cancer,but he's positive that after 1 month heals he will get well soon. God bless him.get well soon and live long Mr fox1, if not, I have to pull you back from death by kicking your balls.nobody who even just fuck me once can live so short.

After dreaming a fake wizard in temple to make money and a fake policeman in police station to cheat my trust and saving homeless cats with dad in past 2 days, in my dreams I met some old friends and who didn't have good lives , one of them who was a women became mad after drinking ,one of them who was a veteran wanted to hurt her by rape after we went to go home.I saw it and I told him not to do it.because he loved her secretly when we was young and she suffered something which made her in this way,looked like he wanted to revenge that she didn't choose him for what he suffered when we were all kids and young.in the end he didn't rape her but helped her to go home.if he raped her, he would complete an enclosed loop of all of us which we couldn't escape but be cursed and started tragic again. her husband would revenge us.but he didn't,everything was still moving on and everyone had a open future.

With the sickest Chinese communism power Olympic this year in Japan is the greatest one I want to watch most from my childhood when I was a girl.full of happy uncertainty, big surprises and endless possibilities, don't need to worry or  be depressed by whether Chinese who have power of ccp to be backgrounds will win again or not,that's called hope of a freedom world.

If Chinese and Chinese foreigners online can stop arguing and fighting against each other for so called democracy or justice or China ccp it will be fine.is a country or governments more important than its people staying well with each other and live happily peacefully wisely in their own lives? Doesn't chaos or hurts or hates ccp want to plant among us to continue its power and existence?